Establishing ground rules for permanent chastity

Greetings everyone. My Better Half and I are seeking advice from those who have committed to a full-time chastity dynamic. We’ve experimented with the PA-5000 since we started dating, but now that we have ordered a custom cage, we are drafting up ground rules for when it arrives. The plan is for her to take permanent possession of my key after I spend a few weeks adjusting.

We agree there will be a backup key stored in a home keysafe, known only to her, reserved strictly for absolute emergencies.

Outside of those rare cases, I can only unlock if my wrists are cuffed, ensuring I cannot touch uncaged. Since we chose a PA device without a scrotal ring, shaving is possible while wearing it. When she washes me in the bath or shower—a task she really enjoys—I will be handcuffed.

Initially, I expect to be unlocked only every few weeks (and less often as time goes on). Any orgasm requires her permission.

**Chastity** is like Calvin Ball: you create the rules as you go. It varies significantly between couples. My wife is quite vanilla and passive by nature. I wear my cage continuously, having done so for two and a half years, and expect to continue long-term. She cares more about preventing masturbation than embracing the kink aspect, though she finds stainless steel cages attractive. As long as I don't release myself and am available when she desires, that suits her. I handle my own maintenance; in the morning, I may take out the **key** to shower and shave without asking, but she expects me to re-**lock** immediately afterward. Occasionally, after cycling or if we are spending time together heading into the evening, I can stay out for the rest of the day. However, at bedtime, back it goes. *Never* allowed out overnight or when home alone.

For us, it is quite straightforward. I remain locked continuously except during cleaning routines. Occasionally, I am out if engaging in activities like mountain biking where the cage might cause significant discomfort or injury, but I re-**lock** as soon as possible. There is no "supervised" freedom here; nothing like being unlocked while handcuffed. Erections and any activity involving my penis are essentially a thing of the past.

> member_af8d16a51f wrote: > There is no "supervised" freedom like being unlocked while handcuffed or anything like that. Erections and anything involving my penis are a thing of the past. I'm new to all this, so... why?

> member_2527a71134 wrote: > > member_af8d16a51f wrote: > There is no "supervised" freedom like being unlocked while handcuffed or anything like that. Erections and anything involving my penis are a thing of the past. > I'm new to all this, so... why? It's a long story (detailed in my journey thread), but here is the summary: Penetrative sex has always been painful for my wife; she absolutely hates intercourse. She also dislikes masturbation. With our previous poor sexual life, I secretly developed a significant **orgasm** problem via masturbation—at least once daily, sometimes up to three times. I started using a device because I was tired of the habit and wanted to fix it. My wife embraced it because it allowed her to enjoy sex without penetration from the first time we were intimate with me locked. Neither of us enjoys receiving oral. She has tried giving handjobs occasionally, but finds them difficult; she struggles to help me climax properly. It often ends in 20 minutes of frustration where I ask her to stop as she rubs me raw. For my part, intercourse and masturbation were my only outlets for **orgasm**. As my wife grew more confident keeping me chaste, she began requesting permanent chastity. She has no desire to return to penetrative sex. She is happy knowing that while I provide her pleasure, I cannot demand anything in return. Additionally, she feels a sense of justice or revenge after years of painful, orgasmless sex; it pleases her that my penis—previously the source of pain and frequent pregnancies (5 times in under 8 years)—is now locked away and unused. For me, this has led to a more active relationship. I missed erections and **orgasm** initially, but my memory of them is fading, and I can live without them. Thus, our chastity is permanent with minimal rules: I stay locked except for cleaning or activities where being locked would be uncomfortable or dangerous, and I am done using my penis.

@Shepherdsflock thank you for sharing. It sounds like you two have found a great balance. For us, I prefer not having the option to unlock myself at all. However, discussions on other forums suggest that attaching a spare **key** to a breakable security tag is wise; this makes it obvious if I use it without permission. What do others think?

> member_b265c134ad wrote: > @Shepherdsflock thanks for sharing: it sounds like the two of you have found your perfect relationship. For us, my preference would be to not have any opportunity to unlock myself, but a few people on other forums where I've discussed it suggest that it would be best to have the spare **key** attached to a breakable security tag, so it would obvious if I used it. Any thoughts? Perfect? Not exactly. If I had my way, my wife would learn to enjoy intercourse and I could use my penis again. It isn't perfect, but it is far better than our past. Regarding the spare **key**, I agree with the others: life happens, and you will encounter situations where unlocking becomes necessary. I always keep a backup key when traveling.

Apologies; "perfect" might have been slightly off mark. I recently went through your thread on a new experience in self control and noticed some similarities with my own wish to quit masturbation so I can dedicate myself completely to the pleasure of my **B**etter **H**alf.

> member_b265c134ad wrote: > Apologies; "perfect" might have been slightly off mark. I recently went through your thread on a new experience in self control and noticed some similarities with my own wish to quit masturbation so I can dedicate myself completely to the pleasure of my **B**etter **H**alf. Yes, it is an improvement over how things were before, though there are difficult moments too. The fact that she genuinely enjoys sex makes it worthwhile, but honestly, there are periods when it feels quite tough. This was especially true between the end of month one and month three. Getting used to life without erections or **orgasm**s is challenging for a while. There were instances where I nearly cried just longing for an erection. Even now, some days remain difficult. Although I don't recall exactly what erections or orgasms feel like anymore, the urge for some kind of **release** persists and can become quite intense. Permanent **chastity** is not a simple path, and I couldn't see myself managing it without a wife who supports me. If she weren't so keen on this arrangement, there's no way I could sustain it.

This applies to us both as well. It took considerable time and trust before I managed to convince **H**erself that this is truly what I desire, aiming for it to be a long-term or permanent part of our relationship. Trying not to get too sentimental (because, you know, being English means we aren't always great at giving compliments to strangers), your thread has been really inspiring: I am thinking about showing it to **H**er because I believe it will help her better *understand* me.

> member_af8d16a51f wrote: > There were instances where I nearly cried just longing for an erection. Yes, this ^^^ I never realized how much I appreciated having erections until they became something I couldn't summon at will. It is a significant psychological shift.

> member_ddeb67f91e wrote: > **Chastity** is like Calvin Ball. LMAO.:lol: I should start using that phrase at work. Thanks for the cheerful moment.