The Ultimate Question: Why Stay Locked?

Alright. Four years in now, and my wife has asked the big question: Why? Once I decided to stay locked for a week, our chat went something like this: “So you enjoy being locked up. You’d rather that than coming out and getting edged?” “Nope.” “But when I say I’m keeping it on and not edging you or anything else, you get turned on,” she noted. “Yes… I figure you’re going to use me properly then?” “Right. But here’s the thing: I could both use you AND edge you, yet you’d still prefer just being locked up.” “Nope. I’m fine with staying locked for your sake, if that makes any sense at all.” “Not really it does not then. So why? Does knowing you aren’t getting what you actually want make you horny?” “Well… It’s about control. The fact that you’re the one deciding or not… You being a bit selfish by doing so.” “Think it through. Explain it to me in a way I can understand. One sentence please.” “Alright, I’ll think on it and try to phrase it clearly… Once I’ve figured it out myself,” he replied. Now she is waiting for his final answer. Honestly, I struggle to describe this so that people get it. Her assertiveness turns me on. Seeing her hold the key means she holds control. She uses me selfishly without pity. It makes me desperate for her attention. All of this sends my lust soaring and gives an incredible high sometimes. But is that really why? I can give a recent example from earlier this year—the best thing she did, but also the worst. I had been locked during our holiday week. Tongue and Toys came with us; C was very generous. When we returned home, I fully expected to be released for some playtime. Instead, C told me, “You’ve been a good boy on holiday, but I’m going to keep you locked up. As a treat, I’ll let you eat my pussy in the morning instead.” It blew my mind. Holy hell, what a surge of lust and hunger and need. What a rush of hormones! I was so swollen, dizzy, afraid yet excited… The next morning, she asked me to get down to business. C handed over the key: “I felt sorry for you, so I changed my mind.” Now I felt let down. I can see why my wife demands such a clear answer. So. One sentence. Does anyone have a line that would make sense to a woman?

"When you deny me something I want, it makes me feel owned and controlled, like a wild animal on your leash." "Denial from you fills me with desire for you, making us feel like we're dating again." 🤷‍♂️ I don't know, I can't quite explain it to my wife either. 😅

> Tom Allen wrote: ↑Wed Dec 27, 2023 7:31 am > "When you deny me something I want, it makes me feel owned and controlled, like a wild animal on your leash." > "Denial from you fills me with desire for you, making us feel like we're dating again." > 🤷‍♂️ > I don't know, I can't quite explain it to my wife either. 😅 🤣 So I'm not alone then! 😂 I remember you writing something similar. "You gave me this control, and it's the fact that you actually use it that turns me on so much." So perhaps I could say: "It is your use of the control I have given you to deny me that arouses me; it allows you to make me feel as nervously excited as our first date, or like a caged, hungry wild animal." Maybe... Meh. All I know for sure is that I can't get enough of that selfish, confident, slightly mean sexy woman who occasionally emerges, flexes her power, makes me both thrilled and afraid before retreating back into her adorable wife persona.

🤣 Mrs Edge isn't particularly introspective, so at some point she just accepted that denying me simply turns her on. She came to feel it wasn't hurting me and actually led to more fun for herself. Since the idea intrigued her from the start, it wasn't a huge leap. We've obviously pushed this further than average, but we've hit some snags trying to explain why permanent locking is such an attraction... and why after nearly six years, it's *still* hot thinking about it. We've settled into just accepting it. I mean, how do you explain whether you like or dislike asparagus, seafood, or the color yellow?

I think you have your sentence Mr Pickle with…. All I know is that I can’t get enough of that selfish etc. Then add 'and the cage brings out the best in both of us.' It’s a bit of a run-on, but it works as a sentence nonetheless. Good luck.

> member_e33d73df19 wrote: ↑Wed Dec 27, 2023 8:32 am All I do know is that I can't get enough of that selfish, confident, slightly mean sexy woman who occasionally emerges, flexes her power, makes me thrilled and afraid before retreating back into her adorable wife persona. I second Sam's point here. That captures what I read in your very entertaining journal perfectly. It expresses how much you appreciate what she does for herself. Don’t try to over-elaborate unless she asks. You might "Turn the tables" and discern exactly what she is really wanting to know.

Thanks everyone. I'll consider adding that the cage brings out the best in both of us. I think it's C who does most of that, but maybe the cage helps too? I’ll practice saying it so I can get it out in one breath and not forget how to speak when her eyebrow raises... I don't like that look; it’s nearly as scary as hands on hips.. Crikey!

Okay, I’ve thought about this. The reason explaining is hard is because the question has an answer and a meta-answer. The direct answer is "Of course I want to be unlocked and have an orgasm." Who doesn't? But the meta-answer—that perspective where you step outside yourself and look down—is that allowing yourself to be controlled (in a safe, loving way) is *really* what you are after. The illusion of having surrendered control, not knowing what happens next, lacking choice, or missing out on what you want... those illusions are actually the exciting part. I used to explain it to Mrs Edge by saying I wanted both an orgasm and denial simultaneously. Since I couldn't always have that*, her making the decision for me was hot; it added to the illusion of surrender when she often chose denial instead. *Her learning to grant caged orgasms turned out to be a twist that - sort of - allowed both at once.

So I have what I consider to be my sentence, and I'm waiting for C to be ready to hear it. This isn't the line itself, just my thoughts: I like who I am when I'm controlled, played with, or teased. But after a full orgasm, Subby Mr Compliant says "Meh! See you in a few days, maybe a week." It can be disappointing because I miss that feeling of being controlled and used up. When locked, teased, and denied, it’s frustrating: I want to come; I want an erection; I want to feel the stroke sliding into your incredibly soft pussy. This "want" gives you the control because without your permission, I can't have any of these things... Ever. So I must be good to earn a chance at an orgasm. I have to wait, be perfect, and earn it. Meanwhile, you weigh the cost of those few seconds of mind-blowing bliss for me against up to a week of sad, angry, lazy non-submissive behavior. Then decide how often you want me to have full orgasms. Because ultimately, It's your call. This is why it feels both exciting and terrifying.

Sounds good if you are asked to elaborate further.

If you're like me, then getting horny during denial confirms what you already know: that you are incapable of fully pleasing her and that you are better off locked up. Having her control your ability to even get an erection shows your submission to her—and to her happiness.

I got my word in, too. It went okay... C seems to understand it a little better now, though understanding doesn't change everything much. If anything, more questions have arisen than answers given.

Glad it went well. Questions are good things. Knowledge is power; what we understand, we don’t fear—except spiders. You can know everything about them, yet they still creep you out. Lol.

I'm very new to chastity (and here), so I may not have the best perspective. But if my wife asked me similar questions, I’d tell her what I’ve already told her—and it’s absolutely true—I see two things: 1) That this is an amazing gift to her. By going into the cage under her lock and key, I am literally giving *myself* to her. It's an indescribable expression of love, devotion, and trust. I can't think of another way to show how deeply I love her. (As I typed that, I realized it’s also an expression of love for her accepting the key and taking responsibility for "keeping me safe" in return. I never noticed that until just now.) 2) It is super hot to surrender myself to her control. Her saying no, keeping me locked up, taking charge, denying me when I desperately want her—why is it so hot? Because **I** love her so much and desire her so much. That means I can keep pleasing her without fear of "getting weak" or anything like that. Both go hand-in-hand. I love her, so I want her to own me. I love her, so I want to please her; pleasing her pleases me. It's really hard to explain fully.

I certainly wouldn’t try telling MsM that it was an “amazing gift to her” because, regardless of what we mere males think, that’s not how women see it—at least at first. They think “here we go again; hubby has another sex bee in his bonnet!” I started by “showing her” the change: doing more housework, offering to bathe her, stopping asking for sex, DOING more to give her time to do what she wanted. If she suggested something, I’d say “I’ll do that for you,” etc. THEN we talked about chastity and I showed her the device; she already knew it benefited her; she just needed the cost explained. What I’m saying is men need to stop deciding their actions are a marvellous gift to their wives. The wives aren’t the ones with the sex problem; they just want a better life! Not sure if I’ve explained this well, sorry. MsM’s ld

The thing is, our relationship already includes all those things. There has been no change in that regard. I *already* don't pester her for sex (very often); I cook and clean; most of the laundry falls to me too. As a stay-at-home/work-at-home dad, going into chastity changes exactly nothing there. I'm also the mechanic on the cars, fixer of the house, mower of lawns, creator of art, piano player, dog trainer/groomer, planter and keeper of the garden, primary parent for our kids, main contact for school (where I’m highly involved), etc., etc., etc. I hate TV, so no worry about me being lazy or wasting my life in front of it. We don't pay for extra services either. Even without all that domestic stuff, she is very turned off by the notion that "this will change me" for the better somehow. We've read a bit on that topic too, and she hates it. She says essentially (and has a point), “You do all of that already anyway. Why do you need a cage to make you do it? And even if you didn't help more before, why would you need a cage for me 'to make you?'” She dislikes feminism and the FLR concept. She hates superiority dynamics. If I had a “sex problem” (which I don’t), she’d internalize it as her fault—even when it wasn’t—and little could convince her otherwise. What *does* resonate with her is that we feel closer already. She *does* like the "amazing gift of me" aspect. When I framed it that way, she was very touched. She likes the “fun” part and the “game” aspect too. And she appreciates that I find it “hot” on top of everything else. So while many men have a so-called “sex problem,” not all do. That’s our situation; that's me. (I’m not taking offense, just in case my reply sounds like it!:))

All good. We come from different places in life and perhaps chastity simply isn’t for your wife. Maybe you could ask if she’s happy to just hold the key and give it back when you request? Start somewhere like that. The thing I’d ask, given everything you say, is: why chastity anyway? It doesn't seem to be the usual need for it. And if your wife is completely against any form of FLR, then what do either of you gain? MsM’s ld

I get that it's different in your situation, but my wife does indeed see it as a gift. She really likes that part and enjoys the "fun" of being in control plus the ability to "punish" me for whatever. It is a game and it’s fun. It brings us closer together. Believe me, I check on her often and offer plenty of “outs.” So what do we have to gain? We are already close with an amazing marriage; this makes us even closer. Also, it's enjoyable, and she seems into it. As long as she is honest—and I try to provide the safest space possible for honesty—she appears to be having fun and enjoying feeling closer. So... if it’s a) fun and b) brings us closer together: why not?

Well, I don’t get what your original post was all about then? If everything is fine, that’s great; no problem! But that wasn't quite what you appeared to be saying. MsM’s ld

Back to the main question. Why? My go-to answer is “Stone Cold said so.” Then smash beer cans together and drink whatever is left. I am sure you won't see that key for several months.