She Has Figured Out Her Advantages

My fiancé has me locked up around the clock right now and set up a scoring system for my house cleaning duties. She grades each chore, I get a total score at the end of her calculation, which determines how many minutes of release time I earn. Last night was my first evening of cleaning, so I had to take a few breaks because the excitement was causing my balls some pain; in response, she deducted points for every moment I stopped working. As it turned out, I only have 20 minutes of freedom left from last night’s efforts, and I managed to bring her to orgasm twice during that time. She mentioned I can use those remaining 20 minutes on another evening. Wow is all I can say.

I am also trading extra household chores for sexual favors and find that I actually enjoy the work because it keeps my mind on the reward. My wife is pleased to see her tasks being completed for her, so this strategy makes us both happy.

Most of us began playing games for various reasons to help both our partner and ourselves adjust to Chastity. For my wife and me, chastity is woven into our Wife Led Marriage (WLM) alongside Domestic Discipline, D/S, BDSM, Teasing, and Denial. These are all elements of our WLM dynamic, so our approach might differ from others. We recently concluded our initial chastity games after we both became comfortable with the routine. My wife loves it, particularly the teasing aspect, and has stated that an orgasm will be a long time coming for me. I am not sure what her definition of "a long time" is, but I know it exceeds just a few weeks. I recall discussing having an orgasm every month or two when we last talked before ending our games. Household chores were never part of the game for us. My wife does not view them as play; she took care to ensure I learned everything to her satisfaction and was very patient with me early on. Twice in those first few months, I forgot certain tasks multiple times consecutively, so she administered enough strokes from her crop or paddle to bruise my backside and improve my memory. Since then, I have never forgotten a chore again. Her punishment is purely painless but not sensual or erotic; it is just pure pain. The only thing that affects my chastity period now is whether I ask for sex or an orgasm when she decides to have intercourse with me. I already blew that chance last week. She had planned to give me an orgasm for Valentine's Day, but I complained so much about the timing that she postponed it indefinitely. However, out of respect for our love, she will perform oral on me without bringing me to completion. If you asked me six months ago if our little T&D with chastity game would evolve like this, I would have called you crazy because sex implies an orgasm by at least one partner in my view. It was just a game then but is now part of our lifestyle. Be careful about chastity play; women tend to grow to love it and the control along with behavior modification. They soon tire of playing games over time, and when that happens, she will know if she wants to continue with Chastity or not.

We started without any games. I agree that there is limited long-term potential for game playing alone. It seems to me that this will only work in the long term if she finds genuine benefits in the lifestyle that make it worthwhile for her personally. This is one reason why I dislike the game-playing approach. While some argue that games provide your keyholder with ideas and insight, I am not so sure. Games tend to give the locked partner a way to act out hot chastity fantasies. While this is understandable, for a new keyholder it sets forced chastity up as "play" and thus may fail to create the necessary connection with full-time lockup. My approach was simply to present the idea of lockup to my wife. I explained what I was thinking: no complex fantasies, just that I wanted to be locked up and have her decide when I could orgasm. She agreed. The temptation was to start filling her in on how I imagined this would play out, but I am resisting. I suggested she might want to unlock me occasionally to check for sores or other issues as needed. I have avoided asking for an orgasm myself. I also made a point of giving her extra sexual and emotional attention. She surely understands that I am grateful for her locking me up. In the last three weeks, she has released me for 24 hours on two occasions because she found sores that needed healing. After being a "wild lion" for a day, I gently tell her that I miss my cage. She either says she will lock me later once the redness fades or agrees to do it right away. On her own initiative, she is catching on. Yesterday she sent me a text saying she loves me more than anything (we exchange this daily). I replied, "really?" and she answered with "aren't you caged?" That says it all; she is slowly getting into it. I know this won't be popular here, but I believe games represent a way to top from the bottom. It allows us to influence how our chastity works while letting her discover her own rhythm. Trust your partner to incorporate chastity into your lives naturally.

We also started with a Chore sheet which is still there for me to complete daily when I am not working, though small chores are expected. Dishes, cleaning, getting kids to school, etc. Now it is slowly becoming part of our routine and no longer influences Play or release directly; everything depends on my KH's choice now, and that was only 3 or 4 weeks ago. She is slowly figuring out what she likes from Chastity play and intends to take full advantage. GULP

> member_641b2ad8ff wrote: > I know this won't be popular here, but I believe that games represent a way to top from the bottom. It's a way to influence how your chastity will work. I am sure that the way to success is to let your partner discover her own games. Trust her to incorporate chastity into your lives. > Tame Lion, I'm with you on this. This are moving much slower than I would choose (my wife leaves me unlocked much more than locked) but it's important to me that we move at her pace so she is comfortable rather than me pushing her too fast. Some day she will stop feeling sorry for me and then I may get more than I bargain for. I look forward to finding out.

> member_c2f9e5cb5d wrote: > > member_641b2ad8ff wrote:I know this won't be popular here, but I believe that games represent a way to top from the bottom. It's a way to influence how your chastity will work. I am sure that the way to success is to let your partner discover her own games. Trust her to incorporate chastity into your lives. > > Tame Lion, I'm with you on this. This are moving much slower than I would choose (my wife leaves me unlocked much more than locked) but it's important to me that we move at her pace so she is comfortable rather than me pushing her too fast. Some day she will stop feeling sorry for me and then I may get more than I bargain for. I look forward to finding out. > In a way this is how we feel too... it takes the control away from me BUT that said, for women who aren't quite ready for the responsibility it can help them get going and not "give in". So I get it, it's helpful for some and just fun for others but still others feel they want complete control.:)

> member_641b2ad8ff wrote: > I know this won't be popular here, but I believe that games represent a way to top from the bottom. It's a way to influence how your chastity will work. I am sure that the way to success is to let your partner discover her own games. Trust her to incorporate chastity into your lives. > The problem with this discussion (as I see it), is that there seems to be an undercurrent of "There is only one 'right' way to do this." > It isn't true. What is right for one isn't necessarily right for another. There are some for whom some level of 'game' is appropriate and comfortable. For others, even 'topping from the bottom' may be an appropriate and satisfying experience for both partners. Then there are the 'purists', for whom only total control is acceptable. > The fact is that there is a scale, a range of positions and methods which vary depending on experience, comfort, personal preference, attitude, and even compromise. There is no 'one size fits all'.

I think that the under current is more of a wife truly accepting the basic psychological premise, not how they proceed thereafter. My wife started out not believing in chastity but doing it because she wanted to please me. It took time and work for her to "get it". Once she got it, I no longer had a say about how she would proceed. Does she do it like my mental picture? No. However, she understands the dynamics, psychology and physiology of chastity. Just the other night she gleefully exclaimed that she just loved the control she had over me. That feeling of control spilled over into all other areas of our life. Believe me, she does it all her way. I do understand that many men want their fantasy played out according to the script in their heads and are unhappy with less. I hear this from key holders all the time. With someone new to this, some topping from the bottom is necessary. The ability to relinquish total control to the key holder is necessary to continue in this lifestyle.

> The problem with this discussion (as I see it), is that there seems to be an undercurrent of "There is only one 'right' way to do this." I fully agree, Twisted. My KH and I don't enjoy roleplaying games and structured tasks, but I understand and respect those who like or need them as a portal to live out their desires.

It took my wife about a year to get in to the advantages but she is into it now. once she hears the click of the lock she is a different girl.

> member_1f353e1d87 wrote: > The problem with this discussion (as I see it), is that there seems to be an undercurrent of "There is only one 'right' way to do this." > It isn't true. What is right for one isn't necessarily right for another. There are some for whom some level of 'game' is appropriate and comfortable. For others, even 'topping from the bottom' may be an appropriate and satisfying experience for both partners. Then there are the 'purists', for whom only total control is acceptable. > The fact is that there is a scale, a range of positions and methods which vary depending on experience, comfort, personal preference, attitude, and even compromise. There is no 'one size fits all'. Of course every couple has to do it their way. I was just saying that my wife won't continue if it's just a game, and I don't want to have to top from the bottom continually. We talk lots and I expect a slow build up until she decides when she's ready. I don't know how long it will take, and I don't know what to expect when it happens, but either we go at her pace or it will all fizzle out.

Till a couple of years back, my wife always felt that I had an affair. Her suspicion built to such a level that we were about to break-up. There was no way I could prove my loyalty towards her. Till that time I knew nothing about chastity. When I read about male chastity on the internet, I knew this is the only way I could convince her. So on one weekend outing I introduced this subject to her. It took her some time to get convinced that by keeping me locked 24x7, it is practically impossible for me to have an affair. Then she instantly accepted the idea. Then we ordered the steel cage & she locked me the very day it arrived. It took me a few weeks to get used to staying locked 24x7. Till this time, none of us had ever thought that it would add up to the excitement in our sexual life. For the first few months, she would release me only for shaving, and that too in her presence. Gradually all her suspicion melted down, our relations improved, and we started having sex which we realized was far more intense as all my energy was stored for her. Simultaneously, I was transformed from a stubborn husband to a submissive, caring husband. She more than welcomed this change. Today, we are much closer to each other than we were before. She enjoys me taking care of her in all aspects. Once a week she thanks chastity lifestyle for saving our marriage.

> member_1f353e1d87 wrote: > > member_641b2ad8ff wrote:I know this won't be popular here, but I believe that games represent a way to top from the bottom. It's a way to influence how your chastity will work. I am sure that the way to success is to let your partner discover her own games. Trust her to incorporate chastity into your lives. > The problem with this discussion (as I see it), is that there seems to be an undercurrent of "There is only one 'right' way to do this." > It isn't true. What is right for one isn't necessarily right for another. There are some for whom some level of 'game' is appropriate and comfortable. For others, even 'topping from the bottom' may be an appropriate and satisfying experience for both partners. Then there are the 'purists', for whom only total control is acceptable. > The fact is that there is a scale, a range of positions and methods which vary depending on experience, comfort, personal preference, attitude, and even compromise. There is no 'one size fits all'. Like pretty much everything in life, variation is infinite. My point is that you have scenarios in mind in the beginning. But they are *your* fantasies not hers. In many cases we men are supercharged to live out our sexual dreams. If I am to surrender, then I, by definition, must surrender how the chastity will play out. I got her to lock me up. The rest is up to her. She has the key. Let her keep it.