New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Hi all, I’ve come here hoping for some guidance on a situation that popped up last weekend. A guy has been renting my spare room as a tenant for about 22 months. He’s a few years younger than me and moved in shortly after my previous relationship ended, needing to stay close enough to his job for easy commuting. Things have gone smoothly; he keeps mostly to himself but enjoys chatting in the evenings. Basically, an ideal tenant. With the pandemic forcing us both into remote work since we have “desk jobs” and avoided furloughs, we’ve spent more time together despite him retreating to his room during working hours. Last weekend over dinner, I brought up his ex-girlfriend. He then shared a rather odd (alternative?) lifestyle story for the next couple of hours. Cutting through the relationship details to get to my question: he told me his ex kept him in chastity for most of their multi-year relationship. Since breaking up, he’s found it hard to cope without his “cage”. When I asked why, he explained that he likes feeling submissive and controlled; the cage gives him a sense of “security”. He continued wearing it to maintain this lifestyle but struggles with temptation now that he holds the keys himself. Here is where it got “interesting” – he asked me if I’d do him a favor by keeping those keys hidden from him, handing them over only on an agreed schedule. First, I wanted proof of the cage, which he showed me. It’s metal and hooks through a piercing, so it looks serious enough for two consenting adults to handle. I asked what else he expected besides key-hiding. He mentioned he usually takes the cage off once a week for supervised washing and sexual play. However, I said that part is too much for me right now, even though I’m open-minded. As a compromise, I proposed letting him have the key for a set time each week while retaining the right to inspect if needed, since it’s his game and I don’t mind just watching. He seemed pleased with this arrangement and handed over the keys on the spot. The conversation drifted elsewhere after that, and chastity wasn’t mentioned again for the rest of the evening. Since last weekend, I’ve been online researching his lifestyle and am genuinely surprised by what I’ve discovered; it’s a real “thing”. It appears I have become an uninvolved “keyholder”. Honestly, as I dig deeper, I find the concept exciting. I can see how this could “spice things up in the bedroom” for couples, but is it truly normal for men to ask women they aren’t dating to be their keyholders? Everything suggests more might be expected of me soon. Although he’s a lovely guy, we are not in a relationship and I’m currently uninterested in dating (long story). If you’ve read this far, thank you. Here are my questions for the knowledgeable community: Is it really normal to act as a “non-involved keyholder” – do men actually ask for this, and does it work? If so, should I expect him to want more over time? If yes, what boundaries might I set? Finally, his cage seems quite open with good ventilation, so cleaning shouldn’t be too difficult. My main concern is the piercing: must he remove the cage to clean it properly? Is once a week sufficient or excessive? I’d prefer to minimize my involvement right now; if I can reduce visits to every two weeks or even monthly (can men really last that long without touching themselves?), I’ll feel much more comfortable. Thanks in advance for your responses. This feels like entering a new world for me, though not entirely unwillingly. V

Approved with reservations. While people do all kinds of stuff, this does have the hallmarks of fiction. We love a good yarn and have a fiction section just for that.

Thanks for the approval. Unfortunately not fiction and am looking for some responses before this weekend. Hoping I haven't got myself into an awkward situation - he's been a good tennant so far and I'm hoping this doesn't set me on the path to having to finding a new one. V

Non involved key holders are a thing, although it is definitely not common. They range from friends simply "hanging onto a key" without knowing anything about it, to situations not unlike your own in which a frie dnor acquaintance holds a key, and will have some small knowledge or involvement. Does his release need to be weekly? Hard to say. My cage is more of a tube, and I'm able to keep it clean with daily showers and a tiny brush. Other men report a need to remove theirs more frequently. Presumably, he has a routine and knows what he needs to do. You can limit your involvement by giving him the key when he asks, or by doing so only on agreed upon days. You could, if you wanted a little more involvement, give him a time limit with the key. It sounds like you're approaching it with an open mind and level head. Please feel free to ask questions here. We've set up this group as a place for adults to discuss "enforced" chastity or denial as if they are chatting over coffee. There won't be anybody bothering you for weird stuff. Well... except the admins. They're a weird bunch.

This is probably not the best forum for your question. Specifically the reason this is my favorite forum is it is comprised mostly of consenting adults in relationships. But, that is not the situation you find yourself in....

> Keyholder_V wrote: ↑Thu Dec 31, 2020 1:44 pm > Since last weekend I have been searching the internet for information on his lifestyle and honestly I'm shocked with what I've found, I had no idea that this was a real "thing". One note: keep in mind. Most of what you read on the internet is fictional fantasy written by horny men. This forum is probably the best resource that is grounded in some reality....

> One note: keep in mind. Most of what you read on the internet is fictional fantasy written by horny men. 😮😯😲😳

Thanks for the replies, guys. I'm glad to hear that I'm on previously trodden ground, even if is sometimes a paid-for service (have I missed a trick there? Lol). @GungaDN you say you have it on for months at a time? I guess I don't have to worry that I'm putting him in danger. It's true that he probably knows what he's doing since he's done this before. Just so I don't get caught out with acronyms, is "PA" just "Prince Albert" and not some technical term besides that?

I'd worry more about his submissive side, what exactly does that entail? It covers a large territory, from whips and chains to service to cross dressing and other various fetishes. Whips and chains is easy, just say no (I assume that would be your response) It's the service where it gets tricky for me. Cleaning the general area, I'm good with it, doing it in a dress? Hmmm. Although cross dressing may very well not be his thing. Foot Rubs? That can be non sexual, at least as far as you're concerned. But I'll confess, I can get turned on by my wife totally ignoring me as I massage her feet. Just establish what your boundaries are and stick to them. I know I pushed my wife's boundaries, but this is a different situation. If he really pesters you about something, this is one time I'm in favor of giving him back the key.

As GungaDN notes, there are actually *some* guys who *pay* complete strangers to hold the keys for them. You can be as involved or uninvolved as you want, it's all up to you. You are in control- he can't force you to hold the keys for him. > If it is a real thing, is it to be expected that he will want more and more, and if so does anyone have any suggestions of the kind of boundaries I could employ? I don't think it's necessarily 'expected', it's possible that he might want 'more' but that doesn't mean you have to give it to him. *You* are in control and you make the rules and set the boundaries. He has to be content with whatever you are willing to do, and if he pushes you for more, all you have to do is give the keys back and tell him you're done...if that's how you want to handle it. > Lastly, the cage he has seems quite open with a lot of ventilation - surely it isn't so hard to keep it clean? My only question would be about his piercing - is it essential to remove the cage to clean it, and is once a week enough or excessive? The reason I ask is that I would be interested to minimise my involvement at the moment and if I can say, for example, reduce it to once every two weeks or once a month (**can guys really go that long without touching themselves?**) then the more comfortable I will feel. My wife sometimes doesn't let me out for two or three months at a time, and it has occasionally been as long as six months without being let out at all. Yes, it is possible to go that long...though I think it may be more difficult for younger guys- I'm pretty sure that if I were still in my twenties I might have a harder time with it. I think it kind of gets easier as we get older. You'll have to talk to him about 'minimizing' your 'involvement...but don't be surprised if it turns out that your desire for less involvement actually excites him somewhat- it may, or it may not. This is a 'peculiar' sort of thing where one can derive excitement/arousal from being denied access to what many consider to be one of their most 'prized possessions'. As has been mentioned already, your 'involvement' can be limited to simply giving him the key and taking it back, you don't even need to 'inspect' for 'compliance'(unless you want to). But this is a form of 'power exchange' where he cedes power to you, and there is typically some form of negotiation involved as to what limits there may be. Your desire to minimize your involvement to once every two weeks, or once a month, can be considered a part of such negotiation, but in a perverse sort of way your minimization could actually be seen by him as exactly the opposite- an *increase* in involvement because you are extending the bounds of your control. Here's the thing- you *never* have to do *anything* that you aren't comfortable doing. *You* control whether you do it or not. You are not required to exceed whatever limits you may have as to your involvement, and you have the final say as to whether you wish to be involved or not. However, if you choose to be involved, you may find that both your and his attitudes and limits may change in ways that you cannot currently predict, this will necessitate re-negotiation...and not only is there nothing wrong with that, it is actually the proper thing to do. Good luck...and have fun- if it isn't fun, then don't do it.

> Keyholder_V wrote: ↑Fri Jan 01, 2021 12:21 pm > @GungaDN you say you have it on for months at a time? I guess I don't have to worry that I'm putting him in danger. It's true that he probably knows what he's doing since he's done this before. You do not need to worry about putting him in danger. What I meant by he knows what hes doing is more along the lines of: If there is a problem. If he is getting irritation or discomfort or anything that would cause the cage to be removed, he can feel it... He knows what is going on with his body. > Keyholder_V wrote: ↑Fri Jan 01, 2021 12:21 pm > Just so I don't get caught out with acronyms, is "PA" just "Prince Albert" and not some technical term besides that? Yes, sorry, PA = Prince Albert Piercing. They actually do a pretty good job of cleaning themselves. Urine is sterile when it first leaves the body. My cage is more like a tube similar to what Tom Allen wears.

Insist he keeps a tamper-evident key with him - say, inside a piece of paper with a doodle you made, wrapped tightly in a duct tape, for emergencies. There will be times when he needs it removed which will not be convenient for you for whatever reason.

Okay I'm glad to hear I'm not putting him in danger at least, although you're right that he most likely knows what he's doing. Anominus, that's a really good idea, thanks! I hadn't even thought about the need for a key of I'm not around! I brought up the subject at lunch today with him and asked him whether he had considered using a professional keyholder. He said he had considered it but that he preferred having a live-in keyholder, just in case. He asked if I was requesting payment like a professional and I said no - to be honest it would be something to benefit me without having to be involved physically, but I feel really awkward asking for money - I can't help thinking that the platonic friendship we have would go sour. Besides, he's already paying rent for his room and I already find that to be a point I prefer to avoid discussing since the home situation feels more like friends-as-flatmates than landlady/tenant. I also brought up the fact that I've been doing my research (thanks guys (:) ) and that I would be more comfortable if I gave him the key once a month rather than once a week, and that it shouldn't be a problem. He's thinking about it, but we agreed that I would give him the key tonight as previously planned. I'm only planning on literally handing the key over and accepting it back later, but I'm feeling very apprehensive about the whole thing. I suppose I just need to go through it once - either it will be smooth and no awkwardness, or it will be awkward and I'll just give the keys back... V

I will repeat what has already been said...YOU are in charge! During the initial conversation with him you asked to see the cage. I'm assuming that when he showed it to you he was wearing it. If so then that bridge has already been crossed without seeming to affect the platonic nature of the relationship. What ever the frequency of him having the keys for cleaning and maintenance is decided stick to it. If he pushes for more involvement on your part you always have the power to say no and end it by returning the keys. By the same token, it is in your power to up your participation. For example, he talked about being unlocked for supervised cleaning and sex play. Sex play in this situation is, understandably, out of the question but you could tell him you reserve the right to supervise the cleaning at your discretion. That doesn't mean you will sit and watch him shower or bath but that you COULD walk in on him at any time. The service aspect is another subject. Most of us are highly submissive to our keyholders. We consider them our Mistresses or Goddesses and treat them as such. While that is not your case, you may find him volunteering to help out more around the house. It helps you out and may feed his submissive needs/fantasies. If he offers more personal services like the foot rubs mentioned before or pedicures I would advise extreme caution. While you could possibly accept them with no sexual overtones, to most subs these are highly sexual acts. Again, you are in charge here and the boundaries are up to you to both set and enforce.

Thanks KittensBoyToy, I think I need to adjust mentally - maybe it's obvious I'm not naturally dominant, although to be honest I've never really considered seeing if there is that side to me. "I'm in control" needs to be a mantra when I'm feeling apprehensive. On a positive note, this evening's key exchange was somewhat of an anticlimax I think - after having read so much I was prepared for goodness-knows-what, but in the end, I gave him the key, he disappeared off to the bathroom (for just under an hour..? I guess I don't need that much imagination lol) and then came back and handed them to me while I was watching TV. If this is all it is then I can deal with being a keyholder. We had a quick conversation about the next time and he tried to negotiate to two weeks but I stuck to my guns and we agreed a month. Thank you so much guys for giving me a more realistic window into what I was to expect and I have noted the points about foot massages and that I should approach them with caution. I can't say I've noticed much change in his day-to-day helpfulness around the house, although he's always been tidy anyway. I know where to come if things start to change or if I get nervous in about 26 days time:). V

> and then came back and handed them to me while I was watching TV. If this is all it is then I can deal with being a keyholder. We had a quick conversation about the next time and he tried to negotiate to two weeks but I stuck to my guns and we agreed a month. If you are not in a relationship, then yes, that's all it takes. Be careful about negotiating longer times, though. You've started off doing him a favor, but by demanding he move from a week to a month you are crossing into domme territory.

> Tom Allen wrote: ↑Sat Jan 02, 2021 3:36 pmBe careful about negotiating longer times, though. You've started off doing him a favor, but by demanding he move from a week to a month you are crossing into domme territory. This whole "the less you do the more it satisfies him" is a conundrum. I'm not planning to do more in order to achieve the opposite!?! This is really interesting from a psychological point of view. I don't plan on changing anything any time soon, but I guess in an odd way me doing the minimum satisfies both of us in very different ways. As long as I can find peace with the knowledge of the satisfaction he finds in it, and as long as he doesn't suddenly start to ask me to do more then this is an arrangement that can work. I hope. V

> Keyholder_V wrote: ↑Sun Jan 03, 2021 5:37 am > This whole "the less you do the more it satisfies him" is a conundrum. I'm not planning to do more in order to achieve the opposite!?! This is really interesting from a psychological point of view. Yes, I find the psychological aspect to be extremely interesting, it's a sort of reversal of what one might consider 'normal' expectations. I'd be very interested in hearing about how this goes for you, if you don't mind updating us from time to time? There is no requirement to do so, I'm just very curious by nature.

> This whole "the less you do the more it satisfies him" is a conundrum. I'm not planning to do more in order to achieve the opposite!?! This is really interesting from a psychological point of view. There is a lot about "enforced" denial that is paradoxical, and psychologically interesting. 😂 Okay, it sounds like you've put some good thought into this. I'm sure that there are a lot of men out there who would be rather envious of the thought that you as a dispassionate keyholder have put into this while their own partners have absolutely no interest at all.

This is certainly a thing, and by all means feel free to setup any boundaries you feel the need to. I myself tend to have a few different keyholders, most of which are only involved enough to get daily pictures of me wearing the cage and underwear. As this is what anyone who signs up for a turn as my own keyholder agrees to at a minimum. (All my keyholders and sessions are done remotely and controlled online.) However, they can get more involved if they wanted to - either by picking out my cages or underwear (they get some say as to underwear types when they sign up) or by picking out cages. I'd let any keyholder who happens to be local to me as well the ability to come see it in person and stuff. (Have played with one key holder.) So you can get as involved as you feel comfortable doing with him, and if you decide to get more involved - I'm sure it could find ways to benefit you both. (Like not letting him have the keys unless he helps with a chore..lol)

It would interesting to know more about what was the relationship with his ex. What caused the relationship to break apart? Obviously not him cheating if he was locked:) . Was it that he was expecting more teasing?

> Papageno wrote: ↑Mon Jan 11, 2021 2:54 pm > It would interesting to know more about what was the relationship with his ex. What caused the relationship to break apart? Obviously not him cheating if he was locked:) . Was it that he was expecting more teasing? He's a very easy-going guy and it seems that his ex "took advantage" of this. I believe that the bedroom-related stuff was probably mostly his suggestion, but she was quite controlling in daily life. I don't know her personally but she sounded quite snappy and insecure based on what I've heard. To be honest, it doesn't seem that this was a problem for him (or maybe he can't hear himself when he talks about it) and I doubt it was much of a factor in the break-up. Lol indeed, cheating was not a factor in the breakup. It was more to do with some unresolvable political differences - let's just say he was a "remainer" with regards to Brexit... Nothing to do with their "lifestyle". Just as a brief update, he asked for the keys last weekend and I asked him if he was sure because it wasn't time yet. He didn't say anything more about it. Since people mentioned it before, I have been looking out for differences in behaviour, and I've spotted at least one - I haven't had to cook so far this year... Works for me.:) V

> Keyholder_V wrote: ↑Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:36 am > Since people mentioned it before, I have been looking out for differences in behaviour, and I've spotted at least one - I haven't had to cook so far this year... Works for me.:) > V LOL! I've always done the bulk of the cooking around here, since I'm the better cook. I've been cooking since I was about 11 and took the 'Home Ec' course in the 7th grade, at a time when it was practically unheard of for a guy to do that. My thought was "What better way to get myself away with 30+ chicks and no competition?" It came in handy in the Army, I could even make C-rations taste good using a fold-up Sterno-stove with plastic explosive for fuel. (C-4 PE will not blow up if you light it on fire, it will burn in a controlled manner. It will only blow up using a detonator {blasting cap}...which is why I always laugh at stupid movies/TV when they have a bomb with PE and they 'don't know' which wire to cut- no need to cut wires, just pull out the damn blasting caps.) The Mrs. never really learned to cook much, until I showed her a few things. She does, however, bake some very good pies.

Honestly.. I say don't do it. You are too close to him and also not interested.. It's a bad combination. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you are in any danger at all. But you are at risk of deep emotional involvement on his part. You are not a service on the internet. You are flesh and blood, everyday. You put the keys directly into his hands when you give it to him. Now.. You could become a domme and keyholder for him and retain no physical sexual contact.. As little as helping to stick to a schedule up to a more serious D/s relationship (think Rolph and Mistress May in *Bonding*). But that is up to you. Do not believe that your involvement will not grow and likely move past your current comfort zone if you take his keys. I can only speak for myself, but chastity can be pretty mentally intense at times and the focus in this case will obviously be you.

Yes, a "PA" is a Prince Albert piercing. @gungadn above said this may not be the best forum for you. I *think* he meant you might not find it the best suited, since most folks here are partnered. But you are *very* welcome -- I don't think he was shunning you, and certainly that's not the spirit of this community. As @Tom Allen, our chief mod, said, this is intended as an adult, mature place for people to have honest, relaxed discussions about anything to do with chastity, and anyone interested in that (which it appears you are) is very welcome. I agree with the comments of @TwistedMister (and others), so much I'm going to repeat a bit. Whatever your roommate may find himself *wanting* from you, it is 100% up to you what you actually do. Both because you are a human being, and should never have to engage in activity with another (especially sexual) without full consent. But also especially in this situation, because he is (at least in some dimensions), submissive. This is a "power exchange" kink for most, and what he has asked is that you take some control. What control you take, where you draw the line, is entirely up to you, and ironically, as others point out, he may even get more turned on by your denial. This does create some risk for your platonic roommate relationship of course: if he asks for more (e.g., that you watch him while cleaning so he doesn't jerk off) and you say no, that may arouse him and he might ask for more (perhaps to get you to deny him more!), and you may not want him to even ask. Be clear and firm in whatever you want: if you want him to not talk about it, or ask for anything more than the keyholding to which you agreed, tell him so. As others point out, you can always take away what you've already given him if he doesn't comply (you can give him back the keys). Of course, things could get uncomfortable between you as roommates if he wants more and you refuse. But that's true of *any* roommate situation. Indeed, I'm a bit surprised that he hasn't hit on you already (chastity or no) as you've been living together for 2 years, and for the past 10 months largely in isolation from any other humans. Given that he hasn't, seems to me that he is a reasonably respectful bloke, and hopefully this favor you are doing him won't backfire. In the end, of course, it's your apartment, you can always kick him out. Cleaning frequency: With an open (e.g., "birdcage") style, many of us find that it is easy to keep clean for indefinite periods of lockup (I typically go 2-3 months between uncagings now, and hygiene has not been a problem, according to my keyholder who likes to go down on me when I'm caged, so she would know!). But if someone wants to remain cleanshaven, and gets itchy when growing out, weekly may be the right frequency. It also seems to be a matter of taste (or neurosis): some folks with open cages still seem to think they need it off weekly for a more thorough washing.

> Keyholder_V wrote: ↑Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:36 am > > Papageno wrote: ↑Mon Jan 11, 2021 2:54 pm > > It would interesting to know more about what was the relationship with his ex. What caused the relationship to break apart? Obviously not him cheating if he was locked:) . Was it that he was expecting more teasing? > He's a very easy-going guy and it seems that his ex "took advantage" of this. I believe that the bedroom-related stuff was probably mostly his suggestion, but she was quite controlling in daily life. I don't know her personally but she sounded quite snappy and insecure based on what I've heard. To be honest, it doesn't seem that this was a problem for him (or maybe he can't hear himself when he talks about it) and I doubt it was much of a factor in the break-up. > Lol indeed, cheating was not a factor in the breakup. It was more to do with some unresolvable political differences - let's just say he was a "remainer" with regards to Brexit... Nothing to do with their "lifestyle". > Just as a brief update, he asked for the keys last weekend and I asked him if he was sure because it wasn't time yet. He didn't say anything more about it. > Since people mentioned it before, I have been looking out for differences in behaviour, and I've spotted at least one - I haven't had to cook so far this year... Works for me.:) > V Any updates?

> member_d99fcbb99f wrote: > Coming at this late, but this is a weird thing to me, and might be troublesome. I say this because while I am currently self-locked with a time-lock safe, and it sorts of works, it's really just for playing around a little. I want a keyholder, but by that, I mean a girlfriend, someone to spoil, someone to tease me. It would give my chastity a goal and a purpose. So, therefore, I would never ask for someone else to hold a key in this kind of situation. I mean, maybe it'd be a thrill for a weekend, but not long term. If I just wanted to be locked, I'd figure out a way to do it myself (you can always mail the keys to yourself, or leave it at a friend's house, or something). If I gave it a woman...well, I'd be interested in her. It would force a change in the way I see her, and likely our dynamic. It'd be hard for me to continue being not-even-friends if she literally held the key to my junk. I'd fantasize about it. I'd always wonder if there was something more, if she would warm up to being more involved, etc. I am not saying he'd be violent or anything, but emotionally, I can't help but predict that no matter how he tries, he's going to change how he sees you over this arrangement. If you were a paid service or a professional domme, that might be one thing, but the woman he lives with? Yeah, that's risky. Especially over stuff like what you said happened, him asking for the key early. If you want the job of keyholder, you sort of need to say no, or at least make him give a reason, maybe even evidence. That's your role, you decide. Now, maybe he had a doctor's appointment or something, which is justified, but if he starts getting the key from you whenever he's frustrated, or if he starts taking care of himself every week in the shower when he gets the key, he might start feeling unfulfilled with the cage, because you're not "doing it right", and you don't want him to resent you or put pressure on you. But if you play into the role of keyholder more, well, read what I said above. Other posters have said "You are in control!" because you have the key, but you can't control someone's feelings, and I'm sure you don't want things to awkward or to hurt him emotionally somehow, especially if he's raw from his ex. Because if he is submissive, and you have him locked in chastity...it might not seem like much, but that's some definite vulnerability there. You could hurt him and not know it. So...man, I don't know. I might actually suggest a contract. I know **chastity** contracts are like a **fetish** thing, and I'm not saying it has to be real (like, legally binding), but maybe laying out some rules in print that you both agree to would help keep things professional. You said he's cooking, and that's cool; maybe make him "pay" you for your services with a list of chores. Set rules for when he can get the **key** and why. Set time limits. I realize this sounds like more involvement, not less, but by laying it out very clearly that this is what is happening and ALL that is happening, you can hopefully keep things under control. Put in things like he can't talk about it unless you bring it up, there's a medical issue (chafing, pinching, something broke), or he needs the **key** for an approved reason, for example. You might also inquire about the other **key**; there's always two. There are a few reasons for this; if he lost one, it's probably not wise for you to have the only other one on your person. He needs to have access to one for emergencies. But if he has the other **key** and it's just in his pocket, well, he's not really locked up; he's not getting the effect he claims to want, so either he's unfulfilled (and perhaps afraid to bring it up), or he doesn't actually want you to be a real keyholder, it was just a turn-on to give it to you. There are ways to handle that second **key**; mine is in a metal tube, with a metal wire through it, which hooks into a brass piece with a serial number on it; you could get a picture of that and ask for him to show it to you at any time, and verify that the wire is unbroken and the number is the same. The website Male Chastity Now (MCN) is where I bought mine. But anyway, you get the idea; set the boundaries, try to make it as much like a business arrangement as possible, make sure you both view things as consensual but not "involved".

> Lockedchef wrote: ↑Mon Feb 15, 2021 8:10 am > Any updates? Thanks for the nicely thought out responses, all. I'm glad to find a welcoming forum where this topic can be discussed maturely. To give a brief update on the situation itself, he had the **key**s the weekend before last and once again it was pretty straightforward and uneventful in itself, but for a week or so before that he did start to get a bit "desperate", but this manifested itself as quite obviously trying to get "in my good books" - just the way that dinner was layed on the table, the glass of wine, etc etc. He didn't openly ask for the **key**s early, but I think that's where he was coming from. I really like the idea of a written agreement now, but internet searches come back with only very colourful suggestions - I think I will try my hand at writing something more appropriate as I agree that having clearly defined boundaries is going to help keep this under control. I've always been relaxed about pornography as a source for fun ideas, but until the turn of this year hasn't had an interest or knowledge about done of the "heavier" topics, but **chastity** is something I'm starting to find quite exciting. I do still wonder about my ability to bring it up and apply it in a real relationship, but it's definitely a lifestyle which I find interesting... If anything this experience has made the conversation much easier if a future boyfriend chooses to suggest it:). As for being flatmates for two years and nothing happening, I would put that down to a combination of things. We've both come out of relationships wanting a break, but also he's younger than me and I'm not his "type" as far as the evidence goes - he's only ever been with white English girls, and I'm not that. From my point of view, he's younger than me, which in itself would be a bit taboo for my parents. In any case, we are really good friends and I'm glad to say that this hasn't changed over the last month-and-a-bit.

> But if you step further into the keyholder role, well, refer to my comments above. While others claim 'You hold the power!' since you possess the **key**, you cannot dictate his emotions. I trust you wish to avoid awkwardness or emotional hurt on his part, particularly if he is still healing from a breakup. If he has a submissive nature and is kept in **chastity**... it may appear minor, but there is clear vulnerability at play. You might injure him without realizing it. Yet consider that he could appreciate the prospect of an unemotional keyholder—someone who ensures accountability yet remains unaffected by other influences.

> Tom Allen wrote: ↑Fri Feb 19, 2021 10:02 am > > But if you step further into the keyholder role, well, refer to my comments above. While others claim 'You hold the power!' since you possess the **key**, you cannot dictate his emotions. I trust you wish to avoid awkwardness or emotional hurt on his part, particularly if he is still healing from a breakup. If he has a submissive nature and is kept in **chastity**... it may appear minor, but there is clear vulnerability at play. You might injure him without realizing it. > > Yet consider that he could appreciate the prospect of an unemotional keyholder—someone who ensures accountability yet remains unaffected by other influences. I understand your point. However, emotions can easily become tangled when we blur the boundaries between sex, romance, and **submissive** dynamics. I do not wish to overstate this specific scenario, but take Stockholm Syndrome as an extreme parallel. While I have never experienced that exact dynamic personally, I have certainly grown fond of women unexpectedly, which complicated matters. I have observed similar situations in others (a close female friend encountered it a few times). This is precisely why I proposed the contract: to firmly establish boundaries and allow both sides to define their agreement clearly.

The weekend is nearly here, so I have compiled a brief list of 'do's' and 'don'ts' that I plan to review with him. We can both sign it to ensure we are aligned on expectations and limits. I actually purchased an affordable cage specifically to obtain a new **lock** and **key** set (the small barrel varieties—I assume they are universal? I haven't found them sold separately), and this weekend I intend to have him swap out the old one, just in case he has more spare keys than he admitted. Yes, I am enjoying the concept. My current mindset is that it is a fun game; as long as it remains enjoyable, I am happy to go along with it. V

That is certainly an interesting development.

Many of the budget-friendly cages share the same **key**. The old one might still open the new **lock**. It is worth verifying if that matters to you.

> I actually purchased an affordable cage specifically to obtain a new **lock** and **key** set (the small barrel varieties—I assume they are universal? I haven't found them sold separately), and this weekend I intend to have him swap out the old one, just in case he has more spare keys than he admitted. @Keyholder_V I am not certain of your location, but you might prefer the high-quality German originals over the Chinese imitations. They can be sourced from the Holytrainer site or, ... y-shop.asp Alternatively, in the UK, there is the Burg Wachter 'lock blocker' ... 196&sr=8-1 All of these use 6mm barrel **locks**.

"The first rule of attraction is to be noticed and to occupy the other's mind..." Okay, I guess it’s time for one final update in this thread. The past few weeks have been quite eventful. The reason I’m calling this my last post here is that I feel now is the right moment to begin something new within "The Journey," given how our circumstances have shifted. Over the last couple of months, I’ve had to face an unavoidable truth: first, being noticed matters greatly in attraction, and this whole situation has made me notice him significantly more. Second, I’ve found myself increasingly obsessed with this fetish almost since he brought it up—I’ve read several of those often-recommended books on the topic, and it’s become something I spend a disproportionate amount of time thinking about. During our evening conversations, I decided to test the waters and discovered that he is actually attracted to me. He admitted that this attraction, along with feeling that he could trust me, was why he approached me about keyholding in the first place. Maybe it was obvious to everyone except for me? I’ve arrived at a few considerations: here is someone I already live with (and don’t want to kill, lol), whom I know better than most of my childhood friends and who knows me well too; he’s already living out a fetish that has piqued my interest and which—being honest—I find attractive both intellectually and physically. After some soul-searching, I decided it was worth pursuing. Long story short: we are now an item. Shortly after reading the message from Homebody and Tom about those cheap locks, I ordered several lock sets from different sources. I’m pleased to report that three of these sets have unique keys, one of which was installed when our relationship officially began. Also worth mentioning, I’ve spent many pleasant hours scrolling through the thread “Hot things your keyholder has said,” and honestly, guys, my mind is blown. There’s definitely a spectrum of commitment in chastity, with even talk of cuckolding—another new-to-me fetish, though one I’m not personally interested in. Dealing with one man is trouble enough:p. Many of the posts there are really encouraging and exciting; I love the idea that there are men so willing to please their women, and it seems I’ve stumbled upon such a man myself. I feel inspired, and that thread helps me paint a mental picture of what I want to be for both myself and our relationship. One small complaint: since becoming an item, I’ve wanted to wear the key on a necklace but found it irritates my skin where the metal rests against my chest. I’m not sure if it’s a metal allergy or just sharp edges bothering me, but I really want to keep it around my neck, so I am looking for solutions. Do others keep theirs in some sort of sleeve? Is it possible to incorporate it into a decorative pendant? As mentioned, I plan to start a blog-like thread soon within "The Journey," but until then, thanks everyone for the input and for getting me to where I am now. V

> Keyholder_V wrote: (viewpost.php?p=134943) Sun Apr 11, 2021 > The first rule of attraction is to be noticed and to occupy the other's mind... > Okay I guess it's time for one last update for this thread. The last few weeks have been eventful to say the least. > The reason why I say this is my last update for this thread is that I think it's now appropriate for me to start something in "The Journey" as our circumstances have changed. Over the last couple of months I have been faced with the inescapable fact that, firstly, the first rule of attraction is to be noticed and this whole situation has made me notice him a lot. Secondly, I have found myself increasingly obsessing over this fetish almost since he brought it up - I have read several of the often-recommended books on the subject and it has become something I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about. Welcome to our wonderfully whacky world. > In our evening chats I decided to test the water and discovered that he is actually attracted to me, and he admitted that this, along with feeling that he could trust me, was why he approached me about heyholding in the first place. I suppose this was obvious to everyone except for me? Don't beat yourself up over it. I have often been oblivious in my interactions with people who were attracted to me...I say 'people' because it hasn't been just women, and since I don't swing both ways it has resulted in some embarrassing (and in one case, unpleasant) situations. With age and experience I can look back and see that I missed out on what might have been some pleasant experiences...and, possibly, left some women wondering "What the heck is wrong with me?" because I couldn't see what was right in front of my face. > I have ended up with the following consideration; here is someone who I already live with (and do not want to murder lol), who I have come to know probably better than the majority of my childhood friends, who knows me very well himself, who is already living a fetish in which I have become interested to participate and, if I am honest with myself, I find attractive both intellectually and physically. After some soul-searching I decided that it was worth pursuing and long story short; we are an item now. Congratulations. > Also of note, I have spent many enjoyable hours reading through the thread “Hot things your keyholder has said”, and honestly guys my mind is blown. There’s definitely a spectrum of commitment when it comes to chastity, and even talk of cuckolding - another new-to-me fetish, although one in which I am not interested. One man is trouble enough:p. I find many of the posts on there really encouraging and exciting, I love the idea that there are men who are so willing to please their woman, and it seems that I have stumbled across one such man myself. I’m inspired and that thread is helping me paint a mental picture of what I want to be for both myself and our relationship. Glad we could help. > One small complaint - in the time since becoming an item, I have wanted to wear the key on a necklace, but have found that it irritates the skin where the key sits against my chest. I'm not sure whether I have an allergy to the metal or whether sharp edges are irritating the skin, but I am keen to keep it around my neck so am looking for solutions. Do others keep it in a sleeve of some sort? Is it possible to incorporate it into some sort of decorative pendant? In the Army, until my job changed, I wore 'dog-tags'. They were made of aluminum and didn't seem to cause much irritation, though some of us did obtain rubber sleeves for them to prevent them from making noise at inconvenient times. My wife does not seem to be bothered by wearing the key, but some people have reactions to metal against skin. There have been some threads here where people turned keys into decorative pendants, or, I think, obtained a decorative key pendant to wear in place of the actual key. > As mentioned, I intend on starting a blog-like thread soon in "The Journey", but until then, thanks everyone for the input and for getting me to where I am now. I, for one (I'm sure there are others), am very glad that you have kept us updated, and I'm looking forward to seeing a 'Journey' from your perspective. Thanks for taking the time to fill us in.

Wishing you both lots of happiness. I bought my wife a decorative key necklace that fits nicely. They are quite popular right now as they have become something of a fashion accessory. I look forward to reading your journal entries. Well done.

Congratulations! You've already had such a lovely journey ahead of you. Best wishes as you keep exploring, and I really hope you stay here with us to share the updates. Every person's experience is unique... yours has been particularly interesting so far.