Seeking advice on handling more duties

Just to give some context: my wife and I are early thirties, we’ve dabbled in these dynamics for a while, but it became more of a permanent lifestyle about a year back. We both really enjoy it. She has stepped into the role of dominant sexual partner beautifully—a scenario I used to only dream about years ago. She enjoys having control, and I suspect she’s pleasantly surprised by how much she likes being in charge.

However, I feel like she’s slightly awkward carrying that authority outside the bedroom. That’s not a dealbreaker for me. My other observation is that her need for control extends to wanting to handle everything herself so it gets done exactly as she envisions. She rarely takes up help when offered. When work or duties pile up, I suggest cooking her weekly dinners (she loves meal prep Sundays), doing the laundry, grocery shopping, and so on. Part of this is kinky; getting things for her feels good to me. But my offers also come from empathy—I love her, and if our roles were reversed, I’d appreciate someone easing my burden. She turns down every offer.

We’ve discussed it occasionally, but nothing has shifted yet. One thing I’ve tried is simply picking up tasks around the house without waiting for a request, which seems to be working as an informal solution. We’re adults, after all, and I don’t want to seem like a teenager who needs constant prompting just because that’s my role here. It pleases her, though she doesn’t verbalize much about how she feels regarding it.

I’m posting this thread hoping for some advice or perhaps a different strategy on approaching her when she actually does need assistance but refuses it otherwise. Thanks to everyone reading.

Start with the basic chores without asking for permission and weave them into your daily routine, doing so gradually. I took on a lot of household duties and learned to cook and do laundry. My partner (C) almost got upset in the end and nearly called it quits. Her reaction surprised me greatly. It seemed she was enjoying these tasks herself, and I felt like I was encroaching on her territory, particularly when it came to caring for the kids. Occasionally C would give me an order and say "hop to it." But not very often. I downloaded a straightforward 'good boy points' app called 'behave' which helped significantly. C viewed my earning of points as either a reward or payment, and she liked watching my reaction when I scored one. It also allowed her to deduct points if I made mistakes, or let me spend them on time-outs, edging, etc., (when permitted). Essentially, it gave C another way to exercise control during the day, and now she often says "I'll give you a good boy point if you do this for me/them." It became much easier for her to ask or tell me to do things.

i also just started doing things but found there were areas MsM preferred to do Herself so in the end we sat and did a list after i explained i really wanted (and got aroused by) to do as much around the house as possible, particularly being ordered to do those things when She is out with friends etc. So a list was created and slowly added to and some tasks allocated specific days etc, we both enjoy it and i have to keep a daily diary of what i’ve done which MsM checks each evening and uses to decide on discipline etc. So, i feel you’re at the point where you need to explain how doing these things turns you on and create a list as a start point to work off. i find it incredibly arousing to have MsM check my diary and say “The toilet is not as clean as i need it to be, get into your uniform and clean it again and then I’ll check it and discipline you for doing a poor job in the first place”!!!! MsM’s ld

> slave d wrote: ↑Fri Sep 02, 2022 6:52 pm > i also just started doing things but found there were areas MsM preferred to do Herself so in the end we sat and did a list after i explained i really wanted (and got aroused by) to do as much around the house as possible, particularly being ordered to do those things when She is out with friends etc. So a list was created and slowly added to and some tasks allocated specific days etc, we both enjoy it and i have to keep a daily diary of what i’ve done which MsM checks each evening and uses to decide on discipline etc. So, i feel you’re at the point where you need to explain how doing these things turns you on and create a list as a start point to work off. i find it incredibly arousing to have MsM check my diary and say “The toilet is not as clean as i need it to be, get into your uniform and clean it again and then I’ll check it and discipline you for doing a poor job in the first place”!!!! > MsM’s ld Great idea!! Um, what exactly does "your uniform" mean?:)

> WifeIsVanilla wrote: ↑Sat Sep 03, 2022 7:03 am > > Great idea!! > > Um, what exactly does "your uniform" mean?:) I know it might not be everyone's cup of tea here, but literally it’s frilly pink knickers and a matching collar with ribbons, bows and a bell or a red and white checked apron with frills on the edges and straps (usually the knickers though). MsM’s ld