Chastity and PTSD

Hi everyone. This is my first “real” post here. The reason I joined was this very topic. I deal with severe, chronic PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Most people know it as the soldier’s illness, but any traumatic experience can cause it. Mine stems from having trauma and abuse throughout the first 20 years of my life due to changing “caregivers” and difficult events. For months now I’ve been reclaiming my life, fulfilling dreams, and becoming who I want to be. It’s tough but rewarding. Long term chastity is one of those goals I am pursuing. I joined this board specifically to discuss ptsd & chastity. Does anyone here have experience with it or similar issues? Do you believe mental illness and chastity can coexist? So far, my husbear and I experimented quite a bit with chastity, though unsuccessfully at first. That was before I truly understood PTSD. My fluctuating mental states made the long term commitment difficult. Now I want that steady commitment. I feel they are my next step toward improvement. They make me feel good, and I crave stability and reliability in everything. Now that I understand my symptoms, I am better equipped to handle my shifting emotions. Previously, chastity often ended because I became depressed and panicky—unrelated to the practice itself—and craved anything for release: alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, masturbation, etc. I’ve been smoke-free for 4 months now (down from a pack a day). I feel ready to try again. I am also worried that chastity causes stress. Stress doesn’t sit well with me. Do you think long term chastity can be done without too much negative stress? I crave it, but if it worsens my symptoms, I will have to let go. Our current agreement is that I do not stimulate my genitals or (very sensitive and erogenous) nipples in any way. I don’t want a chastity cage; I desire hands & device free chastity. It feels right for me. General chastity makes me feel very good: healthy, manly, disciplined, and perverted. Being horny makes me happy, and the post orgasm drop feels brutal to me. I am going on one week now. Yesterday was a tough day, but I didn’t break chastity, which is a first for me and leaves me feeling empowered today. Do you think an unstable person working on their mental health should engage in chastity play? So yes, I hope to start a discussion here. I could add more info and questions, but then no one would read them!:D

I appreciate your openness in sharing. I don’t suffer from PTsd myself but have high anxiety and occasional depression. Dealing with mental or emotional issues alongside **chastity** adds a new layer of challenge for me. I’ve ended several streaks due to both depression and anxiety. My advice is not to use these conditions as an excuse to end your **chastity**, unless you truly feel it is hurting you emotionally, in which case stopping temporarily is fine. Most importantly, don’t be too hard on yourself. Just accept what happens and try again when you are calmer. I’ve been using this approach with my girlfriend lately, and it has been much more fulfilling; I feel more connected and open as it brings up many emotions and talking points. Good luck! Wishing you the best.

> member_9d8f1b1bc5 wrote:... It just makes me very happy to be horny and the post **orgasm** drop feels brutal to me. Going one week now. Yesterday was a very bad day for me, but I did not break **chastity**, which was a first and makes me feel very empowered today. > Do you think an unstable person, working on his mental health, should engage in **chastity** play? Welcome to the forum GayBear. Keep in mind we aren't professionals; just sharing thoughts from our life experiences. I realize sometimes simply talking about something can be therapeutic. Your comment about the post **orgasm** drop is very common. The tension of the sexual high during denial seems to trigger it. When I go a while without an **orgasm**, it becomes all I want. Then when it happens, I regret it. Getting back that desperate feeling as soon as possible is what I desire. It took me a couple of years, but I've found I'm happiest when I am desperate. LRC took longer to understand and embrace this. Even though you didn't explicitly state it, your husbear sounds helpful. If true, that can be the best thing for your **chastity** experience. Perhaps you will find that stoking and edging places you in the mental state you desire. However, when doing this, you cannot control the urge for **orgasm**. This is a great time for your husbear to help you, and he may enjoy it too. I leave my strongest suggestion for last: search out a professional to talk with. At the first meeting, bring up **chastity** and how you feel it helps. If they seem uncomfortable, find another one. I believe a good professional should be able to assist with your problem. If **chastity** is helping you, I hope they can work this into the therapy.

I understand your concerns. Speaking from a similar experience, maybe this will help you some. Starting a few years back, I began developing a wide variety of emotions that felt out of control. It got increasingly bad and started having a very negative impact on my life. I lost motivation to do many things I enjoy and went into a depression-like state. All of this put serious strain on my relationship with constant fighting and lack of motivation. Getting into **chastity** was probably the best thing to remedy the issue. It helped build a higher level of trust between my keyholder and me. Also, it gives me a feeling of worth, accomplishment, confidence, and motivation knowing that every day when I wake up, I have a specific goal: keep my keyholder happy and satisfied. Receiving rewards such as words of encouragement, compliments, and obviously **release**, gives me a unique sense of reward. This achievement makes me want to do other things in life with the confidence to follow through.

> member_bc87d71103 wrote: I have ended a number of streaks due to depression and anxiety. My word of advice would be to not use it as an excuse to end your **chastity** but If you truly feel it is hurting you emotionally to stop temporarily. And maybe most importantly do not beat yourself up over it. Just accept it and try again when calmer. Thank you, that is good advice. In the past the pressure was sometimes too much, so we now set ourselves only short term goals. When I felt very bad, thinking about "2 more months" wasn't really processable by my mind and made me feel worse. Now it is a week at a time. My "unspoken" goal right now is to remain in **chastity** for half a year, but my husbear only keeps me in **chastity** for one week at a time. I will get a chance of **release** every weekend or every other and have to beg not to get an **orgasm** by his hands. This gives me more control, takes pressure off him, and makes me feel like a perverted beast, which is the goal. It’s basically "Let me show you how much I love you by staying in **chastity** as long as I can." It feels a bit like a competitive game. In the past we set longer goals, but it didn't work for me. The pressure was too much and I didn't feel progress after the first weeks. Now, every day feels more of a success and isn't so overwhelming anymore. I have the fantasy of going for one year while still begging not to cum, and thanking him profoundly if he allows it to continue. The lack of pressure and easier-to-achieve goals make a world of difference to me. Also, I don't feel like I will disappoint him if I cannot manage, which is nice. > member_75c78a1ec7 wrote: > Your comment about the post **orgasm** drop is very common. The tension of the sexual high of denial seems to bring this on. When I've gone a while without an **orgasm** it's all I want. Then when it happens I regret it. I feel like my symptoms can get extremely bad with the post **orgasm** drop. It’s as if I found a working medication for ptsd (though there isn't really such a thing) and then stopped taking it. It is really bad. > member_75c78a1ec7 wrote: > Getting back the desperate feeling as soon as possible is what I desire. It took me a couple of years but I've found I'm happiest when I'm desperate. It took longer for LRC to understand and embrace this. I really love what you said there. I will tell my husbear when he comes home. That’s the best way I have seen the allure of **chastity** put forth: "Honey, I am happiest when I am desperate. Please make me desperate. I want to be desperate for you." This will help him a lot, I believe, as he sometimes has moments of feeling guilty. > member_75c78a1ec7 wrote: > Perhaps you will find that stoking and edging places you in the mental state you desire. When doing this though you can't control the urge for **orgasm**. This would be a great time for husbear to help you, and he may enjoy it also Yes, that is all true. When he tells me I would be allowed to cum that day, we talk about it before he touches me in any way, so that I can have some semblance of clear mind and really know if I want to continue or not. Once touching begins, I get crazy.:oops: Our "So, **orgasm** today?" conversation tries best to be unsexy, unfunny, and rational. I hope to surprise him a lot by asking for extension month after month. > member_75c78a1ec7 wrote: > I leave my strongest suggestion for last. Search out a professional to talk with. At the first meeting bring up the **chastity** and how you feel it helps. If they seem uncomfortable, find another. I feel a good professional should be able to assist with your problem. If **chastity** is helping you, I would hope they would be able to work this into the therapy. I never thought about this before. Well, of course I am actively looking for professional therapy, which takes so long, but talking about **chastity**?:oops: I have to think long and hard about this. Thanks for bringing it up! > member_856a0baaad wrote: Getting into **chastity** was probably the best thing to remedy the issue. It helped build a higher level of trust between my keyholder and me. Also, it gives me a feeling of worth, accomplishment, confidence, and motivation knowing that everyday when I wake up, I have a very specific goal to keep my keyholder happy and satisfied. Receiving the rewards such as words of encouragement, compliments, and obviously **release**, gives me a feeling of reward like no other. This achievement makes me want to do other things in life and have the confidence to do so. This is amazing to hear, thanks! I also felt this way in the past, but it sometimes went sideways. I hope now, with greater understanding, I can keep it up (haha). Reading your post really made me feel optimistic about **chastity** and mental issues. Thanks a lot for the amazing input! It feels very good to write about **chastity** here. I wonder if I should create a journal or something similar. **Chastity** really is a time-consuming hobby, and I love it.:D Yesterday evening we had a success. I felt extremely panicky and anxious when my husbear came home, and we cuddled. Cuddling turned to teasing, and lo and behold, I felt extremely well the rest of the day. Calm, happy, and focused. I have an extremely hard time calming down and relaxing, and yesterday it just happened. It was amazing.

I'm not going to write some long profound thing other than to say I totally think **chastity** has been a huge help in continuing the work my husband does to make himself mentally healthier. He has depression, anxiety, and other mental issues that cause him challenges. Before **chastity**, his dick brain got in the way a lot of the time, and he wasn't focusing on what he should be. Once he gave me control of that part and was locked in a device, he no longer had to put any focus on it; I did that, and he could focus on getting his mind more healthy. That way, he could be the husband and partner I need and want. Hope that helps!

> Lady M wrote:...Before **chastity** his dick brain got in the way a lot of the time and he wasn't focusing on what he should be. YES!!!

I read somewhere about there being kink-friendly therapists. The writer stated it made them more comfortable talking about their kink without feeling judged. A quick Google search brought up this directory. It's for US-based therapists. I noticed down the list there was a listing for other countries. Not sure if there are any in your area, maybe this will be a start. ... epage.html

> Lady M wrote: > Hope that helps! Thank you. It does; it's encouraging!...:D > member_75c78a1ec7 wrote: > > Lady M wrote:...Before **chastity** his dick brain got in the way a lot of the time and he wasn't focusing on what he should be. > YES!!! .. but this is not working for me. I guess **chastity** is a lot about interpretation, isn't it? That’s why for some guys it feels emasculating and for others it can be, how to say?, masculating? Is that a word?:D I feel a bit different. I **want** my dick to be in charge of me. My dick wants me to eat healthy, work out, be good, and be longterm chastee in the first place.

> member_9d8f1b1bc5 wrote:... but this is not working for me. I guess **chastity** is a lot about interpretation, isn't it? That’s why for some guys it feels emasculating and for others it can be, how to say?, masculating? Is that a word?:D I feel a bit different. I **want** my dick to be in charge of me. My dick wants me to eat healthy, work out, be good, and be longterm chastee in the first place. This is where a GREAT keyholder comes in handy!!:) I am the type of keyholder who works with their subs on their flaws; we work on tasks that improve behavior, appearance, and just help them better themselves in general—that being a good keyholder in my opinion. You see—the locked boy is still NOT in charge of his penis, and the penis is not in charge of him—the **dominant**/keyholder is though. This leaves the boy able to focus on his mental health and other areas of life where he may be lacking.

> Lady M wrote: > > member_9d8f1b1bc5 wrote: > > You see - the locked boy is still NOT in charge of his penis and the penis is not in charge of him - the keyholder/**dominant** is though. This leaves the boy able to focus on his mental health and other areas of life where he may be lacking. I think I understand now. We are just not there yet. My husbear has strong **dominant** fantasies and wishes, but he also needs time to adjust. I was the **dominant** in our relationship, mostly because I am very extroverted and he is introverted, so it just happened; however, he is still very insecure about **chastity**. I also guess it is a very difficult thing (but hopefully rewarding) to be in a relationship with someone who has severe ptsd and all the different personality states that I can go through in a day. People with PTSD react really harshly to being upset, and he still feels that he is upsetting me a lot. Who can blame him? Normally, I am not in a good mood when I whimper and beg for something.:lol: So, as long as that is the case, it’s going to be different. I don't mind if the adjustment period takes a lot of time; we are already having fun and progressing, and he is starting to express his wishes more. For now, I think I could say I am in charge of the whole thing, so that he can relax and orient himself. Just two days ago he told me that he secretly always pushed away his sexual fantasies in favor of mine because his social anxiety gets triggered by sex. That was a huge step for him to admit to himself. For a long time I had made peace with the fact that he just didn't appear to like sex very much (it’s not unheard of), and now I feel stupid for not realizing this sooner. Yesterday and today he was much, much more relaxed and let me help him relax. It was very nice. Another thing that I fought hard against but still managed to creep in is that because of my illness, my needs sometimes overshadowed his. I fear he has gotten a bit used to it. <- Wow, I am proud of this sentence. Now I know what I’m going to talk to him about first thing. I have this "woah, breakthrough" feeling.:D:lol::D edit: some new thoughts, avoiding double post

It sounds like you're experiencing the hardest thing for us men to overcome: communication. Women seem so much better at this than men. I guess as boys we were told to "suck it up" while women are encouraged to "let it out." It was hard enough with a female and me; I can only imagine what it's like with two men. As you are finding out, communication and talking about things can enrich your relationship. Why it took **chastity** for me to discover this, I'll never know. Keep up the talk about changes in your relationship; that will help Husbear understand what you want and hope from him. I'm sure he's reluctant because of your past tendency to push the wrong button. When he finds the right one, be sure to tell him.