A tricky inquiry from my wife

During dinner, I was talking about how much my wife would enjoy keeping me locked up in chastity. She turned it around and asked what she should actually do or if other keyholders have different approaches. Realizing that moment, I didn’t really have a solid answer ready.

From the start, we decided against making release something earned through rewards because she believes I should treat her well consistently rather than only when I’m desperate to get out. Typically, our dates are set about 30 days apart. This round, I went into the cage on September 25th and expect my keyholder will let me out on October 25th. Her main option is keeping me in longer if she decides I’ve been behaving poorly.

She’s quite vanilla overall and accepts chastity without much fuss; it doesn’t thrill her, nor does it bother her. She remains largely neutral about the whole setup. When she posed that question to me, I struggled to come up with specific suggestions.

We had discussed this before but hadn’t acted on it yet. Our plan is for me to help her reach a solo orgasm once every week using oral techniques, though we haven’t started doing that regularly due to the demands of our everyday lives.

Has anyone else faced this same hurdle without having a clear solution?

I'm not fond of butternut squash. My wife loves it though, so whenever the season is right, I cook it quite a bit for her. Peeling it bothers me, and the scent isn't my favorite either. I can tolerate eating it only if there's plenty of butter, salt, and spices mixed in. Since she enjoys it so much, I make sure to prepare it when she wants it. It makes me happy seeing her enjoy it, but no matter how good it is, cooking it doesn't mean *I* personally want a plate for myself. This might not be the perfect comparison, but the point stands: some things just don't click with certain people. Perhaps your wife simply hasn't found the right headspace yet or perhaps she still needs to realize what benefits come her way. You can't force enjoyment where it doesn't naturally occur. You could look into picking up a few of those books written by keyholders; they might help guide her mindset. On the other hand, do you clearly know what outcome you desire? Are you pushing your agenda too aggressively? There may be an approach that suits her perfectly if she is given enough time and opportunity to explore it. Every keyholder is unique and gains distinct advantages from their experience. Mrs. Edge tends toward the vanilla side but truly appreciates having control over timing, location, and method. Because of this preference, we abandoned rigid schedules or point systems in favor of letting her decide completely. At one stage, she unlocked me quite frequently, yet later wondered how long I could comfortably stay locked up for good measure. She ended up keeping me secured for months, using our strapon instead, just to test things out. Eventually, she realized that what worked best for her was my steady state of arousal, provided I didn't constantly pester her throughout the day.

> member_15466c46ac wrote: > We had talked and yet to do this, but we plan that once a week I would take care of her for solo orgasm's by oral simulation but haven't gotten to do that yet with vanilla life. Just one time per seven days? Once you taste the depth of pleasure possible when giving an oral session while living in chastity, it becomes hard to settle for anything less... and this holds true for both partners. I suspect your frequency will increase beyond weekly.

> member_985e6cd154 wrote: > Only once a week? Once you experience the level of ecstasy that can be achieved by pleasuring a woman orally while in chastity, you may not want to go back to anything else... and that applies for both of you. And I think you'll be doing it more than once a week. To give credit where it's due, this might reflect your specific experience rather than being universal truth. Mrs. Edge isn't particularly keen on oral stimulation; she would actually *prefer* penetrative sex instead. It appears that k4h and his spouse just haven't quite nailed down the routine that works best for them both yet.

I fail to see any real 'trick' in her inquiry. It seems like she merely wanted you to lay out all your options clearly for her evaluation, and when push came to shove, you were left without a ready response.

My wife is generally pretty relaxed about me staying locked up, although there are moments when excitement sparks in her (such as hearing the lock click shut). Early on, I hoped she would be the one to tell me it was time. She didn't do that very often initially. After discussing matters further, I realized that her arousal wasn't triggered by ordering me to get locked up, but rather by seeing me already secured with the key in her hand. She would then smile, apply a firm squeeze as she placed the lock on, and press a passionate kiss against me. Therefore, I had to step back from my own desires and focus instead on what clearly turns her on. Understanding that preference helps too; now when I do ask for permission to lock up occasionally, it works well. Still, I am perfectly happy following "her way" because recognizing she enjoys the process brings me contentment. I recommend focusing less on comparing yourself to others and more on investing time in open communication (which you are currently doing). Be willing to adjust your perspective regarding how she should act based on who she actually is. That flexibility lies at the heart of why we practice chastity overall. When we prioritize our partner's needs over our own immediate gratification, the rewards outweigh simply centering everything around what sits inside our cage.

I've been pondering this quite a bit. Since it has felt more like a 'Dream' for such a long time, I still get excited when I go back into chastity. Yes, this is only the third occasion that I have locked up again, but each of those times lasted for a considerable duration. A user on Fet offered a straightforward suggestion that really helped clarify things: "Let her know you are truly pleased with her letting you stay in chastity and holding onto your key. Tell her you wish to return the favor by asking what she would like from you. Leave it at that, enjoy knowing she is content with your state of chastity, and see how events unfold." I hadn't considered this before, but I think it makes a lot of sense...