EDIT: Newbie123’s initial post was lost by mistake.

To begin, welcome aboard! Secondly, I’ve granted you entry into the Keyholder group. There, you’ll find private insights from women who have walked in your shoes. Third, my advice is to mostly disregard what others say about male chastity; much of it reads like self-serving content designed to tickle guys’ fancy. It might feel a bit commercial—reminiscent of those “Lose Weight Now!” sites—but do visit Sarah’s Male Chastity Blog for practical info grounded in reality rather than fantasy. Also, check out Keyheld. It’s a collection of blogs from folks who are mostly vanilla and use chastity to spice up their sex lives, rather than fully committing it as a BDSM lifestyle.

Hi Newbie123, I admire your openness to embracing your husband's fantasy of male **chastity**. I agree with everything Tom Allen mentioned; there are plenty of resources available. It’s also promising that you’ve discussed your boundaries clearly. I understand it can be tricky knowing where to begin, especially since your husband has traditionally been the more assertive partner in your relationship. However, how exactly does he want you to show this new assertiveness? Have you taken hold of his keys yet? Does he expect you to direct him while he is locked up? He’s pondered this for three years, so I suspect his fantasies have evolved beyond what the two of you have experienced together. Do you know what those specific fantasies are (what constitutes "a lifestyle" for him)? My suggestion: start small. Lock him up for short periods when you’re both home and tease him a bit. Also, talk about how each of you feels after your play sessions. It might not seem very sexy right now, but think of it as training wheels until you both become more intuitive to each other’s reactions during **chastity** play. It takes time for men to adjust to wearing a device for longer stretches (and finding the correct rings and spacers). Let him figure that out on his own and ask about his progress. Once he can handle it beyond just short bursts, have him wear it overnight or even around the neighborhood. He might be dreaming of keeping it on for months straight, but the first time you take him to a restaurant... well, let’s say reality hits hard. You can lean over and remind him that you hold the **key** and how he could earn his freedom if he behaves. Anyway, there is no need to rush from zero to two hundred. Take it slow and discover what balance suits both of you. I bet once you get used to holding his key, your confidence will grow (provided he doesn’t push too hard; there are ways to manage that).

You don't need to dive in headfirst; in fact, you probably shouldn’t. Take it slow, bit by bit. He might have imagined you suddenly transforming into his Domme because he’s been thinking about this for ages, but that drastic shift is unlikely given your explanations. You may never become his ultra-dominant 'Mistress', and that's perfectly fine. Enjoy the power dynamic! Start with small things: perhaps a back massage now and then, or foot rubs... maybe even having your morning coffee served to you in bed. Being dominant doesn't mean being harsh; sometimes firmness is needed, but politeness works too. "Honey, come here and rub my feet please." It’s not quite a request, nor strictly an order—politely phrased yet clear that this is what you want him to do right now. While he’s doing it (or immediately after), tell him that if he continues serving you like this, you might grant him a little 'reward'... perhaps a touch or rub of his cage and/or balls to ensure he stays aroused. This hinted-at reward acts as the carrot. By ensuring his arousal, you condition him to associate pleasure with pleasing you (or reinforce existing conditioning). By managing his arousal, you gain another advantage. Arousal feels good for him and boosts his desire to please you because you hold the **key** to further pleasure (orgasm). His physical struggle against confinement reminds him of this potential reward, which can heighten his desire even more. This serves as a 'tease' even if you aren't touching him sexually. Small gestures—a touch, a text message, or hints at what’s coming—keep him aroused and thinking about *you*. The more often he is aroused, the stronger his drive becomes, increasing the power you wield.

2nd Post on this thread: (Wendy's Games) the archived discussion

Sweetheart, you don't need to become a full-blown dominatrix or even switch your dynamic to a 'Female Led Relationship' (to me, that sounds like I’d end up doing most of the work deciding everything). You can make this arrangement work for both of you however feels natural. Setting boundaries within your comfort zones is great... those zones may expand later on, or they might stay put... it’s entirely up to the two of you. See you in the Key Holders' Forum!

Newbie123, welcome! I agree with Tom; most of what you see online regarding **chastity** is pure fantasy tailored for men. Communicating with others who are actually living the experience makes a huge difference compared to reading all those stories. Big kudos on reaching out for advice. It’s reassuring that you aren’t rushing, and adjusting to being in a device (and becoming a keyholder) does take time, so please don't hurry it too much. Talking with your husband about how you feel, what he feels, and where you want things to go can make this a wonderful shared journey. I made an FAQ for beginners—it’s mostly practical tips, but the experiences and info might help. Plus, there are many links at the bottom of the page leading to other useful resources Feel free to keep asking questions here; this forum is full of experienced and helpful people. And have fun!

Thanks everyone for the advice. I will definitely check out some of the sites and threads you suggested. Since my original post was deleted by accident, I’ll do my best to recall what I wrote. My thoughts were along these lines: I’m a happily married woman with three kids; I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and married for eight of them. He’s had this fantasy about being in a male **chastity** device for three years, but only found out recently (hence my username!:) which I didn’t know you couldn’t change easily after a while—so I guess I’m stuck with it lol; looks like I need to be more creative haha). I decided that since the idea doesn't totally scare or freak me out (though it is still somewhat unusual for me, and as my husband says, I am very vanilla), we bought him the CB6000. He’s been adjusting to it over the last few days. My question is: I’m not a very assertive or demanding person. I feel a bit guilty asking things of him—like doing dishes while I play with the kids, getting a massage, or receiving satisfaction in bed without always giving equal return. I know he asked for this and seems okay with it, but guilt still creeps in. I’m really trying to find info on how to step out of my shell and become more assertive (without feeling guilty) because I realize that’s what my husband craves. Not everyone does it the same way as me, so any help is appreciated. The internet stories about outrageous things happening were starting to scare me a bit; I’m excited to read accounts with some truth behind them. I research everything thoroughly. Okay, now that I reread this, it might differ slightly from what I first wrote, but hopefully, the point comes across. Thanks again.

> member_a1795304bd wrote: > Anyways my question is I am not a very assertive or demanding type. I am feeling a little guilty asking for things from him like doing the dishes while i play with the kids or a massage or satisfaction in the bedroom and not giving it in return all the time. And I know that he has asked for this and seems ok with this but I still feel guilty . Just really trying to find out some info on how to get out of my shell and become more assertive (and not to feel guilty) because I know that I what my husband is craving. Your dilemma isn’t uncommon. I’ve read many similar posts from women new to asserting themselves in a **dominant** role who struggle with guilt, especially if their husbands ask them to be "meaner" and include **punishment**. Many men (myself included) enjoy serving a dominant woman. They want to do things for you—some mundane like dishes, others more exciting like painting your toenails. Allow yourself time to figure out what works. Consider what you enjoy having done for you versus what you don’t. Communicate with him and learn what suits him too. The adoration he shows by doing these tasks might be exactly what he appreciates deeply, even if you struggle with reciprocating immediately. I know that when I’m in lockup, especially after a few days, my mindset shifts. I feel a steady connection to my Domme and long to show her appreciation for having her in my life. Small acts like doing laundry become joyful give-backs, ways to demonstrate respect for her authority, control, and role. One thing my current girlfriend/Domme has me doing is journaling. Some days she just wants whatever comes to mind; other days I have specific assignments. This helps her understand my mindset better. Sometimes these assignments reveal what he is truly seeking. Above all, communicate. Check in regularly. It doesn’t need to be daily, but especially at the start, it’s good to sit as equals and ask him how he feels mentally and emotionally. In time, you might find that his excitement about being locked up makes your freedom to assert yourself equally exciting for you too.:)

> member_25cff16817 wrote: > Little acts like doing the laundry become a joy of giving back, a way to show that I respect her authority, her control, and her role in my life. I agree with Aarkey’s point here. Don’t underestimate how important these "little acts" are. If my wife doesn’t let me do them, it annoys me because she’s depriving me of the chance to serve her (while meeting my own needs).

I’ve been lurking on this board for a while. I’m married to a vanilla wife and hope one day to introduce **chastity** into our marriage. I often think a way a wife can benefit from her chaste husband is by having him plan a romantic or adventurous date from start to finish, letting him know that if he delivers an enjoyable evening, his chances for **release** will be greatly improved. Men can get quite creative with the right motivation. I also have to say I’m envious; I hope you both enjoy this new activity. Curious: how did you "just find out"? Did your husband bring it up, or did you stumble upon it?

> member_a1795304bd wrote: > Just really trying to find out some info on how to get out of my shell and become more accertive. You seem to be doing a great job listening to your husband’s feelings and taking these first steps. He, like many here, has thought about this for quite some time before bringing it up to his prospective keyholder. You are still adjusting, so give yourself time to get up to speed. For my wife and me, it is a win-win situation; though she might tell you (keeperof55 on the KH side) that it took more than a few months for her to become adjusted to being a bit more assertive.

> member_1d3bfcba05 wrote: > I wonder if you could share how you "just found out about it a few weeks ago" was it something your husband brought up or something you stumbled upon? Ok, the story isn’t super romantic or exciting, but I think it was the perfect subtle way to bring this topic up. It happened on a Saturday afternoon. Usually, I do housework on Saturdays, but that day I didn't feel like it. So I grabbed a Pepsi and sat down in my recliner for some downtime after a busy morning of running the kids around—activities, grocery shopping, lunch out. All three kids were playing quietly (I think we might have taken home the wrong ones from McDonald's!), which is unusual because they rarely give us downtime at home. My hubby decided to sit with me and chat. We spent an hour just talking—not about the kids! Afterward, we checked on them; realizing we’d been lazy enough for one day, we ended up back on the couch chatting again. For non-parents: free time is heaven—the best aphrodisiac for me anyway. Parents know exactly what I mean. This time, fantasies came up in conversation—not sure how he worked it in so smoothly (he was sneaky). He asked if I had any fantasies, and after thinking a bit, I said no—I’m very vanilla; what we do is wonderful enough. Then he mentioned male **chastity** out of left field. It’s something I didn’t even know existed! I asked questions, got answers, and when he asked how I felt about it, I realized we’d been talking for a while without it scaring me away or making me run screaming (maybe because the free time had relaxed me so much; that relaxation turns me on easily). So I excused myself to do some research. While I still think it’s somewhat out there, I realize we aren’t alone in playing with this fantasy. Later that night, after putting all three kids to bed, he came into the room and asked again how I felt. After more discussion about why he wants me to control his **orgasm**s 100%, we started looking at devices. We found the CB 6000. Shipping costs to Canada can be high, but there was a website with free shipping. After more conversation, I let him order it, understanding that ordering didn’t mean immediate commitment; I still needed time to think. We discussed it further over the next week and drew up a small contract for a one-month trial term. We are now in our first week. It’s a bit of work on my part, but very exciting. He is thrilled that I’m joining him on this adventure. He’d like it to become permanent if I choose, so we decided: after the initial month, we’ll move to two months, then four months, and eventually make it permanent lifestyle **chastity** if it feels comfortable for me. If not, short terms are an option. He is very accommodating as I get used to the idea, and loving all the info from wonderful people here makes me more comfortable knowing everyone didn’t just jump in blindly without knowledge. So that’s my story! It isn’t super exciting, but it took courage for him to tell me he’d been sitting on this fantasy for three years. He tried hinting at it subtly, but timing was everything. Any other time might have scared me off.

good on you.... its a fun ride:lol: ..and as it seems you know that communication is key ... scuse the pun.. just buckle up and enjoy discovering a new way to love your guy

Newbie Thank you for your answer to my question. I enjoyed reading about how this happened for you and your husband. (all except the part about being a Pepsi drinker, myself being a lifelong Coca Cola drinker) Hopefully in the near future a time when my wife seems receptive and a day when I have the courage to bring it up will converge as it did for you. Thanks again

> member_1d3bfcba05 wrote:Newbie > Thank you for your answer to my question. I enjoyed reading about how this happened for you and your husband. (all except the part about being a Pepsi drinker, myself being a lifelong Coca Cola drinker) > Hopefully in the near future a time when my wife seems receptive and a day when I have the courage to bring it up will converge as it did for you. > Thanks again First off --coke yuck - Pepsi is soooo much better you should join me in drinking something that has actual taste:lol: Second- I hope that you have the right moment sometime in the near future to talk to ur wife about male chastity. I know that it took my hubby 3 years and for him the right moment that he found was a good one. Hopefully yours is too and I hope she is receptive to the idea and willing to try even if only for a short time.