The Wife's Guide to Male Chastity

This piece focuses on how to begin Male Chastity and is written specifically for wives. It blends an article from an unknown author with my personal writing and experiences. While it appears in the Fiction section, it offers practical “real world” advice for couples new to the MC lifestyle while also providing entertainment. The content is divided into several chapters, mixing a touch of fantasy to keep things interesting with enough factual information to be useful (I hope). Before you start reading, note that this isn’t strictly a step-by-step guide because there are no right or wrong ways to do it. I welcome comments and criticisms, particularly from our Keyholders. **Stay tuned for Chapter One: What’s this all about? **

**The Wife’s Male Chastity Primer Chapter 1 - Male Chastity: What’s this all about?** Male chastity (MC) and strict orgasm control might be just what you need to draw your couple closer together and improve your sexual relationship. In simple terms, you take consensual charge of your husband's sexuality. You alone decide when he is allowed an orgasm. However, before you lock up your hubby’s penis, ask yourself these questions: Are you unhappy with how much attention he now gives you? Do you think part of the problem is that he pays too much attention to pornography or other women? Is it obvious, or has he admitted, that he masturbates frequently? Are you willing to take control and put in the effort to make your relationship work in a new, exciting way? If yes, maybe male chastity for your husband is worth considering. To make chastity work, you need to first develop a plan and then wholeheartedly execute it. The strong consensus is that for male chastity to truly change your marriage, it must be real life, not just a game. You can treat it as a game, but it’s preferable to make it a 24/7 part of your relationship. That continuous aspect is key; it changes men positively because they shouldn't have the opportunity to control their sexual release themselves. This is one area where the wife must hold absolute power. The basic idea is to integrate male chastity into your relationship without letting the whole relationship revolve around it. When you first start, your chaste male might become obsessed with his condition and want to talk about it constantly. It’s up to you not to let him smother you with it. Speak up if he becomes overbearing. Life goes on as usual; employment, finances, family issues, and decisions remain the same. Your dominance and male chastity should not interfere in other areas of life. However, you may find that his reactions toward you change for the better as his feelings and emotions shift. Whether male chastity was initiated by him, mutually agreed upon, or decided on by you to implement, one necessity stands: there must be something for both of you to gain. He is giving up a very important part of manhood—his sexual abilities—and while he should be rewarded as you are (though in different ways), this needs recognition. You know what arouses him and puts a smile on his face. Like marriage, chastity requires mutual rewards; often, the things you use to reward him will increase his arousal and enhance his overall behavior. This could involve him giving massages or trying sexual activities he likes but that you never desired before. You already know how to dress to turn him on, and if you don’t know his fetishes yet, find out and indulge them. All of this boosts his happiness and arousal. He is making a permanent lifestyle change, and you may need to make some permanent adjustments too so he feels things are fair. As a wife/keyholder, it might take longer for you to determine what you gain from male chastity. You are taking on the responsibility of managing his chastity. Over time, it will become clear what you like about it, and you can encourage him to do more of those things that please you. **All men, given the ability, masturbate way more often than most women think they do.** This is difficult for him to control and even harder to give up. Young men have abundant testosterone, so masturbation doesn’t seem to hinder their pursuit of young women. However, as men age, masturbating usually means the husband ignores his wife for a period after an orgasm. Properly managed male chastity stops this habit and encourages positive change in many ways; it alters his mood, demeanor, and libido. Most importantly, it changes his desire to please you. The goal isn’t necessarily for him to help with cooking, cleaning, or laundry (though he likely will), but rather because as he builds up sexual energy that he can no longer release at will, he diverts that energy toward pleasing you. Your role as the source of his sexual pleasure changes his feelings; he will adore and love you in the way you desire, eager to please because you are, as I said, the ONLY source of his sexual release. Over time, he finds happiness mirrors yours. He loves the emotional boost you share. It’s hard to explain why this happens, but it does. **Stay tuned for Ch2: How to we get started? **

**Chapter 2: How do we get started? **Once you have mutually decided that Male Chastity is something you both wish to try, you can begin formulating a plan. First, learn as much about MC as possible through books, the internet, online forums, and similar sources. Explore this together as a couple. One word of caution: much information online and in print targets the porn fantasy crowd rather than reality-based experiences. As you learn more, you will be able to separate the treasure from the trash. An online forum like our community site is one of the best places to get realistic information and ask questions. Your husband should remember that sexually, the wife should always be in command and foremostly satisfied. This cornerstone ensures happiness for both of you. Keeping you sexually satisfied is his job. His inability to experience an orgasm simply means more time can be spent ensuring you enjoy many more than ever before. Be direct and tell him what you want; don’t make him guess. Both of you will eventually expand your definition of sex, which could range from a foot rub or massage to holding hands, cuddling, kissing, oral sex, and intercourse. The bottom line is that it’s whatever the wife wants when and how she wants it. On the surface, this sounds unfair. You might think it only benefits the wife, but that’s a common misconception. Counterintuitively, it is just as advantageous for him. He must keep you satisfied to eventually get his release, and every time he satisfies you, he feels happy because he has made you happy. A direct result of being kept chaste is that he will love seeing you have an orgasm; it gives him a sense of accomplishment. Once under lock and key, emphasize to him that his primary means of sexual gratification comes through yours. Eventually, every time you experience an orgasm, he feels sexually satisfied too. Even if you don’t grant him one often, he feels content because you are, maintaining high libido. How do you know what to do and what he desires? This can be especially troublesome for the wife if the husband requested chastity initially. Simply write it all down. Put your thoughts on paper and have him do the same. Some couples prefer a written male chastity contract outlining expectations for each person, while others just go with the flow. There is no right or wrong way to handle MC; there’s only what works for you. Over time, experience will teach you what is best for him and the relationship. The most important thing, regardless of method, is communication—communicate constantly!!! This cannot be overstated. The basics of an agreement are that he agrees to wear a chastity device chosen by you while you hold the key alone, possessing the power to unlock and grant him an orgasm. Additionally, if you share other kinks like a dominant/submissive dynamic or corporal punishment/discipline, your written contract can include related items too. It can be whatever you want it to be and remains a working document subject to change. Okay, you have read, researched, understood MC, and are ready to try it. **Standby for Ch 3: Purchasing a Male Chastity Device.**

**Chapter 3: Purchasing a Male Chastity Device** Shopping for your first device is something you should do together as a couple. Remember that this device belongs to you even though he wears it. It often takes time and several male chastity devices before finding the perfect one for your hubby. Don’t be discouraged. Many couples go through multiple devices and alterations before getting the right fit. A few get lucky on the first try, but don't count on it. A good first step is to order a set of sizing rings from Mature Metal and print out measurement instructions. Once you determine what sizes work, check for "off-the-shelf" size devices that might fit his anatomy. If you want to try a cheaper device before committing to an expensive custom-made one, your measurements and experience with the sizing rings will give you a rough idea of what may or may not work. If you choose to go straight to a custom stainless steel device, you’ll have the necessary measurements ready. The best advice here is patience and letting your hubby put in most of the effort to get a fitting right; he’s the one wearing it all day long. Have trial lock-ups until he is ready for longer periods. Don’t be surprised if you need to stop after a week or two to fix something or let a sore spot heal. If there is a problem, remove the device and see if it can be quickly fixed. Sometimes just a rubbed-raw spot needs ointment or a couple of days off-device. If you send the device back for alterations, start the clock anew when it returns and lock him up again. Eventually, the kinks in the device will work out, rewarding your patience. **You will have the satisfaction of knowing that his days of masturbating behind your back are finally over.** After all trials and adjustments, you should end up with a male chastity device that is comfortable and secure, featuring the smallest cage/tube possible for his penis that allows very little, if any, erection. A small cage/tube quickly limits penile growth and often proves more comfortable for him to wear. The consensus is that his penis should fill the cage while flaccid at least 70-80 percent of the time. Often, the original tube ordered turns out too wide or long due to optimistic male measurements or fear of confinement. After a while in a chastity tube, the penis tends to shrink slightly, making initial sizing tricky. Generally, each new device ordered has a progressively smaller cage in both length and diameter. Again, the perfectly sized one should be snug with very little or no erection room. You want him completely dependent on you for erections; as mentioned, a smaller tube is often more comfortable after adjustment. A loose tube might allow enough growth from an erection that men with sensitive penises could slide the tube up and down to reach an orgasm within the cage. Well, it has taken months, but now you have a properly fitted device and are ready to assume your Keyholder duties for your chaste hubby. **Stay tuned for Ch 4: How long do I keep him locked up?**

**Chapter 4 - How long do I keep him locked up?** Initially, your hubby may not be able to wear the device for very long. Start with a few hours and work up to a week, then two weeks. The skin in the genital area is tender and must get used to the device. Assuming his behavior during the lockup warrants it, let him know you are proud of his progress and reward him as you see fit. He will likely look forward to being relocked. Prior to giving him an orgasm after his two-week stint (when arousal is high), tell him that if you grant him one now, his next lock-up will be much longer. Ask him if he wants the orgasm or prefers to forgo it and stay locked for another two weeks. If he accepts the terms for an orgasm, continue to completion. Afterwards, he will likely become a nuisance trying to find out from you how long his next lockup is. Don’t tell him yet. Leave him unlocked for a day or two to see if he misses wearing the device. When you ask, he’ll probably say yes and wonder when you’ll relock him. Once he can remain locked in the device for two weeks without release, women who seriously practice male chastity generally hold that an initial enforcement of chastity should be at least two months of continuous wear without relief after getting through the break-in period of finding a fitting device. It will likely end up being longer than two months, but we’ll explain why later. Preventing him from having an orgasm for two months may seem harsh, but it’s paramount to your success as it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation and sexual pleasure whenever he desires. Enforcing this first two-month period helps him get into the proper frame of mind and understand your desire, commitment, and strict determination regarding his chastity; it also gives you the chance to develop the strength to say “NO”. When you relock him this time, make sure he is immediately aware of the timeframe. This ensures clear understanding of the initial time commitment. Let him know how important this milestone is for you and reassure him that you will make these two months as exciting as possible. This two-month lockup will likely be extended by you, which brings us to why: As he approaches one month in chastity, he may feel he simply cannot stand it much longer. There will be “moments of desperation” where he feels he must have an orgasm and is quite vocal about it. As his Keyholder, your steadfastness here is crucial. Cuddle and comfort him, reiterating how important it is to you that he remains chaste. Let him know how proud you are of his effort so far. Allow him to pleasure you as much and in whatever way you desire; this takes his mind off his own predicament. Massages, foot rubs, oral sex, toys—it’s all good. More on managing your chaste male will be discussed next chapter. If he remains somewhat uncooperative during these first two months, consider adding additional time to his lockup and let him know. If it continues or if he doubts your seriousness, add a one- or two-week extension as a warning against whining and begging. Threaten a one-month extension the second time around. He must understand you are serious about this. After that, there should be no more incidents. You will improve with experience. So, hubby is locked, things are going well. Then, a few weeks later, he follows you like a puppy, can’t keep his hands off you, hugging and kissing constantly. It’s starting to wear on you, and some guilt feelings pop up in your mind about keeping him locked for so long. **Stay tuned for Chapter 5: Help! He's Driving Me Crazy and Wearing Me Down.**

"**Chapter 5 – Help! He’s Driving Me Crazy and Wearing Me Down!**" Managing a chaste male on a day-to-day basis is one of the more difficult parts of being a Keyholder. You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. When you can do this, it will change the dynamic of your relationship in a way that sets you and him on the path to long-term happiness. You want to keep him aroused daily, but it should not be a chore for you. There are many days when nothing sexual happens between you and hubby, but it only takes a small effort on your part to keep him aroused. A sexy email or text, a sensual kiss; a naughty whisper in his ear while tweaking his nipple, then a swat on the behind telling him **to** resume vacuuming should do the trick. He will be putty in your hands. Experienced Keyholders agree that you cannot be too strict with respect to the initial lockup period if you want to achieve the triple goals of getting yourself past feeling that it is your duty to give him orgasms, getting him completely focused on his new role of pleasing you, and your becoming comfortable with being in charge. A **chastity** lifestyle will be very hard on him initially and two months or more without release will make your seriousness very clear to him. **You will have put an end to his days of masturbating behind your back for good.** His life will never be the same after. Rather than pleasuring himself when he wants, he will become dedicated to pleasuring you when you want it and how you want it. If you haven’t achieved these goals by the end of the two month period, then lengthen the time. **Avoid falling into the trap of feeling that you have to let him have an orgasm since he has been under lock and key for so long and is so frustrated by the chastity device.** There may be times where you feel you must unlock him to use his penis. Fortunately, there is a way to do this without letting him **orgasm** by using numbing cream and several condoms. This usually works, but there is always a small risk that he may cum, especially if he has been locked for a long time. Every woman should own a Hitachi Magic Wand **vibrator**. The Wand will prove to be the one staple that helps you resist the urge to unlock him when you desire an orgasm. However, if you wish some penetrative sex, put him and the wand to good use. Let him penetrate you with the understanding he is absolutely not allowed to cum under threat of extending his locked time. Have him limit his movements inside you to that end. Supplement his actions with the Wand on your clitoris and watch out for the fireworks. There are also other alternatives that allow penetration without any risk of him ejaculating. The easiest is to use a strap-on **dildo**. There are several models available that will fit just above his chastity device and give you great stimulation. You can also supplement those with the Wand vibrator. Watch out for those fireworks again!! There are also a number of fun double sided penis **gag**s that you can use to ride his face while he looks up at you. They are guaranteed to make his penis swell to the limits of his cage. With respect to strap-ons and dildos; you get what you pay for so purchase the best quality you can afford. You won’t regret it. Upon completing his initial confinement period give him an experience like he has never had before. You will have a sense of strength for enforcing it and him for getting thru it. You should make his **orgasm** a slow drawn out one with lots of teasing. It will be all too easy for him to cum very quickly. You may need to tie him down to keep him on edge but when you finally do let him cum, it will be almost too much for his body to handle. When you finally do **release** him, let it be on your terms. “On your terms” means you need to give some thought about what you want to do with your hubby after the long lockup is over. Do you want to continue MC on a 24/7 basis until you decide to unlock him or do you set a specific locked period each time. Talk about it together as a couple but, of course, the final decision must be yours. After two plus months of being **lock**ed up your hubby should be willing to do almost anything for a release so in that sense the chastity device will have done its job physically, but mentally some men can hold out for two months or more then bounce back to their old ways once you let them cum and they expect future orgasms on a regular basis. In determining your follow on lockup plan, you need to consider this. Well, you and hubby finally made it. Two long months plus a week for hubby’s incessant begging and complaining. His release was mind blowing. So, what do you do next? **Standby for Chapter 6: We made it. What’s next?**

"**Chapter 6 - We made it. What’s next?**" Hopefully, by this time, you will have answered the question that eludes many wives. What’s in this for me? Are you turned on by the loving attentiveness, by being in control, or by teasing and denying him? Has your relationship blossomed into a WLM (Wife Led marriage) and your dominance moved outside the bedroom? The answer to these questions will determine your male **chastity** plan for the future. As your journey continues, you are solidly in control and will be able to add new ideas to your relationship. That’s why your male chastity contract is a working document, subject to change. Many women find it helpful to keep a journal of what works well and what doesn’t. Remembering the basic principles of how to keep your hubby under your spell will let you, and him, discover **chastity**’s amazing rewards. How do you maintain control? MC is a consensual kink. His obedience is a cornerstone for male chastity to be successful. That’s why two way communications between you and hubby are so critical. You will never want to let things revert back to his “lack of control” again. If you will put in the effort over the long term, you’ll not regret it even though at times it seems like a lot of work. One of the big changes that you must make in yourself to make a **chastity** relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself. The two can be one and the same thing. Having him perform oral sex on you while locked up is almost guaranteed to drive him to the edge. Fortunately, for you the chastity device will keep him from going over. The more sex you get without letting him cum, the more he wants you. If more women knew this secret there would be a lot more **lock**ed up husbands and boyfriends. Remember you have all the time in the world to train him to be the wonderful hubby that you want without any need to worry about getting him off. Once locked all he does is fantasize about you. You will need to decide if you want to be the one that initiates sex or whether you want him to. There is an old saying among men that encouraged their wives to adopt a **chastity** lifestyle… be careful what you wish for. Often the husband finds that the fantasy of male chastity is much different than the reality. Some of the husbands would, if given a choice, go back to their old ways, but absolutely none of the wives would. The consensus is that, deep down, the men are happier because they really wanted to be sexually controlled by their wives in the first place. **If you need some suggestions for the next phase of your male chastity lifestyle, standby for Chapter 7 – The Maintenance Phase.**

"**Chapter 7 – The Maintenance Phase.**" How do you manage your hubby’s **chastity** now that you are in the maintenance phase? There is no right or wrong answer here. Once you allow him his first release after two months plus in chastity, it is entirely up to you how many sexual experiences you allow and how often. A very important step during any release period is to ensure that you have a follow on plan for when you will get hubby back into his device. Some of the women do this by always tying him down before the device is removed. While this has its old school charms, there are lots of other options. Locking his hands behind his back in a pair of steel **handcuff**s is a quick way to keep him from grabbing his penis if you are teasing him. You can get a waist belt with a pair of leather cuffs attached or something similar for cuffing his hands to his thighs. If all you are doing is inspecting his penis and making sure the device is cleaned, then just put the **cuff**s on one of his wrists prior to removing his device. Before the **lock** comes off he has to be secured back in his chastity device. Hopefully, you will be able to trust your hubby enough that he will not cum without your permission and you won’t have to resort to restraining him. It is much easier for him to install the chastity device himself than for you to do it. The less that you have to worry about his not wanting to relock, the more likely you are to take his device off frequently which promotes both teasing and keeping the cage and his penis clean. **How often should you allow a release?** There were a number of different views about how often a male should be allowed to cum after the initial denial period. Some of the women with younger males allow an **orgasm** about once a week. These younger men were, most likely, masturbating at least daily before, so that once a week is a big reduction. You will need to experiment and ultimately you will need to do what works best for you, recognizing that the less often for him the better. The most common belief is that what’s best for older males is not to allow them to achieve an **orgasm** more than once per month but not go longer than three months unless there was a good reason for doing so. That’s because the post-**orgasm** letdown period during which he is not loving and attentive is longer for older males. Some women liked to think about how often hubby could have an orgasm as a small fraction of the number of orgasms they had. A 50-1 ratio seems to be very popular but you can pick the number to suit your needs and gets the time between releases just about right. This approach gives him a strong incentive to initiate sex and give you orgasms. Some women like to set goals for their hubby where they are allowed an orgasm earlier than scheduled if they meet a big goal such as weight loss. There’s no denying that many women want and need penetrative sex with the real thing from time to time. To make these rare opportunities for him to have intercourse work, you need to recognize that after being locked up for long time, younger men may cum with a hair trigger. Older men may not erect as quickly after a long lockup and their erection may not get as large as they did before chastity. It’s perfectly fine to occasionally take him out of the cage and get him hard, tease him a bit, then relock him as frequently as you think necessary to keep his equipment in good working order. Viagra or Cialis can also help older males maintain a good erection for your use. Some women use their hubbies for intercourse for several days in a row treating the whole event as a single release period before they lock their hubby back up for a prolonged duration. Yet another Keyholder likes to have her husband instigate elaborate romantic seduction rituals or plan a weekend retreat somewhere special for the two of them. She never unlocks him during these events, but on the rare occasion when he really does well, she gives him an **orgasm** the next day. **The bliss point is when you get your hubby to the place he gets pleasure purely from your pleasure without thinking about his own.** **The Bottom Line:** Your hubby’s new reality now is, most likely, much different than his original male chastity fantasy because it is now **your** fantasy, not his. Take ownership of his new male **chastity** lifestyle. **It is, after all, about you.** Wives who stuck it out through the trials and tribulations of finding a chastity device that worked and figuring out how change their mindset from a need to give him orgasms to one of deserving all the orgasms they could ever want, are all much happier.