Log Updated; Sorry For The Delay

My log is finally caught up. I’ll maintain it as things happen from now on. Past entries are set, but the future remains unwritten, so any guidance would be appreciated while I carefully navigate toward our (hopefully shared) destination once we define what that is. I believe I’m heading in the right direction. Perhaps more of a discovery voyage than a fixed journey? After 18 years together, we remain deeply attracted to one another. I want to preserve this connection. Still, I am confident that some experimentation could benefit us both greatly. It feels like there is something missing for us. My wife insists she lacks any kink or space for it; everything about her seems ‘normal.’ Yet clearly, that isn’t entirely true (as you can see in the recent pages of my log). She resists giving up control over anything, yet appears uneasy without some form of authority herself. Suggestions, conversations, and attempts at logic are often dismissed before they even start. But it seems simply staying quiet and allowing events to unfold is proving effective. My wife’s behavior confuses me? And I confuse her just as much:roll: Moving forward into the unknown:D

No apology necessary; your Journal is mainly *for you*. The rest of us are merely observers. > My wife confuses me? And I confuse my wife A few years back, a 'pop' psychology author published a book—something about Men being from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes it really does feel that way.

Yes, regarding that book; as I understand it, its core message is “these are the gender roles society has established, and they stem from nature, not just social construction.” Personally, I take issue with this view. Many people struggle to discuss sex and emotions openly. Speaking vulnerably can be deeply uncomfortable for them.

> Yes, regarding that book; as I understand it, its core message is “these are the gender roles society has established, and they stem from nature, not just social construction.” Personally, I take issue with this view. You can certainly reject the idea of innateness, but the authors do present a compelling argument for managing relationships *within that framework*, and have achieved some success in practice.

Since we are still discussing “Men from Mars,” it is worth noting that although the book targets a general audience, its author, Deborah Tannen, is a respected and serious scholar (specifically a linguist).

Is cshorts an astute linguist?? MsM’s ld

Wikipedia states it was "written by American author and relationship counselor John Gray, after he earned degrees in meditation and completed a correspondence course in psychology," which I have no reason to doubt. @Tom Allen, you caught me; I lack data on whether that book actually helps, or how its effectiveness compares to approaches that avoid heavy gender stereotyping. We might ... consider moving this discussion to a new thread if we plan to keep debating the merits of this particular volume:).

OMG! My apologies. Getting older is letting me down. Yes, “Men are from Mars” was indeed by Gray, and I agree he counts as a pop writer. I had been thinking of “You Just Don’t Understand,” which *is* written by Tannen. The topic overlaps, but Tannen’s work relies on years of academic research (both her own and others'), and if memory serves (having read both books many years ago), her advice feels more grounded and less sensational. Here is a blurb from Amazon: “ Deborah Tannen's number-one best seller revolutionized the way men and women talk - and listen - to each other - at home, at work, and wherever the communication gap between the sexes can lead to troublesome misunderstandings. The problem dates back to childhood, when boys and girls learn to use language in distinctly different ways; years later, their adult efforts to talk often place them at cross purposes - even when both are sincerely trying to communicate. Dr. Tannen illustrates how the best intentions can go painfully awry between spouses, family members, co-workers and friends.” Apologies for the confusion!

> OMG! My apologies. Getting older is letting me down. Yes, “Men are from Mars” was indeed by Gray, and I agree he counts as a pop writer. Whoops, my mistake too. I had mixed up John Gray with John Gottman.:oops: