How did your keyholder come on board?

Hi. I’ve gone through most of the discussions on this site. I’m curious if there was a particular thing you said to your kh that suddenly clicked for her, helping her understand what it’s all about and decide it might be worth trying just for her benefit, not merely to please the submissive partner. Right now, when I try explaining, my method changes every time instead of sticking to one approach; perhaps I get nervous, mumble, and become flustered. I’ve ordered the keyholders guide which should help a bit. The CD has been on for 3 days, but since I didn’t have an orgasm 3 days before that, it’s actually day 6 now. I’m starting to notice she does so much more around the house than I do, along with quite a few other things too. Yesterday and today I’ve put in extra effort to be more useful, not just because I want her into key holding, but genuinely feeling that me trying this out makes me a better partner; hopefully, she will see it too. In any case, I’d love to hear how others have approached getting their partners involved in key holding Thanks Tom

> member_d309c3a090 wrote: > I'm just wondering if there is something specific you said to your kh that suddenly made her realise what this is all about. And made her think this might be worth a try for the sake of the kh. Not just pleasing the sub. Speaking from an opposing viewpoint here with some responsibility attached. I believe when you say things like "Locking me up will make me more helpful around the house," or 'I want this to be all about you,' you're actually sending mixed signals. First, most women would think, "You jerk, why can't you just be more helpful *now*, without needing kinky sex as a reward?" Second, it's really *not* entirely her benefit—it’s mostly about your kink and your desire to explore it. Instead, try being open and straightforward. Explain that you have this kink and would like for her to participate in it, promising that in return for her loving involvement, the two of you will work together to find an aspect that makes it enjoyable for her too. Since neither of you knows exactly what that might be initially, let it evolve naturally.

> member_d309c3a090 wrote:Hi I've read through the majority of the topics on here. > I'm just wondering if there is something specific you said to your kh that suddenly made her realise what this is all about. And made her think this might be worth a try for the sake of the kh. Not just pleasing the sub. Here’s an example where actions spoke louder than words. I started by telling my wife I had a problem: excessive masturbation was hindering our sexual experience in bed. It wasn't really an issue when we were younger, but now that I'm in my late 50s, my responsiveness has dropped. So, this became the solution I found to make our lovemaking more pleasurable whenever it happened. We didn’t realize at first how much benefit we’d both get from it. Our communication continues as usual; there wasn't some overnight magic word that fixed everything instantly.

First off, I’m not speaking from years of deep experience—we’re still fairly new to this and learning as we go. I’ve always prioritized pleasing her orally. Honestly, she has had the vast majority of my orgasms. It’s never been a top priority for me to cum during every encounter, even before starting this Chastity journey. Her only real complaint is that I tend to jump into sex faster than she prefers; I like cuddling afterward, while she likes cuddling first and then falling asleep after. Otherwise, our sex life is fairly vanilla. My recent issue has been maintaining hardness (I’m 52 years old), and occasional masturbation worsens this problem later on. I’ve started exercising more which has improved my staying power. I told my wife I wanted to experiment with various methods to increase that endurance further. I’m seeing a urologist later this week for proper medical advice, continuing my exercise routine, and being honest about masturbating while expressing my desire to stop doing so. I mentioned weeks ago that I was considering ordering one. We’re still in the learning phase—we got slightly hurt by getting the fit wrong recently. We were also out of the house for 5 days due to a long motorcycle trip. But we are looking toward the long term (especially me). So far, I know I need to cuddle more before sex just to get a chance at release; that’s a bonus for her. Plus, putting me back in keeps her awake afterward, which works well for me. She isn’t much of a dirty talker, but our communication has improved significantly lately, and she has actually started saying quite erotic things occasionally by accident. The drawback? I’m constantly thinking about her and sex while wearing the device 24/7. She doesn’t think about it all day every day. I am learning to back off acting like a dog greeting its owner with tongue hanging out. I believe we are in good shape if I can stop begging until she is ready for me to beg.:)

When we started about a year ago, neither of us knew much about chastity. We saw the devices available in various online stores and I suggested to her that we might have some fun with it. She agreed, so we ordered our first device. It turned out to be far more exciting than we anticipated. No regrets at all.

We were in a phase of experimenting with different things when I showed LRC the CB2000 in a Stockroom magazine. We decided to order it. It began as a weekend sex game and continued for about six months. The first long period occurred when LRC went away for three days with her sister; she wanted me caged before leaving. When she returned, I asked, "Do you want the cage off?" She replied, "I'll let you know later. Don't bug me about it." It didn’t come off until the following weekend. And so, our chastity lifestyle officially began.

My KH is my girlfriend. I told her early on that I am a sex addict and wanted her to help manage it; chastity was one of the methods I chose. It started more as a kink than a remedy for a problem, but it has evolved over time. She has seen the benefits our relationship has gained from it, and she has grown into her role as keyholder. It hasn't been without its stops and starts though. The advice sounds cliché, but you really must start slowly and let her find her own way through it.

I agree with Tom. I don’t think it’s ever a great argument to say you want to try this because it will make you a better partner (fill in the blank). You can do that without locking up your cock anyway. My approach was more direct. I told Mrs. Lion that I had wanted to try enforced chastity for a long time and asked if she would indulge my kink. It really was that simple. She said "Yes" after asking several questions, the answers to which were often, "I don't know. We will have to figure it out as we go." I've been locked for over seven months now, and we are indeed figuring things out together.

Mine isn't necessarily driven by a desire to be a keyholder per se, but she does enjoy the power trip of saying I can’t cum and teasing me about it. I brought it up during a conversation about what we liked sexually, mentioning that I enjoyed going several days without cumming because it made things more intense for me and felt like deeper connection with my partner. So she agreed to try it. She quickly realized (after having 6 orgasms that night and 2 the next morning) that my desire was through the roof and, without a letdown phase interfering, she could benefit too. And she has. In one month, I’ve had 4 orgasms: 2 with her and two alone. Anyway, I think the best approach is to focus on how it benefits them personally and let them decide the parameters. Most women aren't naturally dominant nor do they fully understand why we want denial. But if you focus on how it helps the relationship and specifically her, she will likely be willing to try it. Like mine, some may not want the physical role of keyholder or using a cb6000 24/7, but for me, having to ask someone for permission is usually enough because I want the "game" to continue; I am happy to play by her rules. After all, if we are making all the rules and enjoying our own fantasies exclusively, what’s in it for her?