Exploring a New Approach

My girlfriend has kept me in chastity since July of 2015. It hasn’t been continuous, with a couple month-long breaks here and there. Right now, I have been out for almost two months. She dislikes my masturbation but loves having me locked up; however, sometimes I need a break from the routine.

She isn’t very sexual. There isn’t much teasing or similar activities that most guys receive to keep them interested in wearing their tube. That’s an issue for me because it feels like I’m just being kept locked up so I don’t ask her for sex. She doesn’t want me cumming without her, which is fine, but I wish she would take more control. We’ve discussed this and she acknowledges what is happening, though she claims there’s nothing she can do to change it.

The first few months were good with some teasing, then she started using the device as a way to avoid sex, causing the teasing to stop. We have gone up to 75 days without any teasing or sexual contact (neither PIV nor oral). It isn’t that I desperately need sex while in chastity, and I can handle being locked for that long, but I definitely require the teasing as well as giving her pleasure. Some might say this is her prerogative and that I am Topping from the bottom; you are likely right about that. Still, I need the teasing to stay interested.

So, I introduced a compromise. I will wear the tube during her period, specifically for the 7 days she takes her sugar pills from birth control. After that, I will be unlocked, but she retains the right to tell me to lock up at any time. I hope this encourages her to tease more and leads back to full-time chastity.

Thoughts?

I have the same issue with my keyholder not teasing or wanting enough sex. Your situation sounds a bit more extreme than mine. I get teased at least once a week. What I do to fix this is tease myself while the keyholder is at work and I am home. Convince her to send you provocative pictures on your phone during work hours. Use those pics to essentially tease yourself. Indirectly, she is doing the teasing since it is a picture of her. I find that self-teasing with photos of my KH still helps build desire toward her. The avatar I use is a close-up pic sent by my KH while I was at work. Also, it goes without saying: make sure you are locked up when you tease yourself. I used to get upset when I didn't receive enough teasing. But I realized she holds total control. If she doesn't want to tease me, then I don't get teased. As you mentioned, if you get angry and pressure her into it, that is you taking control. I wouldn't recommend having periods out of **chastity** because, in my opinion, it defeats the purpose of male chastity from the start.

We are dealing with that exact challenge at the moment. It feels like a cycle to me. There will be a month or two where she keeps things going and teases me several times each week. Then comes a stretch of weeks where she has no desire for anything else—no orgasms for her, none for me either. She just wants to hit the sack and have some quiet time. I am feeling that strain myself right now. We finally agreed on making my **chastity** permanent about a month back, following an initial period of one and a half months in lockup. After nearly three continuous months, slipping into her non-sexual mode has been difficult. I miss the teasing, but what I really crave is seeing her climax. It reminds me of that restless feeling before **chastity** when going a few days without releasing felt strange; now, if I go too long without being able to give her one back, I get on edge. Let's hope this phase passes quickly and she returns to her usual self.

> member_b764c32ac7 wrote: > I wouldnt recommend periods out of chastity because, in my opinion, it defeats the purpose of doing male chastity in the first place. I completely agree with that. This is especially true if either of you plan on extended durations. That was one of the key reasons we chose permanent **chastity**. The constant back-and-forth between lock and **release** gave us both quite a headache, though for different reasons. My wife still goes through her occasional dry spells, but thankfully we are past that emotional and hormonal rollercoaster associated with repeatedly locking up and letting go.

Any sexual **fetish** involving a partner who isn't particularly driven by sex usually struggles to hold its ground. I know your situation well because I have been in it myself. I won't dictate what you should do, but the web is full of stories from men with wives or girlfriends who lack interest in either sex or their specific **fetish**. My advice for younger folks is to marry someone sexually compatible. With divorce rates being so high, compatibility matters. Women rarely shift dramatically from a low libido to a high one. So, seriously consider whether it makes sense to stay with someone who may not provide the sexual satisfaction you need. I agree with the previous **chastity** suggestions. My solution was 24/7 lockup but requiring two nights of teasing per week. However, if your girlfriend is totally resistant to this setup, then effectively you are just playing by yourself. Having experimented with nearly every fetish out there, when my partner isn't into it, moving on has always been the wisest choice.

Great advice guys!

My wife is in her mid sixties so her libido is decreasing every year but our deal is that I will stay locked up and denied as long as she likes but I have to be teased once a week. After a month, I have to be teased twice a week. That has worked well for us over the last few years. Our problem is different. While being more aroused for your wife is touted as one of the benefits of chastity, my wife prefers that I do not suffocate her with too much attention. She does not like when I look at her like a hungry dog eyeing a big juicy steak. I try not to do it but after 3 weeks or so, just seeing her hard nipples under her blouse draw my attention and arousal so it is a battle for me. Today we are trying a new method. If I mention sex, I get caned hard. Tonight will be an example of what I can expect if I bug her about sex or teasing me before she is ready. Of course I had to agree to be punished because after all, chastity is a sex game and not my real life.:)