How can my wife refuse me when I want her to let go of this orgasm?

When I am with a woman I always ask permission to come. Seriously, like always. For almost all my adult life. It’s kind of a compulsion. I would have a very hard time not doing it, and the orgasm would not be very satisfying if it were not authorized. I remember early on, with my first really serious long-term girlfriend. I had talked to her about my Femdom fantasies, and she hadn’t recoiled in shock. She hadn’t necessarily agreed to act upon my fantasies, but she hadn’t called me a pervert either. So I didn’t feel I was going too far, when, while making love to her and approaching climax, I asked breathlessly, “May I come my Lady? Please, may I have permission to come?” Her reply, while looking a little disturbed; “You don’t need my permission!” An agonized primal scream rose up in my very soul! “But don’t you understand Goddess of my existence that I DO? I cannot fully let go, cannot really blast off, cannot commit the sublime act of gushing into your Womanly Temple unless I KNOW that you have granted me leave to do so???” Alright. I didn’t really say all that. I am not so articulate at moments like this. What I actually said was more like, “Un, oh, ah, please, yes, I do need permission, please my Lady!” Bless her heart, I guess she sensed my desperation and said, “Yes, sure, go ahead, come!” And come I did. Later, after everyone’s heart-rate had returned to normal, there was of course a DISCUSSION. “Why do you feel you need my permission?” She asked, thinking she was helping me. “You don’t need my permission! You are entitled to your pleasure.” Oh Goddess how to make myself understood? I explained that it was just this deep down need I had. “Is it really that big a deal, honey?” he whined, “All you have to do is say ‘yes’ and it just makes it so much better for me!” She was an open-minded woman, and so, not really understanding but wanting to make me happy, she agreed. And so I would always ask permission, and she would always say “yes”.

• Always*. Every. Single. Time. At the time this didn’t really bother me. I liked the ritual of asking and being granted permission and it really did greatly intensify the orgasm for me. But now, as a more mature man who wants to go deeper into his desire to please the Goddess, I find myself wishing I would sometimes be told “no!” Because, just as it was with my first long-term girlfriend, so it is with my Wife LadyD: I always ask. And the answer is always “yes”. In calm moments I’ve asked — sometimes begged — Her; “You don’t always have to say yes honey! You can deny me and I won’t hate you for it. It will be sweet agony at the moment of denial, but long-term I will love you for wielding this power!” And She says she understands. But still She always says “yes”. And because in that moment this is of course what I want to hear, She feels she has done the right thing. My passionate face, the desperate tone in which I ask, “Lady may I please come?” all make it hard for Her to believe She is not doing the right thing. Anyone have any thoughts on how to square this circle?

You could try turning it around. So she has to specifically tell you to come, without you asking, or if you think you can't hold back, you have to ask if you can stop. It's worked for us, ever since we read it in a blog a few years ago. If she decides how it's going to end before you start, that helps a lot. This way around she doesn't have to turn you down, there's no pleading and it opens up the opportunity for her to make you come without her permission.

Thank you McAndrew! I hadn't thought of turning it around like that. Also the idea of firmly establishing beforehand that it is NOT going to happen tonight is good. I honestly think that this is a matter of just getting Her through that moment, that intense moment when I am begging and pleading, and She just can't make Herself believe that -- long term -- it would really and truly be ok to say "No!"