Answers to "Why?"

I’m just curious if any of these resonate with you all. I drafted them for my wife.

1. The assertive side of you is quite appealing. It will be thrilling to watch that woman take the reins.
2. To serve as a reminder that sexual stimulation belongs to and originates from you.
3. This helps balance our drives. As we have discovered over time, we operate on different cycles of need. Yours appears to cycle roughly every week and a half, while mine is about 2 or 3 Days. This might help with the discrepancy; I am required to wait for your desire rather than my own.
4. It feels fresh and distinct, and sounds enjoyable. We are using new hardware. Chastity is a novel game requiring us to learn and grasp its rules. Whether it becomes a long-term commitment or not remains to be seen, but exploring it is fun.
5. It keeps other women out of reach for me and lowers the chances of infidelity.
6. I appreciate the concept that closeness and sex are now separate. Perhaps this can help both of us learn to value intimacy beyond just achieving an orgasm.

1) Yes, absolutely. I have a naturally submissive nature, and chastity along with denial amplify those feelings within me. 2) Sorry, that one doesn't apply to me. Even while wearing the cage and practicing denial, I still feel the relationship should be built on mutual care and commitment. A dominant partner has responsibility toward their submissive's emotional health, which includes attending to their sexual needs as well. Opinions vary widely on this point, but that is where I stand. 3) It definitely helps with that balance. Especially when I am caged; cuddling and snuggling can easily substitute for sex and meet my needs in that area. 4) That was a long time ago for us, but we are currently working on exploring more of the landscape than we have covered up to now. 5) Absolutely and unconditionally no. None of this would work for me unless I were completely devoted to my wife. There is no way I could ever consider cheating, so these measures aren't really helping me stay faithful externally. When my wife once offered to let me visit a strip club, I said no, explaining that I only want a lap dance from her; receiving one from someone else wouldn't do anything but make me uneasy. I am not criticizing what you wrote at all; just sharing my viewpoint from where I sit.

Excellent points! I read your journal entry (very well written, by the way), which was one of the reasons I decided to post here. It became apparent that each of us has a different path and motivation, though there is plenty of overlap. Actually, our #2 and #5 are similar! My point #2 refers specifically to pornography and being stimulated by sources other than my wife. Many people choose this route, but it isn't the right fit for me or her. It really bothers her. So combined with chastity, I also value purity. Like you, my wife and I share a very happy relationship - we enjoy love several times a week. However, I noticed she was bending to accommodate me (having sex more often than she actually needs), which made me think that perhaps I could find a way to bend for her. #5. I would NEVER plan on having an affair partly because the person involved in it would need to be okay with hurting someone else. I don't find that attractive at all. Still, I know how easy it is for "NEVER" to slip into the moment's flow, so for me it acts as added security but not the only guard at the door. (And practically speaking, I have more tools than most shops offer, so if I wanted out, it wouldn't be a problem and no one would know. I believe that chastity is primarily a choice of the heart. A willingness to submit. The cage is just a reminder. In fact, I rather enjoy wearing it.)

> member_e37d0ef4a6 wrote: simply offering my perspective from where I am. As mentioned above, I enjoyed hearing your point of view. I didn't want to take over your journal so I posted here instead, but it was interesting that you learned about denial through Tantric sex. I think our first experiments with denial came from "The Venus Butterfly Technique," which dates back roughly the same period. Like you, we adopted the technique and left behind the unnecessary parts.

This message is addressed to both Cuyahoga and Tullyboy, Tullyboy, welcome to the forums. I'm already enjoying your posts, and Cuyahoga, I've been reading through your journal for a while now.

Before I say this, I'll apologize to Tullyboy that we are drifting off topic... Maintaining that journal has provided two major benefits moving forward. The first was being able to go back and check how I felt as things were developing in the spring, which allowed me to watch out for some of those pitfalls as we move ahead now. I had no idea until I went back and reread it just how much memory fog had set in. My surprise at that amount brings me to the second benefit... I have gained a better understanding of why my wife doesn't necessarily retain her own grasp on the hurdles we've already cleared. I think about these things constantly, yet I still forget quite a bit. She doesn't ponder them as much, so I simply cannot expect her to remember even half of what I do. Reaching this understanding helps me resolve and dispel the resentment I used to feel when she would be completely blank on matters we had already tackled. I can't emphasize enough how valuable having that reference has been for me, which is why I keep adding to it. I would love for her to read it, and hopefully one day, I'll find her in the right frame of mind to accept that idea. Back to Tullyboy ... my wife never minded me looking at porn, though I do consume more of it when I'm not being denied orgasms. When I am allowed to finish during periods of freedom, I noticed that although porn gets me started, fantasizing about my wife almost always finishes the job for me. During a denial period, however, I don't need porn to get going. I can just think about some things my wife has already done for me or things I'd like her to do, and I'm edging in minutes. She encourages this 'entertaining myself' time because we find it reduces her 'workload,' so to speak. As for the temptation to get caught up in the moment ... that couldn't possibly happen with me. Even when I was single, young, and foolish, I turned down engagements once I could tell they were going to be short-lived. Sex creates intimacy for me; I'm loyal to a fault, and the rejection inherent in a quick encounter felt brutal.