Revisiting Strap-On Sex

There have been past talks about strap on harnesses, dildos, and how they are used. I know folks like me tend to only scan the most recent replies when an old thread pops up again, missing out on insights from those with real experience in the topic. That is why I am starting this new discussion.

The trigger for this was a comment my Mistress made recently. She had not been fond of strap on sex before but expressed interest in trying it again. It was time to research how we could make it more enjoyable for her.

We purchased two different harness and dildo sets shortly after beginning our chastity journey. The first one quickly ended up forgotten because the harness was uncomfortable, tricky to adjust, and hard to keep secure once on. Her comfort was compromised by a dildo that felt too large and firm. The second set is superior. It wears well, even over or around the cage for as long as she desires. That second dildo is also much better: softer, more lifelike, and very close in size to mine. However, she still dislikes how cold the dildo feels initially and finds that lubrication can be finicky.

I searched the forum and found posts by @Tom Allen suggesting warming a dildo in a thermos of hot water. After exchanging some private messages with Tom, I plan to experiment with ours to determine how long it needs soaking to reach body temperature or slightly higher. I also want to see how well it holds heat so I can place it correctly in the harness rings before use. I likely have an old thermos somewhere; if not, a trip to Goodwill or Wally World is on my list. This should solve the cold dildo issue.

We own several lubricants, but most water-based options are thin and messy to handle. While browsing the Vixskin site, I saw they sell only one product: a water-based gel named ‘Slippery Stuff’. A quick check revealed no complaints about it. It is sold via Amazon Prime with next-day delivery (I suspect it comes from our local warehouse). That resolves the second issue.

New challenge… I discussed this with M’Lady and mentioned that Vixskin dildos seem to be everyone’s top choice, though they are pricey. Her only reply was, “So?” It looks like we will be shopping online so she can select her new cock! They have options similar in size to mine, which has been her preference, but she always manages to surprise me and might choose something larger. The final call is hers.

What do the other members—guys and ladies alike—think?

This was our starting harness. First Harness.jpg First Harness.jpg (58.68 KiB) Viewed 6474 times The updated and improved version. New Harness.jpg New Harness.jpg (43.23 KiB) Viewed 6474 times New Harness 2.jpg New Harness 2.jpg (46.91 KiB) Viewed 6474 times

We simply use a tall insulated cup she rarely uses. Place the Vixskin in the harness and submerge it headfirst into the hottest tap water I can manage (my tank is set to 130 degrees). Then we start playing around; by the time she is ready, about 30 minutes later, the Vixskin is warm. We use Astro Glide from Kroger or other stores—it's a long-standing water-based lube that works well and isn't expensive. True Story: A few years ago in Amsterdam, we forgot to pack lube due to TSA liquid rules. Once there, we needed it for any intimacy. She visited a pharmacy and chatted with two teenagers/young women who spoke limited English (unusual for Amsterdam). It took nearly 20 minutes of hand gestures to figure out what she wanted and secure the product. It turned out to be silicone-based. I wasn't fond of that type. Around the same time, I wandered into a corner sex shop, asked the older woman behind the counter for "lube," and was told "water or silicone." I chose water and left in under three minutes. She never found out:lol:

Vixskin are the best!! I see they’re now making a new 3-layer version that’s even dearer but sounds and looks amazing!! Find a harness that suits you. MsM has strap-on sex 3 times a week, She always rides cowgirl, i simply place the Vixskin in a container (Tupperware type) of hot water from the tap for about 10 minutes and we're good to go! MsM’s ld

We have a harness that cups the cage so hubby can stay locked. If I remember right, we got it at It was one of our best finds because the cage would always bounce around, hit me and get distracting.

I have a basic sportsheets harness. I stay locked. We use the vikskin mustang and a generic water based lube. She loves it only complaint being it's cold starting off. We plan on experimenting on what will work best to fix that.

First, we've taken to call male-wearing dildo as "foxing." This came from various discussion around Twitter, Reddit, and other places - to fox means to fool, decoy, etc, and is a good verbal slide from "Faux," which described the dildo. Anyhow... We experimented with temperatures last year. Tap water will be about 130 to 140 F, and a good 20+ minutes in the thermos mug will bring the water temp down and the Vixskin up to 100 to 110 F. Thats close enough to body temperature, and since the silicone is a poor heat conductor it will stay there if you're using it. I found that Mrs Edge *really* enjoys it heated to 120 to 125, where it's noticeably warmer than body temp. She's a bit spoiled by this now, and I'm afraid that normal body temp equipment would be a disappointment. Note that she feels that 130 and up is too hot for comfort. My routine is to fill the mug with hot water, and let the Vixskin sit while I take a shower. That equalizes the the mug and Vixskin temps, so I dump out the water and refresh with new hot water. By the time we're ready, it's perfect. Also, if you regularly use lube, put some in a small 3.oz travel bottle and heat that in a little mug of hot water.

We'll end up running the toys under tap water for a bit too to take the chill out

As Tom says, put the lube in the same heating system!! MsM’s ld

Thanks to all for the advice and tips. We tried warming up the dildo and Mistress said it made all the difference in the world. This time I used it in my hand. Maybe she will allow me to use the harness soon. Next up is to buy the Vixskin. She has decided on the Goodfellow.