managing the jitters of being in a lock

I like engaging in chastity play with my girlfriend and definitely get aroused thinking about it. However, I occasionally experience ‘jitters’ — a sense of “wow, what an oddball am I to desire this.” This happens especially after ejaculation, which isn’t abnormal per se, but sometimes even while locked for stretches. A few weeks back, during a lock-up period, I became quite self-conscious about the device for several days before it was removed. Even though I knew no one else knew or could see it really, just going out and doing routine things with it on made me feel weird about wearing it. Part of that reaction led to my refusing to go back inside when she wanted me to.

I realize communication is key here, and I’m working on expressing how I feel while being sensitive to her needs too — but do you also get that strange feeling when locked? How do you handle it?

> member_f6d2de1109 wrote: > but just being out doing day-to-day stuff with it on made me feel, well, weird about having it on. Back in the early days, that happened quite a bit. > member_f6d2de1109 wrote: > but -- do you get to feeling weird when locked? How do you deal? Not very often these days; it has become my new normal. Once I got comfortable knowing no one could or would notice, things became much easier. I don't worry about bulges or anything else anymore.

Those are typical reactions. A key thing to watch out for is sending her confusing signals. Most girlfriends who participate in the lifestyle aren't quite as emotionally tied into it as their partners, especially regarding chastity or other kinks. If she's making an effort to do something you want (at least on a larger scale) but your jitters cause you to send mixed messages, she might feel slighted despite going out of her way for you. To some degree, you need to mentally brace yourself and push through those nervous feelings if you wish to keep progressing; don't expect her to force the issue for you. Keep the big picture in view—show encouragement and gratitude when she acts in ways that please you.

Consider two points about people: everyone is a bit odd (you've browsed the internet, haven't you?), and nobody truly cares what others are up to. You're fortunate that your girlfriend shares in your kink. Have a chat with her; she can offer the reassurance you need when vulnerability strikes.

"Personally, I find the start to be the most awkward part. After a little while, things just feel like 'normal'. As for your girlfriend, definitely make sure you let her know how much you value her supporting your kink. We are all a bit strange! Besides, being in chastity can lead to mood swings, and those built-up hormones can actually shift our thinking and behavior. Not every one of these shifts is easy on the people around us. So, grab opportunities to show thanks whenever possible! Good luck! mikecb", "post_id": 27839, "subject": "Re: handling lock-up nerves" } ],

Whatever doubts I’ve harbored about being locked up; even with her getting better at it, I still wouldn't feel confident enough (not even after a year) to say no straight out. I've asked for a 'stay of execution' several times (mostly denied), and once I literally bolted from the house just to avoid having the key handed over before we went out. I’ve also returned the key with tears in my eyes only to be told, "Stop sniveling" – for me, it's all part of the fun. How did your KH handle your refusal?

Look, I've been at this for... well, ages, and even now every once in a while it still feels odd. It's fine. Just remember to chat about it with her from time to time, if only to get reassurance from *her* that she doesn't think it's (too) weird. After all, you really only need to worry about the two of you.

> member_381064b05f wrote: > It's fine. Just remember to chat about it with her from time to time, if only to get reassurance from *her* that she doesn't think it's (too) weird. After all, you really only need to worry about the two of you. This. Both Jnuts and I go through phases where we wonder if some of what we do is strange, whether it’s chastity, pegging, or anything else. But as long as we’re both comfortable with it, that’s what counts. We joke that it serves as our security blanket for the relationship. We wouldn't cheat on each other; someone else might think we're way too weird;)

Lol @ Poor All excellent advice from the guys as always—as they say, watch out for those mixed signals directed at your girlfriend. You’ll need to filter things a bit before you communicate; think carefully about what you say rather than just blurting it out when you don't want to go back in- Don’t forget that she might also be feeling a bit odd about keeping you locked up and could get discouraged more easily than you’d expect. Expect reluctance after orgasm—there are plenty of threads here giving you a realistic view of how the chastity cycle actually plays out in real life. But don't ***over*** express that reluctance to her, because when keyholding starts to feel like a burden and your KH feels like she’s suddenly become an authority figure for you to rebel against—you’ll get your key back and join the ranks of the disappointed guys who blew it. If my husband's experience is any guide, you'll soon reach the point where being out of the device feels weird. Sales in the CB6000 are brisk for good reason—you may not be as strange as you think:-)

Thanks for all the great advice! My gf handled it very well, I have to say; we talked about it for a while, and things are pretty good between us. I've been locked up for a day now, and will be for a little longer as we sort of get back into our routine. Onward and upward, as they say:)

> member_f6d2de1109 wrote: Thanks for all the great advice! My gf handled it very well, I have to say; we talked about it for a while, and things are pretty good between us. I've been locked up for a day now, and will be for a little longer as we sort of get back into our routine. Onward and upward, as they say:) My KH would say "Onward and downward":lol: