Is everyone aware of it?

It’s an open secret for me. I haven’t kept quiet about wearing a chastity device; all my friends know, most at work are aware, and some family members are in on it too. We talk about it openly during lunch breaks. If folks can’t accept me as I am because of the device, they aren’t worth knowing anyway. That said, I don’t expect everyone to understand why I wear one. The number who know doesn’t matter much. I’m comfortable changing in front of others and having them see it; there’s no hiding involved.

What about you all? Please share your own stories, journeys, and experiences.

I’m new to the group here, but I’ve already had reason to check if you’re being honest. Anyway, I’ll take your word for it. No one except me and my KH knows I’m locked up. If I hook up with another guy while wearing it, he definitely finds out. But that’s not usually what happens.

YOUR avatar - don't you have any shame? I suspect you're a total exhibitionist. Do we really need to see your entire naked body just to prove that you’re locked in a cage? REALLY?

Some people do know, some don't. Many of my close friends are aware. I’ve been part of an online community for over ten years now, and most there know too. One coworker is in the loop as well. It’s not exactly a secret, nor does it bother me that others know; but it remains *private* because it concerns my sex life. Quite a few people (especially coworkers, though some friends fall into this category) wouldn’t discuss their sex lives with me at all, so why would I bring up mine?

Paulie67; I'm a bit confused and was hoping you could clarify. The standard definition of asexual is broadly the lack of sexual attraction to others or simply not being interested in sex. The AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) statement reads: AVEN defines asexuality as "someone who does not experience sexual attraction". Wikipedia adds that Asexuality differs from abstaining from sexual activity and celibacy, which are behaviors often driven by personal or religious beliefs. Sexual orientation is distinct because it’s believed to be an enduring trait. Given these definitions regarding asexuality, I wonder: What prompted you to put on a chastity device? These statements suggest that someone who is asexual shouldn't really need or want one.

> member_75c78a1ec7 wrote:All of these statements and definitions would seem to indicate that an asexual person would have no desire or need for a chastity device. Yes, I’ve kept that thought in mind. A *truly* asexual individual simply wouldn't care; there’s no arousal, no drive involved. Until now, I mostly held back from replying because I wasn’t particularly inclined to expend the effort without violating the main forum rule ("Don't be rude"). LbL, you’ve summed it up well. I believe we’re looking at a different issue here. Unfortunately, I suspect that very few participants in this forum possess the specialized knowledge and education needed to really help resolve this core issue in the most valuable way.

I wear a chastity device because I struggle with masturbation addiction; that’s the only reason. Some asexual people do get erections and can engage in sexual activity. Some masturbate while others don’t. It is true that asexuals lack sexual attraction, yet they may experience romantic or aesthetic attraction—both of which differ significantly from sexual attraction. I’m not an exhibitionist by nature. I am proud of my body and see no reason to hide it; I’ve visited nude beaches and such. I consider myself a nudist/naturist even if I don’t get out as often as I’d like. Since chastity isn't just a kink for me, nor something I’m embarrassed about, why should I conceal the truth? I hate lying, so keeping my device visible makes life easier. Asexuality is complex with many variations; I can’t cover them all here. If you want more details, visit the site in my signature and explore it yourself. P.S. IF PEOPLE WANT TO CALL ME A LIAR AND DOUBT MY INTEGRITY AS A PERSON, I AM MORE THAN HAPPY TO HAVE MY ACCOUNT DELETED HERE.

> member_0ff554066e wrote: > P.S. IF PEOPLE WANT TO CALL ME A LIAR AND DOUBT MY INTEGRITY AS A PERSON, I AM MORE THAN HAPPY TO HAVE MY ACCOUNT DELETED HERE. Paulie, Do as you wish, but I don’t see where anyone called you a liar outright. There was some doubt expressed, yes, but it came with an acknowledgment that your account could be true—so they took it at face value (meaning as truth). I think the discussion about asexuality was perfectly valid. As with many things we do, the words we use to describe them don’t always mean exactly the same thing to everyone. Take "chastity" for example. If you plan to be so vocal about it, you need to expect that people who don't fully understand will question you.

I’m sorry if I offended you Paulie67; no offense was intended. I didn’t know much about the word asexual before this and, because of you, started exploring it. Sexual matters are something I find curious. I’m not into S&M myself but I read up on it. Same with homosexuality—I don't identify that way but keep informed. My interest in sexual topics grew during Psch 101 when things were discussed that I hadn’t known before. This curiosity led me to try chastity. I heard about it, read more, and then gave it a shot. After researching asexuality along with your actions and words, I felt confused and hoped you could help clear it up. Being on this forum, I thought my questions came from genuine confusion rather than malice. That’s why I cited my sources—so you’d know where they were coming from and could explain the differences. I hope you saw that I had done some research. What I found was that with less than 1% of the population identified as asexual and this being relatively newly recognized, there isn’t abundant information available. I hoped we forum members would ask each other about our quirks without taking offense.

[quote="Locked by LRC"]The common definition of asexual is; in its broadest sense, is the lack of sexual attraction to others [b]or[/b] the lack of interest in sex.[/quote] Emphasis mine. I would think one could easily engage in sexual activity—such as masturbation—and still wish to curb that with chastity while identifying as asexual under this definition. It all boils down to lacking sexual attraction toward others.

> member_f1c729184f wrote:I would think one could easily engage in sexual activity, such as masturbation and the wish to curb that with chastity, and identity as asexual by this definition. All it would take is the lack of sexual attraction to others. Thank you **tradinator**. That’s exactly what I was aiming for: having a discussion about asexuality rooted in the source material. The problem/confusion I’m facing lies with the wording from three sources. AVEN appears to be the largest organization regarding asexuality and said essentially what you did. Wikipedia stated that Asexuality is distinct from chastity. I was just asking how one coexists with the other. I thought someone who has experienced this firsthand would be the right person to ask. I certainly wouldn’t ask an average male what it feels like being caged; I’d ask someone who actually wears it. In the first part of his reply, Paulie67 explained why he started wearing chastity. I found that interesting. When he got a bit testy at the end, I didn’t feel much desire to respond further. Isn’t this what we do on this forum? We ask someone who has experienced something and then read their reasons for doing it. If you disagree with someone, you state your case and give your reasoning. Not every subject requires 100% agreement. A person needs to realize that when they make a statement, not everyone will automatically accept it without asking questions.

Wikipedia doesn't mention chastity in the context of asexuality; instead, it says it's distinct from celibacy and abstinence from sex. Celibacy and chastity are not identical things. Here on this forum, "chastity" is more closely related to its BDSM sense (erotic sexual denial and charity belts) than simple abstinence. Paulie has gone into quite a bit of detail about his chastity journal and asexuality elsewhere on this site, so you should be able to pick up the relationship between the two by reading through his posts.

Getting back to topic. The only people who know about my chastity practice are those I have had or currently have a sexual relationship with. I don’t need to know the details of other peoples' intimate preferences, nor do they need to know mine. That said, the reason I am on this forum is so I can better understand my own sexuality and learn from others who share a common interest, habit, or compulsion.

> member_f1c729184f wrote:The common definition of asexual is; in its broadest sense, is the lack of sexual attraction to others **or** the lack of interest in sex. > I would think one could easily engage in sexual activity, such as masturbation and the wish to curb that with chastity, and identity as asexual by this definition. All it would take is the lack of sexual attraction to others. Strictly (rather than broadly) speaking, **a**sexual breaks down to the prefix 'A' meaning 'not' and 'sexual'. Not being sexual means not engaging in sex, and masturbation *is* a sexual activity. To my way of thinking, one who becomes aroused and masturbates is not truly 'asexual', because masturbation counts as sexual activity. Even if you aren't attracted to or aroused by others, becoming aroused (by yourself?) and then masturbating means that person is engaging in sexual activity and is therefore *not* asexual. Perhaps there is a more precise term for this. If the definition of 'asexual' becomes stretched to *include* specific sexual activities, accurate communication gets disrupted. It’s impossible to communicate clearly if people morph word definitions to include meanings that differ from how others define them.

So there lies the issue: asexuality isn't strictly defined by its Latin roots as a word or purely by the biomechanics of arousal and orgasm. It is broadly defined to include one's feelings about oneself and other people. Messy? Yes. Perverted? Not at all; that’s just how English language and psychology work.

> member_b61caec2c9 wrote:YOUR avitar - have you no shame? See Avatar Choices. My avatar captures my personality perfectly!:)

> member_1f353e1d87 wrote: > > member_75c78a1ec7 wrote:an asexual person would have no desire or need for a chastity device. > A *truly* asexual person simply wouldn't care Would a *truly* chaste man even need hardware?;) I tuck. Fabric instead of metal/plastic. I kink on that method. At least I understand that particular kink myself. I don’t know any other members here who tuck like me. We have guys operating on the honor system, but we are the minority. It’s a broad tent for our small crowd.

> member_c6ca36a8d7 wrote:Would a *truly* chaste man need hardware?;) I tuck. Fabric instead of hardware. That sounds pretty cool and I don't even know exactly what it means. It just sounds good. Do you mind explaining how this works? Please excuse my ignorance, but is this part of the cross-dressing/feminization sphere? That’s only been the context in which I’ve heard about tucking.

In my case, two friends agreed to control the keys since I’m currently single. One lives nearby and we see each other about once a week; the other is her husband at the clothing-optional resort where I spend time.

> member_1f353e1d87 wrote: > > member_f1c729184f wrote: Even if one is not attracted to or aroused by others, but becomes aroused (by one's own self?) and engages in masturbation then that person is engaging in sexual activity and is therefor *not* asexual. Perhaps there is a more accurate term for this. There is; it’s autosexuality. Paulie identifies as an autosexual who wishes to remain and call himself asexual, which is why he wears a chastity device. Whether that truly counts as asexuality depends on your definition of the word: without sex, without sexual behavior, without sexual genitalia involvement, or without sexual desire? All four definitions are somewhat valid yet quite different from one another.

Please let this thread die. Thanks.

> Atone wrote: > Please let this thread die. > Thanks. Yeah, what’s wrong with people who keep responding to it?

As several have mentioned here—and I think this is important to remember—not everyone you meet in life will share your and your partner's ideas about sex....and that’s perfectly fine. That’s the beauty of living in a comparatively free country. Even within BDSM circles and among our "kink"-friendly friends, my wife and I still try to keep a sense of decorum regarding our personal likes and dislikes. There is also a fairly strict unwritten code of secrecy amongst those in the BDSM world: you don’t discuss other people's kinks with vanilla folks. At a play party, it would naturally be obvious that I am wearing a chastity device, and I’m fine with that visibility. At a family dinner, however, I really don’t feel the need to have everyone discussing how Robert is wearing his device because he enjoys masturbation while his wife/Mistress keeps him locked up....and that he likes it too...plus all sorts of other kinky details. My point is simply that there is a time and place for everything. People judge us in this world for many reasons, some valid, others ridiculous. While I totally appreciate your openness regarding the wearing of your device, I personally choose to discuss it only on forums and with my wife/Mistress. Robert

I have told my son. But I’ve kept it simple: I lock up to prevent myself from masturbating. However, he also thinks that I possess the key. There are definitely different levels of access when it comes to sharing information.

[quote"But he also thinks that I have they."[/quote] Huh? I'm usually pretty good at figuring out what people really meant to say when words are left out, but you've got me stumped on this one.

> member_1f353e1d87 wrote: > > "But he also thinks that I have they." > Huh? > I'm usually pretty good at figuring out what people really meant to say when they omit some words, but you've got me stumped on this one. Typed on an iPhone, I bet. He means: "But he also thinks that I have the key".

You got it right. Damn phone spell checkers. Yes, he believes that I still hold a key.

Nobody knows for sure that I wear a chastity belt. What happens between my wife and me in bed remains a mystery to all our friends.