My Partner Doesn't Like My Chastity Device Routine

I struggled to find the right subject line for this post. My wife and I have been trying MC for a while; it has its merits, but there is one part of MC that she really dislikes. I am curious if others here share this problem, and if they do, how they solved it. The core issue is her feeling that when I am locked up for days or weeks, she misses out because she cannot enjoy PIV sex with me. She feels (quite strongly) that PIV sex matters a lot, which is hard to dispute. If we end up having more frequent PIV sex, then unless I get very good at controlling my orgasms (which I am not), MC doesn’t work for us. Also, even if she gets all the orgasms she desires, she still believes that without me reaching orgasm, the sexual act feels incomplete. Anyway, in a nutshell (;) ), that is the problem we face with MC.

This situation isn't rare. From here, it seems impossible to get exactly *what you* want (more denied time) while still satisfying *her* desires (access and orgasms for both). You need a compromise. It could look like keeping her in control of the lock without fixing a specific duration; i.e., when she is in the mood, she unlocks you so you can go at it. Then, you immediately return to being locked up. Personally, I find returning right after orgasm quite difficult, but by the next day, the idea of having been "forced" back into the device feels hot and gets me ramped up again. If this resonates with you, it might be a workable solution. A few months ago, we had a long thread with a woman (wonderingwife) who humored her husband but wasn't particularly interested in chastity devices yourself. You may want to review that discussion to see how they managed their dynamic.

> member_a2fc176bc2 wrote: > The issue that she has is that she feels that, when I'm locked up for x amount of time (days or weeks), she also has to miss out because she doesn't get to enjoy PIV sex with me. She feels (quite strongly in fact) that PIV sex is very important, and that's hard to argue against. If we do enjoy more PIV sex, then unless I'm real good at controlling my orgasms (which I'm not), then MC isn't happening. Also, even if she enjoys all the orgasms she wants, she still feels that if I don't orgasm, the sex act isn't complete. We faced many of these same issues early on and to some degree still do now. It took a long time for her to understand that MC is about denial of **orgasm**, not celibacy. She had the mistaken idea that she would have to go without sex while I was locked up. Eventually, we helped her realize that MC centers on what *she* wants and that my satisfaction with being denied comes first. I had to explain repeatedly how being denied feels for me, why it is a way I like to be loved, and why there should be no guilt involved. She still likes letting me release if we have an exceptionally good round of lovemaking. Try not to pressure her too much; just share your feelings in a non-judgmental manner. Guide her toward the resources that help explain things clearly, but don't force it on her. Rome wasn't built in a day. Expect some occasional setbacks even after you have been practicing for a while.

> member_7f5b971d37 wrote: She still wants to let me **orgasm** if we have a particularly good round of lovemaking. Try not to put pressure on her, just explain your feelings as best you can in a non-judgmental way. Point her towards the resources necessary to help her understand, but don't try and force her. A few years ago, Mrs. Edge went through a period where she really enjoyed ruined **orgasm**, doing it frequently. Although the frequency has dropped significantly since then, she still likes it because, hey, who doesn't enjoy watching their partner have an **orgasm**, right? Stifling (i.e., squeezing) at the last second allows her to watch me *almost* fully experience pleasure without feeling like she is denying me for too long.

> member_a2fc176bc2 wrote: My wife and I had tried MC for some time; and although it had its good points, there is one aspect of MC that she really doesn't like. > member_a2fc176bc2 wrote: The issue that she has is that she feels that, when I'm locked up for x amount of time (days or weeks), she also has to miss out because she doesn't get to enjoy PIV sex with me. She feels (quite strongly in fact) that PIV sex is very important, and that's hard to argue against. My advice can be summed up in two words.... Baby Steps! So, I would suggest that Baby Step 1 means you do NOT try to change the frequency of your PIV sex. The only initial change is that you are locked up 100% of the time between encounters. If she wants daily sex, then you get released every single day for it and are put back in right after. Even with daily release, this still counts as **chastity** because she controls when and if you get to **orgasm**. The control is key.

> member_381064b05f wrote: A few months ago, we had a pretty long thread running with a woman (wonderingwife) who humored her husband, but who had no particular interest in chastity devices. You might want to review that thread to see if there's anything in there about how they managed. I have to admit, I really miss wonderingwife around anymore.:( There were some spirited discussions and I enjoyed her frankness and banter. Oh well.. MikeyLikes, you've got some great advice from very "seasoned" members here. I can't disagree with any of it. I can hear Richard Dreyfuss saying to Bill Murray "baby steps”:lol:, which is very true when it comes to male **chastity**. Whether adjusting to a new device or adapting to the lifestyle, for some (like us) it took months... many months before she understood what I really wanted and I realized just what pushed her buttons. Who knew how much a good foot rub or back rub meant? As far as PIV is concerned, she still loves having me inside of her while I crave being denied. As mentioned before, we recently purchased a slip-on sheath from We don't use it constantly, but it does two things that keep us both satisfied: realistic (long-lasting) penetration for her and frustrating denial for me.:D Many of us here are committed to putting our KHs first. As I've mentioned several times, my wife will tell you that I am more focused on her when I'm locked up. So for the future ahead, that is what I'll be doing.:) You have planted a seed. Now nurture it and allow it to grow.

Wow! Thanks for all the support, encouragement, and advice. I really appreciate that:) You are definitely correct about baby-steps - like almost everything else in life, I tend to go at things with both hands on the horns and then wonder why others aren't getting close. I need to learn to slow down a bit.

Let's face it: many women (including my beloved) really love the feeling of their men coming and "filling them up", just as we men appreciate the satisfaction from bringing them to **orgasm**. Don't try to take that away. Just tell her how you like being locked up immediately after the act, and stay that way until she wants you again.

Sounds to me like outstanding advice.

My wife and I hit a pothole in our journey with MC. I have worn the device for up to 90 days before. What we found was that after the first 7-10 days, it became like getting used to wearing a wedding ring. Once my body adjusted, it felt second nature. Yes, I would like to **orgasm**, but we were playing a sort of dice game and agreed to follow through until I "won" a release. Quickly after that longest stint in the device, she told me we needed a different approach to using our **chastity** gear. I agreed because I enjoyed the excitement initially but felt it wane as time went on. We came up with an idea: I would wear the device during her "time of the month." That way, I remember her cycle, am nicer to her, and deal with my own issue—being unable to **orgasm**. Once her period ends, and only when she is back in a vanilla mood allowing for a night together, do I get out again. Now this means somewhere between 7-10 days minimum, but depending on daily life, kids, etc., it could slip into the next month. The point is that when she is back in the mood, I am also ready to **orgasm** together. Afterward, I remain free until the next cycle. So far, my times have ranged between 10-17 days. Just an idea. This post is also part of my journey log.

Thanks; I like that idea (wearing the device when it's that time of the month). I think she'll like it too.

My wife also really enjoys PIV along with her **orgasm**. We have an understanding that I do not cum inside her at all. After she has finished playing while I am locked away, this leaves me feeling very horny.