Life Disrupted

I’m part of that “millennial” group everyone complains about. Ever since college, I’ve sent out thousands upon thousands of job applications. Not a single interview yet. It’s been years on end. I’ve taken odd jobs, put together Ikea furniture, worked short-term gigs and temp assignments. And volunteered too. At home, I was depressed and useless. Distracted. I’d apply for jobs while playing Call of Duty, acting completely worthless. Totally hopeless. My wife and I would go out together. She has a wonderful career where she isn’t paid enough but can talk endlessly about her work. Then they’d look at me and ask the question I dread: “What do you do?” I’d stumble over an answer. I never wanted to say “I’m unemployed.” Sometimes people were sympathetic and gave me cards. I’m quite personable, and folks like me. But no matter how many connections I built who would vouch for me, the interviews didn’t come through. The references meant nothing. So depression set in and uselessness followed. My wife works hard, but I wasn’t even pulling my weight with housework. So some time ago, she decided I was going into chastity until employment found me. It’s fixed quite a bit. First is the marriage. My wife wasn’t happy before, but now she holds the reins. She comes home to find the house clean and dinner cooking. She can relax without worrying about laundry or cleaning or anything else. In the morning, right after her alarm goes off, I bring her coffee. She’s content again. I’ve made her happy. She’d been too exhausted for sex lately. That was a strain on us. But now it doesn’t matter. Things happen according to her terms and timeline. It’s about her happiness, and my joy comes from making hers. Secondly, the depression lifts somewhat. I felt utterly worthless. Completely so. My wife earned the money; I was just… spare parts in an economy that couldn’t care less about me or other men it has deemed unworthy of work. The shame of not contributing as a man was immense. And I still feel it. But now, it’s useful. I channel that shame into my psyche and use it to justify why I deserve this life. Essentially, I deserve to be a slave. If I can’t serve outside the home, I’ll serve inside. It requires some rewiring. A lot of it. It flips traditional gender roles on their heads. If I were the out-of-work woman and she the man, none of this would matter. There’d be no social stigma; I could just be a good little housewife and life would be fine. But I’m not a girl; I’m a guy. I’m supposed to be the breadwinner, the one who works, allowed neither weakness nor vulnerability while my wife provides economically. I’m supposed to join the military because that’s what men do when other options vanish. Every time I catch a judgmental look or hear a sharp remark, I want to scream, “I don’t want to be unemployed! Give me any damn job right now and I’ll take it.” The only guys who ever truly understood this were union members. During the Occupy movement, I was hanging with friends in Portland when one union guy approached us and said, “You know what? You folks need jobs. Go get a damn job.” And I replied: “Do you know where to find them? You’re in a union. Give me a position. Right now. I’ll start today. I’ll load boxes onto trucks or shovel gravel—whatever you need.” He said he couldn’t help, but he understood our protest. If we had jobs, we’d be busy with them. We are angry because we lack them. But none of that matters anymore. I apply for the jobs she tells me to apply for. I do what I’m told. I wear what I’m told. I haven’t shed all the negativity, but I’ve refocused it into service. The other day, a progressive lefty guy I follow said on his radio show, “Some men out of work today will never have jobs again.” He was talking about automation and robotics. Maybe that’s true. Perhaps I’ll never get the chance to work. But whatever happens, my marriage is saved. My wife is happy. I’m ashamed of how low I’ve fallen, but at least I can help someone else build their life and make it better. And this shame… it’s bearable now. I still fear society won’t understand that this is good, helpful, cures my depression, and saves our marriage. Especially the raunchier parts. I’m not allowed to wear clothes indoors, expected to keep a plug in place and wear a collar. That would freak people out. But I’ve found peace here. If this becomes my life—if all there is—is fine by me. Because it’s no longer about me.

Ouser, does this mark the beginning of your CF blog? Please check out the link: the archived discussion

> member_381064b05f wrote:Ouser, does this mark the beginning of your CF blog? > Please check out the link: > the archived discussion I've read through it. I think I posted in the wrong spot originally. I was hoping for a proper discussion about this topic. Where should I have placed my post?

I've moved this thread to the General forums.

Ouser, Here's my opinion. Be warned though—it might cost you more than just a couple of dollars to buy that coffee refill. First off, it took courage to share your situation—well done. Secondly, stop waiting for someone else to make things happen regarding employment. Find something you are passionate about that people actually want or need, and learn everything you can about it—you don't necessarily need formal training right away. I'll suggest three paths; if pursued with passion, they could help you start your own venture, taking a step toward independence. This takes time and patience. Consider learning human physiology and anatomy to become a massage therapist. Imagine hearing your wife tell others how skilled your hands are. Both of you would appreciate the double meaning. Dive into home security and personal defense weapons, martial arts, state laws, etc. By the way, sell the Xbox or whatever else is taking up space and transition back to reality. Your wife may control your body, but you can show your love by being able to protect her from anything. Explore welding and working with metal—especially stainless steel. Build a better MC device. Come up with something unique. Not sure what story your wife tells her friends yet—maybe you're an artist who "suffers" for his craft. Any of these could provide a foundation for getting hired in a related field. Hospitals always need nurses. Become a gunsmith or shipwright—the sky's the limit. You mentioned college, but since no one is hiring you now, either your major was somewhat worthless or your expectations are too high (though working at Ikea suggests it might not be the latter). In my view, trades hold more value for most people than degrees. Occasionally, I hire help myself. Based on what you've described, I see why no one has hired you yet—you currently have little to commend yourself—but YOU can change that. One thing you can do right now to set your course straight is read "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." Even if you disagree with the message, it will challenge your thinking and break you out of your rut. Regarding MC (Male Chastity), since I don't see it as a permanent lifestyle but rather a game, I believe you'll enjoy it more for both of us if you bring your best self to the table. The best version of you can still serve her well while pleasing herself too. Just saying.

> From what you've described I understand why no one has hired you—you currently have little to commend yourself but YOU can change that. Yeah, I don't accept the whining of "no one will give me a job," neither from myself nor others. Through tough economic times, I've ALWAYS found work when I wanted it. It's about finding what needs doing and being willing to do it. Sometimes this meant taking jobs I didn't love for less than minimum wage (because employers were exploiting the system while competing with immigrants happy to work for less). Other times working "under the table," sometimes creating my own roles as self-employed, or taking positions outside my knowledge/experience but bullshitting my way in and proving I could learn—and do it better than anyone else despite knowing zilch initially. If you wait for someone to "give" you something, you'll always be dependent. If you want something, go out there, demand it, take it. That's how the world works naturally. Don't listen to the imbeciles in Occupy groups or living wage advocates and other whiners; they are entitlement-minded losers who believe a certain standard of living should be handed to them on a silver platter simply because they exist. If left to their devices, we'd end up under communist/socialist rule by figures like Trotsky, Lenin, and Marx. No doubt they'll find new things to complain about shortly, as we know how those systems play out. "7 Habits" is good too. Also Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends And Influence People," plus works by W. Clement Stone, Og Mandino, Napoleon Hill, and David J. Schwartz. Oh, and the book "Who Moved My Cheese" (can't recall the author right now).

Dear Ouser, I think very much like twistedmister. Funny enough, while reading your post, I immediately thought of the books he recommended before even seeing his response. You want to be THE MAN? Go out there and do it! Building something takes time. I had a dream and set goals long ago. No one ever told me I couldn't achieve them. I washed toilets, mopped floors, made pizzas, sold door-to-door, went back to school. Now, over 30 years later, I have a thriving business and profession with 20 employees. I love my work and the people I collaborate with. Walt Disney was rejected by investors more than 300 times before someone bought into his dream. The thing many of us older folks dislike about your generation is their sense of "entitlement." I hope you don't share that attitude. You can gain a foothold in interviews by proving to employers that *you* hate entitlement too. How? By doing what I did: work hard and outperform everyone around you. The problem is your parents spoiled much of this American generation, losing some qualities we were once admired for. It's up to you to change that. Be grateful for living in this country and having a supportive wife (and hopefully family). I'd also add Tony Robbins' "power talk" series as an essential starting point. I make all my employees listen to parts of it. If depression persists, get medication, see a counselor, and create a plan. Depression sucks and will ruin your marriage. Best of luck. You have plenty of good advice here. Funny that so many successful people practice chastity, isn't it?

Hear, Hear, MrCage

Absolutely agree with the replies here. I also find Ouser's lack of response to them very telling. I'm equally curious about this wife who decides to lock up her husband until he gets a job??????? Not sure how she reached that conclusion, unless we missed part of the story.

> member_2ac866846d wrote:I'm equally curious about this wife who decides to lock up her husband until he gets a job??????? Not sure how she reached that conclusion :lol::lol: It would work the other way around for me. "You want me to be your Keyholder? Find a job first, then we'll talk." 8-)

> member_3ae6f16cde wrote:Funny that so many successful people practice chastity, isn't it? Not really surprising. People who know how to get what they want often end up in positions of power. It's not uncommon for some powerful individuals to desire relief from the burden of responsibility for a time and/or in certain ways. Some turn to BDSM/Power Exchange to satisfy that need. Being "in chastity" with a controlling "keyholder" can equate to a form of BDSM/Power Exchange. Those accustomed to success are also successful at arranging situations that allow them the loss of control/power exchange they desire. Therefore, it's quite unsurprising.