Had A Tantrum When Teasing Got Intense

Not particularly proud of myself, but I had quite a tantrum tonight as the teasing reached intense levels. It stirred me emotionally to a point where I felt powerless and genuinely mistreated. Even though my girlfriend did nothing wrong and teased me beautifully, it was simply too much for me. She isn’t speaking to me at the moment, and I fear that either tease-and-denial or chastity might spoil our perfect relationship.

This message is especially directed to the women here; what do you do when your men reach their limit? Do they rebel or act out? I tried explaining to her that it was intense, not her fault, that I wasn’t angry at her and didn’t want the play or relationship to end. However, she seemed unhappy with my behavior. Has your man ever done something that made you consider ending the chastity or denial play, or even worse, the relationship itself? I am genuinely worried.

"No control" is precisely where some of us wish to be. However, the trick for ladies lies in recognizing undesired behavior, staying calm and unperturbed, and using their power to correct or adjust that behavior within the boundaries of the 'game' (whatever those specific boundaries may be for each couple). I call it "the trick" because it isn't always simple—even though we have practiced this for a long time and things generally go smoother now than in the beginning, occasionally we encounter bumps where tempers flare or feelings are hurt. It can be difficult to step outside of the 'situation', view it objectively, and find/apply a solution that fits within the established 'rules' to fix the 'problem'. Properly set up, the 'rules' should give ladies the power and means to correct/modify behavior in whatever way you have agreed upon; they hold a special position. However, the responsibility isn't entirely on them—you must also recognize and accept your duty to act appropriately and do your part to resolve the issue. Without more details about the problem, it's hard to give specific advice, but [obviously] it should start with communication. You need to talk, figure out what went wrong, and apply a solution to correct it. I firmly believe there shouldn't be any threats to end either the 'game' or the relationship (to me, that signals a lack of understanding and an immature/emotional response). "I'm going to take my ball and leave" is not a constructive approach to problem-solving in a relationship (with or without the 'game'). You need to identify the problem and come up with specific steps to resolve it. If you acted inappropriately, then you need to apologize for doing so and agree on methods to mitigate/resolve the issue if it happens again. Within the context of the 'chastity' 'game' (which gives ladies an extra measure of power not necessarily found in other relationships), this could involve delaying or withdrawing a 'reward' (orgasm, or lesser teasing) or applying a 'penalty'. Regardless of what levels it occurs at, (in my opinion) the 'chastity game' involves a de facto exchange of power that gives the keyholder certain advantages. When used appropriately within the context of the 'game', these can solve many issues, perhaps even more easily and acceptably than without them.

First off... This is exactly why we have a safeword. It immediately stops or freezes what is happening so we can talk. It doesn't necessarily stop everything completely, just freezes the moment to work out an issue; however, it may be that we do need to stop entirely. Anyway, we believe they are very useful for situations like this. Real emotional or physical pain (not the play/appropriate kind) sometimes cannot be predicted. As for what I would do—I think a good old-fashioned spanking is my current go-to solution. But in the beginning, before that, I would clam up, feeling hurt, disappointed, and unsure of myself. It took time, talking, and reassurance to get through it. To be honest, if she isn't into punishment or correcting behavior directly, then time will likely be your friend here. Really, even if you never use the safeword, I believe it helps with trust that I could never truly accidentally hurt CM. Hope this is somewhat helpful.

Thank you! Great advice from both of you. I do believe my woman jumps too quickly back to "real world" Us rather than bedroom us. If she had stayed the course and admonished me, I probably would have worked through it. The fact that we stopped abruptly with no resolution hurt us. In my opinion, she needs to be more adamant and stern about what she wants, though I don't think that is fully who she is... yet? I know I messed up, and this is the second time in a year; I can understand her confusion and concern. But a safe word would probably resolve this issue. I always thought of a safe word as being more for bondage rather than just teasing, but now I see how deep and emotional it can be. Literally, I felt sexually abused during those last few moments; I wanted to cry and wanted the whole thing to end. On one hand, looking back, I'm amazed at how much she pushed me. That feeling is something we need to acknowledge and have a workaround for if it happens again.

Just my two cents worth, but you seem to be placing the blame on "her". Chastity and all its associated activities are couple activities, requiring great communication to work well. I think you need to seriously consider where YOUR communication failed, not hers!! After all, it was you who had the tantrum, not her!! Good luck sorting it out, but I always find that taking ownership and accepting total responsibility for a failure is the surest way to get a solution!! d

> I always figured a safe word was more for bondage No, it's a good idea for any sort of power exchange where one participant is exercising control over another***. > I literally felt I was being abused sexually during the last few moments and wanted to cry and wanted it to end. But, if you were not bound/restrained during this teasing, what prevented you from escaping and ending it? Personally, I can't imagine myself becoming so emotional simply from 'teasing', especially if I weren't restrained and receiving some POT. To be perfectly honest, I think that 'feeling abused' and 'wanting to cry' is an odd reaction if you could just get up and walk away; I almost want to say "Grow up", but perhaps there is something else going on here that I'm not understanding. It might be helpful for us, and for yourself, if you could clarify the situation—what form of control prevented you from ending it? And, is there some psychological issue in your past that would provoke such a reaction, which you might need to resolve before putting yourself in a similar situation again? ***(Unless one is like me and derives a thrill from truly forced participation, like walking a tightrope without a safety net.)

I can relate to how Grizzly feels. This dance between us has many emotional highs and lows. Embarrassingly, I am somewhat prone to throwing tantrums myself. In our relationship, Lady M's solution of a punishment spanking is actually the best resolution for us, but our relationship hasn't evolved yet to the point where my KH always reacts that way. Sometimes she is just hurt, and while I need the punishment, I don't get it, so we temporarily withdraw from each other. There are real physical and psychological impacts. At certain stages in my denial, I feel like I could be brought to tears. So, don't feel bad about how you reacted. Dig deep to express your feelings in words. Offer her options for resolution; she has power, but you can offer even more if you agree that your acting out should not be tolerated. For me, a good ass whipping would end this scenario, and we could both go on enjoying the game. Let her know that you aren't proud of your behavior—the little boy in you showed up at that moment—and it's okay. Good luck.

> member_bc87d71103 wrote: > Not proud of it but I threw a bit of a tantrum tonight when the teasing got way intense. FWIW, I don't ask for teasing with my chastity play because it takes me to a place where it isn't fun anymore. I hope you two are able to take the time to talk this out and work through it. Some aspects of kink are extremely hard to balance in real life versus fantasy.