Yeldarb A New Era of Permanence

I won’t dig too deep into our backstory regarding who we are and how we reached this point in our journey, since you can search my username to find various generations of our story and my current status—going back two or three years (I think) from when I wrote that.

My Keyholder and I have been experimenting with Male Chastity for a while now. We’ve had some success and some failures, but always against a backdrop of tricky life circumstances.

Life has conspired on several occasions to shift our focus and rob us of the opportunity to fully commit. Indeed, there is no guarantee that we are yet truly in the place where I believe we should be—the one where both of us hope we can finally embrace everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) Male Chastity has to offer our lives, but we remain hopeful!

There definitely seems to be a “kink deficit” between us. Although she was very enthusiastic about receiving my BDSM ministrations at various stages during our six-year history, she is still gently finding her equilibrium regarding many of my desires.

I expect I will reference some historic details as I go along, but for the purpose of this blog start-point: we are in week four—coincidentally a full-blown ‘LockTober’. We didn’t deliberately embark on that timeline; it just happened. My Keyholder decided she was finally ready to lock me again in September, and the deed was done on September 30th.

Since then, there have been hygiene/wash unlocks, of course, and three or four times (until last week) when the combo of ring and post/spacer I used with my CB6ks let me down.

However, all is good in that regard now—or at least it appears to be. The one unlock permitted for relief happened after two weeks. My Keyholder told me what was happening the night before. She unlocked me and shaved me; then I showered and dried off. Afterward, she sensuously lotioned my scrotum and (rather small) penis, edging me three times by hand (ungloved), before “click”!

This past weekend, she allowed me a couple of breast worship sessions and inspected her goods a few times to check the device was working properly. She also made sure my little penis filled out the tube as it tried to erect.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I caught her with a self-satisfied smirk after one such session recently. When I asked if she thought she was truly enjoying controlling my orgasms, she simply said “hell yes”.

For my part, I feel I am starting to find more in being controlled by her than I ever expected. Sometimes the simple moments remind me how much I have started to crave her domination—sexually and otherwise.

Just this morning, for example, as we got ready for work, she told me with a matter-of-fact but slightly brusque tone (definitely an instruction rather than a request) that I should empty the washing machine before leaving. At which my little locked cock twitched! Who would have thought.

Last night... I should explain that we are lucky enough to have a lovely five-bedroom home to ourselves (no children; I'm 61 and my wonderful Keyholder is 43). For various reasons, we have separate rooms. Not because of dysfunction in our relationship—we are completely cool there—but mostly because we can. Plus, I am an inveterate snorer who thrashes around the bed a lot during the night! So, what does this giot (girlfriend/wife) do with anything? It opens up certain horny routines. Last night, while getting ready for bed, Sara (that is my lovely Keyholder's name) came and undressed in front of me. I can look, but I cannot touch unless or until invited. She then made me lie naked (and caged) on one side of the bed while she lay alongside, also naked, pleasuring herself with her magic wand (it is purple; we call it her "purple pussy pleaser!"). Again, I could look, but not touch. Four clearly satisfying orgasms. Ten minutes later—yes, when she is in the mood she can be quick and is always multi-orgasmic—she promptly put it away. She left me frustrated and incredibly turned on, with my little penis twitching away in its confinement, desperate for release and relief. "There now, was that frustrating for you? Was it cruel of me to make you watch me come knowing that you couldn't?" "Deliciously so," I said. "But yes." "Good!" she said. And with that, she left, closing my bedroom door behind her! Nine days since she gave me my first (and last and only) orgasm—since she locked me—a handjob with a gloved finger in my bum; 25 days locked. In the meantime, that was the fourth time she made me watch as she masturbated, mostly without allowing me to touch her. At some point, I hope the occasional breast worship sessions she permits might become opportunities for me to pleasure her too. But I guess I will just have to wait and see. Meanwhile, I have so many kinky fantasies tumbling around in my mind.

Very interesting. I hope you continue writing.

Thanks EDAS; yes, I will. It is Saturday now and it looks like being a "quiet" weekend where any "play" is concerned. Sara is currently under the weather and simply not "feeling it" at all (her own words). However, this marks four weeks locked with just one "Relief Release" two weeks ago... she had said then that it would be (a minimum of) three weeks this time, so no real surprise there—but sadly no "indulgence" either, or so it appears... At least the device is much more comfortable now since I figured out a better ring and post/spacer combo ten days ago.

I like how your wife lies naked beside you and has orgasms while you don't even get to touch her. I have now been three months and two weeks without an orgasm. I do not wear a cage. And I do fuck my wife. It is just that I do not come when I do fuck her; I keep myself from coming. I also masturbate, but never to completion. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

You say your cock is small. How small? I find this even hotter when the husband's cock cannot come AND is also small. Very exciting!

Well, the size varies with circumstances and temperature, of course. But generally, it can be as small as an inch when flaccid, and at best maybe two or two-and-a-half inches; when erect, it never gets convincingly hard anymore—it is probably in the region of two-and-a-half to four inches at best, maybe four-and-a-half. Either way, it is far too small to satisfy any woman, least of all Sara. She is a bit of a "size queen" and is genuinely multi-orgasmic under the right circumstances with the right man (or woman probably). We have had a couple of cuddles since I last posted—I was allowed to give her ten minutes of breast worship on Sunday evening—and she has fondled/played with my caged penis a couple of times for three or four minutes since then, but no edging or anything particularly kinky. Well done on being chaste without the aid of any device except your willpower. I couldn't manage more than a couple of days really; I just can't help myself. Although it takes me ages to come when masturbating and alone, I have to work at it and try to get myself there whenever I can. When unlocked, I just spend so much time trying to masturbate.

Four inches or four-and-a-half... hmmm, that is pretty small. I see no mention here that you ever fuck her—i.e., penetrate her. She has edginged you "three times" once; she lets you inspect her goods (meaning her cunt, I would guess). She lets you see her naked but not touch her. All of this I love. I love that she tortures you like this. But has she ever let you put your small dick in her cunt and fuck her?

Well, yes. At the time we first met I was still somewhat "functional," just beginning to deal with the gradual loss in size and stiffness (and quantity of cum) that I had started to recognize for about a year prior. So yes, initially, I did have penetrative sex with her, albeit not as successfully as I was accustomed to. And I know she wondered what was going on with me. Even when I came inside her it wasn't very good from her point of view—there wasn't much "juice" or "action," really—but we compensated through other things we were into at the time (D/s, BDSM etc.) and quickly gravitated toward her having other guys too. However, while my diminishing "capacity" has been part of the soundtrack to our six years together, so has Sara's health issues, which culminated in a course of chemo that finished two years ago (for a kidney condition, not cancer). Either way, throughout our six years together my performance worsened until it is where it is now. I think the last time I came inside her was about three years ago after her then lover had filled her. As for her lovers, Sara hasn't actually had sex with anyone else for a year now—the chemo knocked her physically almost as badly as the condition it was supposed to cure (and it did work; she is technically in remission). She has had a premature menopause as a result (she's only 44, compared to my 61). Although HRT is supposed to help, her libido is still pretty low. That said, check out my next post...

Three days ago I returned from a nine-day two-country business trip. I got back real late from the airport, but within ten minutes Sara had mentioned getting me locked up again in the morning. I found it immensely reassuring, loving, and a big turn-on that she should mention it so soon after I was through the door. It turns out I slept most of the following day. So after a shower yesterday, she set a scene—both naked on the bed, her using her wand again, me not allowed to touch... though she did allow me a little bit of tender breast worship as she headed toward her sixth (!) and final orgasm—a real bed shudderer. In the meantime, her instruction had been for me to assemble the cage while she masturbated and be ready to be locked when she finished. Which I was, and she did. I had masturbated a few times while on-the-road; she assumed I would, being unlocked etc., and told me to have one last one overnight before being locked up again (which I did). As she clicked the lock, she said that was my "last for two weeks, at least..." With regard to her own libido, she told me she had masturbated with her wand "several times" while I was away. This is encouraging because for most of the past year it has been once every two weeks at most and sometimes a month between when she felt inclined. So, with one of life's inevitable occasional interruptions behind us, here we are: me now just a day back into Our "New Permanent".

A lovely breast worship/naked cuddle session a few hours after that last post, with Sara squeezing and tweaking my nipples quite hard to make my little penis twitch in its cage.

I forgot to mention that over the weekend, when she was re-locking me—as usual I sought assurance from Sara that she really did want this (I'm always in need of that reassurance). She said she wouldn't be doing it if she didn't want to. But when asked if she actually enjoyed it or got anything out of it, she said that I am "a much better person" from her point of view when locked. I loved hearing that!

Boy do I know that "needy submissive" who needs to hear that their D-type is really enjoying what they're doing. "You're not just doing this for me, are you?" That doubt wasn't helpful, at least not around here. Things are better when I just trust that Bear wouldn't be doing what he's doing if he didn't enjoy it. Things have been a million times better since we added touch points: saying good morning with some touch and asking how each other's night went; serving breakfast kneeling; embracing before Bear leaves for work, again when he comes back with a mutual "how was your day," and one final time before bed to say our "kink mantras":lol: while Bear asks me how I've been doing with orgasm denial that day. s-types thrive on structure, and it is the job of the D-type to provide that structure—in whatever form, individual to each couple. The D-type provides the framework for the relationship. We're getting some kink mentoring; can you tell? I'm loving all of it, and Bear is thriving.

Hi Schnoff... yes, sound of the nail being hit on the head... you're absolutely right about structure... I/we need to work on that. There are various fantasies I have that could be finessed and harnessed to give us that—ones that could become "low impact" routine rituals in terms of time and effort but definitely ones that punch above their weight in terms of erotic and chastity impact. Thanks for the feedback:-)

Saturday, and it has been a quiet week again where T&D is concerned. Sara was too stressed and distracted by work and social activities to have the patience and "bandwidth" for my neediness. I am one week through a (minimum) two-week lock-up... we'll see—maybe she will give me an orgasm, maybe she won't.

Seeing her lover again? Really? Maybe... Thursday and it has been quite a turbulent week so far, dominated by having to put down our very old dog for its own good. Sara rescues Greyhounds as pets; we are now down to one, having had up to three at one stage a few years ago. All very sad. My cage actually came off in the shower Monday morning... I think I overdid it with the water jet setting! Given what was going on, I held back from mentioning it or putting it back on for a few days... one less pressure for Sara to be bothered by and she says that she has appreciated the thoughtfulness. It is now Thursday morning and I'm still sans cage but she said she will put it back on me this evening, though Friday morning is more likely as she has one of her singing commitments tonight which tends to pre-occupy her. However, the HOT NEWS is that she said she had multi-orgasmic wand fun on Monday while I was at work and that her favorite ex-lover has been in contact, just on a friendly "how you doing" basis. That has happened before but this time may be different. Last night she said she thought it was time for her to "get her head of her ass" where such considerations were concerned (her words—it has been a year since she last had sex with anyone, and it happened to be him). From what she went on to say, it is clear that she is seriously considering getting "back on the horse!" I suggested that a tryst at some stage in the next few weeks to renew acquaintance might make a nice Christmas present for herself and she didn't disagree. I think she's now close to adopting a mindset whereby the issues holding her back over the past year or two, especially health issues, simply are what they are; she has allowed them to dominate her life too long. If I'm right with that then it would be an awesome step forward for her regardless of whether or not she follows through this time. I think allowing her space to detach from "play" without any pressure from me may have given her the time and space needed to regain some perspective, perhaps reconnecting with an inner self buried too long, becoming accepting again of her needs as a woman. Regular good sex—whether masturbation, "play" of some (any kind) with me, or getting "well fucked" by a lover (as she used to put it)—has always been and remains more important to her physical, mental, and emotional well-being than she has ever realized. There is no question that she is considerably more "sexual being" than she has ever really allowed herself to admit or be (apart maybe from the D/s BDSM phase she went through—which is what brought us together six years ago—and subsequent on/off and mostly disappointing attempts at threesome and "HotWife" fun.) During this conversation last night I confessed that while unlocked this week I had played with myself (just can't help it!) but hadn't actually had an orgasm behind her back (or anywhere lol!). She said that was good and appreciated that I could be trusted on the "honor" system sometimes, but none the less she threatened that she might add another week to the two due this coming weekend because of not being able to keep my hands off my (indeed her!) penis. We'll see. The truth is I only really got one decent stiffy and self-edge in that time; until last night, when thoughts that she may have a lover again weren't far from the front of my mind—or from my little penis! Though I still managed not to come! I'm surprised and no little impressed at my self-control, though sadly it has as much if not more to do with my inability to perform than anything else!

Sounds ideal to me.

Sunday morning and Sara shaved, lotioned and locked me telling me to attach the components while she pleasured herself to four orgasms with her wand ... then came the lock-up! I'd asked her a couple of times in this weekend about what she'd said about her lover, and she says she means it. S he has said two or three times that she'll reply to his latest contact, but she hasn't done so yet so I'm going to back off asking if she will as, in all honesty, she probably doesn't really want to yet. I don't think she's as ready for that as she may have started to think or say; just as she clearly isn't ready for any real good kink play yet and that should probably start between us before she starts to look elsewhere again. So for now at least I'm going to absolutely back off asking, suggesting or even trying to discuss either the kinky play I am so desperate for or her seeing her lover again. BTW she had threatened that the latest lock up would be for two more weeks but in recognition of my self restraint she has said at least one more for now then she'll see - as it is that would take me to four weeks since my last orgasm.

Well, how time flies - over five weeks since my last post. Christmas has been and gone, with me unlocked since the end of November as we have just been two busy with work, and too stressed with other distractions. I've had some orgasms, but nothing since before Christmas ... about two weeks I guess, on the honor system. All good now though - ordered the new Holy Trainer Version 3 today - through their website - should arrive in 2 days or so, from Switzerland (we are in the UK). I'll report on the "install" and initial impressions once we have our greedy hands on it - looks like a simple design mod has gone at least some way towards dealing with the slip-out issues some had reported with the V2 - we'll see. Sara is very excited that maybe, at last, this might be a comfortable and sustainable solution - she's still very positive about wanting to lock my "pathetic little penis" away; she's also in dialog about a possible meet with her 'lapsed' lover, maybe while I am away on biz next week.

More flown time! The HT V3 arrived and was an immediate success for both of us. I was away for a week on biz after just a few days, so have now been back in it for about a week and I have to say I love it. Way more comfortable and easier to use than the CB. Meanwhile S has fully embraced locking me up after shower time etc., and choosing me a pair of female panties to wear each morning. She used to say that there was no way she could ever accept "her man" wearing panties but look at us now - in fact last night I was at the top of the stairs without my pants on, just my panties de jour and my caged cock protruding. S was at the bottom of the stairs looking up and she actually said what a good look it was, how nice she thought it looked and said that in the future, whenever she is buying new panties for herself she'll try and get a an identical pair for me if they have my size. Wow! She shaved me Saturday morning the later we were out shopping for a couple of hours and quite unprompted she commented how much she loved knowing I was locked and wearing panties and that nobody else knew, it is our secret - that was a huge remark for me/her/us. Last week she lay naked on the bed with me naked and locked unable to touch her while she masturbated with her wand. She is multi-orgasmic and came three or four times, each one louder (and she can be loud!). My cock was trying to stiffen but of course couldn't. She's really getting in to certain forms of tease these days. Last night she had her first fool around with spanking me - I had done something bad later on Saturday and another infraction Sunday morning ... she had always maintained that she could never do that to me as it was wrong and the wrong way round - she had always been the one being spanked by me when we were first together, and still occasionally is these days too. But I said to bury the preconceptions and conventions and that if she liked it then where is it written that I won't do so too? The fact is that I simply did not know if I would, it was a first for me and I had always assumed it just wouldn't be something I'd like. Wrong. Whilst she was quite careful and conservative this first time I have to say that I liked it, on several levels ... in the context of having been bad I think the thought of being punished will help focus the mind and it certainly made my little penis all a glow, snugly locked away in its HT3! I haven't asked her yet, if she enjoyed doing it ... but I will - high risk, but I gots ta know! if she did get anything out of it, on any level.

Apart from one long (3 am to 11 pm) oversees business day trip which involved security scanners, I have been locked ever since my last post, and am locked currently. I have to say that the HT V3 continues to exceed expectations - so comfortable, barely know it is there most of the time. While I have read reports from V2 users that, compared to the CB series, it can be uncomfortable with night time erection, I have found the opposite - way better ... and I'm loving the permanent background erotic buz it gives me - my little penis is in a near constant state of semi arousal and (mostly) being sufficiently turned on most of the time to fill most of the tube. I'm using a small ring, the smallest (# 1 of 4), with a 'standard' (#3 of 4) tube - the third largest. I started out with a # 2 ring and tube, but then figured I'd repeat a past trick with the CB of going a ring but up a tube size and it is nicely secure and snug with the extra space in the tube probably being why I am not finding attempted erections (night time or other wise) pleasurable rather than painful. We are using the 0 - 20 punishment scale for infractions now and so far I have incurred a three and a five; I still have a Tenner hanging over me from last weekend - I guess a straight ten is like a straight red card in some sports ... it bypasses the regular spanking punishment scale and is an automatic 10 big ones; which no doubt will be administered just as soon as S feels like it - during the week she said she thinks I should be blindfolded when being spanked and that she'd like to try a flogger to whip my back ... one I used to use on her 'back in the day'. Oh, I should have added that it is now two weeks since my last orgasm and last night she announced that it would be at least a week more and that the night before she said again how much she likes me in panties now and how she loves the idea of me having to wear matching ones to hers!

> member_0ecdfbd9a4 wrote:I like how your wife lies naked beside you, has orgasms while you do not even get to touch her. > I have now been three months and two weeks without an orgasm. I do not wear a cage. And I do fuck my wife. It is just that I do no come when I do fuck her. I keep myself from coming. I also masturbate, but never to completion. > I look forward to reading more of your posts. Thank you for relating your story of chastity. Like you, I do not wear a cage, but refrain from masturbation and pornography. But like you, I have difficulty ejaculating inside my wife, something I attribute to conditioning myself to masturbation. Recently I read 's Renee Lanes story, Finding Love Through Female Domination, and the intensity of her life inspired me to quit tilting at windmills. So it's been 20 days now and I've only cum inside my wife once. I'm looking forward to seeing where this journey leads us and invite you to read the book.