Where Wives Can Connect and Discuss With Other Keyholders

I’ve been practicing self-Chastity for a week, mostly wearing the device when I leave home while trying to get it fitted properly. I’m drafting a letter to my wife about why I need chastity (specifically regarding masturbation). I want to gather info that shows this isn’t necessarily BDSM or cuckolding… Our sex life is already great. I just need help managing my issue. We also share household chores equally, so I’d like her to find other wives/girlfriends/keyholders who understand.

This forum has a dedicated Keyholders section. You can't see it because you aren’t a Keyholder yet!! Get your Keyholder to join the site and ask her to request access to that section in her intro email, then the moderators will set it up for you. Naturally, since you’re not there, you won’t know what goes on inside!! My Keyholder MsM is already here. d

There are some excellent books available (I have a post on our blog listing several recommendations), and there are wives like me who can chat. I often teach, mentor, explain, and support other wives through this journey. I think my style is gentle and I’m a good teacher. We’ve moved from a very vanilla form of chastity to something much more intense, so I have experience across the spectrum and can help her find what works for her comfort.:) Just an idea! The keyholder section exists here but it’s not super active, honestly. Occasionally we get some chatting in there though. It does hold plenty of info if she decides to join. Good luck!

Lady M - Thanks for the information. Given our circumstances, I’m not aiming to become a sissy or get cucked, or any of those other tropes; I started this mainly to support my marriage by managing my masturbation habit. I’ve looked at your content and don’t think we’d ever go that deep into it. However, just in the short time I’ve been wearing it, I’ve found myself wanting my wife more.

You need to realize that if you truly get "into" this AND your wife MUST be involved for it to work, it won’t be up to you anymore how far things go or what happens—that’s the entire point of giving up power!! What I love most about chastity after a year is that I NEVER know exactly what MsM has planned or will want to do next!! d

> member_b195396d43 wrote: > You need to realize that if you truly get "into" this AND your wife MUST be involved, **it won’t be up to you anymore** how far things go or what happens—that’s the entire point of giving up power!! When getting into power exchange play, many/most sensible people discuss and agree on 'limits'. Both parties need to decide "how far it goes." Those 'limits' can shift over time, but generally, people don’t just surrender all control and submit to 'whatever happens'- doing so is often unwise and can lead to trouble, especially when just starting out.

"The thing" that helped my KH become actively involved was when I told her "it’s important to me." She replied "if it’s important to you, then it’s important to me. What is it?" Additionally, I started focusing on her MONTHS before we had that conversation above. My KH didn’t know that my attention toward her was linked to anything specific; she just knew I was actively caring for her and paying more heed to her needs. I wrote those daily attentive behaviors into our "game rules." NOT a formal contract, but a set of guidelines (heavily tilted in her favor), like the rules for a board game. It’s all about "what’s in it for her." For her to lock me up—which she initially didn’t love at all; she’d still prefer seeing me loose and not trapped in a tube—there must be something beneficial for her.

> member_6f2ac3fdd8 wrote: > Lady M - Thanks for the information. Given our circumstances, I’m not aiming to become a sissy or get cucked, or any of those other tropes; I started this mainly to support my marriage by managing my masturbation habit. I’ve looked at your content and don’t think we’d ever go that deep into it. However, just in the short time I’ve been wearing it, I’ve found myself wanting my wife more. I hope you know there is no rule saying you MUST do this or that with Chastity - just because our journey led us to a much more intense place doesn’t mean everyone’s chastity adventure has to look identical. You choose and enjoy what works for you—I have written about this many times: if you want to wear your device but remain unlocked for daily sex and orgasm, so be it; if you are locked and never release from orgasm ever again—hey, do it! There is a wide spectrum of ways to "do" chastity, and no one can dictate what’s right for you. You can learn from others' experiences and draw on their strengths, but I would never expect people to follow exactly what we do—I am far too intense for most folks, which is why my husband is MINE and I am HIS!:) We work together like this.:)

> member_c219571518 wrote: > "The thing" that helped my KH become actively involved was when I told her "it’s important to me." She replied "if it’s important to you, then it’s important to me. What is it?" > Additionally, I started focusing on her MONTHS before we had that conversation above. My KH didn’t know that my attention toward her was linked to anything specific; she just knew I was actively caring for her and paying more heed to her needs. I wrote those daily attentive behaviors into our "game rules." NOT a formal contract, but a set of guidelines (heavily tilted in her favor), like the rules for a board game. It’s all about "what’s in it for her." For her to lock me up—which she initially didn’t love at all; she’d still prefer seeing me loose and not trapped in a tube—there must be something beneficial for her. One thing I think is crucial, especially for reluctant wives, is knowing that you men aren’t being locked up because you don’t want sex from them - THAT was my first worry and it freaked me out. Like WHY the fuck doesn't my hubby want sex with me? When I realized he did still want sex, but it was all about ME controlling when/if he received pleasure, then I became much more open to the idea. It took me months of reading and research before saying okay, let's try this.

There are plenty of resources online. Our blog targets both the keyholder and you. We aren’t very extreme at all. My wife has been hesitant to reach out to other keyholders, though some have even emailed her offering help. She’s gotten quite good at it now so she doesn't need much assistance anymore, but keep in mind that many women are not necessarily willing to discuss this with "strangers". There is a lot of quality material available for her to read without needing direct communication.

I was intending to joke somewhat, but basically what I was suggesting is that part of chastity involves NOT continuing to "decide" what your Keyholder will or won’t like or do!! d