What Do I Actually Want?

We’ve reached the point where we’ve experimented with the cage for a while, it’s now stored away, and our connection has faded. Our playtime was wonderful and filled with great memories, yet my wife lacks confidence, which is why things stand as they do. We decided to dedicate evening hours to connecting face-to-face instead of scrolling through screens. I proposed that she pick the activity each night—be it a massage, foot rub, bedtime routine, or something else—and she liked the plan but reminded me I need to voice my own desires too.

If I go on about how much I want her to lock me in for good and grant orgasms at her leisure while using that strap-on over the cage again because it was absolutely incredible, she might get overwhelmed (not positively) by the weight of expectation. That seems to be a recurring issue: excessive pressure on the keyholder. So my real question is, what do I actually want? Like many here, I have an idea of where I’d like things to head. Could you offer advice on how to frame my answers so that her taking charge and being ‘selfish’ feel rewarding rather than burdensome?

Apologies if this is a bit scattered; trust that the gist comes through.

Why not simply tell her you'd like to be locked for tonight (or longer if she prefers) and leave it at that? As long as you avoid pushing too hard, the situation could evolve exactly how you hope. Just don't expect everything to click into place on night one!;)

You seem to know your own mind, yet phrasing things exactly as you have here might not yield the outcome you're seeking. It also appears that while she hasn't been put off by these elements—which you've both enjoyed—it feels more like "your" preference than one shared with her. The key is finding a way to communicate your desires without making her feel pressured. The words matter; they can be subtle but make all the difference in how it lands for her. For example, if I say to my KH, "I'm horny and want sex," she often pulls back. But when I tell her, "Baby, I'd really love some of that sweet affection from you tonight..."—it conveys the same desire but invites receptivity instead. Also, try framing what you need as something beneficial for both of you. Since this dynamic revolves around the keyholder to an extent, emphasize what it does for "us." You might say something like: "I want us to feel closer and more connected. Being locked in chastity keeps me thinking about you constantly, which makes me feel complete and deeply linked to you. I'd love that experience again; perhaps we could revisit some of our earlier playtime with the cage if you're open to it? You looked so sexy then—I just couldn't stop thinking about you." Hope this helps from someone who frequently speaks before thinking...

> member_dfcd3aaf17 wrote:...so I've suggested each evening she suggest what she'd like, whether that be a massage, a foot rub, to go to sleep, etc etc.. Propose an evening of pampering. Alongside it, mention you’d like to wear the cage. Use the excuse that wearing it makes you so excited you fear losing control and interrupting her relaxation while she enjoys being cared for. Then wait patiently for her to tell you when to remove it, even if a day or two passes. Crucially, don’t be the one asking to take it off; let her bring up removing it.

> member_dfcd3aaf17 wrote: > So, if I come out with "I'd really like you to lock me up indefinitely and give you orgasms whenever you want and do that thing with the strapon over the cage again because I thought it was f*cking amazing" its going to blow a fuse in her head (not in a good way) - too much pressure on her. Yes, you're right -- too much pressure. Just ask to be locked up -- how much pressure is that? (On *her* I mean?;) ) You can't expect your wife to turn into your fantasy dominatrix in an instant. Heck, you can't even expect that of a *professional dominatrix*. I visited quite a few pro-doms in my wild youth, and I always felt vaguely disappointed afterwords. Not their fault. Even a pro needs some time to get used to you, to figure out what you really want. (And I wasn't in a position financially, at that time, to keep going back and build up a relationship with any of these professional ladies.) Just ask your wife to lock you up and leave you locked up. Don't talk about all the orgasms you are going to give her -- just *give them to her* in the days after being locked. Orgasms are a great form of persuasion.;)