A Long-Winded Introduction from a Newcomer

Hi everyone! I am thrilled to join this forum as a new member. Whenever I’ve had questions, Google has guided me here, so even though I haven’t been super active, it feels like I belong already. First off, I think this place is fantastic! I read the rules about what belongs where, and the mix of seriousness, openness, and welcoming vibes is amazing. I registered mostly because I have some (or maybe many) questions for you all. I’ll save very specific ones for other threads, but I want to ask a few here too. Since early posts are moderated, I’ll let the mods decide if this counts as a new thread or fits in the “Hello world” section. I decided on one big post because it has several questions and ended up being quite long (apologies!). I am a man approaching 30 with a deep interest in chastity and female-led relationships. I’ve been in my first serious relationship for about two years now, though it is very far apart. We see each other roughly four times a year, usually spending a month together at a time. Our long-term goal is that I eventually move to her country. This brings me to my first question: I have always felt significant personal shame regarding my desires, and I am still grappling with it. Some days I embrace it; tomorrow I might feel very ashamed. Can anyone else here relate to this problem, and how did you handle it? I really want to accept myself for who I am. I know I won’t change fundamentally, and the simple idea of chastity brings me endless excitement. I haven’t told my girlfriend yet, and honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever find the courage. She is my true love, and I fear scaring her off. She lives in a country that remains quite male-chauvinistic and conservative. Men are expected to take charge (admittedly, I may be biased here, but I need to be honest about my perspective). She also lacks some confidence, which I am working hard to help “kill.” She is wonderful in every way. Since we met, I’ve tried to pamper her and make her feel like a princess, but our closest moments of FLR happen when I rub her feet or handle the household chores. She is very intelligent; she might suspect that I lean submissive, or perhaps she just thinks I am a nice guy (which I hope I am). So, my second question: if I want to slowly introduce her to the concept of FLR (introducing chastity directly might scare her initially), what would be the best approach? My current favorite idea is gifting her a book like “The Hesitant Mistress” and explaining that it helps her understand me better. I’d really appreciate some female perspective on this too. My girlfriend is definitely very sexual, and she enjoys teasing me slightly (which drives me wild with desire), but I am unsure how much further I can go before she sees me as “abnormal” (a term I consider quite neutral, by the way)… Part of me desperately wants to believe that she would enjoy having power over me while I am locked up; the other part fears scaring her. Since this forum focuses on chastity, I should mention that so far my only device has been a chrome CB6000s, but I am about to buy a new one (I will write another post with questions regarding that purchase). That is all for now. Thank you to everyone who reads my post!

Welcome! What a lovely introductory post. If you could please take a moment to say hello in the Hello World thread as well, that would be great! Then we can leave this one right where it is.:)

I will certainly do that! Thank you for the quick reply, Lady M!

You're welcome... and I did want to respond to one thing you asked. You mentioned the shame regarding your desires; this is something my husband struggled with for a very long time. Keeping it inside and not telling me about it almost destroyed our marriage. It might be good for you to message him and chat with him about it a bit. I'm not saying that telling a wife or girlfriend is the answer for everyone... You just need to know your partner, I suppose.

Thank you so much, Lady M, I will do that. I feel like keeping it inside, if not detrimental, creates a distance between us, and that is no good in any relationship. I am sorry to hear about his struggle, but at the same time, I am relieved to know others struggle with similar thoughts, and I am very happy to hear you two solved it.

If she enjoys teasing you....it might make sense to introduce chastity as a sexy game. Keep it light and fun. You can see if she enjoys it and build on that if it works for the two of you.

Thank you for your answer, MarcusXIII. Are you talking about chastity without a device (to start with)? In that case, that is a very good idea. I think I have the courage to tell her that I like it when she teases me. I have told her before, but I haven't specified that she can tease me without following up immediately, and that I would prefer that. I am actually traveling to see her in a few days now, so my heart is pounding every day. She is going through a very stressful period right now, so I definitely will not be "pushing" anything on her this trip, but maybe the next time we meet. Your idea, however, seems like something I can discuss with her.

Ruhtinatar, Welcome and what a great introduction! I also believe that approaching this as an "evening of fun game" rather than "hey will you lock me up in this until the next time we see each other" is the way to go. This is obviously something you have spent time thinking about. It might just take the wind out of her sails the first time you mention it. You know her better than we do, so watch and listen to her reaction when you bring it up. If you see signs that she is interested then plunge ahead. If she looks scared then it might be time to back off and proceed using baby steps. I pretty much botched it up when I approached my wife with this initially. Lucky for me she was open to give it a try. That was five years ago next week (I sprung this on her on April Fool's Day:lol: ) and I can honestly say it has gotten better and better for both of us. I wish you success in what you hope to achieve.

Thank you very much for your answer, locked4her55. I will definitely try not to overwhelm her in any way. I liked the idea of making it a game, and then if she seems to like it, taking one small step further. I am very happy to hear about you and your wife! I think there is a small part of me that is a little jealous of the success stories here too, but that is just my own nature.

Another idea to introduce some more sexual control on her part would be to ask her to let you come when you are having sex. For me, I often think that I would like to have sex for a long time and really give her everything she wants. But when I get close it's more difficult to hold on to that decision. And once I'm done it's all over. But if she lets me know when it's ok to come it makes it much easier to focus on her. From there it's not far to play more with orgasm control. From my experience some women find this very strange at first but others love it from the very beginning.

Thank you, Lucard! For some reason I do not think I would have difficulties doing that. It's a great idea! When we have sex, if possible, I always let her come first (some few times she just wants me to come). I love when she is satisfied, and her satisfaction turns me on a hundredfold more, but I guess I don't have to explain that to anyone here:) If I actually have the courage to try out any of these ideas, I will write back to you here. I really appreciate all the inputs!

> member_fd7f9dccef wrote: From my experience some women find this very strange at first but others love it from the very beginning. When my husband told me about his interest in chastity, I was not completely unaware of it. I had at least some idea but I did think it was weird; I mean who wants their dick locked in a cage and still have sex? It took me four months and lots of research to realize that chastity is not at all about NOT having sex! This was very important because that's what I thought... I was wondering why my husband wouldn't want to have sex with me - not knowing that chastity actually weirdly has us having more sex than we ever had before haha. Go figure! :)

Yes...that is why I want to do this one baby step at a time. I am afraid that my girlfriend will think that there is something wrong with her, which is definitely not the case. And I have the impression from many posts on this forum that for many women (maybe men too), the idea has to mature for some months. Since I only see my girlfriend one month at a time, I cannot drop a bomb on her and then just leave.

> member_ea145ecf75 wrote: Since I am only seeing my gf one month at a time, I cannot drop a bomb on her and then just leave. Dropping bombs, verbal or otherwise, tends to have a destructive effect. Best to ease into it gradually. I have always been someone who makes sure that the lady gets off first, at least once; it just seemed like the polite thing to do. Plus, it seemed to me that the anticipation built up while delaying my own gratification made it that much better. In part, 'chastity', using a device is an extension of that. You might begin with some fun sex-play, in which you indicate that you have a desire to please her several times before you get *your* jollies, and that you would like her to 'tease' you a bit before she gets you off- and she gets to decide just how much teasing and how long you wait before she 'allows' you to orgasm. In another step along this path, you could express a desire that she restrain your hands and 'tease' you for a period of time before 'allowing'/causing you to orgasm. If she is at all 'playful', she may find this approach appealing...and if she does, then you have paved the way for further exploration- extending the time and expanding the concept, allowing her to slowly realize the pleasures and benefits available to her (in addition to the sense of 'control' that she may enjoy), allowing her to gradually come to terms with the fact that you find this sort of play pleasurable and desirable. Eventually, when she has become comfortable with the concept of enjoying her own pleasure while teasing, delaying, and controlling *yours*, she may be more likely to be receptive to the idea of using a physical device/restraint to enhance this play. Of course, your approach must be tailored to her and your personalities and there is no way that we can advise you on how to best accomplish this.

Thank you for your input, TwistedMister! I could not agree more with you on chastity being an extension of delayed gratification. I would love it if I could just see a hint of joy in her eyes when teasing me, because she knows that she has the control. I would love even more if one day I could log into this forum and tell all of you that "today she put me in chastity". I am trying all the time, however, to factor into my hopes that she might not like any of this at all, and in the end she is infinitely more important. But wow....I'd be happy if she'd be happy with this.:)

Ruhtinatar, Ever heard the phrase "slow and steady wins the race". Don't be in a sprint to get locked up, and you have a special circumstance dealing with the lack of time spent together. I believe I speak for many here that would tell you that this won't happen overnight. Took months for us.

No, hehe, I will not rush anything, locked4her55. I doubt I will even bring up the idea of a chastity device before we live together, and even then I will (try to) be very patient.