I no longer wear the cage

She’s shifted from being hesitant but okay with it to wanting me locked, and now she wants me to leave the device on permanently. It was entertaining while it lasted, though I’m keeping possession of it in case her mind changes later.

May I ask what the reason is? At first, my wife believed that my orgasm was the main point of our sex. If I didn't cum, she’d wonder if something was wrong and take it as a sign that I wasn’t attracted to her. She referred to sex without me climaxing as fake sex. What shifted things for her was when I started being very agreeable and helping out more around the house while locked up. When she decided she didn't want me in the cage, I stopped acting so nice. Once she noticed that change, she wanted me back inside pretty quickly. A bit of performance went a long way for me—maybe not entirely genuine niceness, but it worked and benefited her. I also explained how bored and low-energy I felt for several days after releasing my orgasm, noting that I generally feel better without one. Now I wear the cage continuously, going three to four months between releases. Don’t give up. We went through start-stop cycles about three times before she agreed to a six-month trial period followed by a final decision. By month five, she declared that chastity should be our lifestyle, and it has been for the past two years.

I can’t help but think that emphasizing the effects of Male Chastity (MC) comes off as a bit manipulative and possibly counterproductive. Stay patient. Keep putting genuine effort into your relationship. Share your feelings openly, but try not to fixate on MC discussions too much, or it becomes like picking at a scab. Make sure you truly acknowledge and understand her perspective during your talks. When the moment feels right, cook her a good dinner and ask if she’s willing to chat about it for a bit. Find out what worries or reservations she has, and really listen to her answer. Hopefully, you’ll reach a stage where she is just as open to your viewpoint, allowing you to explain why you want to try again while she actually pays attention.

She’s worried about potential health risks. It appears this fear stems from her perception that it looks painful, even though I’ve convinced her otherwise.

> member_facd03eb5f wrote: > She’s concerned about health dangers. It seems this fear is based on the fact that in her eyes it looks painful even though I've assured her that it's nothing of the sort. Are you using a voice-to-text program? The errors are unusual and don’t look like typical spelling mistakes or typos. You might want to have a chat about 'safewords'. Set up one so she knows what to do, and reassure her that you will use it if any health or safety issue comes up.

It was just autocorrect. Sorry about the typos; I’ve edited my last post. Fortunately, she isn’t overly worried about emergencies since I can access the key if needed. Her bigger concern is long-term health issues that might develop slowly over time, possibly without me even realizing it.

> member_facd03eb5f wrote: > Unfortunately she's not so concerned about an emergency sinse I do have access to the keys if necessary. She's more concerned about long term health effects creeping in over the years possibly without my even noticing it. Well, considering I’ve likely been locked for four of the last six years, I believe that’s hardly a major concern perhaps she should speak with others or their keyholders who have maintained this routine long-term (a year or more?) to ease her mind.

With Thumper locked for nearly eight years now, we would definitely know if any medical problems had developed lol. People have practiced this for ages, and I haven’t heard of cases where it caused health issues. Just saying.

For over five years now, I’ve had no problems at all except for the occasional rash that healed completely. My cage is on twenty-four hours a day; it’s off roughly fifteen percent of the time during those years (mostly when we go on vacation). I get why your wife thinks "it looks painful." It took my spouse some time to see past that impression. Now, whenever I try to get erect, her response is usually just "having some discomfort" or "oh well," rather than concern.

> member_e5219e78c7 wrote: > Can't help but feel playing up the effects of MC sounds a bit manipulative and maybe counter productive too. Be patient. Continue to make a real effort in your relationship. Talk openly about your feelings but don't concentrate on discussing MC as it will be like a picked scab. Really try and acknowledge/understand your partners point of view in the conversations you do have. When the time is right cook ur partner a nice meal, and ask her if she would mind discussing it for a little while. Ask her what her concerns and reservations are. Really listen. Hopefully you will reach a point where your partner will be equally receptive to your view and you will be able to talk about your reasons for wanting to try again and she will really listen. I only exaggerated; I didn’t fabricate anything. I also successfully encouraged my wife to have sex with another woman, and now she’s happily bisexual thanks largely to that nudge.:) Women have used sexual dynamics to influence men since the beginning of time. We all manipulate people in some fashion. If it weren't a strength of mine, my career wouldn’t be as successful as it is. My psychologist described me as having a Machiavellian personality, meaning I’m skilled at guiding others toward what I want without harming them. Even something simple like telling an employee they did well every time is positive reinforcement manipulation. Manipulation isn't inherently bad; its impact on others determines whether it’s good or bad.

> member_facd03eb5f wrote: > Autocorrect. Sorry about that. I've just edited my previous response. > > Unfortunately she's not so concerned about an emergency sinse I do have access to the keys if necessary. She's more concerned about long term health effects creeping in over the years possibly without my even noticing it. Here’s another layer of manipulation for you to consider.:) I constantly tell my wife how comfortable my device is and how good it makes me feel—all true statements. I also make sure to mention that I’ve grown so accustomed to wearing it that taking it off feels like being naked. My spouse had the exact same worries, including fears about increased prostate cancer risk due to lack of orgasm. I sent her some articles on the topic and explained that if she remained worried, I could accept "ruined orgasms" occasionally (which usually happens once a month). Regarding pain, her concern shifted from general worry to having me order a smaller cage where I barely achieve an erection at all. She knows that if I’m in genuine pain, I’ll speak up and she will remove the device, so there’s no issue there. The biggest hurdle was guilt; my wife felt terrible about locking me away initially. Now she wouldn’t have it any other way.:) Communication is key—I always talk with my wife and any woman I sleep with, letting them know what I like and how things feel for me. This helps because many people hide their thoughts unless you ask directly. Good luck again.

> member_218d68eaa6 wrote: > All I did was exaggerate things...Manipulation is not a bad thing. How you do it and its affects on others make it good or bad. That’s an interesting perspective, and there’s likely truth to the idea that we all manipulate each other occasionally (some more than others). In fact, manipulation might be one of the first lessons a non-verbal baby learns: if hungry or needing a change, they wail until someone fixes it. This happens long before children are consciously aware of their behavior and its impact on parents. There’s also an entire industry dedicated to teaching intentional manipulation—especially regarding persuading targets to purchase products or services (often called "selling"). You can buy books or attend seminars to master various techniques. For me, whether something is "good" or "bad" depends on the *intent* and how much dishonesty is involved. > **When she said that she did not want me locked, I was not a nice husband.** She soon saw the difference and wanted me locked again. A little acting worked for me. **Maybe not nice**, but it worked and she has benefited from it. I believe this quote highlights why some people view your manipulation negatively. The statement suggests you were being *intentionally unkind*, which many see as crossing a line into intentional distress rather than acceptable behavior. While we all cause occasional upset, doing so with premeditated intent is often viewed less favorably by others.

You lack the context to judge what "not nice" means compared to "nice," yet you make many assumptions. To my wife (who prefers women), being nice doesn't mean asking for sex or demanding attention. It looks like me being more feminine, wearing panties and a bra when she wants help with her orgasm, staying silent during intercourse so as not to disrupt her fantasy of intimacy with her girlfriend, and acting submissive even if I’m naturally dominant. That is the "nice husband" persona I adopt while in chastity. So tell me again: how exactly am I abusing her by being this way?:) If you wish to analyze my situation without fully understanding it, feel free! Consider why I’ve remained married for nearly fifty years to a woman who rarely allows intercourse (and hasn't for most of our marriage), seldom performs or accepts oral sex, and makes clear she doesn’t need me for her sexual satisfaction. There are several solid reasons we stay together in love despite her preferences not aligning perfectly with mine, but I’d welcome your analysis if you have it to share. I enjoy lively debates, so take this as friendly discussion rather than offense; I’m actually amused.:) How many men in chastity have wives who act primarily as Keyholders just to please their husbands? Are those husbands abusing their wives by manipulating their love? What about women who dislike oral sex but do it because their husband wants it? It’s worth pondering what truly constitutes abuse versus manipulation.

> member_218d68eaa6 wrote: > **You have no basis to determine** what not nice is compared to nice and yet [/b]you make a lot of assumptions... So **tell me *again* how I am abusing her** by not being nice...If **you want to analyze something without really knowing enough** to be able to do so...if you want to weigh in with your analysis of our marriage...I am not offended just amused... For someone who claims they aren’t offended, you’re certainly coming across as accusatory and somewhat offensive. Since you brought up "without...knowing enough," I suggest reviewing the basics of Reading & Comprehension. At no point did I try to analyze your specific marriage or assume facts about it; nor did I accuse you of abuse. You perceived a negative bias in my response, but I simply illustrated how the words **you** used to describe yourself could be interpreted negatively by others. Beyond that, I merely noted that manipulative behavior is innate and extremely common, whether people realize it or not.

Trying to return to the original question posed by the OP, I find myself in a similar spot. My wife just isn't particularly keen on locking me up. We engage quite a bit with CBT (Coital Block Technique), so I don’t think it’s due to medical or comfort issues for my side. We’ve both enjoyed periods where I was locked as well. However, I suspect the main reason is that she genuinely enjoys having erections—even when they rarely lead to orgasm. The last time she mentioned putting me back in the cage felt more like a punishment than a shared kink experience. I have self-locked occasionally during short separations because I do enjoy the sensation, but it’s not quite the same without her holding the key and teasing me. It is possible we might resume regular locking down the line, though it doesn’t seem likely right now. She currently has full control over my orgasms, a dynamic we both appreciate.