Ever Waited Too Long to Come?

This isn’t the first time this topic has been up here, but it is what I am feeling now. It has been 23 days since my last orgasm, and the rush of the first few days has diminished while the stress of life and the cold of January are catching up with me. My wife and I haven’t been able to connect so much this week too. We had intercourse a few times last week without me coming, but it hasn’t fit in our plans the last few days. Like others, I kind of dread the lull of the first few days after an orgasm, but sometimes it is worth it up I have a really awesome romp with my wife. It can leave me feeling a little more invigorated if everything is going right. If I’m not coming, and not connecting with my wife, I can feel a less sexual and start wanting to start over, even with the risk of going off the track all together. She’s told me several times I should wait for my birthday, about 2 more weeks. I think I can going to need to find a way to destress and connect to make it there.

> tcs wrote:I kind of dread the lull of the first few days after an orgasm I too have a lull or let down after I'm allowed a full orgasm and it takes me a few days or more back in my cage to ramp it back up. Longest I've gone locked without an O was 60 days. I remember having many of those days when all I could think about was getting off but I don't remember being out of control when day 60 came and so did I.;) I'm more focused on pleasing my wife and being there for her since she was the one there for me for the first 20 years.:D

Both men and women have a natural "turn off switch" for sexual interest. Women have it more than men. What happens is that the longer you don't have sex, which doesn't mean orgasm -- just stimulation, the less interest in sex you will display. Based on what I have learned, people who practice male chastity frequently believe that no stimulation is the "truest" form. Actually, it is the easiest. Once you get over the initial desire, interest will taper, and if you are stimulated the longer it will take to get going again. I think the best way to play this is to get regular stimulation and regular ejaculations. That way, you never get to start losing interest and every day has is a challenge. Repeated stimulation without release may also reduce interest as well. The body and brain have a way of compensating. Everyone is different. Some men can stay interested for months without stimulation. Others start losing interest in a week or two. I suspect that the older you get, the sooner you lose interest.

I know what you are talking about. I love my orgasms and there is nothing like both you and your wife having orgasms together. We usually have sex twice a week and I get an orgasm at least one of those times. It all depends if I pissed my wife off or not and whether I did all of my chores correctly. The longest I have waited is 11 days. Yesterday my wife told me that she wanted me to wait until Valentine's Day for my next orgasm. I have not had one for a week already. Two months ago it went from me asking her to keep me in chastity to her wanting me to be in chastity since she says I am grumpy and uncooperative for a few days after I have an orgasm. I really do not think it is the orgasm that does that because I have been having frequent, almost daily, orgasms for most of our marriage. I think it is because after I have an orgasm, I know that I probably have to wait longer than I like for my next one so I get irritated or something like that. The answer to my problem, of course, is more frequent orgasms like I used to have.:) I am typing this after just 4 hours sleep. I was up most of the night feeling very horny due to an extended teasing session on Thursday when I was pretty sure I was going to have an orgasm. Today is our next date night and most times, if I do not get an orgasm during the week, I get one or more on the weekend. However, after being told that I have to wait another two weeks, I was sort of having a mini panic attack. I am feeling extremely horny to the point that it is very uncomfortable since I am thinking about sex all the time. I have also noticed that as the number of my orgasms decreased, so did my ability to get a good night's sleep. I plan on talking to my wife today and sort of set the clock back. When we started this I used to chide her about giving in too easily to my begging for release. Now she is very firm about when I can orgasm or not no matter how much I beg and tell her it is alright and that I will not think she is giving in due to guilt or feeling sorry for me. She told me last night that she no longer feels guilty or sorry for me and likes me aroused all the time because I behave better and do what she tells me without looking like I am being forced to do something that I do not want to do. Very true. I am going to tell my wife that if she does not care one way or the other, since our relationship gives her the final say in all matters, I would prefer to go back to at least one orgasm per week because I just do not like extended chastity. After all, she can edge and tease me for an hour or more and let me orgasm and it will still be very intense. I have not had the courage to talk to her yet but I will because I really want to have an orgasm tonight. I cannot sleep well without it.

> Others start losing interest in a week or two. **I suspect that the older you get, the sooner you lose interest.** That has certainly not been the case with me.

> member_1f353e1d87 wrote: > > Others start losing interest in a week or two. **I suspect that the older you get, the sooner you lose interest.** > That has certainly not been the case with me. We don't have a loss of interest here either, rather hubby can get the two week cabbies but that's usually because he's wanting to cum so bad. We are at two weeks right now and I think I've beat the crabbies! Lots of all day teasings the past couple days and an almost ruined orgasm. He dribbled a tiny bit so I wouldn't even consider it an actual ruined one.:) but still he doesn't seem crabby at all this time and definitely not loss of interest!:)

> LadynMonkey wrote: > We don't have a loss of interest here either, rather hubby can get the two week cabbies but that's usually because he's wanting to cum so bad. We are at two weeks right now and I think I've beat the crabbies! Lots of all day teasings the past couple days and an almost ruined orgasm. He dribbled a tiny bit so I wouldn't even consider it an actual ruined one.:) but still he doesn't seem crabby at all this time and definitely not loss of interest!:) You are teasing him all the time. *That's* what keeps the interest raging. I get cranky too if I have to wait too long. I've never been teased between releases. I suspect that would keep me from growling and stamping around.

> member_6510126aae wrote:The answer to my problem, of course, is more frequent orgasms like I used to have.:) > if I do not get an orgasm during the week, I get one or more on the weekend. However, after being told that I have to wait another two weeks, I was sort of having a mini panic attack. I am feeling extremely horny to the point that it is very uncomfortable since I am thinking about sex all the time. I have also noticed that as the number of my orgasms decreased, so did my ability to get a good night's sleep. > I have not had the courage to talk to her yet but I will because I really want to have an orgasm tonight. I cannot sleep well without it. IMO, you are not one for extended lock-ups. Go with whatever works for you but my guess would be that most of us here enjoy the extended play.:D Also your statement > "Others start losing interest in a week or two. I suspect that the older you get, the sooner you lose interest." doesn't apply to me either.

> member_6510126aae wrote:I know what you are talking about. I love my orgasms and there is nothing like both you and your wife having orgasms together... This wasn't what I meant. Not coming when I am turned on is super hot to me, as it is for most of it here...but like anything else there is a diminishing return......sometimes it feels harder to wait after my sex drive has leveled off for whatever reason than when I am super horny. Waiting at Day 21 or 28 or 35 is not necessarily as hot as waiting at Day 5, 6, 7. I seemed to have gotten over that hump for now...it is now Day 28, which I've only done a handful of times. I think I came once or twice the first couple days of the year and not sense. Would I feel hornier 7 days from now if I came once and then waited, or not at all? I am not sure.

Here is a better way of putting it----have you ever waiting so long to come that it was either anticlimactic or a bigger lower "let down" afterwards? Have you ever waited so long that you adjusted to the denial so "well" that you thought your sex drive was dipping due to it?

> tcs wrote: > > member_6510126aae wrote:I know what you are talking about. I love my orgasms and there is nothing like both you and your wife having orgasms together... > This wasn't what I meant. Not coming when I am turned on is super hot to me, as it is for most of it here...but like anything else there is a diminishing return......sometimes it feels harder to wait after my sex drive has leveled off for whatever reason than when I am super horny. Waiting at Day 21 or 28 or 35 is not necessarily as hot as waiting at Day 5, 6, 7. tcs, I have read many posts by many people (on both sides of the chastity experience) that it is common for the excitement and desire to plateau and even diminish at some point. When that happens varies, but many seem to plateau around 2-3 weeks, and the diminishing desire can hit a few weeks after that. I know of a couple of Dommes who found their subs got prideful about not orgasming and more difficult as time went along. One in particular who had taken a few different men past the 1 year mark and found that her own opinion was that she would never take a man past the 3 month point without ruined orgasm or regular prostate milking. The longest I have gone without any kind of release at all was 17 days. I definitely felt it plateau towards the end. I also went once for 30 days, but I had my prostate milked twice during that time, and I seemed to stay on edge (or get back on edge) within a day or two after each milking. But we're all a little different, and it is my experience that sometimes the only way to find where the edge is for me is to cross it.

> member_25cff16817 wrote: > > tcs wrote: > > > member_6510126aae wrote:I know what you are talking about. I love my orgasms and there is nothing like both you and your wife having orgasms together... > > This wasn't what I meant. Not coming when I am turned on is super hot to me, as it is for most of it here...but like anything else there is a diminishing return......sometimes it feels harder to wait after my sex drive has leveled off for whatever reason than when I am super horny. Waiting at Day 21 or 28 or 35 is not necessarily as hot as waiting at Day 5, 6, 7. > tcs, I have read many posts by many people (on both sides of the chastity experience) that it is common for the excitement and desire to plateau and even diminish at some point. When that happens varies, but many seem to plateau around 2-3 weeks, and the diminishing desire can hit a few weeks after that. > I know of a couple of Dommes who found their subs got prideful about not orgasming and more difficult as time went along. One in particular who had taken a few different men past the 1 year mark and found that her own opinion was that she would never take a man past the 3 month point without ruined orgasms or regular prostate milking. > The longest I have gone without any kind of release at all was 17 days. I definitely felt it plateau towards the end. I also went once for 30 days, but I had my prostate milked twice during that time, and I seemed to stay on edge (or get back on edge) within a day or two after each milking. > But we're all a little different, and it is my experience that sometimes the only way to find where the edge is for me is to cross it. Thanks---good observations. There are a lot of different flavors, motivations, etc. I think the "prideful" comment is interesting. I like a certain amount of tension and a certain amount of mental masochism that goes away if it is all too easy. I am at 33 days. I have gone to 50 twice. I have a milestone birthday this weekend, so I don't think it will be more than another few days. There is a certain part of me that would like to come in a way that I would hate (ruined) and try to for right back at it. I would truly hate that in the moment, as hot as that is now. My wife is game, I think. Here is a couple of other thoughts---the longer you go the more pressure and anticipation builds and that can put pressure on the situation. I have mulled over numerous ways this is going to come to a climax or some kind of pause. There is only one way it will happen in reality. It should be interesting.

> tcs wrote:Thanks---good observations. There are a lot of different flavors, motivations, etc. I think the "prideful" comment is interesting. The couple of keyholders who reported that kind of rebellious "prideful" attitude tended to start usually around 3-6 months. > tcs wrote:Here is a couple of other thoughts---the longer you go the more pressure and anticipation builds and that can put pressure on the situation. I have mulled over numerous ways this is going to come to a climax or some kind of pause. There is only one way it will happen in reality. It should be interesting. My experience is like yours, though there seems to be a tipping point to it. I know personally that I get more and more willing to experience lots of things as time goes along in my denial. And as someone who likes D/s, I find that both exciting and interesting.

Quick update: I followed through on my promise and told my wife that I needed sex, wanting to return to our usual dynamic. She got annoyed with me and refused. This was completely unexpected since I'm usually the one calling the shots. It's been a while now without an orgasm; she says it will be quite some time before you see another one because she is savoring this new control over me that eluded her in the past. Today, news broke about her needing hip replacement surgery. I suggested we revert to our regular sexual routine since she won't be able to engage for two months post-op. Once again, the answer was NO. She added that if I'm fortunate, she might allow an orgasm before the procedure because my wait will feel much longer afterward. She is taking this no-orgasm policy without her presence very seriously. How long is too long? We'll see when we get there. For me personally, the first week of chastity proves to be the hardest part. Beyond that initial phase, I stop fixating on sex and begin appreciating the teasing; even a light touch from her hand can make my entire body tremble. If I feel things getting out of hand and worry about cumming, I let her know. I remind her that I truly don't want to endure all the aftermath that follows an orgasm just to return to this state where I can enjoy sex without needing one.

> member_25cff16817 wrote: > My experience is like yours, though there seems to be a tipping point to it. I know personally that I get more and more willing to experience lots of things as time goes along in my denial. And as someone who likes D/s, I find that both exciting and interesting. I share the appreciation for D dynamics, but practically speaking, we treat them as occasional role-play rather than a constant state. The discipline and control involved are part of the package; they overlap with D/s without being identical to it. As someone managing high stress levels, I enjoy surrendering authority—often within a D/s framework—but that structure isn't always mandatory for me. There is also a hint of masochism in my makeup that has only recently become clear to me. While physical pain wasn't ever my primary interest, I do crave intense experiences, even if they aren't purely pleasurable in the traditional sense. Beyond those factors, we are all different creatures at heart. I resonate with what some say about not missing it too much—the surge of horniness occurring a week or two after an orgasm is quite enjoyable. It’s like riding a roller coaster; you have to accept both the peaks and valleys, as well as the anticipation alongside the release.