Tullyboy Recognizing the truth

As I mentioned in my “Hello, World!” post, my/our entry into chastity has begun as an acknowledgement of reality. My wife holds the sexual power. From the beginning, I’ve been the typical over-sexed male. Early on I struggled with a porn habit and while that’s largely something that I avoid now, there are times when I slip back into that pattern for a day or two. One thing that habit does is ignite my already scorching libido. In comparison to my wife, who is content with sex every few weeks, I get grumpy after a day or two. And if I just watched porn, I carry over lots of fantasies that my wife wasn’t there to escalate into. While I’m half way around the track she’s still at the start line wondering when the gun went off. As I’ve read other’s stories in these forums, I can see that I’m not alone in that. We tend to leave our wives behind as we pursue our orgasms. And so I have become the beggar at her door hoping that she’ll feed me, while she’s thinking, didn’t I just feed you yesterday? Fortunately, I have a loving wife who really does care about my sexuality and needs. She often summons the energy (that she doesn’t have) to give me the sex that I’ve felt I need. Even as she gives me this gift, however, I know that I’m still the beggar and we’re not making love because she wants it. Sometimes it feels like mastrubation, only I’m getting to use a live human. Still, I know that she’s doing it because she loves me. And now, after 30 years of knowing each other’s bodies, we have the additional hurdle of, well, knowing each other’s bodies. Not a lot of new and interesting things to discover at this point. She and I have some lines that we won’t cross so many of the “new and exciting” strategies that others have found don’t work for us. Still, I love being kinky where we can and over the years we’ve tried a number of fun things. But since Tullygirl is usually still at the starting line, the games tend to take the all too familiar pattern of the wife wondering where THAT came from. And so here we are at chastity and she’s wondering “Where did THAT come from.” I suppose like many others here, the “I want it now” strong woman is at the heart of my desires. In real life Tullygirl is a strong woman. She commands others and knows what she wants and how to get it. I find it terribly attractive and I’m hoping that she might command me that way. To want me that way and take it. In addition, I realized that most of my sexual fantasies have been selfish. Oh, they might please her in some way, but the end has always really been my satisfaction. So as I was day-dreaming about what we could add to our marriage to increase intimacy, I consciously switched from “what can I get her to do” to “what can I do”. There’s probably still some selfishness since I benefit from increased intimacy, but I decided that I’m not going to try to make her do something, I’ll be the guinea pig. And if she’s not quite on-board, then maybe I’m trying it for me so that I can become a better person. So last week I wrote Tullygirl a letter talking about what I was thinking. I included a link to a couple that are blogging about the same thing so that she could hear the gun go off and move off the starting line. It’s funny how similar we all are. As I’ve done my research, the first question that I’ve seen time and again from the wife is “why”. I’m sure that you’ve seen it too. So we lay in bed that night talking through the why. In the end she said, “Ok. I don’t really understand, but ok.” And so here we are. She has always been the one that has the commodity and I’ve always been the one buying. She controls supply and is the source of the demand. Quite the monopoly she’s got there. And I love it. And I love her. And it’s time that we simply acknowledge reality.

This is the full list of "why's" that I came up with. 1. The take charge chick in you is pretty hot. It’ll be exciting to see that girl take control. 2. To remind me that sexual stimulation is for and from you. 3. It’s one way to balance our libidos. As we’ve learned over the years, we’re definitely on different cycles of need. Yours seems to be at about a week and a half and mine is about 2 or 3 Days. This may help with that; I’m just required to wait on your desire, not mine. 4. It’s new and different and sounds fun. It’s new hardware. Chastity is a new game with new rules to learn and understand. It may or may not turn into a long term game, but it’s fun to explore. 5. It makes other women inaccessible to me and reduces opportunities to be unfaithful. 6. I like the idea that closeness and sex are now separated. Maybe this can retrain both of us to more value intimacy apart from simple orgasm.

We began chastity a week ago but Tullygirl became a key holder just two days ago. She was away on a business trip so I self-locked and sent her the following email.* > Well that’s it. You’re officially my keyholder. > I hesitated to share this with you because I’m actually feeling it from a fairly emotional level and I don’t want to be made fun of. One reason that I didn’t send as a text. But here goes… it feels so good. It just fits, physically and emotionally. It’s comfortable. It’s comforting - kinda like wearing a warm sock on my penis. I’d go so far as to say that I feel euphoric. Like it was meant to be. I’m happy that my erections are controlled. They feel warm and full and slightly uncomfortable but barely sexual. It feels a little bit like wearing 3 condoms. I can see why people say that they can concentrate on the woman better. While my body is definitely saying, “I want an erection!” it is so much more controlled and will flit away much faster than a real hard-on. > I can’t guarantee how long this feeling will last, but it’s a good start. > When the box first came, I was careful not to rush into it but I felt like a kid waiting to open birthday presents. I wanted the feeling to last, so I opened it carefully and slowly and then looked at all the stuff in the box. I first tried the pokey device, which is just not going to work at my current state of arousal. I discovered that QUICKLY. When I tried on the other cage, I had to use a special method to get it on because I was a bit chubby and definitely not going to be reducing any time soon. I’ll show you the method later, but the result was that as my penis popped into place I thought, “Oh! this is nice. I could get used to this.” > So I’m yours. I’m locked. It’ll be fun to find out what our new play looks like - what our rhythm is. My advice regarding sex itself would be to make yourself happy first. When you’re ready for it, I’m here to help you however you want. With penis, without penis. With orgasm, without orgasm. We’ll just have to experiment to see what works best for you. As I mentioned in #3 above, I’m hoping to use this to reset my rhythm to match yours. > My caution is that I still need some sexual tension. Please consider how you treat me on a daily basis. I need to know that you want me and find me desirable. Flirting is essential. I’ll need some watering and pruning to be able to enjoy my place as yours to command. *(As an aside, there have been times that I’ve gone for a month or more without orgasm. Tullygirl has had extended business trips where mutual satisfaction was not possible. But this is the first time that we’ve coupled our adventure with a chastity device. In reality, our first times we’re more about simply getting through life and we didn’t take advantage of the situation by spinning it into something fun like tease and denial.)

Tullygirl is getting into the spirit of tease. Thursday night, while still away at her conference she texted, “I just did sit-ups.” My wife is one of the lucky few that can cum (in public, while working out) just by doing sit-ups. But it only works for her if she’s turned on and if she’s getting needy. I like both of those situations. I just about broke my cage.

Tullygirl came home last night. It was so good to see her but there was one dynamic missing. I wasn’t waiting to pounce on her and that was refreshing... to both of us. She had a long day of flights and layovers and arrived home around 9pm. I would truly have relished taking her body against mine and making hot love all night long (or the portion of the night that middle agers like us can handle). It was such a relief to know that I didn’t have to make that decision with my penis. I already knew that an orgasm was off the table. I asked her whether she noticed that the pressure for sex was missing and she agreed that it was nice that she was able to simply “show me love” without worrying that she’d need another half hour to “make love.” Then the kids came into the room. Normally, if I had been wanting sex, I would have been irritable at them for intruding into the time that we were getting ready for bed. Last night, I didn’t need to worry over their presence and we spent time laughing and talking with the kids. I love my orgasm but in this case I didn’t miss it at all because I made her happy. And the kids were happy. Which made me happy. Normally, had we not made love the night that she returned, I would have been expecting some relief the next morning. Well, THIS morning, we had an activity that took us out of the house by 5:45am. It was a really worthwhile activity that, had I been looking for love, I probably would have avoided so that we could make love instead. But it was so worth while and so now I’m happy that we did it and I didn’t need an orgasm. Now, be careful. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t plan times for love and sex and dating and alone time. That’s not what I mean at all. But sometimes I’d choose that good thing over better things. Sometimes I have a tendency to try to shoehorn things in to make them fit. Last night and today, I was able to choose the better thing because I wasn’t quite so worried about the good thing. One other wonderful thing. Since my device doesn’t have a real key, I haven’t quite got the physical key situation figured out. So last night I gave Tullygirl a key pendant and explained to her what it meant. Today she wore it on her favorite necklace for all the world to see.

This just happened: My wife and I thought that we were attending an event today where metal detectors were used so before we left Tullygirl unlocked me. We didn’t end up at the event, after all, but instead returned home around noon. She went off to read the paper and nap and I did a little reading and wrote my earlier posts... and took a nice nap:). I kinda wanted to wait for her prompting to lock back up, but I wasn’t so sure that it’d be something on her mind at this point early in our play. I decided to lock up by myself. Later, I was standing around talking on the phone. Tullygirl came up from behind me and gave me a squeeze. Feeling the cage, she gave a thumbs up and a cute little smile that said, “Good job, boy.” Darn near broke the cage again. I think that she’s having fun with this.

"That was good for me..." Tullygirl said in the caught breath of post orgasm euphoria, shortly before we drifted off to sleep. It began earlier as we were getting ready for bed. "Ahhh!" I heard Tullygirl in the bathroom as I was sitting on the bed. I looked into the bathroom to see her standing akimbo with blood on her hands and inner thighs. "What happened here?!" I asked suspecting the answer. "I didn't think that it'd come until tomorrow!" Her period had caught her off guard. I went back to what I was doing while she cleaned up. A bit later we were in bed and beginning to kiss. She said between kisses, "I was hoping that we might have some fun tonight, but now it doesn't look like good idea." I don't necessarily relish licking her while she's on her period, but I don't mind it all that much either. I told her that I was willing if it was something that she really wanted. "Oh gross," she replied, "you know how that grosses me out." "Could we maybe play with me a bit, edging, and maybe a ruined orgasm?" I suggested. She said in sexy voice, "Mmm, I like that idea." And I was treated to lovely wet kisses. And she took my nipples in her mouth and made me groan in happiness. And we played there for a bit. At one point, I suggested that we take the cage off for edging purposes, but her stern reply was, "Um, no." I don't know if she was just teasing before when I had suggested edging or if she didn’t hear me. Curiously, while I was surely disappointed, I wasn't angrily disappointed, I was turned on disappointed. If she was teasing me, she was getting good at it. Besides, I had no idea how I would ever get the cage off! "Well, thank you for what you ARE doing!" was my honest response. Some time later as the heat was fading and we both had laid our heads upon our pillows I heard from her, "Maybe we could use the wand on the outside of my jammies." Bells, fireworks, whistles, dogs barking, explosions all went off in my head. Our time together had turned her on enough that she was asking to be finished. As a husband of so many years, I sometimes think with discouragement that I don't really have the ability to turn her on anymore. And yet here she was and I practically stumbled across the room grabbing the wand, throwing things around to find an available outlet! My beautiful wife lay before me fully clothed in her Wonder Woman outfit. Now before you let your imagination run too far and promote me to "luckiest man on earth" this WW outfit is her jammies. Tullygirl isn't one for costumes so a few years ago I gave her flannel WW jammies knowing that that was probably as close as I could get to roleplaying:) As she lay there in her red and gold top and blue starred bottoms, I began my job of pleasuring. Her nipples strained against the fabric, her eyes closed, her back arched and little moans escaped... and I fought against one layer of jammies, one pair of underwear and a mini pad.

My purpose in seeking chastity is almost entirely invested in relationship. Thus, most of my posts so far have focused on the interactions between Tullygirl and I. This morning my mind is on the practical matters of having a steel cage on my penis. Up to this point (of mostly constant wear) the cage and I have had a symbiotic relationship. It gets to exist and I get my erections controlled. My cage is particularly comfortable - usually. I’m needing a smaller base ring, which should arrive today. One effect of having a larger base ring is that my erections are allowed to grow a tad larger than they should. This isn’t normally a problem during the day because my penis is pointing down which has the effect of further reducing growth. However, my nocturnal hard-ons tend to grow seemingly unchecked so that I wake up to the base ring trying to rip my testicles off. Everything seems to be amplified in the middle of sleep, so this is much more painful than during the day and I can imagine my poor little balls flying across the room as they are ripped off. Three times a night I’m slapped awake by this phenomenon. And as you probably know, these nighttime visitors don’t tend to simply vanish when you try to stop thinking about them. So, I usually get up, walk to the bathroom, hang out in there for a few minutes, pee and go to bed. Clearly, its something that I can survive, but this morning was the first time that I woke up thinking that maybe the cost/benefit ratio wasn’t in my favor. I’ll be happy to try the new ring today.

Tullygirl allowed me to unlock to try the new base. Fits perfectly. I feel a lot like cheating and having an extended time out. I'm not sure whether she reads any of these posts - I don't think so, but if she does I suppose that I better take a shower and re-lock. We have a deal that when she let's me unlock on my own I am not allowed to play and need to re-lock following my appointment. I'd hate for that trust to be removed; it would just make life complicated. And ruin our fun. Looking forward to seeing how this evening is. (I'm sure that you're all waiting, too.;) )

Well?... I'm sure you're all asking. It was a marginal success. Much less testicle pain, but my erections got caught in a feedback loop so I spent several sleepless hours being jerked around by my penis. I have a feeling that my hair might be getting tugged a bit, too. But my wife likes hair on me and so do I, so I'll just learn to live with that. (or the offending hairs will eventually get ripped out). I really need to sleep with my penis pointing down. At one point, I slept with my hand on the cage to encourage that position. I got some nice sleep until my hand fell away and SPROING! So maybe today's goal is to engineer a penis-pointing-down-device. I havne't told Tullygirl, yet, but I'm just really hoping that it turns her on.

It appears that the situation isn't unique to me; other men in chastity experience similar nighttime trouble. After looking through this and other forums, I’ve decided to tackle the evening using Baby oil gel along with the new ring.* This approach made last night much more bearable. For most of it, I could roll over and rest, only needing to get up twice for bathroom trips. *I actually have three rings available: small, medium, and large. I began with the large one, which felt super comfortable during daytime hours but wasn't quite big enough to allow pulling out. At night though, OUCH! Next, I tried the small ring; it was very comfy by day too. By night, it lessened testicle strain but introduced a dull gut ache reminiscent of being punched with a ball. Now wearing the medium ring seems like a solid compromise. Once I get used to this size, I plan to switch back to the small one for another try.

Tullygirl leaned close and whispered, “You’ll be unlocked on Friday... and I have the day off. You can stick your penis wherever you like. *giggles* Well, almost anywhere—except my bum—you and I both know it won’t go there.” “Can I cum?” “Yes, of course; it’s Freedom Friday!” Looks like a break from NO!vember is finally here. Now I just need to survive two more days. Two long, painful ones. It turns out that wanting to show love by reducing my sexual neediness means I’m currently struggling with needing less while still needing her. Many Journeys offered good advice about patience and avoiding making every conversation revolve around the cage or sex. The guidance is excellent but hard to follow! Still, I hope I’ve found a nice balance where she doesn’t feel pressured by my desires yet knows I need her. What I really want is to send hundreds of suggestive texts daily, share all highs and lows, talk about sex constantly, kiss, fondle, lick, and make out every day. But that’s precisely what I’m trying to spare Tullygirl from. Sigh.

As my head rested on the pillow in the dark, my wife leaned her face toward mine. Wet, passionate kisses followed. “Can I put myself inside you?” I asked. She was tired; work had been demanding all week. Yet a few minutes later we navigated our first encounter while locked. Tullygirl’s warm embrace around my caged penis sent waves through me. She let me guide her quickly into release, after which she rested her head on my chest as we drifted off... ...until the crash of dishes in the kitchen broke the moment. Our son must have been practicing his plate-spinning act while doing them. Despite that, I slept well. As many predicted, it seems my body is adapting to sleeping in chains.

Friday was a delightful day starting with the words, “I think it’s about time I unlock you. Happy birthday!” We made wonderful love and then walked to our favorite spot for breakfast. It felt like sweet, tender freedom all around. That evening Tullygirl remarked, “I could make you lock up again, but Freedom Friday doesn’t end until midnight, and I don’t want to stay up that late... so consider yourself reprieved.” Saturday morning brought more gentle caresses before my love announced it was time for re-locking. However, while I was showering, she reminded me we were heading to a secure event in the evening with metal detectors. So I remained free one extra day. That night, though, she clamped on the irons!

What a lovely four-day weekend. I was grateful to spend it with Tullygirl. As noted in my last post, Friday and Saturday were packed with fulfillment. I could go into detail, but I won’t. Ha! Consider yourself denied. We skipped sexual play on Sunday morning and attended church together. An afternoon disagreement arose where we held different views on managing our social life. After two days of closeness, it felt odd to walk slightly apart again. Fortunately, we talked through it. We may still need to decide the matter eventually, but both voices have been heard, so things should work out when they come up. (Sorry for being vague; the specifics aren’t crucial—it’s a fairly ordinary issue). The sun rose on a fresh day this morning as we planned a hike. After several failed attempts at finding the trailhead, we finally located one and enjoyed a beautiful autumn walk along the river. We engaged in light touching, stole some kisses, exchanged hugs. Mostly we walked, talked, and took photos. I am truly grateful for my best friend to share this life with. During our stroll, I made a sexual remark which she answered: “You had your birthday present, so back to NO!vember you go.” I replied, “But you’re the keyholder; you can do whatever you want!” And did my best to convince her with a smile. Later, after lunch, I was sitting in our bedroom. Tullygirl wandered in naked and lay on the bed. “So, tell me about delay cream and condoms. Bet ‘cha a billion bucks that I can make you cum anyway.” Always ready for a good wager, I accepted immediately. Soon I was naked beside her on the floor. She rested her head in my lap with feet on the bed, using her pulsating vibrator to bring herself to an orgasm. Then it was my turn. With cream and condom applied, she gave it her best effort. Sadly, another post-coital orgasm for her meant I won a billion bucks.

Like the refractory period after an orgasm, our Monday evening is spent watching Tullygirl’s favorite show: Chef’s Table. We recline on the sofa with her back nestled between my legs—not sexually, but reminiscent of our intimate weekend. Our quiet conclusion.

I work from home while my wife does not. It has been lonely around here today.

Ironically: This morning marked the first time Tullygirl and I attempted running while locked. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I wore a jockstrap over my underwear, hoping to keep things contained, but by the end of the run, the base of my testicles were raw. Fast forward to this afternoon when I chased down a robber at our local Target. Apparently, I can still run if necessary. I tackled the guy and saved the merchandise. He pulled out a knife, so I let him escape. An unusual Wednesday afternoon indeed. I don’t recall it hurting while running; as the adrenaline fades, my balls are fine. Go figure. A light jog with protection equals pain. Chasing bad guys and jumping fences equals happy balls.

What an emotional rollercoaster. After Wednesday’s adrenaline-fueled adventures, Thursday was tough. It began with recalling a particularly difficult period from a few years back. Those memories are never welcomed and truly torment my soul, sticking with me throughout the day. I hoped there would be time for a tender moment with Tullygirl, but as the day progressed, I heard nothing from her. Then I juggling kids’ school activities, grocery shopping, and dinner prep—all while carrying an irrationally heavy heart. Sometimes it surprises me how needy I am. Apparently, all I needed was to see Tullygirl because when she walked in cheerfully saying “I’m home!”, the darkness around my heart melted away, bringing clarity. She joined me in making dinner; we chatted about our days and enjoyed each other’s company. But I felt a desire for more—physical intimacy. In my head, I was chanting, “Please want me, please want me,” hoping my Jedi mind tricks might work on my wife. Unfortunately, those tricks only affect the weak-minded, and I knew my cage limited my psionic power;). So it seemed I would settle for emotional closeness. We shared a nice meal with the kids and had a mellow evening until heading to bed. As we lay there, her arm intentionally brushed against my cage. “Maybe I’ll get ready for bed now...” she teased. Tullygirl got up to brush her teeth and change into jammies. Maybe I am a Jedi after all! At that moment, our daughter knocked on the door needing help with vocabulary practice. I listened as wife and daughter went through each word... repeatedly. I don’t know if Tullygirl intended anything sexual to happen, but after delaying further, she climbed into bed; clearly, the mood had passed. However, all was not lost. She began reading a Keyholder’s Guide while I rested my head in her lap receiving a tender back rub. Not only did I appreciate the massage, but I’d hoped she might invest time researching her role as keyholder more deeply. Like many chaste men among us, I tend to be the one who does the research and dives deep into things. This makes it nearly impossible NOT to Top from the Bottom because I possess the information. After some reading time, she rolled over for a goodnight kiss and gave me reason to stand as hard as my trapped penis could manage. Yet I was truly satisfied with just a bit of teasing and knowing she took her role seriously.

Most mornings Tullygirl and I rise early to workout. Today we were lazy and took a long walk. Long walks are pleasant because they allow conversation—it’s hard to run and talk simultaneously. Our morning chat covered various topics, but one highlight was her impression of Mistress Ivey’s book. We discussed FLR and Ivey’s approach. Both agree that FLR isn’t for us. We generally view our life together as a team partnership. Even so, while saying this, I admit to being the final authority in our home. Yes, I am an alpha male. An alpha male who lovingly yields his sexuality to my wife.

What a strange experience I just had. The security bolt on my device was loose, so I texted Tullygirl to see if I could break the seal* on the emergency key to fix it. She said yes. The bizarre part was how illicit it felt opening that key box. It was electrifying; thoughts of unlocking raced through my mind... even though I didn’t particularly want to or need to (it’s only been five days). Don’t worry, though. Knowing I needed to be good for Tullygirl, I tightened the screw and applied a new security seal to the emergency key. * we use tamper-evident security tape signed by Tullygirl. The seals come in packs of 500 so we have plenty, but only one bears her specific signature.

Several firsts have already happened this week. Today I added two more: 1) ten hours in a car and 2) swimming. Like the rest of America (judging by traffic), my family and I are driving to join relatives for Thanksgiving. The day began with the joy of licking my freshly showered wife; we have a walk-in shower where the bather is fully visible. I watched her for a few minutes then asked if she’d enjoy being licked. Secretly hoping there might be room for my cage to come off, but time was short so we did the usual “One and done”. Ten reasonably comfortable hours later, we are in the middle of nowhere at a Holiday Inn with a pool. That went pretty painlessly too. The cage is visible if I don’t de-suction my trunks upon exiting the water, otherwise nothing overly conspicuous. Regarding sexual levels, I’m hoping Tullygirl reaches the chapter on edging and ruined orgasms soon. I could really use some attention. Oh right—we’re on vacation staying in the same room as my daughter, then hosting a full house for Thanksgiving. This means teasing and denial will likely lean heavily toward pure denial. On the bright side, glad I have the cage on because I’m highly likely to set personal chastity records;).

Today was another long and uneventful car day. What WAS eventful was arriving to greet my newly engaged oldest daughter. The young man who captured her heart had asked for her hand months ago, and today finally saw the question answered. My daughter said yes. We celebrated wonderfully with balloons, streamers, and ice cream cake. Grateful indeed. As I settle into bed, hearing them giggling in the living room brings back fond memories of those laughing days. I’m trying something new tonight. I’ve rigged straps to the base ring on my device hoping for more comfortable sleep by keeping it closer to my body. We’ll see if my penis stays put until morning. It has to be better than the underwear and jockstraps I’ve tried before.

And no, it doesn’t have to be more comfortable. Holding the base ring close made erections last interminably. While they were more compact and tugged less on my testicles, the strain from the straps made me feel like I was wearing a rock climbing harness after falling 20 feet. Sometime in the middle of the night, I removed all the rigging and slept peacefully until morning wood and light stirred me. Still, I yearn for some kind of release or teasing—or both. But this morning, I’ll satisfy myself with a tall cup of coffee and a long mountain hike with my family.

Today I went to my happy place. There wasn’t any release up there, but there were trees, snow, and an icy babbling brook. We hiked as a family (adding another medium hike in chastity to the record) while I watched our dog run here and yon up the slopes. We’ll be back in the woods tomorrow, hopefully skiing down them. Wish me luck.

Monday evening, after visiting my happy place, my keyholder and love decided it was time to remove the cage. “Let’s take that off so you can get a good night's sleep, and then we won’t need to worry about it for skiing,” she instructed. I happily obeyed. We stumbled slightly when her regular key lacked enough turning strength to break the thread-lock applied the day before. Fortunately, the emergency key had more torque and opened easily. Preparing for bed, I’d applied my nightly baby oil, so I was smooth and ready for rubbing. Tullygirl reached over and brought me to an edge—once, twice, three times. “Maybe I should let you cum. It’d be a shame to waste having the cage off.” “You’re in charge,” I responded hopefully. She seemed undecided but kept her hand on my penis as we kissed deeply. Then I removed her jammies and moved to place my head between her legs. But she grabbed my ears and pulled me up toward her face, whispering, “I want the real thing. I want your rod inside me.” I entered Tullygirl joyfully, mind reeling as sensations hit my body. I pumped slowly deliberately, still unsure if full release was permitted. “Can I cum?” I begged. “Fill me,” she moaned. And within a few more strokes, I did just that. Gently lowering my body onto hers, I nearly cried out thanks. “Thank you so much.” She snickered, “You’re welcome.” That night I slept freely and well. The next morning, Tuesday, we hit the slopes for our family day. After a long skiing session, we were back in bed. Tullygirl said, “I’d like you to stay unlocked tonight. You can have one more night of restful sleep.” I woke up rested this morning and was greeted by several edges before being locked back into place.

I’ve been going in and out for many good reasons this week. Yesterday involved rock climbing; I didn’t even want to imagine what that sport could do to my testicles if the cage ripped off. Today we’re doing a 5K. Both times, I locked back up immediately afterward. Last night, before bed, I suggested unlocking so we wouldn’t have to deal with it in the morning. “Nice try,” was her reply.

We wrapped up a lovely Thanksgiving week by setting a new driving record: 15 hours. It was an endless day, yet my device gave me no trouble. On Sunday, we went to church and then grilled ourselves a homemade pizza. After dinner, we decorated for Christmas, leaving our home looking quite festive. Tullygirl seemed especially happy to be back. She was playful, flirtatious, and charming; I sensed an opportunity for sexual intimacy and found myself wanting to touch her often. At one point, I asked, “Am I being too handsy?” Her response was, “Yes, but that’s ok,” accompanied by a coy smile. However, as the day progressed we grew tired, and by night it became clear that our playtime would end with some wonderful kissing. I felt proud that I didn’t suggest sex myself; instead, I let her guide us. As we were winding down, I asked if she wanted any release, but she declined. Not long after, she nestled against my chest, wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tightly. Then came the most sincere “I love you” I’ve heard in a while. Her affection reached deep into my soul—a feeling I hope to preserve for future difficult times in our marriage. It’s been roughly a month since I started this journey. Initially, when we began playing, I didn’t have a clear end goal; I hadn’t considered the duration or intensity but dove in with intent to figure it out. Now, my mindset has shifted. It no longer feels like mere play. It doesn't feel like a game or using a sex toy. Instead, I view this as: “Will this become our lifestyle?” I suspect it will. Tullygirl seems to appreciate the break from sexual pressure. I don’t think she gets much of a kick out of my locked state—she probably isn’t sitting at work thinking about me and getting wet. That’s just not her nature, which is largely why we turned to chastity in the first place. While she doesn't dwell on sex mentally, I definitely do. That is where the power lies for me. Instead of trying to pick Tullygirl up like a sexual car speeding at 150kps, now that she’s driving, we accelerate together. Admittedly, this can bring frustration. I’m accustomed to being in control and having more sex. But my device has become where I store that frustration. It reminds me that I have joyfully handed the wheel to my wife so she can be happy. Words like last night’s “I love you” prove this journey is worth it.

A quick note on sleeping. Sleeping naked seems most comfortable for me. I’ve never really been a naked sleeper (it seemed like I was always catching or rubbing against something), but it appears that things are changing.

I felt quite desperate last night. I was genuinely hoping for some serious teasing or perhaps milking of sorts. Tullygirl apparently feels we’ve had enough outings during NO!vember. Here is our exchange: Me (said hopefully): "I'm feeling like maybe I need to be milked tonight?" Tullygirl: "You can stop thinking about that. It's my responsibility to decide what you need." So I rested my head in her lap, happy to be denied so firmly, and enjoyed a soft back rub while she read.

Tullygirl reached out to stroke the front of my jeans. “Did your smaller cage come?” “Nope... Friday.” “Woo hoo!” she exclaimed. “It’ll be so small.” She let her hand linger, rubbing gently. How is it that I feel more sexually loved while caged than ever when free? Maybe because every move she makes feels intentional to me. Or perhaps the cage focuses attention. Whatever the reason, my feelings for my wife are overflowing with warmth. Regarding the smaller cage: I’ve had to adjust to different sizes. Apparently, I was a bit chubby during my initial measurement. The new cage arriving on Friday reduces length by 1/2” and base ring width by 1/8”. I can’t wait to try it.

Last night was a wonderful evening of tasting my keyholder. After some lovely cuddling, I asked if I could give her an orgasm. At first she said, "I thought sex was supposed to be my idea." I replied, "Well, I'm just wondering if that's what you'd like:)" Okay, she agreed. She was about to start her period and her scent and touch were so... smooth. I started with my tongue and finished using a clit-sucker. Remembering how her body reacts fills me with joy. BUT, today I had to text her apologizing for overstepping. I'm trying to improve at "suggesting from the bottom." To help with this, I asked if we could have a weekly time where I can talk about sex from my perspective; perhaps that would keep my opinions out of our bed.

Just had this thought. One reason I value giving our bed to Tullygirl is that for most of our marriage, I’ve expected sex. I’d really like to reach a place where instead of expecting it, I’m grateful for it. It feels much more emotionally fulfilling and honors her better.

And last night I was grateful. No, we didn’t make love, but there was plenty of affection. The day began with Turkey. Since we missed our own Thanksgiving celebration earlier, I smoked a turkey to please Tullygirl. Later, when one of the children asked why we were having turkey, Tullygirl whispered to me, “cause it’s all about MY pleasure,” and gave a sly wink. My cage groaned slightly. We finished dinner and I retired to the bedroom to read; honestly, I was escaping. My desire for Tullygirl was so strong that I could barely keep my hands off her. My penis felt like it was vibrating. Two months ago, I would have suggested we retire to bed for love. Now, especially after texting her this morning, I didn’t feel I should say anything. Eventually, my emotions, our dinner wine, and the turkey created a pleasing mix... so I closed my eyes to sleep. Finally, my body shut down. Later, “Time to get ready for bed,” whispered my sweet wife. After brushing teeth and washing faces, I found myself back in bed where Tullygirl smiled broadly and leaned in for what was arguably the most luscious kiss ever recorded. It was wet, firm, and intoxicating. She placed her hand on my chest, focusing on my nipple. I had to stop kissing as I became overwhelmed. Then her hand drifted down my stomach and hesitated just slightly. Whether it was a deliberate tease or not, I don’t know, but my breath caught as I hoped she would continue downward. Then her hand moved again, took hold of me in my cage, and I whimpered. “Oh yes, please touch me.” Looking back, that’s hardly very manly, but I was completely under her control. And that was it. Well, the touching lasted a few minutes, but then it stopped. And I was completely satisfied—utterly so. As satisfied as if I had cumed. I just needed her to touch me, and I was grateful she did. Post Script to Tullygirl: If you’re reading this, being satisfied doesn’t mean I never want to cum again. Just to be clear on that point; I’m exaggerating slightly. Perhaps it’s best said as: I was very nearly as satisfied as if I had cumed.

Over the last couple of days we’ve discussed my boundaries for initiating touch. I’m allowed to kiss and hug. My hands can drift to her rear while hugging. I’ve definitely been interested in more frequent contact, so we established rules for both of us. But Tullygirl has been quite flirty herself. So this morning as we woke up, I rolled over into spooning position and put my hand on her tummy. “Am I allowed to touch here?” I asked. “Yep.” “What about here...” and I began moving my hand up under her nightshirt. “Don’t even think about touching my boobs,” she instructed... “and don’t think that you can just leave your hand there so you can catch them ‘accidentally’.” Bummer, she knows my tricks. A few minutes later we rolled over and she placed her hand on my stomach. “And where can you touch?” I asked hopefully. “Anywhere I want,” she answered knowingly and moved her hand to my cage, gently stroking the head through the bars. Not long after our run began when she said, “Well it’s December. That just leaves one question: Ruined or Real?” “Do you have any thoughts about it?” I asked. “Yes I do...” and she started running again. I limped behind her nursing a raging caged erection, making for a fairly miserable run. So I don’t know what she has planned for me this evening, if anything, but she knows my new smaller cage arrives today. I texted her asking whether I can try it on upon arrival (using the emergency key) or if she’d prefer to unlock me herself. Her response was that she’d like us to do it together. It warmed my heart to hear that. "Together" has a nice ring.

Addendum to today’s post: I’d even be okay if the choices were orgasm, spoiled treatment, or none. I’ve just been enjoying the attention so much lately that actual orgasm is in a different lane entirely. For me, this doesn’t mean I don’t want an orgasm; I’ll love it if it happens. It simply means I don’t feel the need to obsess over ensuring it occurs. Now, it’s not my concern—it belongs to Tullygirl. For example, before chastity, I very likely would have “protected” this evening knowing there was a chance for sex. Instead, today I feel comfortable planning a family event that might or might not interfere with our time together. If it does interfere, then that just means I’ll get some great kissing and perhaps a little fondling before drifting off to sleep. And tomorrow will be another day. I’m fairly certain I am a sex addict (probably not clinically speaking), and chastity has helped remind me of other important things in life.

One more post from me today. If you’ve been reading my journal, I hope I’m not overwhelming you with spam! Yesterday I discovered a new aspect of chastity that I didn’t expect to happen. It turns out that when I gave Tullygirl control over our bed, I effectively released her control over the whole bedroom in my mind. Here’s what I mean by that. I have always been a Victoria’s Secret buying, vibrator purchasing, sexy dress wearing misogynist. Tullygirl has rarely appreciated the gifts I’ve given her. I realized some time ago (6 years actually) that she felt like I was trying to mold her into someone else; someone crafted in my image. It made her feel devalued and somewhat slutty. When I noticed this, I definitely reduced this behavior, but never fully stopped it. Yesterday, however, I felt the need to make a more formal declaration. Maybe just for myself—I’m not sure—but I needed to say something. So I mentioned that, with her permission of course, I would exit the lingerie and toy business and follow her lead regarding those matters. This doesn’t mean I find some things really sexy; rather than acting on impulse to buy them for her, I will simply let her know I find them attractive, and she can decide if they are right for her. She didn’t have much to say about it, which suggests it isn't a big deal to her. But it felt like the submissive thing for me to do, so I feel good about it. We’ll see how it works out. Today it meant that I kept walking past Victoria Secret at the mall without stopping.;)

> If you’ve been reading my journal I hope that I’m not overwhelming you with Spam! Your Journal thread is *your* Journal thread; that's why the Rules officially discourage other members from posting there. Do not worry at all about how much you post or what others might think of your frequency/volume. Other members reading it are doing so by choice, so it can't really be considered 'spam'. Of course, many of us have voyeuristic tendencies and enjoy reading about others' exploits and thoughts.

Very true. Thanks for the encouragement. I’m one of those voyeurs myself. It can be a bit titillating, but I think I enjoy them most because they serve as road maps for my own journey.

"If you’ve been reading my journal I hope that I’m not overwhelming you with Spam! Your Journal thread is *your* Journal thread; that's why the Rules officially discourage other members from posting there. Do not worry at all about how much you post or what others might think of your frequency/volume. Other members reading it are doing so by choice, so it can't really be considered 'spam'. Of course, many of us have voyeuristic tendencies and enjoy reading about others' exploits and thoughts.",

"Tullyboy, Thanks for this last post. Absolutely, expectations are the enemy of intimacy. Expectations kill spontaneity. And my chastity device helps remind me of this.", ,

"I’m glad that it struck a chord with you, HappilyLockedMan; thanks for letting me know. I’ve been amazed by how chastity has actually increased my patience and reduced my frustration. It seems to spill over into other areas of life as well. Tullygirl and I have been chaste in the past so I knew that there would be benefits but the CD really puts an emphasis on the change. Being new to devices and the complete swap of power, I’ll be interested to see how things change as the months role on. For now the changes have been really positive, I think.", ,

"In the Bible, Galatians 5 verse 1 says, “For it is for Freedom that Christ has set us free.” As we sang a song about this in church this morning, my mind couldn’t help making the parallels that exist in my sex life right now. Another verse says that it is through living as a servant that we will be free. Of course, the Bible is referring to our souls, but also includes our relationships with others. So if my relationship with my wife reflects that same servanthood, the potential is there for a wonderfully freeing experience. The concept that being a servant somehow sets us free seems lost on many folks, but I suspect that those of us in the chastity culture can better appreciate that than many. By submitting myself to my wife’s desire, I am free to freely enjoy her. Having just talked about expectations, I won’t belabor that again, but being free of those expectations and in submission to my wife’s needs clears out so many of the obstacles that have tended to divide us. I neither “Christian” nor “husband” perfectly. I’m a broken Christian. I’m a broken husband. But with help I’m getting better at both. And my soul experiences freedom. Last night I also experienced literal freedom. All day yesterday my lovely wife was silent on matters of sex. Even up to the moment that it happened I wasn’t sure whether I would be cageless or not. I did notice that, as we were playing Exploding Kittens with the kids, she kept looking at the time. That told me that she had SOMETHING planned. And in a true role reversal, she was kicking the kids out of the bedroom as we were getting ready for bed. When the coast was clear and the door was locked, she ordered me, “Pants down.” I obeyed and she produced the key. Freedom. But then came a knock at the door. One of the kids. Then a few minutes later, another. And then a few minutes later the first came back. We couldn’t help but laugh. The last time, my wife said somewhat loudly, “GO. A. WAY.” As lovingly as possible.;) Tullygirl is on her period so I laid down a waterproof throw on top of our sheets. “There, now we don’t need to worry about any mess.” And I asked if I could take off her underwear. During this time of month, the rabbit is our friend and Tullygirl loves her’s. After some wonderful kissing and cuddling and teasing, I helped our rabbit find the rabbit hole (wow, that’s cheesy, but it’s so perfect that I’m going to leave it). With the kids around, she squelched her normal noise, but it was a thourough and delightful orgasm. I had made one request before we started. “Can we go slow? Otherwise, I won’t last long.” She was agreeable. So, as we began to make love I had to quickly pull out. “I wonder how many times you can do that?” she dared. The answer is 3. After, I was allowed to savor my freedom all night - until this morning when I was asked to put on my new smaller cage. It appears to be a great fit and I’m sure that it will get even better as I get used to it. I shaved off 1/2” in length and the base ring is 1/8” smaller. Fits like the glove of a one fingered man.", ,

"I think that perhaps Tullygirl and I have reversed roles. In truth, our life together is a giant role reversal, but that’s a story for another time. This particular instance has to do with post orgasm let-down. I don’t seem to be experiencing it but I think that she is. One thing that I know about my wife is that she can’t maintain passion for too long. She can muster it in spurts but it takes so much energy that she needs to recover. So I suspect that between this past week of teasing, her period, and our play time, she is needing a rest. That’s what it felt like yesterday, anyway. She was cordial but not affectionate. We spent time together, but she was careful and introspective. We even went to a fun concert, but there wasn’t much chemistry between us. I was still glowing from the night before and hoping to share that warmth. But my kisses were received by ice cold lips and it felt like something had snuffed out her desire in the night. Sigh. This is one thing that drew me to chastity to begin with. I was having difficulty timing my affection to her’s. I’m glad that I have the warm blanket of my CD to remind me that I’m here for her pleasure when she’s ready. I suspect that this lonely start will continue for a few days. But I’ll be here waiting when she thaws.", ,

This happens in my relationship all the time... It’s especially noticeable if I don’t have an orgasm and she does. My affection and desire for intimacy are pushed through the roof, and she’s almost cold. I have learned... Patience. She will come back around. Chores. Do some of hers. She’ll probably show her appreciation. Kids. Keep her away from them (as much as possible). For some reason, biology and evolution made it so that when she gives or gets affection to or from the children, it releases hormones in her brain to make you less important to her. In addition, dealing with them saps her emotional reserves. Touch. When you touch her, it releases hormones in her brain to help bring her back around. Keep it affectionate without being sexual. Do not grab her butt when you hug her. Patience (yes, twice). She probably doesn’t realize, and if you point it out, she might feel guilt, which is severely counterproductive to your goal. ((Love following your journey. You’re doing great! Keep it up!))

Yes, I think the myth that women increase libido through orgasm and men lose it through orgasm is only true for those that it's true. Earlier in our marriage I read this myth thinking, "All I have to do is get her to cum once a day for a month and then she'll be a sex machine!" Fat chance. She begins to get tired and resentful after a few days of "forced" orgasms. As for your list, cuyahoga (Peruvian for drown guinea pig?), if anything in recent years has forced me to face my impatience, it's chastity. I'll see what I can do. I think that I can manage all of them except for not touching her rear end. It's just really nice.;) Speaking of kids, one thing that I have really been working on these last few years is having their "issues" figured out before she gets home. That way she can just enjoy them without having to solve problems. I've been mostly successful. I'm still working on getting my daughter to ask me to go shopping rather than her mother since Tullygirl really does not like shopping. And on guilt: I agree. I don't want that. She does have access to read my journal, but I don't think that she's interested so I'm safe there... or at least when she does get around to reading it, the moment will be past. Experience tells me that you're right and that she'll come around. I had asked her in a few different ways whether I had upset her yesterday and she was surprised that I had asked. So I think that my diagnosis of "depleted sexual energy" is probably correct. p.s. hopefully it doesn't sound disingenuous, but I have also enjoyed your journal. There are so many here with such similar (and sometimes surprisingly different) stories that I learn much.

Lest anyone get the wrong idea, I would expect Tullygirl to have low days. Yesterday’s post wasn’t at all intended to say that she shouldn’t be having one (or three, or ten). What I was trying to say was that my high day wasn’t matching with her low day and by being locked I have agreed to sacrifice my high day for her. That’s what the sigh was for. It feels good (even as it feels bad) to do something nice for her. Even before being locked, that was truly my duty. The metal around my penis just helps codify and enforce it:) Yesterday I sensed a bit of a warming trend. We enjoyed cuddles and a backrub for me while she read Mistress Ivey. I mentioned to her that I don’t expect (or want) her to become Mistress Ivey. Many of the things in the book are just beyond our interests and some even lay outside our moral code. So at times there was laughter. Sometimes there was shock (mild...we’re not exactly Spring chickens). But maybe she got a few ideas. The chapters were on humiliation and anal - neither of which are a passion for her. While I’m genuinely seeking Tullygirl’s interests, I think that it’d be fair to say that I’m also hoping to find areas of pleasure for me within her parameters. We’ll see what she comes up with as we finish out the book. One trend that I’m noticing so far is that once I’m locked, she likes to keep me that way. There’s not a lot of in and out unless there’s a reason to unlock. For example, I don’t think that she has had me unlock just to be edged and then locked me right back up. (But if I’m already unlocked for something, she tends to take advantage of that.) I suspect that this will mean that edging and ruined orgasms will be infrequent. The arm chair psychoanalyst in me thinks that if she was too exhausted for sex before chastity, why would she want to spend even more time playing with my penis. I think that teasing needs to be easier than sex, or there’s really no point to me being locked. She doesn’t get a sexual charge from denying me so the easier thing would be to lay there and let me make love to her. Which brings me to the topic of “Sex as Masturbation” and another one of my reasons for chastity. Perhaps I’ll expound on that another time.

The smaller cage is beginning to feel nice. It seemed a bit small at first with some edema below the corona, but that has subsided and now the head just looses contact with the front if I pull forward on the cage. Looks like it will be a perfect fit. And did I mention that Tullygirl likes to tease me about how small it is? She was reading Mistress Ivey last night and pulled out a few “humiliation” quotes about small penises. I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I could be hurt by that, but her insults were playful and cute so all’s fair. She’s had a long day. I’ve had a long day and either have the beginning of a cold or allergies. I’m not expecting much from this evening. I will admit to fantasizing about being able to masturbate. That’d feel really good right now and wouldn’t put out Tullygirl at all. But that’s just in a fantasy world. I wouldn’t really want to anyway, I suppose. Time for bed.

Today Tullygirl comes up with this, “I’m sure that you’d like that off so that you can bang me any time you like.” First, I can’t remember her ever using the word “bang” in reference to sex. Secondly, it’s nice that she’s thinking about sex. We had tried to go running today, but had to abort. The head of my penis is still a bit bulgy in the new cage so it was chaffing. We walked instead and discussed things like “banging”. After awhile I said, “Well, maybe it is time to end chastity so that I can bang you whenever I want.” She answered, “No, I don’t think so. We’re not at the end of that road. Unless of course you’re using your safe word.” “We don’t have a safe word,” I reminded her. “Oh, then it’s ‘Monkey’s Uncle’,” she responded. She’s a goof ball and I love her for it. And she doesn’t want to be done with chastity:)

I whipped up Pad Thai last night and left a mess in the kitchen. Luckily, we have teenagers who actually know how to wash dishes! After dinner, I retreated to my favorite bedroom chair to start reading. Not long after, Tullygirl came over with her newspaper. She was lying on the bed, leaning back against some pillows. "I'm feeling lonely," I said. "Maybe I should read right next to you?" Tullygirl patted the empty spot beside her. A few moments later, we were both enjoying our reading together. Once she finished her paper, Tullygirl snuggled into my chest while I continued reading from my iPad. "I love you," she said, resting her hand on me. "I found your nipple," she noted. "It's hard." Then she started to massage it, then pinch it, and twist it. I put the iPad down. After a bit more time, she lifted my shirt and placed her palm against my stomach. My mind was spinning from all that attention, wondering what might happen next. She reached for the door handle and turned the lock. And then she did it. Something rare in recent years. ~ flip ~ Her thumb deftly pulled the belt end out of the buckle. She unbuttoned my jeans and slid her hand over the bulge still covered by underwear. The sensation was electric and intoxicating, but nothing compared to when her fingers slipped under the waistband. She teased me, sliding back and forth before grabbing a handful. Her pulling became rhythmic, and the pressure began to build. Unfortunately, that same pressure started building up inside too. Ouch. I regretted getting the smaller cage. The mix of pleasure and pain was bizarre. More pressure came on. Ok... there it is. Alright. Yep. Right there. Okay, now it actually hurts. I whispered, "One way we could handle this is by letting me free up for a little while." Her eyes looked angry. "You don't get to suggest things." "Yes, ma'am," I apologized repeatedly, as contrite as possible with my testicles feeling like they might launch across the room. It really did feel great and devastating simultaneously - yet I didn't want to discourage her. She kept going for a while until I said, "Phew! Gotta rest!" She assumed I was about to cum, so she rested her head back on my chest. We both watched as my penis pulsed in time with my heartbeat until it finally found peace and went still. We finished off with some kissing and more 'I love you's'. The sound of dishes was winding down, so we joined the kids in the living room to open today's advent calendar gift and hang a special ornament on the tree. A peaceful sleep followed. ————— Epilogue. This morning we got up early for our workout. Since no one else was at the gym but us, we were being a bit flirty (the security cam was likely thinking, "get a room"). It seemed like a good time to discuss last night. "Is it ok to talk over last night’s play time?" I asked. "Sure." I won't bore you with all the dialogue, but I suggested that if we're going for an extended period of play, there might be other options less painful for me. "Thank you," she said commandingly, a joyful twinkle in her eye. "I'll take that into consideration."

Tullygirl brings this up: “I’m certain you’d prefer that so I can bang you whenever the mood strikes.” First, I don’t recall her ever using the word "bang" to mean sex. Second, it’s sweet she’s thinking about our intimacy. We attempted a run today but had to cancel. The head of my penis is still somewhat swollen in the new cage, causing chafing. We walked instead and talked about things like “banging”. After some time, I said, "Perhaps it's high time to end chastity so I can bang you at will." She replied, "No, I don't think that’s necessary. We aren’t at the end of that road yet. Unless, naturally, you are using your safe word." "We don’t have a safe word," I pointed out. “Oh, then it is ‘Monkey’s Uncle’,” she said back. She’s an absolute goofball and I adore her for it. And she clearly doesn't want to be finished with chastity:)

My testicles felt like they were about to fly across the room. It was a wonderful yet overwhelming sensation—I didn’t want to dampen her enthusiasm though. She kept going for quite some time until I finally said, "Phew! Need to rest!" She assumed I was on the verge of cumming, so she rested her head back against my chest. We both watched as my penis pulsed in rhythm with my heartbeat before eventually settling down. We ended things with kissing and more 'I love you's'. The dishes were mostly done, so we joined the kids in the living room to open today’s advent calendar gift and hang a special ornament on the tree. It led to a peaceful night's sleep. ————— Epilogue. This morning we rose early for our workout. With no one else at the gym but us, we were being rather flirtatious (the security cam was probably thinking, "get a room"). It felt like the right moment to discuss last evening’s events. "Is it alright if we talk over last night's play time?" I asked. "Sure." I won’t bore you with every word of dialogue, but I suggested that for an extended period of play, there might be other options less painful for me. “Thank you,” she said in a commanding tone, her eyes twinkling joyfully. "I'll take that into consideration."

Friday night looked set for spending time by the fireplace watching one of my favorite movies. Instead, around 7pm Tullygirl checked her calendar and exclaimed in a panic, "Ah! We’re supposed to volunteer at the school tonight!" Fortunately, the pork tenderloin was ready. We quickly finished dinner and rushed to the school; we made it just in time. As we were helping out, Tullygirl looked at me and said, “This is too bad. I had some good sex planned for tonight.” Now it was my turn to say "Ah!" We finished our duties, headed home, and enjoyed sinking into bed to sleep. The next morning, buoyed by Tullygirl’s revelation, I felt hopeful. We woke up late. I brewed coffee and got the paper. These are the mornings I love most when nothing is on our plate. Even if sex didn’t happen, it would still be a good morning. Tullygirl finished her reading and we talked, kissed, and talked some more. I asked whether she was happy with the direction chastity was taking us. She indicated that she was very pleased and glad to continue. I asked if she would return sexual power to me if I requested it. She said, "Yes." “Would you want to?” I pressed deeper. “Oh, no,” came her emphatic answer. So it seems we are all in agreement on this path. More kissing followed. Tullygirl got up to use the restroom. When she returned, she was naked and holding a key. I pulled back the covers and presented myself. She removed the cage... and we were both stunned. My poor penis looked as though it had been through a meat grinder, bruised deeply all over. It was clear that this small cage was not my friend. Fortunately, we didn't detour from our course. Tullygirl reached under the bed to pull out the Hitachi. She left it pressed against the tip of my penis and said, “I’ll just leave this here.” She went to plug it in. As power surged into the unit, I groaned. Letting it rest there for a while longer, she then climbed on top of me, her feet by my head. My cage ring was still on, so my balls were blue and my penis engorged beyond belief. “That doesn’t look healthy,” she observed. "You just rest during the first one until you can remove the ring." And then my wife brought herself to a gorgeous orgasm. She isn't afraid to show off for me. That didn't actually help with removing the ring, but as she lay recovering between my legs we talked more, keeping our topics away from sex. When I was finally able to remove the ring, she said, “Ok. You can join in at the end of this next one.” Unbelievably, she brought the wand back up. She stretched her skin to expose her clit and then began again. As promised, I was allowed to join in as she spasmed through orgasm. We finished the morning with warm showers, but our couple time wasn't over. She wanted to bake Christmas cookies so we went to the store together. Nothing says love like walking around a crowded grocery store buying flour and sugar. (I actually really enjoy spending time together this way). Later while she and my daughter went Christmas shopping, I taught my son the fine art of making toffee, passing down our family recipe. I’m blessed and grateful for all the pieces of my life. Today, having slept cage-free, I returned to my larger cage but kept the smaller ring. We’ll see how that combination works.

Monday nights seem to have become backrub and Mistress Ivey nights now. This can’t last much longer since Tullygirl is nearly at the end of her book reading. She finished by kissing and fondling me before roughly pushing me away. That’s just her being funny; she wouldn't actually harshly push me away, for which I am grateful. I’ve said before that I wouldn’t want her to be Mistress Ivey. In our conversation last night she said, “You’re scared of Mistress Ivey.” Well, maybe yes! “Mistress Ivey says that deep down you want to be humiliated.” I didn't even need to think about my response: "Nope, nope, nope. Mistress Ivey is wrong." Many of Ivey’s suggestions don’t feel like love to me, and I’m in this for love. Fortunately, they don’t sound much better to Tullygirl either. We’re a good fit. Tease and denial doesn't need to be mean. It turns me on most when Tullygirl gives one final kiss and whispers, “Goodnight. I love you.”

We also have Miss Ivey's book, and whilst there is quite a lot we go along with, there’s also plenty neither of us wants. Humiliation is a major no-no for both of us. We come from the BDSM background, so the punishment aspects are understood even though we don't use them much, and we also bring in the YKIOK acronym. YKIOK stands for "Your Kink Is OK" so I won’t criticize or ridicule it, even if I think you’re crazy/disgusting/funny!

That makes sense. My thoughts are a bit more nuanced than YKIOK. My observations lead me to believe that some games increase intimacy, some don’t really do either way, and some actually damage it. There are kinks that wound physically and psychologically, while others foster a deeper bond. Not everything that gives me an erection is good for me; many of them are extremely bad for marriage, so I tend to steer clear—and would counsel others to do the same. Of course, people usually don’t ask my opinion on their bedroom activities;) Bottom line: while I recognize everyone’s right to choose their own path (in sex and in life), I’m not willing to say that everything is beneficial.

I visited Tullygirl at work today for her Christmas party. It was really very nice with all the yummy treats you could hope for. After lunch, we were packing up and Girl was putting our leftovers in ice packs. She handed the food over to me and came in for a goodbye kiss. Her frigid hand shot up my shirt and I yelped. She smiled and pecked my lips. We were in her office with the door mostly closed. Her hand drifted down my abs as her sub-zero fingers dipped into my waistband. “There’s a lot of heat coming from down here,” she teased. And I’m never going back. I will gladly give up my right to sex again and again if it means that she shows me love like this. In reality, I haven’t given up anything; I’ve gained so much more.

Another Friday night. Looking at my wife across the room and she’s fading fast. She is beautiful. Myself? I am entirely exhausted. I had a soccer game this afternoon for which I got to be unlocked. I’m not as young as I used to be; pain will likely become part of my near future. Speaking of pain, I haven’t been in the penis crusher this week; I’ve been wearing my larger cage. Today after the game I switched back to the small one. I love that compressed feeling. We’ll see if my body adapts. I’m using the 1-7/8 base ring hoping the combo works a bit better.

Let’s see... what has been happening? I lasted just one day in the smaller cage. As much as I want it to work, I don’t think that will be possible long-term due to too much squeezing leading to edema. Speaking of long-term use: after two months of being mostly caged, I’ll get a ten-day break. We are traveling overseas for New Year and Tullygirl wants me free during the journey. Sex? Yes, we had it Saturday evening. It was kind of boring leftover sex. You know how it is—you spend the best hours doing important things, then when you’re dog-tired you go to bed pretending sex sounds good. It definitely left me wanting more. Oh well, not everything can be interesting. And I should thank myself that there was any sex at all. It was a VERY busy weekend. Friends joined us for dinner on Saturday evening and we hosted our neighborhood Christmas party on Sunday. With all the preparation required, it’s amazing we had time for anything else. With that, I’ll bring this very negative Nelly entry to a close.

My love has much of the week off so we had a beautifully quiet morning yesterday. As we lay in bed cuddling and talking, I may have pushed my boundaries slightly regarding suggesting sex. Tullygirl was watching my aorta. “I can see your aorta beating.” “I bet you could make it beat faster,” I suggested. “By doing this?” she said as she began rubbing my nipples. After a bit, I upped the ante: "I bet that it can go even faster!" “You’re pushing it,” she admonished. “I’m using the resources available to me,” I replied. Moments later I was freed but instructed not to cum. She began with her hand gently stroking me, but as is often the case, she eventually wanted to feel me inside her. “Can you put it in without coming?” she teased. “I’m willing to try,” I smiled. And I did a pretty good job for quite some time. I had some electronic help bringing her to two orgasms. Afterward, she allowed me some edging, but as I was deeply embedded she began really making me squirm with hip rocking and butt cheek grabbing... and I mis-timed my exit, dribbling cum on her belly. It was my first ruined orgasm since we started playing with chastity.

[Curtain opens to interior, bathroom] Boy: “Hmm, since we’re on vacation, this Bottom would love to make love every morning.” Girl: “Pretty sure that Bottom has over-stepped his place.” Boy: "Even bottoms can have dreams." Girl [with evil mirth]: “Well, THAT bottom is welcome to keep his dreams to himself.” [Short kiss] [End scene. Curtain.]

sounds familiar...

:D

Felicitations of the New Year! My household has returned safely from our journey abroad. Our trip began fairly uneventfully. Traveling to a third-world nation is often fraught with inconveniences, but all our flights and buses and connections went well. We ended up in a desert oasis where my brother was getting married. Was it a real desert? Well, when you have to water the cactus, it’s probably a desert. We had visited once before, several years ago, and during that trip it rained for the first time in 30 years. This time it rained on my brother’s wedding day—good luck as I’m told. In any case, they’ve asked us to return periodically and bring the rain with us again. The wedding was wonderful. A large group gathered to celebrate the day. My brother and his fiancé are well known and loved in the community, and many wanted to join the festivities. They even rented two buses so those without cars could make the journey from the city. While the ceremony finished as planned, there was some additional excitement. We had moved to the reception site and were being served dinner when a powerful gust of wind lifted the wedding tent off its moorings. We watched as the wind flung the tent down the road where it landed with a crunch, blocking everyone’s way home. It took several hours before the steel columns and beams could be relocated. Unfortunately, our intestines were not used to the local flora. One by one, my family began throwing up and succumbing to bad diarrhea. This wasn’t totally unexpected; we had invested in Zithromax and Imodium, but it did slow us down a bit, and one of my daughters left the wedding only to be bedridden for another two days. Following the wedding, our plan was to visit one of the Wonders of the World. This is where the inconveniences began. Our flight was cancelled. The airports and planes in that region lack the instruments necessary to take off and land in rain or overcast conditions since they so rarely need to do so. After a twelve-hour wait at the airport, we were told they would put us on a bus instead. After eleven hours of curvy breakneck travel—and too many vomit bags to count—we arrived at our destination. Mental note: bring Dramamine next time. The site itself was every bit as amazing as I had dreamed and the Imodium did its job that day. Our final days were spent in the region’s largest city where we enjoyed being tourists—visiting museums, parks, and sites. Not to be outdone by smaller airports, our flight home from the regional airport was also cancelled, supposedly due to weather in the Northeast, so we spent two more enjoyable days exploring the city. Exhausted, we arrived home yesterday.

Now, about chastity. Tullygirl had released me for travel, so I’ve been unlocked since Christmas Day. Sadly, there is one thing that diarrhea accomplishes very well... it enforces chastity. Neither Tullygirl nor I had any inclination to touch the other person’s juicy areas. In addition, we were staying with my wife’s parents and our children in the same paddock so most of the trip was spent not only chaste but decidedly unapproachable. Finally, toward the end of our trip, Girl and I had a room to ourselves. And on one of those days both of us were feeling well. She had decided that I would not cum during our vacation, so this day she engaged in some wonderful teasing using her mouth to bring about several lovely edges. I mentioned arriving home yesterday... but it was actually late the night before so we woke up late yesterday. I was still without a cage. Several days prior I had suggested it might be fun to continue this time without cumming. Since we went so far already, why not experience a longer cum-free period? Apparently she agreed with that suggestion. “I want to ride you,” she commanded. “Think you can handle it without cuming?” My eyes rolled doubtfully. Not to be thwarted, she continued: "Ok, I’ll just have to ruin you first." And that she did. She then mounted me and I used the Hitachi on her clit as she leaned back experiencing multiple waves of orgasm. Well worth the wait. Last night I was still feeling the need for love and perhaps expressing it too obviously. “Ok, tomorrow morning you go back in your cage,” Tullygirl remarked. “It’s clear that you need to be reminded who is in charge.” The vacation is over.

I am struck once again by how having an orgasm so depletes Tullygirl’s sex drive. I suspect that I had not previously noticed this pattern because I was also happily depleted myself. With the advent of chastity, I now either don’t cum or I do but then continue to have stimulation from my cage. Not being depleted myself, I continue to long for contact that isn't forthrightly sexual. It helps to recognize this as I feel less hurt and needy. It helped yesterday:) On another topic: I’ve noticed that many of us like to research chastity through porn, books, or online forums, hoping our spouse comes along for the ride learns from them. Likely we want our spouse to perform according to our fantasies; this is certainly true for me. As you may recall, we’ve been reading through Mistress Ivey’s book and have mentioned how our approaches to chastity aren’t exactly aligned. But still, it has been good working through it with Girl discussing what our approach should be. Girl jokes that she’ll read something about orgasm denial and tease me: "I’m hearing you say that you never want to cum again." Now that we’re done reading Ivey, it felt like we needed to look within our relationship to find an approach more compatible with us. Novel idea, huh? One thing to know about my wife is that she is a list maker. She’ll make a list AFTER completing a task just for the joy of crossing it off. So we’ve decided to make a list of tease activities that she enjoys doing and that I enjoy receiving. This way she doesn't need to feel pressured to be inventive, and I’m more likely to be sustained by teasing. “Ruined orgasm” was the first thing on the list and led us to our tease session on Sunday morning. Right now, “Ruined orgasm” is the only item since we haven’t had opportunity to add more. Maybe that’s okay with me.:P

Last night we started discussing the list and tossing around new ideas. After dinner, the kids drifted off to their rooms, leaving us alone at the table. Tullygirl was being flirtatious, so I figured it was a good moment to chat. It reminded me how lucky I am with a wife who truly cares about my pleasure. That care makes it much easier for me to give up sexual frequency because I know she looks out for my wellbeing*. I lit a fire, we snuggled onto the couch and started compiling our list: Ruin O., Pegging, Edging, Visual teases, Prostate milking... “I’m not sure how prostate milking works,” Tullygirl said. So we looked up an article on it. We got through most of the reading when a cluster headache struck my Girl. I felt terrible for her. They hit her hard, kind of like migraines, but they usually pass fairly quickly. This one lasted longer than usual, so I picked her up and carried her to bed. Tullygirl apologized for ruining our night, but I told her that I’m really trying not to set high expectations, so I didn’t have any specific “plans” for the evening anyway. I was just happy to spend time with her. And I went to sleep genuinely content**. *When I doubt this lifestyle or start taking charge too much (topping from the bottom), it’s usually because I forget this and try to grab pleasure myself. I get scared that if I don’t assert control, things won’t happen. **except for wishing I could take her pain away. Thankfully, not long after we got to bed, the headache vanished. It still killed the mood a bit, but I was okay with it as we drifted off touching each other.

Sexual satisfaction. It’s something I’ve always craved. Yet it rarely lasts beyond the day I cum. My appetite is huge. I can imagine this has frustrated Tullygirl over the years. To her, it must have felt a bit like Sisyphus pushing his boulder up only for it to roll back down almost as soon as she did. It’s very much like doing laundry. It’s been frustrating for me too. Not wanting to seem nagging, but needing that physical touch to feel loved. Hoping she can read my mind and see my need. Feeling discarded and unloved when she doesn’t. “She probably doesn’t find me sexy enough. How can I be more appealing? Why can’t I turn her on like she turns me on? She must not need me.” These are haunting thoughts that weigh heavily with feelings of inadequacy. Not last night, though. Yesterday I suggested adding “Coming to bed naked” to our list of teases. Apparently she liked the idea because as I lay my head down on the pillow, Tullygirl walked in wearing her robe. She smiled and let it slide from her shoulders, revealing her beautiful body to me. Girl slid in beside me and began with slow, loving kisses. Her hands found my nipples and I moaned. Then she went lower, teasing my flesh through the cage. I was delirious. “I don’t deserve you,” I whispered. She spread her legs for me and let my cage rub against her mound. And then it was over. I looked up with sad eyes. “Yes?” she asked. I sputtered. I wanted so much more. “Um” She raised an eyebrow, questioning. I whimpered, “Um, can I beg?” “Can you peg? No, you can’t peg? Hmm, I don’t like that.” She teased. “I mean… CAN I BEG?!” “Sure. What do you want?” She was playing coy. I wanted to say, “Please please please will you edge me!?” What came out instead was, “Would you like to be pleased?” “Yes I would. You can use the clit sucker.” I started with my tongue and worked her clit until her hips began to buck. Then I switched to the clit sucker and cranked up the speed quickly. She melted into an orgasm. I rested my head on her thigh until she pulled me up to lay against her nakedness. The lights went out. And today, despite the frustration, I feel satisfied.

I am away from home. And unlocked again:( I’m on an adventure which is too specific to detail in full but is very incompatible with being caged. Before leaving, Tullygirl told me to take the cage off. And it was a good thing, because otherwise it would have been ripped off. I had asked if I could bring it along anyway, but she didn’t feel it was necessary. So here I sit... free. I’ve been with a great group of friends but have had very little privacy. Even if they’d allowed me to initiate phone sex, it would have been impractical. I was still hoping for some teasing. Finally today I received a text with a picture from a Victoria’s Secret store. It was in a slightly different context than just “look where I’m shopping,” so we’ll see what it means for my return trip. Here’s to hoping. I may have mentioned this before, but one of the things I am no longer allowed to do is buy products with any sexual connotation. This means no lingerie shopping for me. I somewhat outed myself to a good friend today. I gave details on our shift in sexual power and the rules that come with it. However, I didn’t mention my normally locked status. I want to think that I don’t really care if people know, but at the same time, maybe keeping this secret is worthwhile;) I’m looking forward to returning home soon where I hope Tullygirl makes it clear once again how much control she holds in that hot body of hers.

I had an unintentional Tease and Denial session last night. A few minutes after going to sleep, I woke up to the sounds of sex. I’m staying with some friends whose bedroom shares a wall with my guest room. It was clear they were trying to be quiet, but it was unmistakable. Since I’m still unlocked, I considered helping myself to a little relief, but I didn’t want to disappoint Tullygirl. And it’s a good thing that I didn’t; here’s what she texted me after I admitted to being tempted: “Good thing you didn’t. I wouldn’t have trusted you to just go willy-nilly and be free again. It might have meant wearing the cage for the rest of your life. That would be a long time... If you come home, I’ll tease and deny you in person.” I was so turned on by everything that later, while finishing up peeing, I let down some cum. That’s the second time it has happened since starting chastity. I don’t remember this happening before during other times of being locked away, but I’ve also never been actively teased back then.

Also, I outed myself to my brother today. I gave him the whole story, including my lock status. His reply was, “I didn’t know that there was such a thing; you lock it up?”

The last month has been one long trip interspersed with times at home. They've all been fun trips, but I'm a bit travel weary. The theme has been "transportation delays" and yesterday was no different. Having survived the most recent delay, I'm so very glad to be home. I returned to a mostly empty house. My wife and children weren't back from work and school yet, so I started by getting ready for dinner. It seemed like a good soup day, so Italian sausage and tortellini hit the spot. A little red wine and some bread and the table was set for a nice meal. Tullygirl seemed to appreciate the effort that I put into dinner. I've mentioned before that we don't tie performance directly to sex, but she's only human... she's just much happier when I do special things for her. Yesterday that ended in a lovely time in the bedroom. She made it clear that we were going to be frisky. I enjoy when she opens up that channel because then I'm allowed to flirt back - thus dinner was filled with winks and nods. We have to be careful since all of our teens can now spot double entendres. In anticipation, we excused ourselves rather early, and after finishing our bedtime routine she jumped into bed half naked. She whispered, "These panties allow full access." "Did you get those at Victoria's Secret on the day that you sent me that picture?" I asked. "Oh! Of course I did," she lied. I probed, "I wondered if that's why you sent that picture." "Well, that would have been a great idea... but I didn't really. I've had these," she corrected her story. I suspected that a trip to Victoria's Secret was too good to be true. But I love the panties anyway and only vaguely remember seeing them before, so they were essentially new to me! I was given permission to touch, so we wasted no time. Kissing and handling began immediately. "I wonder whether you can get that little thing in me?" she said. I was still locked in my smallest cage. Willing to try, I parted her underwear and put my full 2" inside her. It felt warm and sloppy. So good! But I couldn't thrust without hurting her with the post. Still, we played this way for a time until we went back to kissing. When I had finally kissed my way down to her pussy lips, she was wet and ready, but the underwear was blocking my path to her clit. I tried for a minute to work past the problem but ended up just taking them off. We learned later that she had them on backwards so the holes weren't exactly lining up! Ha! She enjoyed an orgasm and then we rested for a moment. She rubbed my head as I lay on her thigh. Such a warm feeling. A few minutes later, I followed up with a vibrator and another orgasm for her. I was still in my cage, wondering whether I might be let out or not. She instructed me to lay back on my pillow and began with my nipples. Then she made her way down and gave me a blowjob while I remained locked. It was an unbelievably great sensation, yet entirely frustrating at the same time. I begged to be released. Tullygirl wasn't sure about releasing me, but I promised not to cum so she conceded. I probably overstepped my place, but I needed to be free! She allowed me to the brink several times, both by mouth and in her lovely pussy. I've realized that I need to be careful while inside her. Even if I'm just sitting there, the act of pulling out can push me over. I almost misfired but was able to hold back - especially since I had promised. In the end, I was re-locked and fell fast asleep next to my naked wife. This morning we woke up at 4:45 to go to the gym. I had a different plan and was hoping that I wouldn't get in trouble for suggesting it. "Maybe we could do aerobics this morning?" I suggested. "What do you have in mind, cause it seems like maybe you shouldn't be suggesting those things," was her reply. "I'm just talking about a good workout," I offered. "Uh huh." And we began kissing. Then she allowed me to remove the cage. Soon, we were having a discussion about whether I should be allowed to cum. I said, "In the heat of the moment, I will always ask to cum. So it's really just up to you." She replied, "You're right. I'll decide." I entered her gingerly and enjoyed opening her up. Then I was between her legs again with a larger size dildo and a vibrator. I love the guttural sounds of heavy breathing and the pressure of an orgasm. As she came, I immediately moved into her while her vaginal muscles continued their spasms. She gasped. "I want you to cum," she commanded.

It was just yesterday. I feel like I shouldn't be this ready to go again. Tullygirl is at work and I'm holding down the fort... but I'd rather be holding her. Man, I'm needy.

This morning was a lazy one at home. It's been a while, it seems. We were in bed cuddling. Once in awhile her hand strayed to my chest and then down to the cage. I enjoy the times when we build up the experience, but these mellow touches are also special. Then we walked the dog - not a euphemism.:) We have a date night out this evening at a new restaurant. She planned it. It's not the way that we normally work; typically, I'll be the one planning dates. It's nice to know that she wants to spend time with me. It feels good to be loved.

Yesterday I pushed the envelope for cage wearing by mountain biking some decent terrain. My son had a futbol game at a distant location so I checked for trails in that area. Sure enough, there were some nice mountain bike trails at a nearby park. Tullygirl had been shaming me lately for having a lot of cage-free time. In fact, just that morning we ran - which we've learned I cannot do while locked. I figured that two times in one day would get me a serious verbal assault so I determined to stay locked for the ride. I packed up the bike and my emergency key and headed off to the hills. Halfway there, I discovered that I had forgotten my helmet. "Oh well," I thought. "Might as well be dangerous from head down... um, crotch." The course itself was mostly green (easy) with a few stretches of technical climbs. Nothing too crazy, which is good since I've been off my bike for a few months now (life gets in the way of fun sometimes). However, it should be noted that chains never break when you're just cruising. They always break when you're in the middle of cranking out a climb. And mine did. Had I been riding my older bike with a horizontal frame, I would have smacked my cage into the top tube. I can only imagine that would have smarted. But as it was, I've got my new fancy frame and managed to catch myself before plummeting to the ground. Just before leaving, I had thrown my chain breaker in my safety kit. I was thankful for that tool because of it, I was able piece the chain back together and ride out to the car. It turned out to be a great day. A nice ride with challenges, Thai food for dinner, and my son won his futbol game. As for sex or T&D? Not so much. I could use some attention.

I’m so lame. Tullygirl hugged me and ground her hips into me. That’s it. And that’s apparently enough because I loved it. I’m so disappointed in myself.

I must have been on my Girl's mind last night since her flirtiness continued through bedtime. As we went to bed her kisses were wet and sloppy; always a good combination in my estimation. As we kept kissing, she let her hand rest on my chest. "Will she want to play or won't she?" I wondered. Finally she revealed herself by pinching my now hard nipples. She continued to tease as she worked her way down my stomach only to halt and return to my chest. My penis was yelling, "Please!!" And then she committed; she squeezed and caressed my balls. Shortly, my nipples were in her mouth and I was in heaven. And then we were done.

I have mentioned patience before. I remember growing up; my father would always say, “Patience is a virtue, posses it if you can; you find it in a woman, but hardly in a man.” And, as is so often the case, patience was worth the wait. Tullygirl has been on her period this week. In reading many of the other journeys I can see that I am in the minority since my wife isn’t off limits at this time. But there are times when it puts her off the mood, and this has been one of those weeks. Apart from a small amount of teasing (which I sorely needed) there was not much sexiness going on. Yet somehow I had managed to restrain myself from annoying Tullygirl with my neediness. Wednesday evening my children had activities so Tullygirl and I had a rare dinner at home. I made a wonderful BBQ chicken pizza on the grill and accompanied it with a creamy balsamic dinner salad. After dinner, Girl looked over at me and said, “It’d be a shame to waste this alone time.” “I’m glad that you think so,” I replied. “What did you have in mind?” “I’m going to ruin you,” she bluntly stated. After a quick, cage free shower I was naked. Tullygirl remained clothed and directed me to lay down. She wasted no time and alternated between nipple and penis attention. When I was close to an edge she would pause and switch. It had been her intent to make the session last a while. She had sucked me several times and now had switched to stroking my penis with lube. When I’m on the edge I say, “Eight!” meaning that I’m at 8 out of 10. Well, this time she accidentally went well past eight. She quickly realized what she had done as I began leaking cum - somewhere between a ruined and a full orgasm. Her heartwarming laughter filled the room as my cum pooled in my bellybutton. “I’m not very good at that,” she lamented with a smile. I reassured her that I am willing to help her practice.

Saturday was packed with soccer and enjoyment. No sexual fun involved, yet it was still enjoyable. Sunday morning brought a change of pace. Tullygirl headed off on a business trip, but before she left, she gifted me a lovely going-away present. Upon waking, she whispered softly, “You should stay out of your cage while I’m away. We’ll talk about the future when I return.” Here’s the situation: we’ve been debating whether keeping the physical device is necessary for how we practice chastity play. My feelings are mixed. It still holds a certain sexiness for me, but lately it has become more of an annoyance. Being quite active myself, it feels like it gets in my way often these days. Also, wearing the device demands a good deal of mental attention from me. This pulls focus away from other aspects of life that might be more important. She shares some mixed feelings too. Girl doesn’t find the hardware itself particularly sexy. She is also worried about the distraction it creates... yet she truly enjoys holding the reins. One thing neither of us wants to surrender is our power exchange - both have noticed relationship growth because of this dynamic. Tullygirl emphasized this point while holding my penis in her hand that morning. “Remember, removing the cage doesn’t mean you can orgasm whenever and however you please on your own. I still decide when you cum and when you don’t.” A moment earlier, I had just unlocked the device and heard Girl heading to the shower. “Why not join me!” she called out. I wasn't hard while unlocking it, but instantly became erect and walked toward the bathroom door at full attention. “Oh my!” she exclaimed. “How did you manage to get your little cage off?” “It was small BEFORE I realized I’d be showering with you,” I replied, feeling a slight blush rise. While making love in the shower often doesn't quite live up to its reputation, I genuinely enjoy kissing and rubbing bodies together. Her hands massaged my backside as she took my penis between her thighs, stroking it with rhythmic hip thrusts. “Wait here,” she instructed. “Yes ma’am,” I smiled. She returned quickly and settled onto our small shower bench. She spread her legs wide, showing herself to me, and began working on her clit using her favorite vibrator. She doesn't take long to reach climax, so a minute later she was biting her lip and moaning deeply. Then her body tensed as the spasms gripped her. When she could stand again, she lathered her hands with soap and took hold of my penis. She stroked me gently for a long time until I had to pull back from climaxing multiple times. That’s where I was left... suspended in anticipation. “Oh. You thought that I was going to let you cum?” she teased me. “Well, see you here next Saturday.” And turning away with a kiss, she walked out of the shower.

Tullygirl and I know life in a long-distance relationship well. We were apart for a year during college, and since our marriage, business has kept her away for a total of two years. You’d think we’d be better at it by now. It’s truly frustrating. And I wonder if phone sex will ever happen again. I don’t believe Tullygirl has ever particularly enjoyed it, so now that she is setting the rules, I wouldn't be surprised if it drops out of our plan entirely. I have plenty of suggestions that could make long-distance Tease and Denial interesting, but I just don’t think her heart is fully in it. And to me, that feels like topping from the bottom. However, she has gotten good at texting with flirtation now and then. Here’s an example: this was my attempt to start something sexy without causing too much trouble: > Me: "I can't remember ever wanting to masturbate so badly!" > TG: "Don't make me put you back in your cage." > Me: "I'm being good... just desperate." > TG: "That's how I like you." > Me: "Wow, you turn me on." > TG: KISS EMOJI

Tullygirl often manages to surprise me. This morning when I woke up, there was a message on my phone: > Your mission today is to masturbate in the shower.... but you can't cum! Good luck. As seen from yesterday's post, I had been feeling a bit discouraged. Just as my sexual energy was fading, she hit me with a line drive right down the middle. Yesterday I went so far as searching Google for "Long distance Tease and Denial" thinking about sending Tullygirl some links. But I decided against it since it felt like topping from the bottom. I don’t know if she did her own research or came up with this idea independently, but it hit exactly where it needed to. Now that I think about it, perhaps I had planted that seed yesterday (no pun intended). In any case, the masturbation was pleasant enough, of course, but even better than that was knowing she was thinking about me.

I’m excited to see Tullygirl tonight. This morning I definitely crossed the tftb (topping from the bottom) line when I sent her several links to interesting Tease and Denial websites. We’ll see if that costs me later on. I’m unsure whether I hope more for a release or for denial - not that I have much control over either outcome, really. But I guess what excites me most is simply being near her again. Life is always better when she’s close by. And I’ll do my best to manage my expectations. I need to remember it will be a long travel day behind us, so she might only want sleep in mind. Or perhaps she has something else planned that I hadn't considered.

“I’m not going to let you cum,” Tullygirl whispered in my ear as we snuggled into bed. I had picked her up at the airport, and we returned home while our children watched The Office. We settled on the couch so we could spend a few moments with the kids. It was frustrating sitting there watching the clock tick later without any mention of going to bed. Finally, after a couple more episodes, Tullygirl announced it was time. After hearing that I wouldn’t be cumming, I wondered what that meant for her personally. After many years of me directing our love making, I still find myself needing to move us from one activity to the next. Girl is taking charge more often now, but I still need to ask what exactly I’m supposed to do. After a while of kissing, I finally asked, “So, what’s the plan?” “I want to feel you inside me,” she responded. “There’s no way that I could enter you without cuming,” I declared. “What are our options then?” she wondered. “We could numb me up,” I suggested. That seemed to suit her just fine. “Let’s do that!” Knowing permission was granted for entry, I circled her pussy with the head of my penis. I pushed in gently and slowly, and Tullygirl responded by pressing her hips against mine. I worked myself further inside as far as I dared, riding an edge as long as possible. In and out, one edge after another, we played until she couldn't take any more. “This is becoming frustrating me,” she complained with a moan but also a smile. “Get the cream.” It felt wonderful to be wanted. With condom on and lubricant ready I asked, “Would you like anything besides me?” She was decisive. “I want the wand and some octopussy.” I entered her again, adjusted for access with the wand and a good view, and began building her toward an orgasm. I edged her and teased her as her need grew stronger. The speed control for the wand sat near her hand; every now and then she would reach over to turn it up a notch. She likes power. Finally, I left the buzzing wand directly on her clit and she melted into a long and loud climax. Her pussy grabbed my cock rhythmically until finally I had to pull out lest I cum myself. We lay wrapped around each other as Tullygirl came down from her high. I wanted my own release so badly. Eventually we finished our nighttime routine, but I still longed for satisfaction. I had felt her cleanly lasered pussy during our play and yearned to taste it again, but I was given a firm no when I asked. Even so, I fell asleep quickly once I accepted that our playtime had ended. This morning as we woke up, half naked and spooning together, my hands drifted across her body. I received several warnings not to cross the line (marked by her panties) but it took all of me to obey. Against better judgment we got dressed, walked the dog, and went for breakfast at our favorite restaurant. And now here I sit, hoping that she touches me more.

Sunday morning found us lounging in bed, slowly shaking off sleep. Tullygirl lay on my shoulder with her hand resting on my chest. She played gently with my nipple. “What feels better,” she asked, “one or two?” And she alternated between stroking the very tip and the outside. “Hmm. 1,” I replied. “It’s a lot like the penis where the outside feels the most sexual but the rest feels good as well.” Turns out this was a perfectly played illustration as she pulled back the covers to reveal my penis, already erect. “Ok,” she continued, “what feels better... 1 or 2. 1 or 2... 1 or 2... 1 or 2.” And she stroked various portions of my penis. Tullygirl played her game for a few minutes and then asked for lube. With lubrication applied, she set about finding my edges. At one point, she was kissing and nuzzling my neck while rapidly stroking but varying the pressure, forcing me to ride the edge carefully. A deep spasm gripped me for some time as she enjoyed watching the results of her work. Even now, the memory brings back that euphoria... hopefully enough to sustain me until I again receive her loving touch.

I’ve mentioned before that Tullygirl has a refractory period of several days following her orgasms. I’m noticing there might be a bright side to this; sometimes she is still willing to play with me even if I don’t get the chance to pleasure her directly. It’s nice to be the center of attention now and again, and she doesn't seem to require anything in return. Still, I’d love to plunge between her legs to taste her warm sweetness (and I’ve come close to breaking the rules by begging for this).

Last week, I was allowed an orgasm. Since then it has been quiet until last night when Tullygirl and I were watching the Olympics. Under cover of a blanket, lest a teenager walk into the room, she unzipped my pants and stroked me. I’ve never enjoyed ice skating - until now.

As bedtime rolled around Tullygirl looked at her watch with a frown. “I haven’t achieved my exercise goal,” she lamented. “I am happy to help you achieve the required heart rate,” I offered. Moments later she was on top of me, grinding her still clothed mound against me. My hands wandered down the back of her pants, and in a feat of amazing dexterity, I stroked her pussy while she continued to grind. Next, her nickers came off and the grinding changed to guiding as she placed my penis against her entrance. She began to push forward and ordered, “You don’t cum.” With starts and stops I survived her unreasonable demand. After several edges I asked if she would like to finish and she again asked for the wand. As I rubbed it against her clit it became clear that she wanted control so I took away my hands and watched careen toward an orgasm. Her hips rocked and the hum of the wand increased until her body stiffened and her toes arched. It was beautiful.

I haven’t had much to report. I’ve been free range and honor bound since my last post. But I received this from Tullygirl today: “I think you should put your cage on for the rest of the day. That way you will think about me coming home tonight and get all excited!! But not be able to do anything about it. Whahahaha” She’s been away on business. It’ll be nice to have her back at home.

As I mentioned in the previous post, for the last few months we have experimented with cage-free chastity. Here’s what I’ve learned. I’ve learned that being caged focuses TullyGirl’s attention on the fact that I am at her mercy. After removing the CB our Tease and Denial play shifted heavily toward denial. She didn’t have the physical reminder that I needed to be teased. This caused some tension as I felt neglected. I felt like I had given up my power but that Girl was taking advantage of that situation to be lazy. Please don’t misunderstand; sex with TullyGirl has still been amazing! It (or even teasing) just hasn’t been frequent enough to meet my emotional needs. I’ve tried to explain that I feel love through her sexual attention, but I think the reality of that is only now sinking in for her. Ultimately, she still holds the final say. I’ve remained good about not asking for sex or initiating teasing. I also believe she has appreciated that I am less handsy since I must wait to be invited to touch any lady bits. And if she wants to deny me, I know I need to respect that decision. It's good that we can talk freely with one another; we're really trying to reach a place where I feel loved and she doesn't feel overwhelmed by my neediness. Last night I asked TullyGirl what her intention was regarding locking me up. She said, "I was thinking that you should stay locked up through the night." This morning she repeated: "Stay locked." So it looks like I'm on a magical mystery ride.

Hmm. Free again today and yesterday after a lovely encounter where the key came out. Listening to some you, I realize that I can barely call our play "chastity" since I really do get quite a few releases. BUT, none of them are my own accord; I'm learning to control my desire despite this. Still, when allowed a frank conversation, I have to admit that I want more. Either more tease or more cumming. It might not matter too much... but definitely more. I know that I'm getting repetitive, but that's probably the area of biggest conflict in our life. I sit and dream about being with TullyGirl while she’s usually a reactor who doesn't think ahead about sex. And this means she could go 3 weeks without thinking about it at all, leaving me frustrated after just 3 days of inactivity. In my heart this translates to 3 weeks where she isn't actively loving me. Truth be told, it's rarely actually 3 weeks. I would say we average intimacy 1.5 times a week. TullyGirl digs deep and makes herself perform the act. But that is the catch. When she’s making herself perform, it doesn’t feel like love.

I need to amend my last post. It didn't feel like love when I wrote that earlier observation, but the truth is that it actually is. Sometimes it's mundane love, but it’s genuine. TullyGirl has been very conscious in the last few months about giving me regular sexual opportunities and at the end of each one she usually lets me cum. "I'm at an 8," I would say. "Go ahead," she'd reply. And a week ago, she said, "You can cum in my mouth." With that rare permission granted, I was instantly transported over the top. It's been very nice, actually. But during our last entwinement, while I stroked wonderfully inside her, I said, "I'm at a 9, but you've just been letting me cum anyway." That may have been a mistake, as her face became moderately serious. "Then STOP," she commanded. "Too late," I smiled sheepishly. A few days later, I could see the glint in her eyes when, while we were kissing, she pushed me back against the bed. She began stroking me and biting my nipples. I didn't even need to say "I'm at an 8." She got me there several times perfectly edging each time. And then kissed me goodnight with a little smile that said, "See, you got what you wanted."

"No, I don't think that you can be caged tonight. Then you get up to go pee like 3 times a night and it wakes me up. Take it off." Those were my instructions. Outwardly I said "Yes ma'am." Inwardly I said "Awww". But it’s a gentle reminder that we're approaching chastity largely for her pleasure - or at least for her convenience. I was rewarded for my compliance, though! It made making love much easier:) It was a quick kiss and cum moment and it was delightful.

This week I've been back in the cage. It was my idea. I sent a text saying "May I lock up?" It had been several weeks since I wore physical restraint. She replied, "Cage up!" The next morning I asked again, "May I return to lockup?" "Lock'er up!" was the reply. This morning her text arrived: "Time to lock up!" “Yes ma'am!” Now I'm off to do some dusting. It'll make her happy.

The dusting mentioned in the previous post carried on to sweeping and dish washing as well. It was all preparation for our departure to attend our daughter’s wedding which was held out of state. Today we returned home after 2 great and tiring weeks of travel: we are one son richer than when we left. And we came back to a clean house which made everyone happy. The night before the ceremony, Tullygirl came to bed late. She had been busy with last minute plans and enjoyed talking with our friends and relations. I don’t like falling asleep before she comes to bed, so I was groggy but awake when she entered the room to get ready for sleep. I drifted off as she performed her ablutions and awoke as she crawled into bed and kissed me. “You’re not asleep, are you?” she asked, knowing the answer already. I responded in a haze “Of course not.” Even in that haze, I knew giving sex was the right answer. And then she kissed me again, this time deeply and passionately. She tasted amazing... an amazement I don’t remember before. And I pulled her close. In moments our underwear was off and I was inside her, pulsing slowly to enjoy the sensation. I tend to have a hair trigger anyway, but the taste of her mouth meant that I was closer than ever and warned her: “EIGHT!” I said forcefully. In a moaning, sing-song voice she replied “Go ahead!” And I came hard inside her in spasms. She hadn’t wanted to cum herself; only to join together. So we drifted off to sleep side by side.

A week later, still traveling, Tullygirl lay beside me with her hand resting on my cock. “Please be cruel to me,” I pleaded. “Oh,” she said, and halted—rolling away from me. I was stunned. “Not THAT kind of mean!” I exclaimed. She picked up her phone to continue reading chapter two of *A Keyholder’s Handbook*. “I’ll just read instead.” ——————- A few days later (actually last night), she was perusing the Handbook while rubbing me along multiple edges. She looked at me. “According to Ivey, we should aim for a full month.” “I’d like that,” I noted. She raised her eyebrows and turned toward me. Lately she’s been particularly gentle, and since I’ve been ejaculating frequently, I was hoping for slightly more time, but I quickly corrected myself, “Well, maybe not quite a whole month.” “No, I’ll remember that you thought a month sounded good,” She said, turning back to her book while I pushed toward another edge.

Here we are at the two-week mark. It’s certainly not the longest I’ve gone without ejaculating, but it has been long enough that I’m craving intimacy... deeply. I had a mental breakdown two nights ago. I couldn’t sleep; my mind wouldn't stop circling back to sex and related topics. Finally around 2am Tullygirl asked, "Are you STILL not asleep?" She had denied me earlier in the evening—not through T&D (Tease and Denial), just simple denial. And I was feeling a bit lonely and unappreciated. We talked. Some might say that I topped from the bottom; emotionally manipulating her into intimacy. You could say that. But I prefer to think that she decided to meet my need after seeing it for what it was. So I received several edges, then used the wand through her pajamas and menstrual pad. It resulted in a back-arching climax. Her release satisfied me enough. It quieted my mind and I drifted straight into sleep. I’m convinced now about vicarious orgasm.

There’s no other way to say it: "Last night was amazing." It is that time of the month again. Between my cycle and traveling, I hadn’t had the pleasure of touching any intimate female parts for a while. As I was heading to bed last night, Tullygirl said, "I don't have my menstrual cup in." She flashed a coy smile. "You can get out of your cage." I did so while she went to prepare for bed. After a little while, she emerged from the bathroom wearing her keyholder tank top and pink penguin underwear. Not that it matters much to the story, but she looked cute. In her hand was delay cream. I took off my clothes and she stroked me until I had to ask her to stop. I dripped a small puddle on my stomach. It wasn’t a full ruined orgasm, but enough pre-cum to fill my belly button. "We'll let the gel do its magic for a few minutes," she said as she returned to the bathroom. She came back with more delay cream, which led to another edge. Finally, she decided it was time. "I get to cum," she instructed, grabbing her Hitachi wand. "Think you can handle this?" I shook my head skeptically as she mounted me cowboy style. I warned, "If you rock hard, I can't guarantee the outcome." She smiled and started up the wand. We have a speed controller for it, so I began at the lowest setting. Slowly I ramped up the power, bringing her to the edge, then powered down again. Several times, I showed her how close she was until she commanded lustily, "Leave it on!" and I turned the power all the way up. The delay cream was working wonders. Without it, the sight before me combined with contractions against my penis would have sent me over. As it stood, I barely held on. She fell forward onto me, but I had to pull out; the shift in position provided too much stimulation. She let out a breathless laugh as she snuggled into my shoulder, kissing my neck. Once Tullygirl had caught her breath, she sat back up and shoved me inside her again. She rode me hard until, even with the cream, I had to pull out once more. In the end, she gave me six long edges before jumping off and declaring, "I think that's enough for one night."

Still on a month-long denial - mostly caged up. I've enjoyed two ruined orgasms during this period and, in addition to the encounters already mentioned, there have been several other playtimes. In one instance, Tullygirl described her orgasm as "synapse ripping." That sounds like high praise for the Satisfyer Pro 2, which did most of the work after I warmed her up with my tongue. The month ends in three days. Of course, the end date depends entirely on Tullygirl, so MAYBE it ends in three days. If she were to say something like, "I think that you need a little more time," I'd be incredibly turned on by her dominance. But Tullygirl isn’t one to be intentionally cruel. She likes playing by the rules; it gives her a framework within which to operate. And so I won't be disappointed if the denial ends after all. I’ve said before that my purpose in chastity isn’t exactly to limit myself, but to create room for the full expression of Tullygirl’s sexuality on her terms. So I’ll be glad when intimacy returns. I mentioned earlier that I've been mostly caged. The pattern Girl has settled into is putting the cage on in the morning after a workout (a real one, not a sexy one) and taking it off in the evening before bed. At first, I encouraged her to keep me locked all night because I wanted to feel like I was "doing it right." Now I feel that "doing it right" means doing what she wants. This has the added benefit of feeling much nicer when she reaches over for some playtime before bedtime.

Just received this text from Tullygirl: "One more day!!!!" Do I dare get excited!?

I think that I’ve answered my own question by remembering back to the beginning of our adventure. Over and again I would get my hopes up about sex only to be disappointed because Tullygirl doesn’t invest mentally in the same way I do... or plan like I do. She might surprise me, but it’s quite likely she’s just thinking that I’ll eventually cum. Probably not a big setup or fantasy fulfillment. So I think that I’ll treat tomorrow as a normal day. (Can you hear the excited hope behind that statement? Who am I fooling.)

BLUF. It was lovely and I felt loved. My hands were tied to the bed posts. It was clear that the evening was going to be about me. There was a good amount of arousal, and then I was allowed to cum. Had I been the planner for the evening, it’s true that I would have focused on different aspects. Maybe that's worth noting - maybe not. I probably would have been more conscious of the ambiance. I might have been more concerned with costuming. Perhaps there would have been a bit more variability in toys and activities. Yet, even as I recognize these things, I’m doing my level best to ignore them because what I received was a fully invested wife focused on love. And that’s more important. Tullygirl was present in that moment and chose to make me the center of it. Rather than being bored with the idea of making love, she chose to engage and speak my love language. I felt blessed. _____________________________________ Following our lovemaking, we continued a chastity discussion we’d been having all afternoon: What do we do after a month of denial? We had identified three ways forward from this day. 1. We can stay as we are; me the chaste husband and her the keyholder. 2. We can exchange roles. 3. We can go back (to normal). The in-between phase was definitely an option. But one thing I crave is variety. And Tullygirl gets tired carrying the whole load after a while. Number two, we decided, isn't really viable. I can play both top and bottom roles with alacrity. Tullygirl, on the other hand, really bristles at being submissive. We tried Tease & Denial with her in the bottom role a few years back and it was a disaster. She ended up angry at me, intentionally breaking rules while pretending to participate. It wasn't good for either of us. Number three is where we are pretty strong. We’ve been practicing that dynamic for over 30 years. Perhaps through chastity she has learned more about speaking love to me. Maybe I have learned to be more content - reducing my need to manipulate our sexuality. In the end, we went with option number three. Tullygirl was quick to point out that we can return to chastity at any time, to which I responded in true Braveheart fashion, "FREEDOM!" The next morning as we woke up, I rolled over and grabbed her breast - because I could again. We both laughed.

"Have you put yourself into chastity?" Tullygirl asked after a week-long lack of intimacy. She had relinquished her orgasm authority and it was now allowable for me to initiate sex - but I hadn't. The answer was "No, not exactly." I wasn’t caged and I wasn’t intentionally avoiding sex. But I also wasn’t trying to shoehorn sex into our daily routine. It was a busy week with lots of traveling and children's activities, so the days flew by ending in exhausted sleep. We could have had sex, and I was cleared to suggest it, but it would have been 'just-to-cum' sex. Chastity has taught me that not cumming can be far more fulfilling than 'just-to-cum' sex. So I hadn’t put myself into chastity in the strictest sense, but I have also learned things from this experience that look a lot like it.

Hello, friends! TullyGirl and I have spent the last few months in a quiet and pleasant simmer. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I would continue to use TullyGirl’s libido as the tempo for our love life whether she was my keyholder or not. My stated goal all along has been to reduce my selfishness. I think that has been mostly successful. As Key Barrett identifies in *Locked In Love*, I feel like I’ve moved away from a barter system and simply allowed our sex life to flow naturally. If you haven’t read Key Barrett’s book, I definitely recommend it. It’s not for the hard-core crowd; a vanilla wife and a moderately kinky husband will certainly appreciate this well-written book. Recently, I brought up the possibility of turning up the heat for a time by returning to keyholding. Since I’ve continued to be self-locked on and off over these months, it won’t be much of a change for me, but for TullyGirl it will mean an additional mental burden. So this time around, I approached it in a much slower way. I made sure to get her entire buy-in. In our most recent exchange I said, “I’ve really been hoping to be dominated by a benevolent DOM.” Her response? “Oh, I’ll dominate you!” TullyGirl comes home from a work trip this week. We won’t start right away but will probably have another discussion or two, and then if she’s truly ready to go, I’ll hand over the key. Can you tell that I’m trying to defer to her in a very patient way? The truth is, I’m also protecting myself. I don't want to hand over the key to someone who won’t take it seriously. But I think that she’s ready. I needn’t be scared. Honestly, I’m just thankful.

Reunion night. TullyGirl came home after a long day of travel; she was in good spirits but exhausted. After an incredible Mediterranean meal shared with family, we retired to bed. I was wearing new underwear: SAXX. They’re very comfortable. She wondered whether I was locked and grabbed for my crotch at the first opportunity. I was. Am I? Right now I control it. “I like them,” she smiled. She, on the other hand, wore flannel pajamas and her keyholder shirt. When I asked if that was intentional, I got another smile... “Yep”. A few kisses later and my spidey sense tingled. She wasn’t into it; she was dog-tired. “I think that it’s just time for bed,” I suggested. She replied, “But it’s been so long; are you sure? I could just do you.” “What’s another day or two?” I assured her. A weak smile and she put her head on my chest and drifted to sleep.

A while back I joined a band. And for the first time on stage, I played while locked in my cage. That was a rush in many ways. Well today was band practice and towards the end I had to excuse myself to use the restroom. I was feeling buzzy in my nether regions. Sure enough, when I peed I also let-down cum. I returned home after practice with a cum stain in my nickers. For me it feels like a mini ruined orgasm and requires no extra stimulation beyond just wearing my device. Let-down doesn’t usually manifest itself until after a few weeks of being locked and denied. It’s been about 2-1/2 weeks now. I kinda like getting to this point because of that specific feeling.

TG and I had a lovely and lovingly intimate time on Friday. The weekend promised to be full so SHE made sure to get things going before the weekend overwhelmed us. As mentioned earlier, TullyGirl is NOT currently the Keyholder, but if you read the title of my journal you'll notice that we've always lived in the reality that she IS the Keyholder. I had intended to stay locked, but she wanted me free so, after a licking and sucking induced orgasm for her, I was set free for some play time. I begged that we not end too quickly which led to some nice touching and feeling before we finished with sex and an orgasm for both of us. (PIV with a sucking vib makes her happy). I really hope to talk more about our next round of Keyholding, but there appears to be a few barriers in play. One is that she doesn't seem to want to discuss it. After her last comment a few posts ago, she's gone a tad cold in the sex-talk department. And secondly, we just haven't had time. To be fair, #2 might be informing #1.

We have been overwhelmed by visitors for several weeks now. Tomorrow we say goodbye to our last visitor for a while! So last night as we were waiting for their arrival, I handed TullyGirl a note that I had hand-written. Here’s how it started. > My Dearest TullyGirl, Some time ago I had asked whether you were willing to actively keyhold again. I was over-joyed that you said yes. So, I think that it’s good to talk about what that means to each of us; since I only know what my thoughts are, let’s start there. What followed was a delightful conversation about the things that made Keyholding fun for each of us. Then we began writing down the rules that I’ll need to play by. Since she’s the keyholder, she doesn’t have any rules - other than our wedding vows. We didn’t quite finish. Our final guest arrived and put an end to that discussion. “We can finish this later,” TullyGirl said, as she put away the notebook in her night stand. This afternoon, as she was finishing up her shower, I joined her in the bathroom. She noticed the smile on my face when she saw that she was in her panties. She noted, “You’re just in time,” and gestured for a hug. I responded and swept her into a strong embrace... with my hands on her rear. “Please take your hands off... the rule is that you can’t touch me in my bathing suit areas,” she admonished. “But I want you,” I replied. She responded, “None of this for you.” I sputtered, “But we haven’t started.” “Oh yes we have,” was her reply. I moved my hands to the small of her back and pulled her into a tight hug and whispered, “Yes, ma’am” before giving her a deep and thankful kiss.

This morning TullyGirl continued with subtle(?) reminders that she is now the rule maker. I removed my cage, as directed, to shower. I showered and replaced the ring but hadn’t put the cage on yet. I had been watching Tullygirl so well through her shower that the cage didn’t quite fit perfectly yet. She noticed. “Hey! Get your cage on and stop taking advantage of your freedom.” Not long after, and after I had caged up, we were still in the bathroom. You might find this silly, but wedgies make me laugh and are a fun little repartee between the two of us. Once in a while when TullyGirl bends over in front of me, I’ll take advantage of seeing her panty waistband and give a good yank. I laugh, and she gives me a frown and sticks out her tongue saying, “I don’t know why you find that funny.” Well, today I went to grab her waistband and then realized that it was off limits. I had originally negotiated that I could give her one wedgie a week so I said, “I’m going to use my weekly wedgie.” “No you’re not,” she responded. “New rule. No wedgies. Ever.

An interesting thing that I've learned about myself is that I jump into the deep end. It's true of everything that I do. Whatever turn of phrase you may wish to use, I go all in. And it appears that chastity is no different. Now, just like the first time we began our journey with chastity, I am needing to control my enthusiasm. I've spent my days looking at captions and reading articles and a few too many links from those sources. Now my head is full of thoughts on chastity and TullyGirl hardly stands a chance. Take a deep breath, TullyBoy.

"Excuse me?" she asked. I was just checking my boundaries," I said with a smile. "Well, your nipple rubbing is done!" she announced. The lesson was learned. Honestly though, it wasn't much of a loss. We had to get up and head to the gym, so our time together was short. Lucky me:) After working out at the gym, we went home for a shower. She hadn't mentioned any sexual activity, so I gave her some space. When I felt she was finished, I started my own shower. She was still naked. "I was just about to text you," she ordered. "Take off your cage and let me use it where the sun doesn't shine." She turned the water back on while I removed my device. As I stepped into the spray, she lathered her hands and began stroking me. She kept going as I rinsed myself, then TullyGirl lifted a leg against the bench and pulled me close. She was seriously hot. The temperature alone made it intense; I can't recall her pussy feeling so warm before. Her kisses were wet and messy. What a glorious moment. Then she whispered in my ear: "You may not cum." The embrace continued as she worked me to several delicate edges... getting closer each time. Then she left the shower and came back with her vibrator, handing it over. I helped bring her to climax before steadying her as she wobbled for balance - it had been a leg day!:) Once she recovered, she guided me into her once more, saying, "One more edge for you." Afterward, it took some time for my arousal to subside enough to fit back into my cage. I intentionally left the device sitting on the counter to see if she was truly thinking like a Keyholder yet. Just one final test, I thought. As we were finishing up our ablutions, she spotted the cage on the counter. She only needed to glance at it and then glare at me - and I knew exactly what she meant. Yep, she's my Keyholder.

Received this text today: > Freedom is over. Go get locked and send me proof. The story started last night. I was kissing TullyGirl goodnight and, while I'm always hopeful for some play, my reading of her energy level had me feeling like we were about to turn out the lights and close our eyes. Instead she said, "Take your cage off." I did. "Now," she continued, "show me how you like to be stroked." [insert alarm bells and massive hard-on here] I did. She told me, "You only get an edge... but does that feel good?" And she reached over and began to aggressively pinch my nipple. After that edge, she leaned down and took me in her mouth and the flashes of happiness raced through me. I was given another edge. Then, with pre-cum dripping, she said, "One last time..." and she reached beneath my balls and massaged my perineum until the pressure was too much and I had to stop. I can't remember when she helped so much while watching me pleasure myself. It was so intimate and loving; maybe she knew how much I needed that attention from her yesterday. We exchanged a few goodnight kisses as we cooled down. "We're running in the morning," she told me, "and then you have a massage so you may remain caged until after the massage tomorrow. Enjoy a cage-free sleep." And I did.

Sometimes chastity sucks. I need to be careful to point that out now and again since if you just read the highlights it could seem like edges and orgasms for everyone. For me, Friday started with a bang. Some pegging and edging that ended with TullyGirl saying, “You may have a ruined orgasm.” So after several edges I began spewing cum and we both watched as it spread out across my belly. But it was too much of an orgasm. It wasn’t ruined enough and I crashed for the next 2 days. And the next two days were full of family activity - Easter weekend - so there was no repairing the low feelings that I was having. I just had to soldier on. But it sucked and I thought some terrible things and felt some terrible things. I even just took off my cage and didn’t wear it at all on Saturday. TullyGirl caught me as I was showering on Easter morning and made me put it on. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to all the way until today. And that’s where we are. We have some “Continuing Education” together tonight where she reads a keyholder book and I lay on her lap and get my back rubbed. I really need some closeness; I’m hoping that it all comes together as planned. Sigh.

p.s. I made her favorite martini with dinner tonight. She loved it.

What a bizarre night. It started out just as I had hoped with a back rub as TullyGirl read to herself, "The Ultimate Guide to Tease and Denial". She's just beginning it, but afterward proved that she's a quick study as she described what she'd be doing to me if my cock was free. Around 2 in the morning I woke up needing closeness. I begged to lick her. I believe that her exact words were, "Sure. Anything to go back to sleep." She wasn't in need of an orgasm since she had one earlier in the evening, but she let me lick for a while and then pulled my head up to say, "That's enough, thank you." And it had been enough for me, too. The voices in my head went away and I quickly fell asleep beside her.

It’s been a long week. Last Friday, as I reported above, I crashed and burned. I don’t know if it was punishment for my lapse, but today was the first edging since that time. I was stepping into the shower when she said, “Take your cage off for your shower.” I did, and she proceeded to stand in the doorway as she directed me to edge myself. “That’s cute,” she said as I reached an edge, “you get weak in the knees." A few more edges and she turned away saying, “I’m going to work. Be sure to lock back up.”

Well... I had a long post written. It was insightful, brilliant and articulate (I'm sure). I accidentally closed the window so let me summarize. Good to see you all again. It's been a while. I'm locked up by a strange amalgam of keyholder/self-locking. I have the keys, but when I suggested last night that I go get them, Tullygirl said, "Ah, that'd take all the fun out of it." And she continued to stroke the steel casing of my device knowing that I couldn't feel it.

@Tullyboy I am so sorry you lost your post. So that we may not lose such insightful prose in future, I've installed an "Auto Draft" feature that saves a draft every 20 seconds. May yours be the last post that was sacrificed to the Great Bitbucket in the Sky!

@Schnoff You're amazing!! On behalf of posters (and posers) everywhere, thank you!

The last time that I posted most people had never heard of COVID. Interesting times that we live in. I am not living in Chastity currently, but I'd say that I am living by the principles that lead me into chastity at the beginning. Like so many married couples TullyGirl and I have disparate sex drives. If you've been reading my journal, you've probably noticed that theme. And, as the title suggests, chastity has been my way of acknowledging the reality that TullyGirl has always been on top. I don't cum unless invited. I rarely suggest sex. I almost always wait for when my love is ready. Many people say that couples in our situation need to find a compromise. Our solution has been for me to (mostly) submit myself to her level of desire and sacrifice my needs. ------- Lately, I've become more interested in anal play. TullyGirl and I have enjoyed some pegging over the years. I get the feeling that it's not her go-to interest, but she is willing to engage and it makes for some extremely intimate times together. It's probably more than you need to know, but I've always had a small sphincter. I decided that it was the time to work on that and so over the last month have been enjoying stretching things out. And surprisingly, it's worked. It used to be that we'd need to use a special very small dildo for me. Now, I can use the same size dildos that TullyGirl uses. The rush is intense. And, having always wondered about milking but never having seen results, it seemed like this would be a good opportunity to see if I can get my prostrate working overtime. Recently it finally happened. I had been using a reasonably large dildo with some added stroking when I ejaculated a large amount without the sensation of cumming. And then just minutes later, TullyGirl and I made love and I was still able to cum. However, I HAD still been stroking. It was really just a ruined orgasm. So, I was still curious... could I be milked simply by using anal penetration. Today was the day that it worked. I used a p-spot attachment on our Hitachi and moments later a stream of cum was dribbling away. Intense! And then I was hard for the rest of my shower. Even now, 12 hours later, I'm still feeling the pressure and desire to actually cum. I wasn't caged this morning, though. That'll be the next fun test.

After writing last night I thought that it was time to lock-up... so I spent the night locked, anticipating a little play time this morning. And you know what? Milking with the cage on was pretty fun! Next step is to be denied for a while before trying it. I was pretty dry from having milked just the day before.

The last year has been what I would describe as a lovely bit of mundanity. Tullygirl has fallen into a pattern of weekly sex that is both disappointing and wonderful. Disappointing in volume but wonderful when it’s happening. Decades of marriage has certainly taught us how to pleasure one another. I’ve enjoyed playing around with new underwear. G-strings seemed like a fun adventure. Tullygirl is not much interested in dressing up sexy for me so I’ve used this opportunity to delve into sexy fabric and dress sexy for myself. I don’t know, seems a bit silly but at least one of us can wear some lace.:). (Edited to say that she does wear lace, I was exaggerating, just in case she decides to read this.;) ) I have randomly locked for short periods during this time. Only recently did it become apparent that it was time to be caged on a more consistent basis. Right now I’m building up to full time wear through daytime locking. It’s been a few weeks and so it’s nearly time to make the transition to full time. I’ve been wearing a new cage of my own design. I wanted to share it with you but I’m a bit too shy to share it in all its glory. Instead, here’s a glimpse of my favorite g-string and cage all at once. file mar 09, 6 57 07 pm.png file mar 09, 6 57 07 pm.png (447.39 KiB) Viewed 7581 times

To be filed under “Hot Things That Your Keyholder Said”: As Tullygirl was fondling me: Me: “Well, I can take this off…” Tullygirl: “That’s not really the point, is it.” Notice how that wasn’t a question. AND, After reaching down to grab me before bed and finding me locked for bedtime. Tullygirl: “I see that the warmup is over… this is just the beginning of a long journey! Maybe a year! [sadistic giggle]” Tullygirl and I have settled into a system of cage-bound honor chastity. She doesn’t really enjoy controlling a physical key so I am on my honor when it comes to cage wearing. I am allowed to take it off for showers and workouts or other times when wearing it interferes with my activity. But, she’s happy to remind me of the purpose of being locked. This morning, after a night of tease and denial, I said, “I can’t wait to take this off for my shower and to masturbate.” To which she replied, “I don’t think so.” I teased a bit more, “But you could let me.” Tullygirl was quick to emphasize, “BUT I said no, didn’t I.” Now I’m about to take my shower and I’ve got to say that this morning it will be a bit difficult to be honorable!

We score very low on Tom’s chastity matrix. If you’ve read much of this journal, you know that I am released and released with reasonable regularity even when regularly caged. The allure of chastity for me has been to fill the gaps between, when our unbalanced desires cause me to feel left out. It builds anticipation for me and draws a little more attention from Tullygirl in these gaps. So I was I uncaged and showering with her this morning when she whispered, “I will be cumming and you will not.” We moved from the shower to the bed where I began by tasting her - and freshly showered is my favorite! We switched back and forth between PIV and TIV as I struggled to keep my CUM to myself. By the end she had orgasms from a rabbit and a womanizer and I had had my fill even without my own release. Even now I feel satiated having shared that closeness. We fly out of town today so I will remain uncaged until, at her request, I lock up after we arrive at our destination.

We have arrived at our destination but I remain unlocked. I have a small abrasion that needs a day or two to heal. During our journey we were eating at a very nice restaurant. At one point during the meal I excused myself to use the restroom where, not being locked, I stood at a urinal. I peed normally and was about to finish up when I noticed that I need more. This time, however, it was the sensation of white milky cum working its way through my urethra. I love that feeling of cum let-down! Later that evening as I changed my underwear I realized that it wasn’t an isolated occurrence and that the other subtle feelings that I had during the day left a less than subtle reminder.

The abrasion took several days to heal so I found myself unlocked until we returned home from our vacation. This morning was the first morning back: I showered, shaved and locked. Good thing, too, since around midday I received this text: “Are you locked and loaded?” I searched for something funny or a double entendre on the word “loaded” but nothing good enough came to mind… so I went with, “Yes ma’am!” I can tell you that I am indeed loaded!

Tullygirl showered first this morning. After she was done and dressed I proceeded to get ready for my shower. I had striped and was taking off my cage. "You know... some Keyholders don't allow that," she pointed out as she watched. I paused. She has rarely called herself a Keyholder - let alone commented on what some do or don't do. "Um, do you want me to leave it on for my shower?" I replied a bit sheepishly. "No, I don't. I'm 'pro hygiene!'" And she left to get breakfast while I showered. I took a long shower, hoping that she might come back to play, but with no sign of her I finished up and was clothed before she returned.

Wow! It's been 4 years since my last post on my journal. In that time it's been mundane and amazing, quiet and frenetic, sweet and sexy. Pretty much all the highs and lows. Chastity-wise, I've been caged and uncaged, denied and freed, remembered and forgotten. Pretty much all the highs and lows. But it's been a while since I've been caged. A few weeks ago, TullyGirl and I were going through some relationship question cards and one of the questions was, "Is there anything that you used to do sexually that you miss?" I thought for a moment and realized that I missed being locked - even though we have practiced denial from time to time. So, to re-engage I created a card game that I thought would be a fun re-entry and we've been playing it since. I had ordered a new cage (Kink3D Viper, white) and it arrived yesterday. I, of course, tried it on immediately. When TG came home she asked whether the cage had arrived. I answered by handing her a little gold plated key that I had also ordered - off of Etsy. It's a cute little key. Later that night she wanted to inspect it and she approved. But she suggested that I remove it for sleeping to allow some time to adjust. A few days ago TG had drawn the 2 of Spades, which meant that intimate touch and card draws were forbidden for two days (until today, actually). Then this morning she drew the 8 of Clubs, which means that the Queen wears the key and has full key control. She doesn't enjoy controlling the daily ins/outs of locking or unlocking but this shifts that responsibility to her for a day. Well, she took her responsibility seriously and said, "It's a good thing that your cage came yesterday! Just in time!" So this morning after we finished our walk together (uncaged) I was about to walk out the door to a meeting. As I reached for the door handle I heard her behind me, "Hey! Get your cage on!" She had a what-are-you-trying-to-pull sound to her voice. I quickly went to the room, caged up and presented the locking barrel to her. She grabbed her key and boom! I'm locked!

TullyGirl hasn't forgotten her role as keyholder. She recalled that the '8' meant I wouldn't be unlocking yesterday (for workouts, showers, etc.). She also remembered while teasing me at dinner that the evening was hers to decide. And she remembered wanting an orgasm... so she played the Red Joker, which acts as her wildcard in the deck with the message, "Give me an orgasm now!" ... all just to remind everyone who really holds the power in this game. As she played the Joker, she presented the key. It seems she still enjoys teasing me because, although my cage came off, I kept my underwear on. So there I was, pleasing my wife while staying untouched below the waist. Hmm... I had forgotten about that drawback;)

At this stage in our journey, I am unlocked at night. I get up, work out, shower, and then lock for the day. Today, as I finished my shower, TullyGirl came over to give me a goodbye kiss. She grabbed me by the penis, stroked it enough to feel good, and then walked away saying, "Don’t touch yourself."

There are dark days ahead... at least statistically speaking:) We're still playing the card game and have had two very nice draws over the last few days. The Queen AND King of Diamonds. Those are two spicy cards! For the Queen of Diamonds, TullyGirl allowed me unlocked PIV access after giving her a moaning orgasm. I, on the other hand, needed to be slow and methodical since I didn't have that same luxury. The King was today's draw, so I'm not sure what it means for tonight. BUT that signals black cards are coming up. For those interested in gear, I've really been enjoying the Kink3D but think I ordered it too large. So, a much smaller Amazon special arrived today and I'm testing it out. I went from 45mm to 40mm and switched from Standard to something much narrower. Still testing, but this feels like a better fit. Once I'm sure, I might order a smaller Kink3D (it's nice and light) or consider getting a fully enclosed custom metal cage.