I Envy Ab And Dev

I read some of Dev’s blog and I must say that I envy how they know another couple who are also into male chastity. My wife and I have talked about what a nice thing it would be to find other couples in this lifestyle so we can open up to someone non-judgmental, allowing us to discuss our situation openly with others in real life.

I feel the exact same way. I would enjoy being able to speak freely with another couple. I am not entirely sure about my wife right now though. Maybe in time. I actually wrote about this very subject in the Members Lounge just a few days back.

> member_632db65f4b wrote: > I read some of Dev's blog and I must say that I envy how they know another couple who are also into male chastity. My wife and I have talked about what a nice thing it would be to find other couples in this lifestyle so we can open up to someone non-judgmental, allowing us to discuss our situation openly with others in real life. > > Thanks for sharing this post. It is lovely to connect with another couple like you. Naturally, we met online and chatted there for many months before finally meeting face-to-face--and the opportunity arose because of a business trip on my part combined with their willingness to travel 1300 miles just to meet up. So it wasn't quite as simple as bumping into someone down the street! > > I would suggest getting to "know" people online first and starting a conversation through email or private message. Who knows, you might become friendly enough to chat on the phone, which could then lead to an in-person meeting. That is essentially how it happened for us--nothing magical about it, just reaching out and being approachable. I believe you will be able to identify who are "like minded" folks. > D

She lives! I know Belle will be delighted.:)

Welcome back, Dev. You were missed!

Dev, it looks as though you have a fan club forming. Count me in among the members. I sincerely hope you return to blogging soon. Your perspective has been sorely missed.

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. It feels good to be remembered! To put your minds at ease, Ab and I are doing fine. No health issues, no trauma in our relationship--for us, everything is good. What we have been managing is a new dog, adopted back in April, along with six months of daily reminders that we are definitely part of the "sandwich generation." The dog is fun but this phase is time consuming: dealing with my elderly mother who presents challenges every day and our two twenty-something children. Even though the kids are old enough to be young adults, they still rely on us for money and other support. Our daughter was home from school over the summer, never found a job, and had to retake two classes she failed in the spring. Our son moved back home to Maine on July 1st, bringing his girlfriend along. We are thrilled to have them close by again, but adjusting to life in Maine has been an adjustment, especially for the gf who has never lived here before. This too has required time and attention. Ab took a break from wearing his device for a few months (I can't give you the exact dates) but that wasn't really a chastity break. It was more that he didn't want to wear his metal cage when it got hot. But he locked himself back up a few months ago (perhaps late July?) after realizing I liked him better kept closed. I think he has come to prefer it, too. I can't tell you the last time he had an orgasm and he probably couldn't either if I asked. He's never been big on dates anyway and I've stopped keeping track. His orgasms really aren't relevant anymore. I sort of wonder if we'll just slide into a permanent orgasm denial situation without making a huge announcement or having any bells & whistles. It will simply become what *is*. We've also come to an understanding that he is a "lifestyle slave" which is somewhat complicated but works for us. I'll be writing about that as well. D

> member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: > His orgasms really aren't relevant anymore.:) -A

> member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: > > > Ab took a break from wearing his device for a few months (I can't give you the exact dates) but that wasn't really a chastity break. It was more that he didn't want to wear his metal cage when it got hot. But he locked himself back up a few months ago (perhaps late July?) after realizing I liked him better kept closed. I think he has come to prefer it, too. I can't tell you the last time he had an orgasm and he probably couldn't either if I asked. He's never been big on dates anyway and I've stopped keeping track. His orgasms really aren't relevant anymore. I sort of wonder if we'll just slide into a permanent orgasm denial situation without making a huge announcement or having any bells & whistles. It will simply become what *is*. > > > We've also come to an understanding that he is a "lifestyle slave" which is somewhat complicated but works for us. I'll be writing about that as well. > > D Wow, sounds very interesting. Can't wait to hear all the details!

That does sound interesting? My last orgasm was 13 days ago, and while the teasing is horrible, I just love pleasing my Goddess! And for that reason, I didn't even complain when she had me put on the spike strip and place her cock between her butt cheeks as she moved back and forth... She doesn't even want me to pleasure her anymore? She gets off on torturing and frustrating me now! But getting back to the topic at hand, I'm actually a member of a large fetish community and I've met many interesting folks there. You might want to check it out! Here's a link! My screen name is the same as here if you want to "friend me"...

Dev, as Jnuts stated, I am very happy to see you back! It is reassuring to have a little more estrogen floating around the forums. We disappeared for a few months too; life gets crazy at times. Glad to hear it was just everyday stuff keeping you away, not something more drastic.

member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: "I can't tell you the last time he had an orgasm and he probably couldn't either if I asked. He's never been big on dates anyway and I've stopped keeping track. His orgasms really aren't relevant anymore. " Happy to hear all is well and that you are back posting. If I could ask you to elaborate on Ab's orgasms being irrelevant: I've read and enjoyed your blog, but I didn't see any indication of moving into permanent denial. I would be very interested if you could comment further.

> member_1ee815f335 wrote: > Dev wrote: > > Happy to hear all is well and that you are back posting. If I could ask you to elaborate on Ab's orgasms being irrelevant: I've read and enjoyed your blog, but I didn't see any indication of moving into permanent denial. I would be very interested if you could comment further As I mentioned before, it isn't something we have really discussed much. I just wonder if it is going to happen. For several months--maybe mid-April until the end of July--Ab was "cage free" but even then, we didn't revert back to "old" (or "traditional" or PIV) sex. We kept doing what we had been doing since August 2010--chaste Ab giving me orgasms. It was a sort of honor system version. He didn't pester me about having an orgasm either (he never has). He is as horny as hell and moans and groans plenty, but doesn't seem to want to take the step further to actually achieving one. It's hard to explain but whatever this unconventional arrangement is, it is working for us. D

> member_0fe7c9ef96 wrote: > > Dev, as Jnuts stated, I am very happy to see you back! It is reassuring to have a little more estrogen floating around the forums. We disappeared for a few months too; life gets crazy at times. Glad to hear it was just everyday stuff keeping you away, not something more drastic. Thanks for the welcome back! It's good to be here. I'm curious about your Nuts4toys blog. Can you tell me more about how this got started and what it is? D

> member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: > > > > > member_0fe7c9ef96 wrote: > > > I'm curious about your Nuts4toys blog. Can you tell me more about how this got started and what it is? > > > D It kind of started by accident. With Jnuts being locked up pretty much all the time now, I was buying toys to keep things interesting. We were looking at different toy review blogs and realized that we could do it too. We were basically reviewing them in our regular blog anyway. A few emails sent to a couple of companies later, and I have toys arriving at my doorstep!

This kind of seems to be the official unofficial welcome back thread for Dev so I'll say the same. I found this forum and joined about the same time you took your little break off. Am not really able to post much, but went back and read everything from the start. When I finally caught up I was really missing your posts, and even started a thread hoping for you to come back. So welcome back from the new guy.

> member_b2f43665b6 wrote: > This kind of seems to be the official unofficial welcome back thread for Dev so I'll say the same. I found this forum and joined about the same time you took your little break off. Am not really able to post much, but went back and read everything from the start. When I finally caught up I was really missing your posts, and even started a thread hoping for you to come back. > > > So welcome back from the new guy. Hey New Old Guy...thanks for your welcome. I hope to be back on track soon. The past few months have been busy and stressful but that actually made me realize how much I enjoyed writing the blog. So.... D

> member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: > > > Ab took a break from wearing his device for a few months (I can't give you the exact dates) but that wasn't really a chastity break. It was more that he didn't want to wear his metal cage when it got hot. But he locked himself back up a few months ago (perhaps late July?) after realizing I liked him better kept closed. I think he has come to prefer it, too. I can't tell you the last time he had an orgasm and he probably couldn't either if I asked. He's never been big on dates anyway and I've stopped keeping track. His orgasms really aren't relevant anymore. I sort of wonder if we'll just slide into a permanent orgasm denial situation without making a huge announcement or having any bells & whistles. It will simply become what *is*. > > > We've also come to an understanding that he is a "lifestyle slave" which is somewhat complicated but works for us. I'll be writing about that as well. > > D We primarily use the honor system. However, I can't stop thinking about dates. A couple of things interest me: 1. What does "irrelevant" mean to you? Are his orgasms something that either or both of you avoid, or is it just that neither/both don't care one way or another? Something else? 2. What does "permanent" mean here? Does it imply that you would like it if he never orgasms again? Or perhaps that you want to control him indefinitely? Something else? We've flirted with chastity and D/s stuff for years, but seem to be using them more over the past few. We've gone on a couple of long streaks this year, interrupted by various stresses, minor illness, etc. My going solo is something that my wife didn't seem to care about a few years ago, and I think she actually gets annoyed these days now. She also seems to get a kick out of me being deferential, as long as I am not too clingy. It seems the more "grown up" our household becomes, the more she likes taking charge.

While these questions are asked of a key holder please allow me to give my input as a key helder. I want my orgasms to be irrelevant to my key holder. That is the whole point of what we are doing. She controls my orgasms and that is it. However, that doesn’t mean I get less sex or love. In fact, I get more sex and loving affection. Just fewer orgasms. That is a trade-off I am more than willing to make. As for permanent, I don’t really know what that means exactly. At some point I will have my last orgasm and at some later point I will die. I expect to pass away in a chastity device. Was I considered in permanent orgasm denial during that time?

6000cbs--- Tom A. told me it should be "key heldee".:) Thanks for your views, but I am not sure any of that answers the questions directly. The answers may not be so obvious. I don't think everyone or even most people who practice chastity feel the same way about orgasms being irrelevant. I would say that I am having fewer orgasms lately, but the quality is amazing. Certainly, we are avoiding them, but does that make them truly irrelevant? As for what is permanent, two things come to mind---there is a difference between permanent control and permanent denial. Also, the intent might be to never have another orgasm or simply to avoid orgasms indefinitely.

> tcs wrote: > > 6000cbs--- > > > Tom A. told me it should be "key heldee".:) > > > As for what is permanent, two things come to mind---there is a difference between permanent control and permanent denial. Also, the intent might be to never have another orgasm or simply to avoid orgasms indefinitely. This is exactly the kind of discussion that prompted me to post the 'Chastity Lexicon' thread. The terminology lets us down or is too wide a brush to paint the picture accurately. My thought would be to deem those who seek no more orgasms as 'Ravens' after Poe; 'Quoth the raven "Nevermore"'.

> tcs wrote: > > > > > member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: > > > Ab took a break from wearing his device for a few months (I can't give you the exact dates) but that wasn't really a chastity break. It was more that he didn't want to wear his metal cage when it got hot. But he locked himself back up a few months ago (perhaps late July?) after realizing I liked him better kept closed. I think he has come to prefer it, too. I can't tell you the last time he had an orgasm and he probably couldn't either if I asked. He's never been big on dates anyway and I've stopped keeping track. His orgasms really aren't relevant anymore. I sort of wonder if we'll just slide into a permanent orgasm denial situation without making a huge announcement or having any bells & whistles. It will simply become what *is* > > > > D > We primarily use the honor system. However, I can't stop thinking about dates. A couple of things interest me: 1. What does "irrelevant" mean to you? Are his orgasms something that either or both of you avoid, or is it just that neither/both don't care one way or another? Something else? 2. I think I am starting to understand what Dev meant. A couple reaches a point in their relationship where they realize it is female-led and they are completely comfortable with it and their roles within it. Love and trust become unconditional for both parties. The man is committed to putting her needs first and trusts that she will do what's best for him and the relationship. The woman is completely comfortable being treated this way and assuming the dominant role. Male Chastity is but a stepping stone on the road to this place. I think many couples aspire to achieve it, but few succeed. Most failures, I suspect, occur because of the ingrained culture regarding what a woman's role should be in our society. If Dev & Ab have achieved it, they should be congratulated. They are a role model for us all.

I dunno. I was interested in the positives of MC long before I was ever in a relationship myself. A lot of FLR sounds like repackaged straight male domination fantasy to me. I know a lot of couples where the wife seems to be running the show and it appears to have little to do with sex (but who knows what goes on behind closed doors, naturally). It really isn't that hard to find alpha women; they just get labeled as "bossy" or "bitchy" and usually don't dress like dommes. The thrust of my question is that "not often", "rarely", "not a goal", or even "not as important" may not mean the same thing as "irrelevant". I think it would annoy and pressure my wife if I put her on some unrealistic pedestal. I do try to think of her and "us" more without thinking any less of myself or elevating her to something mythical.

We live a very functional and realistic FLR. I don't agree that chastity always moves this way. Mainly because we lived an FLR before MC. MC is used by CQ as part of the bigger picture. I don't think they are mutually exclusive or chronological. There are quite a few couples here who do not have the D/s aspects that we possess. I firmly believe each couple/person does this in the way that suits them best.

> member_6a2b8da741 wrote: > > I firmly believe each couple/person does this in the way that suits them best. I agree. MC is working for us, and we do not live in a FLR--nor do I have any desire to. Jnuts works well (although days like today with our two toddlers make me wish I still did). We share all decision making regarding the house, money, and children. To me marriage is an equal partnership. MC fits into this arrangement for us because Jnuts loves it, and I am denying him precisely because that is what he wants. We both benefit from it, therefore our equality remains intact.

> member_6a2b8da741 wrote: > > I firmly believe each couple/person does this in the way that suits them best. I agree as well. I did not mean to imply that this applies universally to everyone. It resonates with those of us who have a blossoming D/s relationship alongside MC.

Thanks everyone for the comments; this is an interesting discussion. Regarding being role models, I'm starting to think we should all say, "If you've seen one successful MC relationship, you've seen one." In other words, we're all different and figure out what works best. Over the past year, Ab has become much more submissive—or perhaps overtly so. He wants to carry my bag and bring things in from the car. Fine by me! Now I don't feel guilty leaving him with a kitchen full of dirty dishes because he likes puttingtering around washing and storing them away, which is something I never enjoyed. It's a win for both. But as Belle noted, when it comes to big expenses or house repairs, we are partners who discuss issues and make mutual decisions. What I've found is that we can go weeks (or months?) without needing to talk about such matters. So Ab can remain his happy submissive self day-to-day. This is my way of saying it works for us. In fact, it has worked for years since we married. Chastity gives us a method to take things to the next level, which makes it more enjoyable. As for whether Ab's orgasm outcomes are permanent, semi-permanent, or non-existent... time will tell!:D

> member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: I'm starting to feel like we should all echo, "If you've seen one successful MC relationship, you've seen one successful MC relationship." That idea ought probably be etched into stone somewhere.

> He wants to carry my bag and bring my stuff in from the car. Fine with me! And now, I don't feel guilty getting up and leaving him with a kitchen full of dirty dishes. You and CQ must have been talking...? These are minimum standards for me and it sounds like Ab too..:D

> I did not mean to imply that this applies to everyone. Wishful4.. no offense directed at you buddy just a general comment. I really enjoy your posts and insight. Thanks

> member_ef260e9aa3 wrote:But as Belle said, when it comes to things like big financial expenditures, repairs to the house and so on, we're partners and discuss the issue and make a mutual decision. > D I think that's how most of us "vanilla D/s couples" handle major decisions. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that many people assume when someone is dominant in a relationship, the domination covers everything. It’s really refreshing to see forum members who can grasp and discuss real-life D/s relationships that are likely more common than the fantasy versions we read about.:)

> member_6a2b8da741 wrote: Wishful4.. not a dig at you at all buddy just a general comment. I really enjoy your posts and insight. Thanks[/quote] No offense taken. The feeling is mutual. We are all on a journey and trying to find our way.

> But as Belle said, when it comes to things like big financial expenditures, repairs to the house and so on, we're partners and discuss the issue and make a mutual decision That’s exactly how it works in our CQ home... though she holds the ultimate authority. Since she’s roughly 20 times smarter than me, her judgment usually prevails... even when she happens to be wrong!:lol:

There is a lot to consider regarding the D/s dynamic, the FLR fantasy, and similar themes.... I believe I posted about this in my blog (I could go dig up the link if I bothered...LOL)... Ab and I have essentially lived an FLR relationship from our very first meeting. Over time, it has become increasingly obvious. With chastity added to the equation, we've managed to elevate things to a level that satisfies both of us. For instance, I've realized that Ab actually possesses a submissive nature. I suspected this before, but now it's confirmed. So how does it play out in everyday life? I find myself directing him and expecting compliance without giving it much thought. This dynamic turns him on more than me, yet it is incredibly practical. It's lovely not having to carry all my luggage from the car. Conversely, we know our boundaries. I won't demand that he wait for me naked in the entryway to kiss my feet when I get home. First, we don't really have an entryway; second, he probably wouldn't do it anyway; and third, I'd prefer him preparing dinner rather than kneeling there waiting for my arrival. I believe a key aspect of chastity lies in identifying the boundary between reality and fantasy—and then blurring that line, as mentioned earlier. That's where the enjoyment comes from. Sometimes just imagining this blur is part of the pleasure. Take Saturday night, for example: I might tell Ab, "We have friends coming over for lunch tomorrow. I want you to wear a butt plug, your cock cage, and a strap on while they are here." If I say it enough times as we drink more wine, the idea gets hotter. Yet by 11 am Sunday morning, he is only wearing his cock cage, which works perfectly. It remains attractive and sexy, yet realistic. Just my two cents.... D

I connect with this post. We have very similar discussions in our CQ household!

> member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: I believe a key aspect of chastity lies in identifying the boundary between reality and fantasy—and then blurring that line, as mentioned earlier. That's where the enjoyment comes from. Sometimes just imagining this blur is part of the pleasure. Take Saturday night, for example: I might tell Ab, "We have friends coming over for lunch tomorrow. I want you to wear a butt plug, your cock cage, and a strap on while they are here." If I say it enough times as we drink more wine, the idea gets hotter. Yet by 11 am Sunday morning, he is only wearing his cock cage, which works perfectly. It remains attractive and sexy, yet realistic. When you return to blogging, you ought to share this.

> member_381064b05f wrote: > > member_ef260e9aa3 wrote: I think a huge piece of **chastity** is finding the dividing line between real and fantasy--and then as I said in another post, blurring that line. That's the fun. Sometimes fantasizing about blurring the line is part of the fun. For example, on Saturday night I'll say to Ab, "Tomorrow we have friends coming over for lunch. I want you to wear a **butt plug**, your **cock cage**, and a **strap-on** while they are here." I repeat this several times. The more wine we drink, the hotter the idea becomes. But at 11 am on Sunday morning, the only thing he is wearing is his cock cage, which is fine. It's still hot, it's sexy, but it's realistic, too. > When you finally get back to blogging, you should post this. Will do, Tom. Thank you! D