slowly embracing (perhaps) the life of male chastity

First off, hello! I think this is a wonderful message board and it has already helped me answer many questions. Let me share a bit about my situation. My wife and I have been married for six years now, with a four-year-old son. Our relationship was once very passionate but suffered after our son arrived, and it hasn’t quite bounced back. We both noticed this shift; while we occasionally enjoy wonderful sex, it’s usually no more than twice a month, and often I come too quickly. She prefers hard, rough encounters, which I can manage sometimes but not always, leaving us both frustrated. About two years ago, we started using a dildo before intercourse from time to time. Even though the toy is slightly bigger than me (I’m 5.9 inches long with a 4.9-inch girth, while the dildo measures about 7 inches by 5.5 inches), it could bring her to intense orgasms because there were no stamina issues on my part. Other times, I managed those same powerful climaxes without any aid. Thinking this might be fun and helpful, I purchased a cyberskin penis extender (2 inches extra thick) with two goals: giving her the sensation of a larger cock (it reaches about 8 inches long and 6 inches around) and helping me overcome my stamina limits. We tried it twice, and when it stayed in place, it was fantastic. However, if I lost any hardness, it would rotate out of position immediately. Since then, our sex life has become less frequent. Over the last few months, I’ve been busy launching a new business and moving to a new house; we managed only one sexual encounter during that time. I also noticed she had pulled away emotionally as we argued more often. Then I found out she’d been chatting with a male “second life” friend from overseas who was cybersexing her for the past couple of months. I was upset, but I realized my attitude and especially my masturbation habits contributed significantly to our recent intimacy struggles. We’ve discussed things openly and both want to mend what’s broken. Chastity wasn’t new to me; I considered mentioning it a few years ago but felt too shy. This felt like the right moment. Last night, I gave her my Nook with Lucy Fairbourne’s book, Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders. I told her that while I didn’t agree entirely with every point in the text, I wanted her to read it and share her thoughts. She stayed up late reading a good chunk of it before coming to bed. When I asked for her opinion, she admitted uncertainty but liked how I managed our lives; however, she couldn’t picture herself as a dominant partner. I explained that this was where the book didn’t quite fit my view: I believe chastity would help us focus on our bond and stop me from masturbating and acting like a jerk. She agreed and said she wanted to finish reading. We chatted for hours before sleeping. I’m excited about rebuilding our connection through chastity. It isn’t a perfect fix, but it addresses many of the root issues between us. Please share any advice; I’ll keep updating you.

Our beginning with chastity was quite like yours. LRC and I always had a traditional male-led dynamic. Our entry into it started as weekend play under female leadership. When we moved to full-time, we tried to give her more authority at home and kept her body off-limits unless I received permission, mirroring our weekend routine. This approach didn't work well because she isn't naturally dominant; she felt uneasy about it, while I grew frustrated. After a month or so, we talked it over. We realized she preferred the male-led relationship we had before. What she truly loved was knowing she controlled my cock—this was her definition of dominance. She also appreciated that I took on more household chores: cooking, making beds, doing laundry—tasks traditionally seen as hers in our dynamic. We decided that aside from me handling more "woman's work," our daily life would remain largely unchanged. I could touch or caress her anywhere except her crotch whenever I pleased. This solved my frustration with touching her breasts and rear while we were in bed, which had become a major annoyance threatening to end our chastity experiment. Another deal-breaker for some forum members is removing the cage during their daily shower. However, when the cage comes off, our dynamic shifts back to female-led: her whole body becomes off-limits unless permission is granted, I must call her Mistress, and I obey any orders she gives. The key takeaway here is not to confuse a chastity lifestyle with a full dominatrix lifestyle. That was LRC's and my main hurdle. Every couple is unique; successful full-time chastity relies on communication and finding comfort zones for both partners.

Welcome to the forum. You might also want to pick up Sarah Jameson's book (*Be Careful What You Wish For*). She covers many aspects of Male Chastity well. While I don't agree with every word she wrote, her work is superior to Lucy Fairbourne's in my opinion. I have read Lucy's book as well; there are quite a few points where I disagree or just can relate to them.

Oh, one quick thing: the link to your tumblr seems incorrect (unless you are currently logged in under that account). -A

Hi Preston, welcome aboard. The advice so far is excellent. LRC's comment about her discomfort with FLR (female-led relationship) concepts is spot on—if she feels uneasy about those ideas, it’s vital not to overwhelm her with them too quickly. Taking charge of your sex life differs significantly from taking control of the entire household and daily logistics; keeping this distinction clear at this stage is crucial. Just because she manages the finances doesn't mean you're in a financial domination scenario—it's quite different! I'd say you are both off to a solid, healthy start. I encourage her to join this forum, browse some of the more *sane* blogs here, and filter all new information by discussing it together with you. There are extreme viewpoints (mostly from men) that can be daunting for couples just starting out. The journey is absolutely transformational but requires hard work at times to stay on track. No one here will sugarcoat the effort required, but if you get it right, there’s no regret in sight. It really comes down to tailoring these concepts so they fit both of your lives. As with most things, there isn't just one single recipe for "doing" chastity. Good luck! We are all here to share ideas and support you!

> member_75c78a1ec7 wrote: The start of our chastity was similar to yours. Thank you for your post. A lot of the content out there is so over-the-top; it’s refreshing to see someone else where I am now.

> member_75c78a1ec7 wrote: The start of our chastity was similar to yours. LRC and I had always had a conventional male lead relationship. Thank you. It is nice to know there are others exploring the less extreme side of things. > Atone wrote: Welcome to the forum. You might want to get Sarah Jameson's book too (Be Careful What You Wish For). She does a good job covering many aspects of Male Chastity and while I don't agree with everything she wrote it is much better than Lucy's book. I have read Lucy Fairbourne's book too, there is a lot in there that I don't agree with or relate to. -A That book looks great. I also fixed my tumblr link. > member_34553b26f0 wrote: Hi Preston, welcome to the forum. Good luck, we're all here to bounce ideas off and support you! Thank you. All this advice is really helpful. I feel like I’ve planted the seed and won’t pester her about it for a week or two. Right now, my focus is on repairing our relationship, which I believe matters more to both of us than anything else. This will bring us back to a point where we can discuss things again without me seeming childish. I honestly feel like I need something to correct the adverse actions I take when satisfying myself, as this has harmed our intimate bond significantly.