Key Left Out? Is This Upsetting Me?

Hello everyone. I’m not entirely sure what the best approach is here.

I’ve reached a point where I lock myself up and leave the keys on my wife’s dresser for her to find. At first, she would move them somewhere else, making sure I didn’t see where she put them when retrieving them. Sometimes my wife instructs me to lock; other times I wait until I feel ready and do it myself. Lately though, the keys remain exactly where I placed them on the dresser, just nudged back slightly but clearly visible. I’m unsure whether this is a test or if she simply isn’t interested enough to move them.

I have a strong feeling that using the keys would annoy her. Perhaps I should act as though it was “intended.” “Hey honey, I saw you left the keys out for me. I’ve let myself off, assuming that’s what you wanted. Thanks x.”

Regardless, I find this key situation rather bothersome, although I can’t quite put my finger on why. Does it really matter? Should I bring it up? The dynamic is still delicate; in the past she has snapped back at me for overstepping. We have reached a stage where the initial excitement and my own heightened expectations have settled. Generally, life continues as normal, we just carry on. The cage isn’t discussed much; it’s simply present. My wife doesn’t mind it and cuddles with me at night without giving it a second thought, similar to how she always did before I started wearing the cage.

When my wife is in a playful mood—usually after having a glass of wine—she might tease me verbally and “get into it.” But if I try to talk about the cage or if it becomes part of our conversation, she retreats quickly, suddenly remembering how strange/weird it all is.

So I’m not sure how (or even whether) I should address this?

It’s not about you. It’s about her. We have this whole thing playing out in our minds. The one one thing we don’t take into account is life. Kids,homework,work all the normal things. What my wife and I have may not be mind blowing to some but for us it’s a start and it’s great. So from time to time I need to come back to reality and tell myself. It’s not about me. It’s about her. That my friend is all that matters.

Very true Tomcat. Sometimes my wife wears the key around her neck. Sometimes she doesn’t and only hides it. Doesn’t really bother me until she wants to unlock me to use her penis, or we go off for a weekend of just us two and she can’t find the key. LoL

Fair comment. Over thinking it as usual.

Upset? No. Disappointment may be a better word. It puts you in a no win scenario because you seriously don't want to unlock and screw things up but it is a 'break in the fantasy.' I'd compare it to an actor looking right into the camera and talking to the audience. She isn't playing the game and that breaks the fantasy. We LIVE in the fantasy and they just visit for a few minutes a few times a week if we're lucky. You'll find many here that will tell you that there have been times when she "forgets you're locked." Yeah, it is disappointing but if you're new to the game... she's still learning the rules and has no idea why that would matter to you. Tell her gently that it is important to the process. Don't forget to praise her and tell her how much fun you're having.

It would help us respond if you told us what you hope to get out of chastity, and what she gets out of it.

Just talk to her. "Honey, it's really tempting for me when you leave the keys out. Could you do a little better job of hiding them? I won't look for them but when you leave them in plain sight it's very hard for me to be good."

"It would help us respond if you told us what you hope to get out of chastity, and what she gets out of it." Ah. Now I think we are still working this out. I'm now veering towards T&D. C is now fine with my being locked and has noticed the changes. She sees it as something to calm me down if I'm frisky. I don't pester for sex any more, but this in turn has meant we have more sex. I'm offered more. C DOES not see the cage as a control thing. She doesn't want control (although it is used when convenient) . So that end of the fantasy isn't worth chasing. it may work its own way out. I had my first edge and Ro yesyerday and we both enjoyed this. Maybe a new direction? I'm trying to let it pan out how ever it does. I'm asked to wear the cage. This means a lot. I have now taken lockedupnewbs advice and simply asked. Problem solved. On the whole. The goal is the same as always. Happiness for both, or as near as we can get it. We both agree that as a couple things are better now than they have been for a long time. Something is working.

> Mr Pickle wrote: ↑Mon May 04, 2020 4:21 am > She sees it as something to calm me down if I'm frisky. Complete opposite. Doesn't calm me down at all and as a result I'm usually more frisky. But, she likes that. > Mr Pickle wrote: ↑Mon May 04, 2020 4:21 am > I'm asked to wear the cage. I'm told to wear the cage > Mr Pickle wrote: ↑Mon May 04, 2020 4:21 am > Maybe a new direction. I'm trying to let it pan out how ever it does. Sounds like a good plan. Took us many months, if not years to get were we are now. Like many have said here before, "It's a journey not a destination"

[/quote] Complete opposite. Doesn't calm me down at all and as a result I'm usually more frisky. But, she likes that. For me this is also true. But it is also a very clear sign the Nothing will be happening. Being told "forget it" nothing will happen. It can be disappointing. Being told to "lock it up" or "your staying locked" is not disappointing at all. Quite a warm tingly feeling. I can't explain it. I Try to. But don't have the word. C can't work this out. "Makes no sense". "But it's useful so I'll make use of it"

> Mr Pickle wrote: ↑Tue May 05, 2020 6:34 am > C can't work this out. "Makes no sense". None of it does, when it comes to sex. Human sexuality is notoriously complex and non-sensical. Trying to find some pattern to it gets you into the kink equivalent of quantum mechanics: "The likelihood that someone who likes X also likes Y is N. But you'd have to ask them to find out what they actually find hot." Best to let go of normative thoughts of what sex "ought to be", and just enjoy what is. "As it harm none" - enthusiastic informed consent is always a must.

> LockedUpNewb wrote: ↑Thu Apr 30, 2020 2:25 pm > Just talk to her. > "... Could you do a little better job of hiding them? I... I'm coming in a few days late here, but I suggest slightly different wording. This implies she is doing a bad job. If she's like my wife, she does not want another job! She doesn't want to have to "perform".

Mrs. Twisted has been leaving the key out lately...outside of her shirt, still on the chain...has to be on purpose...

> LockedUpNewb wrote: ↑Thu Apr 30, 2020 2:25 pm > Just talk to her. > "Honey, it's really tempting for me when you leave the keys out. Could you do a little better job of hiding them? I won't look for them but when you leave them in plain sight it's very hard for me to be good." Really? You need keys out of sight to behave yourself and "be good?" how about, who cares where the keys are, just do as she pleases because you love her and want to make her happy?

My wife wears them to be seen whenever I am locked up.