Top picks for beginners exploring sex accessories

My wife has recently become open to the idea of tease and orgasm denial. I’m trying to take it slowly and let her go at her own pace so that she’s as comfortable as possible with everything. One thing I’d like to do is introduce more ways to pleasure her so that she gets more out of the arrangement. A little history - my wife does not particularly like oral sex. She doesn’t dislike it but she says it doesn’t do much for her. I’ve suggested that I could improve my technique but she doesn’t seem terribly interested. She likes grinding against me and she loves PIV. She says she feels like she needs that pressure to be fully satisfied. I’ve been thinking about introducing some toys to the bedroom but in the years we’ve been married, we’ve never used sex toys of any kind. As a result, I’m looking for something that a) she will enjoy and which will allow me to pleasure her without PIV and b) that aren’t too intimidating. I’d like to introduce a strap on and dildo but I can almost guarantee that she’d find them too much, at least until she’s used to using other toys. My question for those here is, how do you pleasure your partner if oral is off the table? What toys/techniques would you suggest for a beginner with an emphasis on being less daunting but also very enjoyable? Thanks, Dan

Peruse products by Tantus. High quality, great materials. Start small and see what she likes. Then build the collection as she becomes comfortable with the idea. It’s not nearly the big taboo that people have been told.

My wife has always enjoyed PIV and oral, didn't have experience with much else when we started dating. One of my first gifts to her was an Hitachi magic wand. It took her only one or two sessions to get over her hesitation, and then she was completely hooked. 25 years later she still uses it as part of our play *almost every session* (though we've added a number of other toys to the mix). It (or its close cousins like the Doxy) seems to be the single toy that most women *rave* about and become very attached to. Just recently we've started using a strap-on (for her) regularly, but many years ago she was comfortable with using a dildo on her held in my hand -- less "weird"? (For that I recommend one that has a scrotum - gives you more to hold onto -- and a different girth and/or length than your cock for some variety, but don't start with something monstrous).

I recently purchased a small dildo that straps to your head and sits on the chin. T loves it, and it allows her to be both penetrated and licked. It might add another level so your lady is more able to enjoy oral with the penetration she enjoys? It didn’t cost anywhere as much as this one, but this is pretty much the same - ... 83548.html. Good luck!

I find that for some women it's as much about design of the toys as it is about the quality/stimulation they can provide. Not all, mind you - for some it will feel too "alien" - but some will for example like designs like LELO ( for their vibe/dildo/whatever as opposed to a "realistic" dick with protruding veins etc. Others will go the opposite way and prefer something that doesn't look like a futuristic weapon. In the past (before I discovered most of my kinky appetite and had vanilla partners), I've introduced one who thought any sex toys were grotesque to one of the Lelo Gspot+clitoris vibes and "she" (as the girlfriend has considered the toy a "her") became a regular part of our bedroom time since then, as an example. We broke up for totally unrelated reasons and she took the toy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You can’t go past Vixskin dildos. After years of trial and error and I suspect thousands of dollars wasted we got our first Vixskin around Christmas, now have 3 and MsM will simply not use anything else. According to Her they’re better than the real thing!! (the real thing that i can provide anyway) They’re all able to be used in harness as well. Yes they’re expensive but search around and you’ll find them much cheaper outside of the factory!! Check out my Hot Dildo Sex for a bit more info. the archived discussion MsM’s ld

We have a drawer full of toys I have purchased for my wife over the years. Most of them have been a bust. Even the Hitachi is too much for her and we have several Vixskin's that she has me strap on from time to time but I think she's doing it more for my head than her pleasure. The one thing she absolutely loves is this from Njoy. She has adoringly named it "The Smile" since she says using it puts a big smile on her face. I didn't pay this for it. I found a very good clone on Amazon for a fraction of this price and it looks and works great.

i guess the biggest thing is that you have to find what suits your KH. Everybody is different, MsM went through heaps of vibrators before She found one strong enough for Her tastes, She now has a DOXY which really does the job!! MsM’s ld

Thank you, everyone! It sounds like a vibrator like the Hitachi and an insertable like other a Vixskin or Purewand are likely to be the best place to try to start. I think the first toy will be the biggest risk. Given her attitudes towards toys, there’s a real risk she just says “pass”. If I can get her to try one and it’s a hit, it should be easy to expand and try new things. If it’s a bust, she’ll likely say this whole kinky idea of toys is a bust. My plan is to talk to her when the time feels right, tell her I’d like to buy a toy so that I can enjoy giving her even more sexual pleasure outside intercouse, and talk to her about options. I can use what’s been said here as a shortlist. I think that the point about design being important is also really good because I don’t know what would be less daunting to her - something realistic or something that is sleek, colorful, and not lifelike. Thanks for the input! Dan

I personally wouldn't start with a Hitachi, those things are intense and likely just to scare the hell out of her. The Hitachi still scares my wife and she's a seasoned toy user. I would start with something small and not intimidating i.e. a little bullet vibrator. You can play around outside with it and also insert and it's not a big outlay if the toy idea is a bust. If she enjoys herself you can always expand the toy collection from there.

After reading here and other places what women have to say about the Hitachi Magic Wand I tried several times to talk to Kitten about one. She always said she wasn't interested, mainly because of its size. Last week she was introduced to the wand at an all girls overnight party and fell in love. Now it's a matter of figuring out what accessories she to go with it. The best advice in all the responses you have received so far is to take it slow, talk to her, and leave the decision up to her.

> conorg wrote: ↑Sun Jan 26, 2020 4:38 pm > I personally wouldn't start with a Hitachi, those things are intense and likely just to scare the hell out of her. The Hitachi still scares my wife and she's a seasoned toy user. > I would start with something small and not intimidating i.e. a little bullet vibrator. You can play around outside with it and also insert and it's not a big outlay if the toy idea is a bust. > If she enjoys herself you can always expand the toy collection from there. After reading more reviews of the Hitachi, that was the conclusion I came too as well. It’s loud enough that I think she’ll be worried about the kids hearing it (even if that’s unlikely). Starting with something smaller and then moving up if she loves it seems like a good idea. > KittensBoyToy wrote: ↑Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:56 am > The best advice in all the responses you have received so far is to take it slow, talk to her, and leave the decision up to her. Agreed, a conversation is the next step and taking it slow is key. I wanted to do my research to minimize the risk of overwhelming her or starting with a toy she hates, potentially putting her off toys altogether. Thanks for the advice!

When it comes to vibrators, I like the nobra line. As powerful as a hitachi, but better looks and far quieter.

An exterior device might be less intimidating. My wife enjoys the Satisfyer and the Womanizer; they are clit stimulators. There are others under other names. You could start there and then add a dildo or internal vib to the mix. My wife enjoys many of the other vibs and dildos mentioned above, but was definitely shy about penis-like objects when we started, um, a number of years ago.

Vibrating cock ring to enhance PIV? Or (as others have said), a small bullet vibe. We started there and a year on have a quite a toy box. Lovehoney (on line toy shop) had a podcast series that might be worth checking - maybe this one to start with (hope the link works...): 2: Why Should I Try Something New in the Bedroom? by The Sexual Happiness Podcast James. #nowplaying

I'll second the vixskin, they have relatively normal sizes and she says it feels very lifelike. We bought one that is my approximate size and shape (ok, it's longer and probably a bit more girth) but not anything outrageous. She prefers it to any vibrator. Funny thing about that extra length, for the first time in over 30 years I'm hearing "deeper"

Best toys for those new starts, I recommend torso sex dolls, because they are affordable, light weight and easy to carry and store. You can easily carry your favorite torso sex doll in your bed, sofa or car.

> MissyBsBitch wrote: ↑Sun Jan 26, 2020 4:38 pm > I personally wouldn't start with a Hitachi, those things are intense and likely just to scare the hell out of her. The Hitachi still scares my wife and she's a seasoned toy user. > I would start with something small and not intimidating i.e. a little bullet vibrator. You can play around outside with it and also insert and it's not a big outlay if the toy idea is a bust. > If she enjoys herself you can always expand the toy collection from there. Totally agree, Wife has had a bullet for years., moving beyond that is a no go., and that was a big jump for her and a huge success at the same time. So 10 years or so later, thats where we are. She will go with me to the toy store 2x a year or so, we browse, nothing interests her ... nothing except possibly a new bullet... oh.. and fresh batteries!!

What is the best lubricant for a vixkin?

I don't know about "best", but you want a non-silicone lube. We like Sliquid Organics and Slippery Stuff, both very gentle, easy to clean, and sensitive skin friendly.