fresh guidelines for men's chastity routine

My wife agreed to my idea of male chastity and mostly plays the part for my sake (though I suspect she’s realizing she gets plenty of attention and orgasms herself). Essentially, she rarely proposes or creates rules on her own… so I was thinking of proposing these ones, hoping they spark her fantasy:

• Generally, I am allowed to cum every X days (for now, X=7 days, but it might increase later).
• Every time I mess up in a way that annoys her, I pick up a black marble.
• Every time I do something really well, I get a white marble. Each black marble adds 2 days to the wait for my next orgasm. Each white marble subtracts 1 day from the wait for my next orgasm. When it’s time for release:
• If there are more than twice as many white marbles as black ones, I can have a full orgasm inside her;
• If there are fewer than twice as many white marbles as black ones, I get a ruined orgasm
• If the ratio is exactly two-to-one (white to black), I roll a dice for my release: 1=fast handjob 2=slow handjob 3=regular handjob with gloves 4=vibrator 5=frenulum stimulation with finger 6=frenulum stimulation with chopstick After each release, the marble count resets to zero. If something prevents me from releasing on that day (for example illness, tiredness, being busy), it gets pushed back to the next day or until I can… no extra benefits for waiting. What do you think?

Sounds cool but it's pretty centered around you and your orgasms. I obv don't know your wife but her logical question might be "what's in it for me?"

I think that some guys get very involved in setting up rules and situations, and some women really get turned off by it because to them, it's just more things to keep track of. You want to demonstrate that this is something that can be fun for the both of you, so you need to find out what would make it fun for *her*. Hell, I personally find the various rules and schedules that I see some guys making up, and *I* get turned off by the complexity. If you want your wife to participate more, you need to ask her what would motivate her to participate more.

Hmm, I understand your points of view and probably you are right. However, since she did never demonstrated very much interest (she does the denial thing to me only in the months when I ask her to do it) then she might need some suggestion... I mean, she says that everithing is fine for her... She is always afraid of exagerating when she denies me, she is quite permissive and if I propose sex to her she almost never refuse, but if I do not offer she does not ask. I do not know if I am explaining well the situation, English language is a barrier for me since I am not that fluent.

I agree with Tom. In our case, it was a big leap for Mrs Lion to just manage my chastity and orgasms. Elaborate rules and stuff I think tend to be entertaining to some men, but I would guess most keyholders won't feel good about them.

Personally I think those things adding time to this or that is ultimately taking some of the control away from a kh. Maybe some don't want the control at all but for me, I like to do what I want when I want and for as long as I want... I don't want a marble or some dice or whatever dictating when he can or can't cum. I wish you luck, maybe that is something your kh would like to take the pressure off of her.

Might as well get a set of DnD dice and play like that. Roll 6d24 for chance at orgasm:) But if the yellow cube is facing north then you must hop on one foot while singing row row row your boat until you roll 3, 17s. Of course this can only be done on the second Tuesday of every Month that contains the letter "R". The months that do have the letter "R" in then you can use a magic 8 ball to determine if you are even allowed to roll the dice. Leap years are an entirely different story...

> Lady M wrote:... I don't want a marble or some dice or whatever dictating when he can or can't cum. > I wish you luck, maybe that is something your kh would like to take the pressure off of her. I am not fluent in English but I am sure I did not write that the dice is dictating when I cum. The decision to assign the black or white marble is up to her, not to the dice. Anyway, I suggested those rules to her and she was very enthusiastic. She likes rules because otherwise she fills guilty for denying me.

> member_4d8b2f86af wrote:Sounds cool but it's pretty centered around you and your orgasms. I obv don't know your wife but her logical question might be "what's in it for me?" So true!:ugeek:

> member_fed34979dd wrote:I suggested those rules to her and she was very enthusiastic. She likes rules because otherwise she fills guilty for denying me. If this is working for the two of you then it's great. You might find later that you have moved on to something different that motivates you both. We have in the past used dice or drew cards to determine either the lock up time or what would either happen or not happen. Heck, I even have a spinning wheel app on my phone so that if the spirit moved her we could play anywhere. We seldom use anything now. She many times didn't like the outcome of any of the games we played so what was the point in playing.

> Lady M wrote:I don't want a marble or some dice or whatever dictating when he can or can't cum. This is *exactly* the attitude that Mrs. Edge has. But... > member_fed34979dd wrote:Anyway, I suggested those rules to her and she was very enthusiastic. She likes rules because otherwise she fills guilty for denying me. This is a pretty good point: Some women really dont' want to feel like they are being mean, cruel, or a bitch. That being the case, using dice, lotto numbers, or some random factor takes the responsibility from their hands. It allows them to say "See, I'm not really a cocktease - it's just that you didn't earn enough points this week."

> member_fed34979dd wrote: > > Lady M wrote:... I don't want a marble or some dice or whatever dictating when he can or can't cum. > > I wish you luck, maybe that is something your kh would like to take the pressure off of her. > I am not fluent in English but I am sure I did not write that the dice is dictating when I cum. > The decision to assign the black or white marble is up to her, not to the dice. > Anyway, I suggested those rules to her and she was very enthusiastic. She likes rules because otherwise she fills guilty for denying me. Kunst, I was just making a point that *I* want to be the one in control not a system of rules... I prefer it to be whatever my mood happens to be or whatever I'm personally trying to accomplish our push him towards. However, that it's why I always say, whatever works for you IS the right way! If she wants this and lives the idea that is spectacular!! @Tom I swear, your wife and I would get along great:)

> Lady M wrote: > @Tom I swear, your wife and I would get along great:) ... which is why I'm never going to introduce the two of you.

When we were first starting out LRC couldn't get over her years of being told "The woman's place is to make her man happy." or "A man needs an orgasm to be happy and keep him at home." I couldn't get her to deny me so every time I was let out of the cage I knew an orgasm was going to happen. When I told her this wasn't what I wanted we came up with a dice roll. Odd number no, even number yes. After a string of bad (or good) luck I had three times without an orgasm. There was intercourse each time. After the third time a light went off and she said she didn't need the dice anymore. I think for some, games can help the KH get over the denial/guilt phase.

Thanks everybody for your advices. I think that we are lucky because we found a way to practice chastity that makes both of us happy. Maybe in the future we will not need anymore the rules, who knows. But I was wondering how does the keyholder decide when to release the man in chastity? Depending on her mood or what? And how do you establish an approximate duration of the denial time? Some is saying that my game is centred around male orgasm, but at the end we are talking about male chastity, so denying the orgasm and then all is about the male orgasm (or non-orgasm). So, what is the non-rule or rule that is behind your decision? I am asking to keyholders, or males who can reply on behalf of them.

The simple answer is: whatever your keyholder wants your keyholder gets.:) As for how I decide... well sometimes it's the goal of "going longer than the last time" and sometimes it's a special day (birthday, holiday or anniversary) that I aim for and other times I'll just want it. Hehe For us, it's easier for cagedmonkey to have a Maybe Day so he doesn't obsess and irritate me daily asking if today is the day. Instead he knows it could be any day but that we are aiming at going to a certain date. Even Maybe Day (as it's named) isn't a definite orgasm but rather a day I will consider giving him one. Hope that answers your question.:)

Before LRC and I got to where we are both comfortable, she would give me a date before she would consider an orgasm. If that day came and went I knew I still wasn't to say anything. Kind of like what Lady M was saying. We have now evolved to where there is no dates at all. I'm released from the cage and allowed an orgasm whenever LRC wants. I went from early February to the middle of April without the cage coming of. The orgasm didn't happen until May. I never complained or begged because I trusted LRC that this is what she wanted. Since May there's been over ten orgasms. The cage has been off for three weeks and I'm wearing a MM base ring with cock ring. LRC is hinting that it's time for another lock-up. I enjoy the unknown and it took awhile for LRC to learn it. We are now both happy with the way it works for us. When starting, communication both ways is the most important thing. Don't get fenced in to a routine that someone else tells you what it should be. Communicate with your KH and find what will work for both of you. There's one thing I had to learn; this is something I asked LRC for. I wanted her in charge. If I'm bugging her about an orgasm, that's me trying to control the arrangement. I am allowed to beg but it's on her terms. I'm allowed to be romantic, beg to satisfy her, kiss and hug her a lot. She uses these actions to gauge how desperate I am.

I like the idea of having a scheduled monthly 'Cum Day', which is anticipated and desired but not guaranteed- it is offered in conjunction with certain goals and/or 'rules' for behavior set by the KH. At the KH's discretion, 'Cum Day' may be delayed by one, two, or three weeks...or revoked for that month entirely if the goals are not met or 'rules' are broken...or even if she just wants to screw with you. The 'training program' can be further modified by by pleasurable rewards (teasing) for correct behavior (or just because the KH enjoys T&D), which also increases the desire for orgasm (and provides more motivation for 'correct') behavior; and by punishments/penalties for incorrect behavior. This provides both positive and negative reinforcements for 'training' and behavior modification.

Ok. I have never been denied over ten days, but now it is going to happen. To empty balls, do you practice RO's at fixed intervals (i.e. ten days)?

> member_fed34979dd wrote:Ok. I have never been denied over ten days, but now it is going to happen. > To empty balls, do you practice RO's at fixed intervals (i.e. ten days)? Not necessarily however intense T&D sessions have the effect of producing a somewhat orgasmic feeling in me. I get the same effect from satisfying MK on a regular basis. Orgasms are overrated IMO

> member_4d8b2f86af wrote:[ > Not necessarily however intense T&D sessions have the effect of producing a somewhat orgasmic feeling in me. I get the same effect from satisfying MK on a regular basis. > Orgasms are overrated IMO Presently 66 days going till Christmas with no full orgasm, like LockedandLoved said orgasms are way over rated and over in a short time. The best part is the tease & denial, being on that edge actually getting your satisfaction from her orgasms. Just knowing she is happy and satisfied keeps me in a happy state of horniness and desire to please her even more. To each his own but not knowing when I will cum again being teased denied and horny is what some of us desire from this lifestyle. Having a KH who understands and enjoys this also is what we wish for. My wife / KH started slow, but that seems to be changing fast. Good luck and enjoy the ride

Exactly how i feel LOCKED HUSBAND, well put.

As someone already said, most of these contracts and rules revolve around the one writing it. It is pretty much an owner's manual that lists all the things that turn you on and how they are to treat you and act. Of course, it is all for their benefit, not yours.:) The biggest mistake we make is assuming that our wives share our fantasy. Often they do not. The best way for long term success is to let your wife dominate you the way she wants to. My wife is mostly submissive to me but dominant in certain areas that she is comfortable being dominant in. I know it sounds crazy but it works for the both of us. We drift in and out of our D/s roles as the mood strikes us. After 4 decades, I think that we found what works for us.

> member_a0dda63003 wrote:As someone already said, most of these contracts and rules revolve around the one writing it. It is pretty much an owner's manual that lists all the things that turn you on and how they are to treat you and act. Of course, it is all for their benefit, not yours.:) The biggest mistake we make is assuming that our wives share our fantasy. Often they do not. The best way for long term success is to let your wife dominate you the way she wants to. My wife is mostly submissive to me but dominant in certain areas that she is comfortable being dominant in. I know it sounds crazy but it works for the both of us. We drift in and out of our D/s roles as the mood strikes us. After 4 decades, I think that we found what works for us. Well said The rule follower cannot be the rule maker. It's like letting the inmates run the asylum.

> member_4d8b2f86af wrote: > The rule follower cannot be the rule maker. It's like letting the inmates run the asylum. Unless the keyholder has no idea on how to set rules... which is my case! Listen, one day when I was supposed not to cum, after a long PIV session I asked my wife: if we had not set rules, tonight would you allow me to cum? She said: yes, because you are very horny. She admits that without rules she would have no idea on how to decide when I can cum. Maybe after some months with the rules she will have a clue...

> member_fed34979dd wrote: > > member_4d8b2f86af wrote: > > The rule follower cannot be the rule maker. It's like letting the inmates run the asylum. > Unless the keyholder has no idea on how to set rules... which is my case! > Listen, one day when I was supposed not to cum, after a long PIV session I asked my wife: if we had not set rules, tonight would you allow me to cum? She said: yes, because you are very horny. She admits that without rules she would have no idea on how to decide when I can cum. Maybe after some months with the rules she will have a clue... I agree, in situations where the male introduces the concept to a female who has no previous experience or knowledge of it, it can be necessary to 'prime the pump'. I had to do the same, in the beginning. However, I took care to write most of them as *suggestions*, both because Mrs. Twisted was not real keen on the idea of 'rules' that *she* had to follow, AND because *I* am not keen on the idea of *me* trying to tell *her* what to do- that would be 'topping from the bottom' and does not fit the scenarios of my fantasies. It doesn't turn me on to be in a situation where she is simply doing what I tell her to do, so most of my 'rule writing' was in the format of "The Mistress has the RIGHT to..." or "The Mistress is ENTITLED to..." In my opinion, this format is a good method of providing some education and knowledge without taking the form of a set of instructions that she must follow. It provides her with the freedom to choose what it is that *she* wants to do, and leaves some element of surprise for the male. Of course, when I wrote such 'rules' they naturally pandered to my fantasy ideas of what the experience should be like and the sort of things that turned me on, but there was no requirement that she *had* to do what was written so I would have no idea of what she might actually do. I felt that this was the most ideal method of providing her with some idea of what she *could* do if she wished to but still giving her the freedom to pick and choose, to be free to expand the scope in the future, and to make up new rules of her own as she became more experienced and comfortable and came to understand what it was that *she* enjoyed. And, it provided *me* with the opportunity to be surprised and to *not* be 'in control'. To truly not be in control is the root of the eroticism of my fantasies, not simply having a woman do x, y, or z to me. The only form of 'control' that I want to retain is in the relatively short list of 'Hard Limits'- those things that I absolutely do not want to occur (and, actually, several of these become available as 'penalty options' in the event of certain forms of 'disobedience', and since I absolutely don't want them to happen they can be very effective in her implementation of control and power). Do I think it would be exciting if she were to do everything that I wrote down? Of course. But do I want her to do it just because I wrote it? Nope, absolutely not. I want her to do what she wants, because *she* wants to do it, not because *I* might 'want' her to do it (is that clear as mud, or what?). The exception to this is that at certain times she might give me a 'gift' of following the guidelines of a fantasy scenario I have written. This has actually provided her, on at least on occasion, with the ability to discover something that has turned *her* on, that she would not previously have thought was something she might want to do.

Very well put TwistedMister, we have no rules I have only confessed to my kinks and things I would like. She has been reading and moving at her own pace, I'm a very patient person and from our talks I believe she is very happy with the results she receiving from me being locked and denied. We both found our communication has helped our journey. All of this would be in vain if she didn't get as much or more enjoyment and emotion than we had before. There definitely has to be something for both of you or it's not worth it.

Meh I don't know I find the more I lay off MK for my "demands" the more she surprises me and takes more control. My point was that if She is in charge then how can I be the one deciding what's what. Conversation about it? Sure. Me making the decisons and Her acquiescing? No

> member_1f353e1d87 wrote: It doesn't turn me on to be in a situation where she is simply doing what I tell her to do I'm with you on this one. Not wanting to top from the bottom I have at times suggested some things when asked but it's just not the same as being surprised. > member_1f353e1d87 wrote:To truly not be in control is the root of the eroticism of my fantasies 8-)

Mrs. Lion is not a "rules" person. However, one of my kinks is to have rules and receive discipline. We tried using my suggestions and that failed miserably. Mrs. Lion needs to figure out how she wants to run my sex life. So far I have a very short list of rules which I obey. When it comes to orgasms, she knows how I feel, but if she wants me to come, then I do. We haven't including "holding off" as part of my routine. She owns edging and other activities. If she goes too far I get a ruined or full orgasm. This is her preference. I've asked her if she wants me to try and hold back. So far, this doesn't interest her. Let's face it, this is a two way street. All I can do is let her know what I would like to try/do. She has to make the decision as to whether she wants to impose a rule. I'm more than a little surprised at some of the very elaborate "games" that some have said that their keyholders play. The OP's first post outlined one that I find difficult to believe. I guess that complex rules are reasonable in a short term chastity play. But, based on my experience I doubt any couple can do this on a continuous basis for long term chastity. For those who have been caged for more than 6 months, what rules do you have? What penalties does your keyholder impose? We would like to explore possibilities.

The first month has elapsed. We applied the rules that I suggested (not dictated!). Now, October is starting and I asked my wife if she want to change something or estabilish new rules or make a pause or whatever. She said: NO! We will continue following the rules... What can I say... she likes this way of doing chastity, and she does not want to stop. The only drawback is that in this way I do not get any active teasing: she wants to have PIV sex almost every night, and that is my teasing: I always get very close to cum but I am getting very good in self control. I will keep you updated.