Handling High Sex Drive While Caged

My husband/keyholder and I are just starting out in this lifestyle. Right now, I’m waiting for my Jailbird to come from MM. Until then, we’re using a cheaper but very uncomfortable stainless steel knock-off made in the USA that we picked up on eBay as a temporary solution before our custom device arrives. We haven’t attempted anything long-term yet because we are both a bit hesitant about extended wear given how poorly the current fit feels. The longest duration we’ve managed is only a few days.

My desire for my husband/keyholder is at an all-time high. Our passion has always been strong, but the issue I’m facing is that every time arousal hits, it feels like being kicked hard in the groin. I don’t want to prevent him from loving me on his terms, nor do I want to shut down my own expressions of desire, but the pain is intense. I wonder if this is due to the device itself or something I’ll need to get used to over time.

Besides dealing with the pain during our intimate moments, I’ve also struggled with a constant state of sexual arousal while wearing the device. Other posters have mentioned doing chores and acts of service as distractions, but that approach doesn’t really work for me when it comes to my husband; he is always on my mind. The result is painful, device-limited erections in between our cuddling periods.

Will this improve with time? Is this just a trade-off I have to accept for the beautiful submission this lifestyle offers? Any thoughts or advice would be deeply appreciated.

Thank you in advance to anyone who can respond.

Personally, I don't find erections excruciating while caged, though they can be uncomfortable or cause chafing. However, nocturnal erections are extremely painful for me and stop me from wearing the device day-to-day regularly. Perhaps your cage style or size is too small. A larger ring might help because I usually feel pain not from the length being pushed back, but from the base and sides of the penis being squeezed. I've ordered a slightly larger ring for mine which should arrive tomorrow; hopefully, it will make my nocturnal erections manageable.

Time and a well-built cage cure all. The discomfort is part of the initial deal, and learning to cope with it is what we've all done to varying degrees.

The main ring size is likely too small for you currently. It takes time to adjust to wearing a device. You will probably have better success if you move up to a size that doesn't cause pain, let yourself get accustomed to it, and then gradually progress down to the next smaller size.

A ringless device will avoid these kinds of issues. These devices use a perineal anchor (PA) as the lock to hold a tube on your penis; the tube prevents stimulation of the "sweet spots" that allow orgasm. You can have painless semi-erections, but you won't be able to climax or engage in conventional sex. There are some challenges with chastity tubes. The first hurdle is needing a well-healed PA, and it needs to be large enough. The tube must fit custom-made exactly right. They aren't inexpensive. But for me, the cost, wait, and effort were absolutely worth it. The Grinder

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's funny because when I wrote this, I thought managing my libido would be the most important part. Yet, what everyone is saying makes sense regarding pain management. @grizzly228, at night I'm fine with surprisingly little trouble since I sleep soundly. Morning erections are a bit rougher. I know the ring fits correctly because if I go up one size, I can pull out easily; it also passes the finger test. That said, I agree with you and @twistedmister that going up one ring size to let my balls get accustomed to being inside the device, then scaling down later, might help. @slave d, does the length of the cage matter for testicular comfort? The length in my temporary device is a bit long, which allows me to get harder than I would in my custom cage. I'm wondering if being able to engorge more is good or bad while trying to adjust? Hoping my MM Jailbird arrives soon (I ordered it four weeks ago). @The Grinder, the first device I ordered was the PA5000. I've had a perineal anchor for almost 20 years now (I'm 43). It wasn't very comfortable because when I shrinkage occurs, it starts to pull. I considered one from Steelwerks but will have to save up for that. Are there other brands on the market besides those? Thank you all again for your help. It's giving me perspective, and I know as I adjust things will get better. Today is a day out of the device, but tomorrow marks the start of my first longer stint. We've been adding half a day after each wear to help me acclimate. Funny enough, even with all the pain, I miss it when I'm not wearing it.

> member_b8253320ba wrote:...the problem I am having is that each time I get aroused it is like getting a swift kick to the groin. I don't want to stop him from sharing his love with me nor do I want to stop expressing to him, but the pain is excruciating. > In addition to managing the pain when we are passionate with each other, I have had problems with the constant state of sexual excitement I feel when I am in the device. Your topic and what you're sharing reminds me a lot of another thread here called "pushing past blue balls" - hopefully you can get some helpful thoughts from it. the archived discussion I'll add one other thing: pain is not the same as discomfort. Pain is your body's way of saying that something is wrong. I encourage you to respect that signal and be patient for a properly fitted device.

fully agree with all the ones above... your base ring is too small.. happened to me too. i am now in a bigger base ring.... and am better - although still with a little discomfort at night

A custom chastity tube is $250 - $300 from Steelworxx. A Lori's tube will run $350 - $650. There are other options like the Crucible from Steelworks (have to ask for a quote) or the mouse trap. I even remember seeing a custom fitted titanium head cap for several thousand bucks but it looked amazing, covering the last inches of your penis in a life-like sheath of titanium locked in place through your PA (something that will wait till I win the lottery) Bottom line - the ringless devices have to be an exact fit, custom made for you. Cheaper is not better because even a tiny misfit will make it uncomfortable. I have a drawer full of "cheaper" contraptions that cumulatively cost over a thousand bucks. It wasn't a good deal aside from learning a lot about what doesn't work. I have had my ringless devices on for as long as two months with a few hour long releases for cleaning and play (so 99.5% full time) But it was a long and uncomfortable path to finding what worked best for me. I have both a Lori's tube #5 and a Steelworxx Tube Jacket - each works for me, the Tube Jacket is my current preference. But neither of them causes discomfort. We aren't getting any younger. Save up, buy the best device for you and have fun!

> member_25cff16817 wrote: > Your topic and what you're sharing reminds me a lot of another thread here called "pushing past blue balls" - hopefully you can get some helpful thoughts from it. > the archived discussion > I'll add one other thing, pain is not the same as discomfort. Pain is your body's way of saying that something is wrong. I encourage you to respect that and be patient for a properly fitted device. Thanks for the reminder Aarkey. I have a very high tolerance to pain so something was definitely off here. A few people have said to try the bigger ring, but when I shrinkage occurs I can get a full two fingers in down to the second knuckle and can pull out with some fishing (though the new device when it comes will have a PA adaptation so pulling the locked PA through would be impossible if I was 1 ring larger.) However, at the size I'm wearing, I can just barely get 1 finger in up to the first knuckle so I'm unsure if I am sizing this right. Also thanks for the link to the blueballs thread. It helped a lot. I was never a chronic masturbator, but would take care of myself 1-2 times a week. Since we started this journey in December, I have not once cheated and relieved myself. I tried the Valsalva Maneuver as one of the people in the thread recommended and it really helps a lot and so I'm thinking when the device goes back on me tonight that might do the trick when I get too worked up and can't take the pain any more. Also, the one person who said that minimizing the stimulation can help is spot on. The problem with that is my husband/keyholder is like a kid in a candy store with me being locked up. He is so turned on by it, he won't leave me alone (I love him, I just want a break from the affection so I can give it a rest). I almost wish we went back to EMC without the device so he wouldn't have a visual reminder to turn him on. I told him it wasn't comfortable when he was overly affectionate, so I'm hoping that once I'm back in the device tonight he finds better ways to show his love that aren't as intense for me. Thanks again. Being so new to this, I just didn't know if it was me or the device. It sounds more and more like it is what I'm wearing. I'll just be patient and talk to Sir Tabbha to see if he is open to EMC w/out a device until the jailbird arrives.

[quote=" There are other options like the Crucible from Steelworks (have to ask for a quote) or the mouse trap. I even remember seeing a custom fitted titanium head cap for several thousand bucks but it looked amazing, covering the last inches of your penis in a life-like sheath of titanium locked in place through your PA (something that will wait till I win the lottery)[/quote] I beg to differ on the cost issue:oops:

> member_25ceb4a98e wrote:fully agree with all the ones above... > your base ring is too small.. happened to me too. i am now in a bigger base ring.... and am better - although still with a little discomfort at night Thanks. I'm not thinking it is the base ring as it is really loose and I can pull out if it gets any bigger. I'll just wait for the new device to arrive and see if that takes care of the problem. If not, MM said they will change out the ring for a nominal charge.

Thanks at TitaniumChastiTi and @The Grinder. I really like the look of Lori's tube though I guess I don't get much choice as Sir Tabbha really chooses what I put on. Wasn't familiar with most of those options so I will pass them on to him. I really prefer titanium due to how light weight it is and didn't know there was an affordable option (thanks TitaniumchastiTi) I have a tear in my urethra from an accident I had with my PA about 20 years ago, so I try to keep lightweight jewelry in it and was scared after trying the PA5k and having such a bad experience to try another PA only chastity sheath vs a whole unit. The outer skin is intact but the inner urethral wall is torn. If he is open to it, we will look into one of those devices once we have saved again. It would be nice to have something more flexible for going to the gym and doing more grunt work around the house.:D

I just wanted to give an update and thank everyone again for their help and support. I received my Jailbird the other day from MM and it's already a world of difference. The most major problem wasn't the base ring diameter, but the cage length. The cage of the old knock-off was too long and wide, allowing me to get more erect. The end result was more pressure on the base ring because I could get more aroused. The custom cage is totally controlling that. It also isn't allowing full erections so I'm not getting as horny as quickly which is making that much more manageable. While I know it might need a slight adjustment in length and gapping between the base ring and cage (want to see how my body adapts to it before I fully commit to adjusting it), I feel this finally solved the issues and I'm so much happier. I still am going to look into a minimalist cage for working out, but am happy with this for now. Again, thank you everyone for your input and support. I'm excited about the next steps on my journey with my husband/keyholder.