london1980 The Start Of It All

I’ve just locked myself up. It’s not my first time, but it is the first time I’m doing it on command. And for me, this will last a good while. Maybe not everyone else here feels that way, but it does.

Chastity has been part of my life for years, usually in short bursts or just overnight. I’ve only taken it out to town a handful of times. Even when I’m with my girlfriend (and some ex-boyfriends—I am bisexual), I stay locked only temporarily.

My girlfriend lives overseas right now, but we meet up every couple of weeks. We have a wonderful relationship; I feel very fortunate. I’ve always been submissive, and she’s gradually learned the ropes. Before her, I was firmly in the sub role, though these days we switch things up. Still, she definitely has a growing dominant side.

When we parted this time, she gave me an order: lock myself in as soon as I get home, and don’t take it off until she arrives eleven days from now—next Thursday. I used one of those plastic numbered locks that have been sitting unused for ages. The rule is to send her a picture each day.

I tend to masturbate frequently. When we’re together, we have sex daily, but when apart, I watch plenty of porn as well. As mentioned, my previous limits were just a few hours; rarely do I go more than 24 hours without ejaculating.

This is going to be quite the experience. I’ll keep you posted here. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. J

Today involved a lot of heavy lifting in various forms. A colleague and friend stopped by to discuss work matters, then I went out to run errands. Later on, I hauled a sofa halfway up the stairs (it’s still stuck there mid-way; I’ll deal with it later) before hiring a van. I drove across town, picked up another sofa, brought it home, carried it up two flights of stairs, and put it together. All while locked. Hi, that was my day. Earlier on, I kept one eye open for the kinky side of the web: FetLife, TVChix, Recon, Yahoo Messenger. I downloaded the book by Ivey Green that someone else here recommended, planning to send it over to my girlfriend. I grabbed some other files too. Typical online activity while working from home. It was enjoyable; getting a bit aroused and reminding myself that there’s nothing I can do about it feels good. I know I’m quite high-drive sexually. The biggest thing on my mind regarding chastity right now isn’t the inability to ejaculate, but rather not being able to go out and have sex with someone else. In the two years I’ve been with her, we haven’t done that yet, although we talk about it often. It wouldn’t ruin things if I did; we’re playful like that. But I used to—and still think—I could. Right now, however, I can’t. The lock is a promise to her. It wasn’t meant to be entirely about her, but right now it certainly feels that way. My reward for today’s efforts (besides the new sofa) was a text from her saying she’d decided to make herself climax at least once every day while I’m stuck. She went for the nastier stuff possible. Today’s message described it as: "Hardcore public humiliation gay kind of attack thing... Lots of cock in mouth tied up beaten and whimpering right up your street." She knows me well.

Sometimes I barely notice it; other times, it’s all I can think about. It heightens my sexuality constantly—I mean, how can you not be thinking about sex when you’re always feeling yourself shift inside that small cage?—but at the same time, it dampens it: I know I struggle to get an erection, so I just move on. Occasionally, I find myself more focused on work and daily life than ever before. Cycling wasn’t too bad today, though not entirely pleasant either. It was okay, but I dislike public exposure; I assumed everyone could tell by the way I pedaled strangely, or perhaps because my panties were riding up at the back. These are those moments where the awareness is constant. Tonight, while camming, it felt like my cock vanished from consciousness, and suddenly my whole body became sexual territory. That’s the best part; that’s why I enjoy this. What Anita Phillips argues in "A Defence of Masochism" (my paraphrase) is that BDSM extends eroticism beyond just the genitals to cover the entire body. We embody sex. By securing the genitals, everything else becomes genitalized, becoming sex itself.

I went to the sea and took a dip in the ocean. I changed on the beach under a towel. On the train ride back, I spent about four hours reading stories from the Nifty Archive. Incredibly horny all of the time now. Despite being totally controlled, I feel completely free. Knowing that nothing truly disastrous can happen makes me feel like I’m capable of anything.