Guidance on Ruined Orgasms

Seeking some guidance and knowledge. I’ve been in my cage around the clock for a bit over twelve months, with only short pauses when she wants vaginal intercourse (which doesn’t always lead to climax for me). Prior to this journey, I’d never really had what you might call a ruined orgasm. About three months back, I started testing things out while caged on, trying to understand the mechanism and how to trigger it myself. So far, I believe I’ve pulled it off 3 or 4 times. Sort of. When I’m nearing climax, I stop all stimulation entirely and pull away any contact from my cock—whether by hand or wand—with the exception of the cage bars pressing against it. There’s a short pause, then internal spasms kick in, followed five to ten seconds later (without touching) as semen trickles out. The volume is there for a full release, but it comes out as a dribble rather than a spray. It doesn’t feel like that complete burst of an orgasm—no explosive ‘bang’. However, the sensation is quite pleasant, certainly more so than just being okay. What stands out to me compared to other accounts I’ve read about ruins is how long my refractory period lasts: blood drains away quickly (obviously there’s no visible erection while inside the cage, but my cock has been trying hard and feels swollen as much as possible; at the base behind the cage, it was fully engorged). My arousal level drops right after too. The urge to keep reading that erotic story I was enjoying fades instantly, along with the physical want to touch myself again—I feel finished. Other folks mention they don’t lose their erection if uncaged and still crave more, capable of multiple ruins in quick order. That’s not my experience. I also don’t seem to hit that deep post-climactic slump everyone knows well. My attentiveness toward my wife stays steady at her usual denied level for a few days; though the desire I have to serve her sexually (through fingers, oral, and toys without me getting anything) does lessen slightly. Still, my personal itch to break free from the cage and get another full climax feels reduced for two or three days, leaving me feeling emotionally like I’ve broken faith with my chastity. Any thoughts on what’s happening? Suggestions? It looks like a textbook ruined orgasm, but the recovery phase resembles more of a normal one (which isn’t exactly what I want). I’m trying to figure it out so I can help my wife add ruining to her teasing and denial toolkit.

If those spasms are real, you're likely closer to a true climax than not. Some individuals label it an 'abandoned' orgasm instead of 'ruined'. See if clamping down and holding back helps—imagine your Keyholder telling you that climaxing will cause something unpleasant—and see whether you can prevent the spasms.

A lot of what is written about ruined orgasms is, in my experience, plain wrong. Particularly in porn, we find penises abandoned by hands literally a second before they erupt and obviously the guy's having a proper orgasm, if abandoned, not a ruin. I suspect that this is put about as a genuine ruin by people to deceive either themselves or their SO/KH. I also think that it's not a step from ruin to full O, but rather a sliding scale. A genuine ruin will contain pleasure - after all your cock's been stroked or your prostate's been massaged at least, and who's not going to enjoy that? But a genuine ruin is a very finely judged achievement, probably only a single stroke from something more, and as they say, practice makes perfect:-) To obtain a genuine ruin I have to take great care and approach the Point of No Return very carefully with no rushing things. Even then I can end up in a No-Man's Land between full and ruin, which is why I prefer to stay a safe distance away from the edge. A useful rule of thumb is, do you still really want to eat your own cum or have you gone off the idea.

i basically agree with Steve2059, it’s a very fine line and takes a LOT of practice to perfect. MsM now has “milking” down to a fine art and can achieve the desired dribbling of “Her seed” very quickly. There is no muscle spasms and little feeling beyond that of hot liquid “running out” of my cock (well Her cock now!!). There is zero reduction in arousal levels and i would happily eat what has been expelled. If She so desires MsM can achieve this several times over a few minutes until there is nothing more to dribble out but these days She doesn’t do that. She just gets the first dribble, which if i’m very aroused (having watched Her orgasm 3 or 4 times) only takes Her seconds. It’s then lockup time as She feels i have had all that is needed to maintain prostate health while maintaining my arousal so i am “compliant”. MsM’s ld

Thanks, @TwistedMister, @slave d, @Steve2059. Exactly what I suspected mIght be the case -- I'm going too far and, albeit not having a full orgasm, going beyond a ruin. I'd not read such cogent discussion of it being on a spectrum before: the standard discussion seems to be either-or, and I knew it wasn't a full or "regular" orgasm. (I didn't mention this symptom in my write-up, but yes, folks often say they are happy to eat their cum when it's a ruin, but I definitely lost that desire with these "failed" orgasms, too.) I'll have to keep working at it to learn this new skill.

We are on a similar journey.. In trying to explain this "edging" thing, wife says " How am I supposed to know when to stop and when to go... Fast,/ slow?? Just frustrated. She is still not really even on board with me in chastity. I would just work it as best as you can by yourself. You'll get it.. you 2 have cum along way already.! Next chapter..

Precisely, figure this out myself before suggesting it to the wife!

Try reaching that 'edge', then using just one finger on the underside of the head, moving in circles at a slow to moderate pace, enough to keep you right there. Then, speed up slightly if needed until ejaculation feels like it's about to happen...and stop. If nothing occurs within 10-20 seconds, go back to that single-finger technique and repeat. Whenever you sense 'spasms' coming on or starting, pause the stimulation and squeeze your muscles tightly as if holding in urine mid-stream. You can also change up how you stimulate with one finger, moving from base to head along the underside and returning. Whatever method you use for stimulation, try staying at the 'edge' for a bit, then inching closer. Aim to get very close to orgasm/ejaculation without actually going over it. It's like weightlifting: when you work muscles to failure, if you keep clamping down hard against contractions, those muscles eventually weaken (temporarily during your session). If/when you do go past the edge then, the spasms will be weaker or absent. Another stimulation method uses your whole hand for stroking—only from base to head, letting it slide completely off the top. Some claim this makes going over and ejaculating impossible, but that's not true. You can also alternate hands, one after another, always moving base-to-head and sliding off at the top, starting slow and gradually speeding up until you reach the edge.

Thanks for the detailed advice, @TwistedMister! Since I'm locked around the clock except when she wants to play with my cock, I'm working on figuring this out while stimulating myself cage-on, so will need to modify some of what you suggest. However the goal is to help her learn to induce ruins, and that presumably will be cage-off, at least sometimes, so I'll note the other details for then.

we've been together a long time, but only recently played with ruined orgasms the last few years. At some point, my wife developed an interest in it, and i haven't had a non-ruined hand job in over a year now. we never specifically agreed to this, and when she plays with me, I always have some hope it won't be ruined, but it always has been, for over a year now. My advice - don't try to be too perfect about it. Experiencing some "slump" will happen sometimes with some ruined orgasms depending on what is going on. if your partner understands what is going on, and is willing to experiment, that is a GIANT part of the thrill. All of a sudden she is putting mental and emotional effort into a simple HJ. Orgasms are not all the same though, and neither all ruined ones. I've had ones where I was barely aware that I spurted, and others where I spurted all over the place and wanted to thrust terribly but couldn't. Were you left feeling a little humiliated? Like she minimized your enjoyment? Did something happen to upset what might have been full enjoyment? Did she watch carefully and abandon you before you wanted her to? Did you try to talk her out of ruining it, with all your heart? Did you beg her to stop so it wouldn't be ruined, with all your heart? These are all markers for me.

I am really looking forward to giving Darling a ruined orgasm but since he's not getting to cum a lot these days, I have not been practicing because I'm worried about not being able to stop on time and giving him a full orgasm by accident.

I think it’s all about communication. My mistress works me, cage off, and tells me how many ruined orgasms she’s going to give me - no immediate mention of a full orgasm. I, knowing she wants ruined, tell her when I’m getting close and then say “Stop, stop, stop” when I’m a millisecond from the point of no return. and she stops instantly. I’m then left puffing and blowing to control not cumming. After a few second if the feeling is right she just presses my cock down with one finger towards my stomach and it shoots a huge rope of cum across me. After about 10 seconds the feeling subsides a little and she’s again able to wank me. Unbelievably, she’s done this 7 times in a row and achieved a single squirt each time - albeit diminishing in power as we progress. After the seventh it was difficult to continue, but she wanted a full one too. It came, but was hugely (and wonderfully!) disappointing. As weak as the final one was I still wanted to eat my cum through each of the 7 ruined orgasms - so I guess we got it right? 😊 ....after that 8th one though, the desire went immediately. I’m 62 years old, and love what we have going on and the fact that she’s so keen to get all that cum out of me. BTW I’ve mentioned to her once that I’d like her to feed me my cum, but I think maybe it’s a step too far right now. Maybe one day 👍

> DarlingsMistress wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 7:00 pm > I am really looking forward to giving Darling a ruined orgasm but since he's not getting to cum a lot these days, I have not been practicing because I'm worried about not being able to stop on time and giving him a full orgasm by accident. Although I've only (unintentionally) caused KBT to have a ruined orgasm once, I have denied orgasms quite a bit. I always require him to ask before the orgasm happens. Sometimes I tell him to finish, but more often I tell him to pull out. Sometimes I let him continue to more denials before locking him back into his cage, and sometimes I just wait for him to be flacid again then recage him. It's all up to you how and when he has an orgasm.

It’s interesting to read about no longer wanting to slurp up the cum. I thought it was just me. After orgasm, it’s like I lose all interest. I still force myself to do it though. excited+scared1, have you heard of snowballing? ⛄️ When I (was) having sex, I could keep myself right on the edge for quite a while. Sometimes I get to the point where I’m just done. No cumming, nothing. After a cooling off period, I’m turned on again. Time to lock it up tight.

I have Bunny, but the problem is my key holder, ‘T’ likes a facial, but doesn’t like cum in her mouth (legacy of a bad situation in her teens) and I have to respect that of course. For that reason I think as kinky as our sex life is, she sees cum as nasty. Last night, humbler on, foxtail butt plug in, and her licked to orgasm she wanted me to ruin an orgasm onto her pussy - which I dutifully did. Having squirted a nice amount I asked her if I could eat it off her, and she hesitated and said “no, I’m not ready for that yet”. Of course, she should be making these rules and insisting I clean her up, so it gets a bit complicated.

I *think* I may have achieved a couple of true ruins recently, but still wondering if not quite. The last two times when I stopped there were no spasms. Then, after a few seconds of nothing, some rhythmic pulsing started up and the semen flowed out. It just dribbled: there was absolutely no spurting. Indeed, I wasn't even immediately aware that it was flowing out (because I'm caged and was lying on my back, the tip of my penis was out of sight) and it was only when I felt the wetness and verified it was semen, not just pre-cum, that I knew. But...still on the spectrum and not a perfect ruin? The pulsing was not as strong or spasmodic as a regular orgasm, but there were indeed contractions. (But if there are no contractions at all, what pushes out the semen?) My mental arousal state stayed higher than with a regular orgasm -- for example, I wasn't turned off by the idea or acting on tasting my semen. But I wasn't excited by the idea either (as I can be in my head before I orgasm). And though my arousal state didn't rapidly disappear (mentally or physically), there was definitely a bit of cool down (again, since in my cage I can't say if I "stayed hard", but I definitely wasn't pressing as hard against the bars or craving to be touched more as much as I was a minute earlier). So, I think I'm pretty close to the magic pot at the end of the rainbow, but still need to back off just a bit earlier to have a 100% perfect ruin...?

cshorts it sounds pretty much as good as you’ll get to me. i sometimes have some muscle reaction but not always. You may do better but not much as it is a natural thing!! MsM’s ld

> Bunny wrote: ↑Sun Oct 27, 2019 11:59 pm........................... > When I (was) having sex, I could keep myself right on the edge for quite a while. Sometimes I get to the point where I’m just done. No cumming, nothing. After a cooling off period, I’m turned on again. Time to lock it up tight. A previous partner and I could spend a week a weekend a night or just a few hours together and at the end of it I would feel both drained and ready to go . Any fluid loss during whatever we were up to served only to reduce the need to cum but notthe want. Maintaining the want was for me and my then partner was for usv what chastity play was all about.

Thanks @fuzzydunlop. So far all the experimenting has been on my own -- she hasn't shown interest in bringing me to a ruined O. Aside from having some fun, I've been trying to learn what it is and how to get there (and not further) on my own, in hopes that she'll become interested in adding it to her teasing repertoire and I'll be ready to show her how. And I think over the past 2-3 weeks I've gotten there. I've been edging a lot more -- getting a bit addicted to it, which is a different issue. But I haven't had a full orgasm since the one I mentioned 2-3 months back, and I did manage a few perfect ruins. A pre-ejaculatory contraction or two to alert me it was time, but then I shut down the spasms, and after the pleasure stopped, the fluid just gently flowed out with no associated pleasure and little or no reduction in horniness. What a weird feeling. And, just in time. As I just reported in my journey blog, my wife was awakened by my edging last night and this morning told me to stop: I'm not allowed to play with myself while caged inless instructed by her. So, unless I go back to my A272 (tube) cage, I'm now in both caged AND honor system chastity, simultaneously.

> cshorts wrote: ↑Sat Dec 21, 2019 11:31 am > Thanks @fuzzydunlop. So far all the experimenting has been on my own -- she hasn't shown interest in bringing me to a ruined O. Aside from having some fun, I've been trying to learn what it is and how to get there (and not further) on my own, in hopes that she'll become interested in adding it to her teasing repertoire and I'll be ready to show her how. > And I think over the past 2-3 weeks I've gotten there. I've been edging a lot more -- getting a bit addicted to it, which is a different issue. But I haven't had a full orgasm since the one I mentioned 2-3 months back, and I did manage a few perfect ruins. A pre-ejaculatory contraction or two to alert me it was time, but then I shut down the spasms, and after the pleasure stopped, the fluid just gently flowed out with no associated pleasure and little or no reduction in horniness. What a weird feeling. > And, just in time. As I just reported in my journey blog, my wife was awakened by my edging last night and this morning told me to stop: I'm not allowed to play with myself while caged inless instructed by her. So, unless I go back to my A272 (tube) cage, I'm now in both caged AND honor system chastity, simultaneously. It takes a lot of will power to ruin it yourself. Try using a vibrator sometime. It doesn't feel all that good to me, but can easily push me over the edge, or be withdrawn right before that. Also, my wife and I have been together a long time and it took a really long time for her to develop a taste for spoiling my orgasms. She really enjoyed it one time when I begged her to stop (neither ruin it or give me a full orgasm) and she still ruined it anyway. She wouldn't have done this a few years ago.