Journals and blogs discussion

Alright here we go… I’ve launched this journal to dig into my own emotions and thoughts regarding this journey in my life. Some entries will focus on chastity, some cover girly topics, and others might just be rambling ideas floating around in my mind. I’ve been granted a chance for 10 days to act as feminine as I please. My family is away from town, which means the entire house is mine. There are moments (such as during work) when I revert to my usual self, but when solitude finds me, I am simply Lauren - the woman inside. She has become a powerful force in my life—a hidden part of who I am that only a select few know about. I’m not quite prepared to let her out fully just yet—even though she is stunning! Some context: Like many here, I’ve held deep feelings about expressing myself as a girl, a woman, or even a sissy… These emotions have been with me for decades, growing and shrinking in intensity over time. And like you all, there are times when I become desperate to let her out, fighting against the cultural, social, and personal burdens placed on us since birth. Compared to many of you, my lifestyle is likely quite mild. Judging by the shared posts and photos here in our community, I still feel somewhat new to this part-time (for me) world of sissydom that we’ve been navigating together. The goal: Ten days filled with wonder, enchantment, and dreams coming true… So the task set before me is ten days to delve more deeply into those sissy feelings. I’ve had similar opportunities in the past, but nothing quite this long or within my own home where I can unwind and truly open up. I wanted to prepare thoroughly so I could savor every moment. Preparation: I’ve gathered everything necessary for my mini-sissy adventure. While I have a stash of personal items, I needed a few extra additions to make this trip special. I’ve already posted about some of my shopping trips. One purchase was the CB3000. I’ve also shared updates on it and discussed the time spent finding the perfect mix of rings, spacers, and modifications for a good fit. more entries coming…

Ahhhh.. there you go lauren! Welcome to the vault. It’s wonderful seeing others share their experiences here!

**Day 1 - part 1** Day 1: Drop the girls off at the airport. I’m already in panties. After saying goodbye with kisses and wishing them well, I head back home. But I can’t wait to get there. I need makeup on NOW and must install my CB3000 onto my sissy clittie. I pull into an exit ramp and slip the device on. Using the car’s vanity mirror, I master applying makeup while driving—not too much, just enough to warm me up inside and spark that rush of girly enthusiasm for the day ahead. I arrive home and hurry upstairs to my bedroom. I need to switch into girl mode quickly! After all, I’ve been planning and waiting months for this moment, so anxious I nearly burst through the CB’s vent holes. First order of business: exfoliate and shave my legs. I’m so smooth I could die happy—what a way to go! I can’t wait to put on stockings and a dress, but first, nail polish. I let them dry while finishing my makeup. For fun, I try some self-tanning spray over my bra and panties—I hope for subtle but noticeable tan lines after a few hours. (It didn’t work out perfectly, but I love how tanned and radiant I look!) Makeup is quite the challenge. The selection is huge; there’s so much to learn about what suits you and what doesn’t. I just don’t know how you girls manage it! Anyway, since I’ve already planned this out well, I apply foundation, eye shadow, mascara, a bit of blush, and naturally, slick red lipstick. Now I put on my wig; the transformation is nearly complete... But what to wear? I have quite an extensive collection gathered over the years. I choose my old sun dress, fresh lace panties, nude pantyhose (mainly for warmth), a flowery print bra, and black high heels. What looks back at me in the mirror floors me—gosh, I look incredibly hot! Right now more than ever, I sooo wish I were truly a girl!! I need to take some pictures of myself. Taking photos is such a turn-on. Some will share here with you all.

Hi lauren, first off, thanks for sharing your experiences. I look forward to reading more from you as you explore your feminine side. > lauren1fem said: > ... Makeup is quite the challenge. The selection is huge; there’s so much to learn about what suits you and what doesn’t work at all. I just don’t know how you girls manage it! Anyway, since I’ve already planned this out well, as best I can apply foundation, eye shadow, mascara, a bit of blush, and naturally slick red lipstick. Now slip on my wig; the transformation is nearly complete... But what to wear? Over the years gathered quite an extensive collection ... > Click to expand... Gosh, it’s hard giving advice. For me, many years of exploration were needed to find my own style. This applies to both make-up and dress sense. It’s a long road with many mistakes and embarrassments along the way. Be patient and never stop trying things that suit you best. Hugs maid katrin

Over recent weeks I’ve realized how observant I am of "the little things" girls do to look so beautiful. This is likely due to a few factors: 1) some chastity play which has me horny as hell, and 2) my own exploration into making myself appear as feminine as possible. I just love these discoveries. It’s exciting how women tweak their makeup to match their daily outfits or choose clothes that highlight their natural beauty. (On the flip side, guys usually just throw on pants, comb their hair, and head out.) That girl within me craves this stuff. She loves imagining going through her morning routine—primping and fussing to look her best (sorry if I’m stereotyping). And now I’m living it for 10 days. I wonder if I’ll be able to "go back" after all the joyful experiences ahead?

> lauren1fem said: > Alright here we go... I've launched this journal to dig into my own emotions and thoughts regarding this journey in the life. Some entries will focus on chastity, some cover girly topics, and others might just be rambling ideas floating around in my mind. > I’ve been granted a chance for 10 days to act as feminine as I please. My family is away from town, which means the entire house is mine. There are moments (such as during work) when I revert to my usual self, but solitude finds me simply Lauren - the woman inside. She has become a powerful force in her life—a hidden part of who she am that only select few know about. I’m not quite prepared let her out fully just yet—even though stunning! > Some context: Like many here held deep feelings expressing myself as girl, woman sissy... These emotions decades growing shrinking intensity time long social personal burdens placed us birth Compared you all my lifestyle likely mild Judging shared posts photos community still somewhat new this part-time (me) world of sissydom navigating together. > The goal: Ten days filled wonder enchantment dreams coming true So task set ten days delve more deeply those sissy feelings. Similar opportunities past nothing quite long within home unwind truly open prepared thoroughly savor every moment > Preparation Gathered everything necessary mini-sissy adventure While stash personal items extra additions trip special Already posted updates some shopping trips purchase CB3000 Also shared updates discussed time spent finding perfect mix rings spacers modifications good fit > more entries coming... > Click to expand... Welcome to the vault, lauren! Dollyanne loves your posts and looks forward to next 10 days too! Dolly wants follow cb-3000 experience getting new chastity week also Don’t concerned being "tame". Pics show far from it yes ARE hottie! Huggs,:party-096: dollyanne

THANK YOU!:manga_heatwave: I’ll make this post right now to the community that anyone responding my journal please know how thankful I am all of you Even if don’t reply but read whatever - still THANKS everyone. Many thoughtful replies appreciate insights yes do! Don’t want clutter journal thank you’s time any makes post goes advance everything: THANK YOU! Hugs and kisses

**Day 1 - part 2** As the day progressed I decided take walk. Wanted be bit daring checked makeup applied subdued shade lipstick drove away home could walk unnoticed hopefully). Walked trail wearing CB girlie clothes underneath, guy clothes outside. For me this was big thrill everyone on trail probably noticed anything out ordinary If did react distance face looked normal (maybe really smooth fair featured) close one tell wearing makeup Number bikes zipped past people walked nearby Nobody seemed notice - which was probably best yet still quite exciting for me. Went home changed another outfit took photos sat around enjoying myself enfemme sitting couch like proper girl practicing sissy etiquette trying be prissiest sissy knew how. Love walking around improving sissy strut. When heels notice gait changes posture thrown back really feel prettier up toes take smaller steps; each step clicking brightly floor Going down stairs grand event Really need hand rail balance sort sissy turn-on [warning: fantasy follows...] Imagine love having strong domme side supporting If was real limp-wristy sissy picture arm big strong man probably latest lover dominatrix wife. Anyway spent rest day fantasizing posing for myself. Not exciting write about huge turn Lauren Somehow pictures don quite capture image see does reinforce sissy chaste nature Evening watched two favorite movies: 1) House Dark Shadows picks late '60's soap opera left love gothic scenes movie victorian charm Picnic Hanging Rock lots sissy eye candy this soundtrack mostly Beethoven flowery adore it! (was into movies before done much sissy stuff yet all there part my sissyness even knew)

**Part of training...** As part my 10-day project decided buy realistic dildo could use "various ways But what buy So many choices Well girl do? did little research size traits fits "normal found numerous sources considered average erect size believe researched also measured scientifically possible normal length just shy girth This actually kind shocking confidence builder man made love wife night fun Ended buying doc Johnson 6" dildo balls vibrator looked lifelike fell within normal maybe bit large close enough based on research [can do own research want going list findings here afraid open can worms]. Done some online sissy reading got wet about trying learn perform fellatio Curious girl No idea what like learning really get turned taking all into mouth no idea hard kiss slurp swallow suck something this my mouth Again didn buy largest one-eyed monster could find tried obtain normal within spec have credit any girl out there’s taken penis way think eating worshipping female easier actually. At rate learned lot about submissive feels named dildo Robert no idea why fits try take 'him' all the way into mouth gag brings tears eyes kind love feeling want take 'him in can’t makes slight small get real turned wrapping pink nail-polished fingers around 'his erect member kiss 'bring 'into my own shrinking clitty securely locked away CB. After bit practice managed swallow Robert all way down lifelike balls pledged allowed have 'take sissy-hole accepted fully Yikes POIs making presence known type better stop things calm Stay tuned more adventure...

**Day 2** Pretty much same day 1 Lots prettyfying sissyfying activities Discovered perfume sends orbit Estee Lauder Beautiful love catching scent wrist clothes must really strong sense smell Scent of perfume particularly does something gets hot If following along day know receive gift "Robert" dildo Later evening worked up frenzy took behind went real gentle first wasn until used different lubrication able slide easily First using JO matter applied 'sort stuck grabbed KY did trick oh well.

*You know lauren perfectly okay lightly perfumed time It quite appropriate Don't abuse "robert" gentle!* :anal:

**Day 3** Wearing feminine clothing 24x7 journey started Sounds tame most blast feel sooo girly got something prancing house whenever can different outfits made videos seem reduce size enough sounds like problem other departments upload site happy Locked apart showers some fun last evening "Robert" see day Evening wanted play aneros work way larger Robert Time remained all locked without POIs began stimulate sissy hole dripping pre-cum leaky faucet. Must touching something right felt sooo fine go through various stages stiffness limpness CB3000 while dripping cum crazy fairly continuously things built crescendo had orgasm would not end guess exactly dry never produced milky-white semen Kegel muscles contracting pulsing like an kept much longer than usual Say fabulous doesn come close wasn quite milking set off something very much except my just kept building beyond anything felt before on edge stayed eternity then kept getting BETTER don know describe any better Is this tantric sex) Anyway see smiley end day guess done Day 3 Signed Exhausted with a smile

imho astroglide best lube for dildo play ID glide butt plugs

**Day 4** Not much to report actually. After last night Lauren is a bit in awe. Certainly the afterglow of all that happened left her in a glistening shiny state. Whatever happened left her wanting it again and again. Part of it had to be her mind state (I don't mean altered). She was just in the right frame as she thought about how chaste and submissive she was while being taken in a most submissive way. Something else was in control and that permitted her this most cosmic of experiences. It all just clicked. Anyway Lauren was kind of tired and took it fairly easy although later in the evening after gaining her second wind she tried to get to the place she was the day before. That didn't happen and left her a bit frustrated. Lauren picked up some cotton camisoles 2 days ago (from the market of all places) and just loves to wear them around the house, to bed for sleepwear, and even out under heavy sweaters when she's doing her guy thing. There's something really lovely about how it hangs just above my navel and sort of tickles me. The spaghetti straps are light-weight so they don't show through clothing and yet I know they are there. Such fun! :party-091:

Hi Lauren, based on your posts, it sounds like you're semi-out to your Wife about the cross dressing. You shaved your legs, which she must notice. Is that something you do all the time? I'm personally not into femme, but as a submissive, I feel it's both somewhat humiliating, and also somewhat "expected" that I be shaved, so I keep myself shaved from the neck down, just as a submissive gesture. I just wonder if that's something you do (or could do) so that your wife is aware.

> lauren1fem said: > I'm wearing some kind of feminine clothing 24x7 and have been since the journey started. I know this all sounds tame to most of you, but it's such a blast for me to do this. I feel sooo girly when I've got something on. I've been prancing about the house whenever I can with different outfits on. I've made some videos, but can't seem to reduce the size down enough (sounds like a problem in other departments too) to upload anything to the site that I'm happy with. > I have been locked up apart from showers and some fun last evening with "Robert" (see day 2). In the evening I wanted to do more play with my aneros and work my way up to something larger (like Robert). This time I remained all locked up (without the POIs) and began to stimulate my sissy hole. I was dripping pre-cum like a leaky faucet. > I must have been touching something just right because it felt sooo fine. I would go through various stages of stiffness and limpness in my CB3000, but all the while I was dripping cum like crazy and fairly continuously. As things built up to a crescendo I had an orgasm that would not end. (I guess I wasn't exactly dry, but I never produced any milky-white semen). My Kegel muscles were contracting and pulsing like an orgasm and I kept this up for much longer than usual. > To say it was fabulous doesn't even come close. This wasn't quite milking, but it set off something very much like it except my orgasm just kept building beyond anything I've felt before. I was on the edge and stayed there for an eternity then it just kept getting BETTER. I don't know how to describe it any better than that. (Is this like tantric sex?) > Anyway I don't see a smiley that I can end this day with so I guess I'm done with Day 3. > Signed, Exhausted with a smile > Click to expand... Lauren, did you have a FEMALE orgasm!! An orgasm that wouldn't end!? This is sooo awesome! Dolly wants one too! It is supposed to be so much better than the old grunty male one. Dolly now has a new task to think about when she gets locked into the cb. Another job for dolly's "rear-ender"!! You have described it in such a delicious way. Go girl! Huggs,:manga_angel: dollyanne

Lauren -- I had been reading as you posted, but this diary builds. It has even more impact when read straight through. Thanks!

**Day 5** Well girls I'm all caught up with my journal. Here is how Day 5 has gone... Lauren was quite a naughty sissy this morning and there had to be some punishments. We won't discuss the infraction, but she was a bad naughty girl and had to be taught a lesson! For starters she had her panties pulled down and was spanked severely. This left her stinging and near tears. Lauren actually loves the stinging sensation and gets very turned on when watching herself be spanked in the mirror. Still the humiliation and accompanying pain are all part of the payment for her misdeed. She is now encased in her CB3000 with both sets of the extremest pointy POIs in place. (...Oh dear I need to pause before continuing. Where's my mantra? That last paragraph just got to me...) Okay, whew. This afternoon she played dress-up with some new ankle socks and her mini skirt and played her guitar. She had never played her guitar while dressed enfemme. She had to take some pics so check them out. Tonight she will receive her final punishment while continuing to wear the POIs. Something humiliating yet titillating at the same time perhaps. Wish her well. She was a bad girl, but has learned the errors of her ways and promises to be a good girl for the rest of the week.:innocent0002:

To answer Candide's question about my shaving and general secrecy about this whole scene... [Yikes: I've reread my response below and I did ramble on for a bit. Apologies - I thought this was a simple answer, but the more I thought about it the more interested I became in trying to give an accurate answer.] I've always been pretty discreet with my habits. I'm just starting to not care about the secret as much, but up until now the secret was a BIG (like MAJOR HUGE) part of the excitement for me. [My little Lauren is growing up. *sigh*] I think I'm moving more towards opening up a dialogue for sharing this kink of mine with her and my recent shaving expedition may allow for that to occur. Right now she either seems to humor me or not be aware. We don't really talk about it and that's okay for now. For the past few years I just shaved my inner thighs and occasionally part way down my upper leg, but never further. I never wanted to go out in shorts in the summer and be noticed... and now it's winter! (grin) But shaving makes things all "slickery" and smooth. I've occasionally shaved or trimmed my pubic area to make it look cute and clean cut. She's never really said anything about it even though I'm sure she has noticed. With it being COLD where we live we're pretty much either under the sheets or getting dressed quickly and our schedules are a bit different so showering and getting dressed occurs at different times. In other words we don't stand around naked in front of each other right now because it's freezing cold! Now in preparation for my odyssey that I'm writing about here I decided to get a jump start on shaving ALL THE WAY DOWN my legs. I discovered (from past experience) that it takes more than one shave to get all the hairs so I wanted to be super silky smooth for this event. She "may" have noticed my legs one morning about a week before her trip, but didn't say anything to me. We'll see if anything comes up upon her return since I'll be in roughly the same state. But for right now we don't ask and we don't tell. Ya' know I've thought about a safe response should it come up and we can leave it at that. But if she seems at all interested I may test the waters further. Who knows what will come of this? I'm so shy and embarrassed about approaching this subject and yet it's become such a big part of my existence. Yeah sure I can write anonymously at the mansion about it, because this feels like a safe place for me here to express myself, but actually taking that step in my life with sharing this SECRET part of me with someone in my REAL life is something I'm cautious about - to put it mildly. (Maybe the mansion could just be filled with virtual entities - I mean like I could be making this all up right? AND maybe MikeCB, Candide, Dollyanne and "everyone" else are just computer programs talking back to me with random questions - who knows?) [Okay that last paragraph was just plain weird] Peace, out!

Dollyanne - If what I experienced in day 3 was a female orgasm then I only hope I can find my way there again. It's something I'll cherish forever. I hope you can find it in yourself too.

Lauren, If I may suggest... I think you should just keep your legs shaved. I started much like you, just doing upper thighs.... gradually, I did more and more, until I finally just took the plunge and did my legs entirely (I (was) a hairy guy). You know what? My wife noticed and said "Ooh, going smooth these days?" I said "Ya, I kinda like it". That was the end of the conversation. No biggie at all. Then, I was anxious about going out in shorts. Well, I went to the gym, and you know what? No one seemed to even notice or care. There are other guys (athletes) who shave their legs. They just figure I'm a cyclist or swimmer. Then I was anxious about being seen in shorts by my friends. You know what? No one said a word, and no one really cared. I don't shave to be femme. Lord knows I don't have the body for that! Still, shaving my legs is now completely no big deal. I've kept them shaved for over a year with never a single comment or any real reaction from anyone. Sure, I've seen someone look for an extra second, but what might they think? "Hmm. He shaves his legs. I wonder....." Well, perhaps that's part of the turn on, now! hehe. I'd say you should just let Lauren out a little more. You love how it feels. Your wife has probably already noticed. If she asks and you say "I kinda like the way it feels", you're being completely honest. If she says she's worried about what people think, tell her YOU aren't! lol. You're exactly where I was a year ago, and in retrospect, I can't believe the anxiety I had over something that amounted to nothing. Go for it, girl!:jumping0039: Best wishes! It sounds like you're having a wonderful 10 day adventure! mikecb

Hi Lauren, Ive only just had a chance to read your diary. It sounds like youre going through quite an exciting journey. The desire to be a sissy can be quite strong one, I know that I desire nothing more than to be a sissy and I hope with Masters guidance I can be. I wish you luck on your journey Im sure youll make a great sissy gurl.

**Day 6 - A Beautiful Day** Is this the essence of chastity? Lauren woke up with a notion about recapturing her "virginity". Right off the bat I know this sounds weird, but part of my journey is to try to experience as many things from a female's perspective that I can. Until this morning this unique thought wasn't something I even considered. I had a game plan for lots of other "firsts", but this idea is something special to re-experience now - and all from my girlie side. So I put it in my mind that today would be a new day - a day to experience what it is to be a female virgin. (A grand new thought experiment to experience). You see I realized that by being my own keyholder I could unlock myself anytime. I hadn't given much thought to the plastic numbered keys that came with the CB3000 until now. I didn't want to use them since I had the Master lock & key (and I'm cheap and didn't want to "waste" them), but then it crossed my mind that IF I locked myself with the plastic numbered lock (herein pnl) I might think twice about breaking it open. It dawned on me in the early morning hours that this pnl could be symbolically protecting Lauren's virginity - at least the sissy clitty part of her. She could remain locked and chaste for as long as the pnl remained "in tact" and breaking the pnl would in some symbolic way represent a breaking of her virginity - something she could never go back on. To that end I jumped in the shower, cleaned up and couldn't wait to get locked back in the CB3000 and transform into a "virginal chaste" version of myself. Now instead of grabbing the Master lock and key, I presented my symbolic virginity turnkey and slid it into place. As I assembled the CB and forced the pnl down into the locking receptacle it clicked, and then a small plastic piece flew off onto the floor - almost in slow motion. From that point onwards I've felt something really different inside. It's really quite a special feeling that is pure - almost spiritual. Now I'm not saying all of me is pure. I mean I'm horny as hell, but my sissy clitty (I wish I had a nicer word for it) is shielded by all of this now - at least until I break open the CB. So there's this internal struggle of insane horniness and the desire to stay "pure". Wow this is so cool. ============================================== I had a lot of business to take care of today and I started thinking of how I could incorporate my femme journey along with them. I had to go downtown for a meeting and I decided to pack up some of my favorite things so that I could go totally femme on the way home. I grabbed a small purse and placed my lipstick, eye shadow, makeup and a few other essentials that we girls need. I was already locked up, and so I slipped on a favorite pink garter belt, black stockings and matching pink panties. The panties fit around the CB really well. Of course on top of all this was my guy outer wear... After finishing up with my work I jumped in my car and parked in an empty parking lot. Then I slipped out of my boots, pants and sweater and slipped on my skirt, pink bra, mauve cami, gray sweater and high heels. Then I added a pearl necklace and broach. (Damn, I forgot perfume!) I got my face all made up and then started getting really paranoid that I'd be "discovered". I gathered my wits and talked myself into finishing off with my blond wig and dark glasses. Hey, I have to say that I looked pretty hot and it was starting to get me quite excited with the concept of driving all the way home on the freeway. I could look down and see my skirt covering my stocking clad legs, I could glance in my mirror and see Lauren, the ravishing blond staring right back at me. Whew! I put the car in gear and headed onto the street (fearing I might get in an accident or be seen by someone who knows my car or would recognize me). Driving with high heels is sort of different, but it actually felt really nice. As I passed cars and people, no one seemed to pay any notice and I started to relax a bit. I believe I hit on a key to all this. All I had to do was look and act as femme as possible and no one would notice. That was so cool - I was passing as Lauren! As I got closer to home I realized that I had my video camera with me. I just had to pull over somewhere and capture a quick motion video of me walking about looking as hot and sexy as I felt. So that's just what I did. I felt so vulnerable at first. I got out of my car, set up my camera on the hood and walked away from the car - all exposed to the big wide world, out in the open with no where to hide. But I now had the key to "passing": Just act natural like I'm walking to my car with my purse in hand as any cute girl would. (Oh and swagger my hips a little just for kicks.) This was something I had really wanted to explore - being scared/vulnerable/exposed/raw when your out there en femme. This made me so hot. I don't have "the walk" down yet, but I'm getting there - it's such fun! When I arrived home I felt my panties and realized that I was soaking wet. What a rush! And yet all this time I still had this chaste feeling inside. I just wanted to lay on my bed, roll about, see myself in the mirror and feel the thrill of being a young, chaste girl all safe and comfy in her own bed. Well, I had a few minutes to spare so I set up Robert (my dildo) and let him take me. It was so nice, the wetness continued and I loved the fullness "he" brought me. I felt like another "day 3" was approaching, but I stopped. This was a great day and I don't want it to end. This chastity I've achieved will continue, but at some point I'll have to spoil it and break the lock. But I believe that the reasons will be different this time. Whew - what a beautiful day! I hope you enjoyed this read as much as I enjoyed my day today. I welcome your comments.

Lauren, this is sooo beautiful! Recapturing your virginity, changing into a passable hottie in the car! Videotaping yourself en femme! Wow! Dollyanne is seriously envious. You have captured and described the experience sooo well. In the remaining days, what else will you do? How will you lose your virginity? What does the future hold for lauren? Will lauren pass a point of no return and break a nail on her guitar string? Only time will tell. Thank you for sharing this fantastic experience with us, lauren! Dollyanne really really enjoyed reading it, girl! Huggs,:manga_love: dollyanne

Lauren, what a wonderful day! Congratulations!:-)

One takeaway lesson I learned the HARD way, but hadn't mentioned yet. (Rookie mistake!) I fell asleep a few days ago with one of the POIs still in place in my CB3000. I awoke at 12:02 am with the most painful stiffy ever. It took a lot of mantra thinking (in reference to another post awhile back) to get back to a state where I could even move without extreme pain. Lesson learned (at least for me): Don't try this at home unless you're really into pain!

Ouch. I guess you’re lucky that the CB itself doesn’t cause pain thought. I know a lot of people struggle sleeping with just the CB to begin with. One tip is, is to use the bathroom as soon as you’re woken up, that often helps reduce any erection.

Thanks to you, Kris. This was my first time and the pain was so intense that even a small twitch hurt. I couldn't picture myself walking over to the bathroom because I was in such deep trouble. Geez, I feel incredibly horny right now. All this feminizing has me feeling restless with nowhere to take it out. I've put on some perfume today and it's driving me absolutely wild. Guess I need another mimosa. [Picture me blowing my bangs away from my eyes and letting out a heavy sigh]. Grrrrr, so frustrated, but in a pleasant way... If only there were a man here right now... Ohh, that gives me an idea - time for a wardrobe change!... Just wait to see the photos.

Lauren is currently in absolute LUST mode. She has lost control and desperately needs something to soothe her nerves. Locked up and chaste as she may be, she feels both horny and irritable—well, maybe not exactly 'hell', but close enough. Any suggestions on how to help her settle down? Seriously, she really does need to chill out. I feel incredibly sexy right now; I just can't stop it! And yet, everything is so wonderful. It's that annoying perfume—it sends me straight into orbit.

> lauren1fem said: > Lauren is in complete and total LUST mode right now. She is out of control and needs something to calm her down. She is all locked up and chaste, but horny and ornery and hell. Any advice on how to calm down? Seriously she needs to chill. > > I am so out of my mind sexy right now. Can't stop it! And yet this is all soooo good. It's that damn perfume - it sends me into orbit. > Click to expand... Mimosa, perfume, and chastity...hmmmm...a perfect recipe for lust! Play the guitar, write a song, go for a jog...but in your condition stay away from those glory holes...unless you want to lose your virginity! Huggs,:manga_bunny: dollyanne

*Very good girl lauren... As for your current state of mind - do not worry - it is known as 'slut delirium'. It is actually quite beneficial for you... Doesn't it make you willing to agree to anything right now? That is why femming is so necessary for you. Imagine being kept just like this - day after day - week after week. I truly believe your desperation would push you over the edge. Now, just ensure you remain chaste, painted up and perfumed... Let's see how slutty you can become... The new pictures look very nice - lauren is such a pretty girl. The video is quite slutty - what do you think the men who saw you were thinking? Such a little tease Lauren is! If you have it - flaunt it!* :smilies_xxx02:

Yes, Miss D. Lauren would agree to anything right now. She loves the feminization she is currently undergoing. With each passing hour, she feels more wanton, insatiable, and lustful. Her heart is pounding with thoughts racing through her delirious little head. I found your thread from 9-22 - "Why Chastity?" What you describe there matches precisely what my sleep-deprived night was like last evening: I found myself in a private fantasy where my wife was fulfilling one of her stated fantasies. Whimpering, begging her to proceed. I woke up yearning to look as pretty as possible and snap some photos of my femme self while still in this state... The feeling hasn't left me yet. But I'm just so afraid to take the next step with my wife and move into this world of feminization together, with her as my domme. So for now, it's a nice place to visit...

**Day 7** The day started off normally with a quick trip to the market. I knew I wouldn't have to go anywhere until evening. A bottle of champagne was beckoning me, so I decided to start with a mimosa, followed by another, and many more. While sipping away in my bathroom, I showered, applied lotion, and touched up the pink polish on my nails while wearing a nice fluffy white bathrobe. Interspersed with sipping the mimosas, applying makeup, and general sissyfying as is my habit, I got into such a wonderful mood. I took many pictures today because that puts me in such a titillated state. I feel like I'm becoming so femme, yet I think of something else I can do to make myself even more girly. It's a vicious cycle. Part of the time I feel horny as all hell, and the next moment I feel like the prissiest, sissiest sweet thing that wants only to serve her mistress with no thought for herself. I believe this must be the "slut delirium" Miss D mentioned. Since I was fairly buzzed after consuming the entire bottle, I declared myself "grounded" and had to stay at home. No trips out, no sissy walks of any kind, just staying put and enjoying the buzz. I did a lot of reading and posting here while trying to learn from you all what might come next as I dive deeper into this world.:CMrocks: The evening was uneventful - almost normal compared to what I've been doing all week.

> Miss D said: > *Good gurl lauren... As to your current state of mind - not to worry - it is called 'slut delirium'. It is really quite good for you actually... Doesn't it make you willing to agree to anything right now? That is why femming is so necessary for you. Imagine being kept just like this - day after day - week after week. I do believe your desperation would drive you over the edge. > > Now, just make sure you stay chaste, painted and perfumed... Let's see how slutty you can get... > > The new pics - very nice - lauren is such a pretty gurl. The video - quite slutty - what do you think the men who saw you were thinking? Such a little tease lauren is! If you got it - flaunt it!* >:smilies_xxx02: > Click to expand... Dollyanne is hallucinating at Miss D's term, "slut delirium". That fits so perfectly! Dolly has experienced this too and imagines it feels like being on a drug that propels dolly into a frenzy of femming slutty lust. Miss D paints such sensuous pictures with Her beautiful words! You were wise to "ground" yourself, lauren. Accidents can happen so easily when you are buzzed and the roads are slippery. Dolly is glad you stayed in, feminizing yourself in a frenzy of girlishness and taking pictures! (Some of which you will share with us(?), dolly hopes--you are such a sexy girl, lauren and an inspiration to the rest of us!) Curtsies and Huggs,:manga_drunk: dollyanne

**Day 8** Dollyanne - you're so sweet! Thank you for your kind words. I agree, Miss D knows just the right words to get us girlies all flushed and frenzied. So here's how my day went today: All night long I tossed and turned thinking girlish thoughts. I wanted to play with myself, but that wasn't possible in this chaste state. My mind kept going to the most devilish of scenarios for my hoped-for future mistress. Anything she wanted, I was ready to ensure she got it. Anything for a release... This morning I woke up after fitful sleep. After showering, I still felt a bit groggy from the prior day's mimosa binge, but I wanted to look fresh. The sun was out and the day looked warm (though it was like 25 F outside). I decided to leave my legs bare so I just wore my pretty heels and practiced my walk around the house. I wasn't cold at all and felt an inner warmth as I sat reviewing my pictures with the sun beaming in on me. Throughout the day, I had these strange twinges (they seem almost foreign to me), but it was a desire to touch myself and relieve the horniness that as a male I found easy to release. But I'm practicing chastity en femme and that has a strange power over me. It's as if the longer I wear the CB, the more submissive I become to the power of chastity. The CB is becoming more comfortable to wear - even under men's clothes. Up to this point, I've preferred wearing the CB without pants; preferring to wear a dress or skirt. Pants were too constricting and it felt like my balls were getting pinched, but today I didn't notice it as much - even while taking a long walk. Still though, I think long-term wear under men's clothes would become a drag. Tonight I'm wearing a skirt with pantyhose and a cami and sweater. I hiked up my skirt and looked between my legs; obscured by the shade of the hose, I couldn't see my CB or what lay inside. That sight was pleasing -> I looked so natural in my feminine form. Each time I have an awareness like this, I feel a flush of pleasure. I think my female side has taken over and I'm falling in love with it! I don't know what tomorrow or the days beyond will bring, but I do know that writing about my experiences here has been wonderful.

*Very good gurl lauren... Do not attempt to stem your progression into complete and utter femininity; rather, you must accept it because it is exactly what you need - what you have always needed... Isn't it? Don't deny your need for femming, Lauren - embrace it - let it take hold within you until there is no choice left but complete surrender. There is nothing that pleases a Mistress more than Her subby's total and complete surrender. I know that you know exactly what I am talking about. You fear what the future might bring for you and yet, at the same time, your delirium has taken hold and there is no avoiding the truth of what you are.* :party0002:

You are such a lucky gurl. I have only experienced the feeling you described for a short time; I’m hoping that one day I will be able to feel those same feminine thoughts for increased periods of time. I know when I feel at my most fem, I also feel more content.

**Day 9** Once again, I had a hunger for being photographed. But this time, I had a definite white & black visage that I was going after. My objective was to have as complete of an outfit as I could manage. That urge to be "passable" was strong today - though I had no plans to go out - I just wanted to feel like all girl! I rummaged through the house for accessories. (I noticed a maid's outfit in an old costume box, but that will have to wait). After getting dressed in my white knit dress, thigh-high checked stockings, black heels, wig, and makeup, I realized that I was missing something. My dress just kind of hung there and I needed to amplify my figure. First, I found a scarf that I used as a belt, then I found the ideal wide black belt and fastened it around my waist. It was a perfect fit. To finish things off, I added a black purse, bracelets, a choker necklace (thanks for the idea Maid Rose), dark glasses, and of course perfume. I felt like I had the "complete package" and loved the feeling of being all dressed up as if I were waiting for my girlfriends to go shopping, have tea, and flirt. I really work myself into quite a state when I get like this. Have a look for yourself here. After my photo shoot, I had to see 'what might come' from my heightened state. I tried to do a milking with just my fingers and was getting really close. I was at the height of pleasure, but just couldn't quite reach that peak. What a tease I've become! In the past, I had been able to do a prostate milking since I could play just a bit with my clitty to get all worked up and then let my other fingers push me over the edge into insatiable ooziness. Now that I am all locked up, I just couldn't quite get there, but it was wonderful edging sooo close and knowing I wasn't going to have any type of a real male orgasm - I'm all girl now. Later in the evening, I remembered the maid outfit and decided to give it a go. I tried it on and took some pics with it. I had lots of fun pretending that I was a slutty maid of the mansion and was given all sorts of tasks to perform. I'll let your imaginations fill in the blanks... After a bit, I decided I needed to get a little more slutty so I slipped out of it, went to the billiard room, and played pool in just my waist cincher, strapless bra, and heels. I wasn't knocking the balls in (I was a little distracted with myself as you might imagine), so I grabbed the camera and snapped a few more pictures which may appear on the mansion soon enough. Happy Chanakuh to anyone of the faith and for others... 3 more shopping days left!:party-094:

**Day 10** Today was a normal day, but it's the dream I had last night that has me in utter bliss. I'm still locked in my CB3000 and went about my chores today thinking about what occurred last night while asleep - all the while getting quite flushed whenever I remembered my dream. While locked in my CB last night, I had a mini wet dream; while that event was pretty special (not something I've had since I was like 20); it's what I dreamed about that has me all worked up. If you've kept up with my journal here, you'll know what I've been going through for the past 10 days - a metamorphosis of sorts. I will relate what transpired. My dream was quite brief and to the point. * *I was hovering over a wedding ceremony and as my perspective moved in closer, I realized that it was me (Lauren) standing up straight and tall as the blond bride AND it was also me standing next to her as the dark-haired groom in male form! (So yeah, I was getting married to myself while watching from a third perspective). Lauren looked so happy as she stood there beaming and my emotions were all for her happiness. From my third perspective, I didn't "think much" about the groom as I was more surprised to see Lauren (me) there as if in real life*​ . This dream has profound significance for me. I interpret its meaning to indicate a nod of approval that I should continue in this direction of feminization and that my marriage with my real wife will survive and likely thrive in this new mode. I'm hoping I can find the opportunity soon to approach her on the subject of helping me with my full feminization and her becoming my keyholder. This idea is all pie-in-the-sky for me right now, but it's what I'm feeling inside as a result of this dream. I'll have to move slowly and delicately, but I have more confidence to approach her about this; whereas just a few days ago, I was really scared to even think of how to talk to her about it. If it's all for naught, then I'll regroup and go on from there. This keeps getting stranger each day, but I like strange!

**Day 11** Lauren got to do a quick extra frolic today. I had to do a few errands - pick up a honey-baked ham and mail a letter. After waiting in line at the ham shop, I headed back to the car with ham in hand for the drive home. I decided to put on a skirt, thigh-high red (warm thick cotton) stockings, and heels for the drive back home. I had a letter to mail so I dared myself to go to an out-of-the-way mailbox; getting out of the car and skipping over there to drop the letter off. There was a lot of traffic whizzing past and there's always the chance of being seen by someone that would know me or my car. Eeek. [I know what Dollyanne is going through with her weekly challenge]. But that risky chance for humiliation got me all excited and slutty so I said, "What the hell," clicked my heels, and headed off for the mailbox. Nothing happened naturally since I took enough precautions. But it was a thrill and I become such a head-case slutty mess of gelatinous sex-crazed girly gurl when I do things like this that it's worth the time and effort - even if it is rather a tame task. So that's it for today. My life will probably return to a more normal state, but I find myself in a weird mental place right now. I'm sort of confused - longing for what I had during those past 10 days - not knowing how I'll ever get back to it with the intensity I possessed. I need to buy and read one of the recommended books mentioned on this site. If I like it, I'll pass it along to my wife. Maybe some good will come from it. Merry Christmas and a super awesome New Year to everyone! Take Care!

I ordered the book: Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders. I'm not sure what will happen next. If someone other than myself opens the shipment before I do, I may have some explaining to do - sooner than I had planned. Wish me luck!

Good luck x

> lauren1fem said: > I ordered the book: Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders. > I'm not sure what will happen next. If someone other than myself opens the shipment before me I may have some explaining to do - sooner than I had planned. > Wish me luck! > Click to expand... Good luck, lauren! Dollyanne ordered this book also and told her spouse not to look at any packages that might come in. That worked, but of course, this was before Christmas and dolly had ordered some other things for herself, so she didn't peek when it arrived. Maybe you could tell her you have some "late" packages coming?! Dolly has skimmed the book, and it looks like it contains some good information. Dolly wants to completely understand what it says before leaving it around to be "accidentally" discovered! It would be interesting to compare notes when you have a chance to read it! We should probably do a book review! Huggs,:anim_32: dollyanne

> We should probably do a book review! > Click to expand... Something I have been threatening to do since I opened this site! Maybe I'll fish it out and see who gets there first! It would be good to have both your opinions on it as well though.:manga_angel:

**A few of my favorite things...** Here is a short list that I have discovered a huge passion for: - Perfume - lightly applied. - Boi shorts - great for tucking, but not so good if wearing a CB. - Thigh high stockings - opaque white is probably my favorite. - Finding ways of feeling vulnerable - mild risk taking with wearing feminine clothing in public works well. - Wearing women's underclothing discreetly - knowing I'm feminized though others don't notice. - Photographing one's self in women's clothing and reflecting about how girly I look. - Finding ways that real women beautify themselves and trying those methods with myself. - As I have practiced these things in my daily life (when possible), I find myself yearning for chastity. - Wanting to be prevented from touching myself, finding that being chaste reinforces all those feelings to feminize myself even more. It's a lovely spiral that builds until I'm a complete slutty mess. I'm addicted to myself as a femme and I love it!:manga_angry:

*It is quite all right to take pleasure in your feminization, Lauren... And things could improve significantly if a Mistress helped reinforce it. I grasp that not every woman desires having a pretty sissy maid running around the home, yet this path would clearly suit you well. Your list of femming activities has room to grow.. You never know how far along the journey your feminization can go, and discovering those boundaries is always enjoyable - pushing limits feels wonderful! You are truly an ideal candidate for a solid dose of femming.* [Image: picture.php]

I understand your point about it turning into an addiction. It isn't merely like a fetish that offers some temporary amusement; femming evolves into an entire lifestyle. I trust you'll find exactly what you're looking for in it. Just be careful not to let it overwhelm you.

It is simply that strutting around as a delicate sissy is so incredibly enjoyable. I believe I have become quite skilled at doing it! I truly wish society would accept this as a valid lifestyle choice for me, yet reality often imposes itself heavily. I live contentedly within my fantasy bubble, but recent experiences have left me craving even more. I deeply desire to be slutty, chaste, and ready for a good spanking. It brings on a bit of sadness:confused0082: because it seems unlikely with teenagers in the house and a wife who probably won't shift her perspective toward what I am seeking. Nevertheless, I cherish my current life and will discover opportunities to nourish my wants whenever possible - without causing harm to others. I just need to locate an equilibrium that works...

> lauren1fem said: > Its' just that it's so damn fun to prance around as a prissy sissy. I think I'm really good at it too! I sure wish it was acceptable for me as a lifestyle choice, but there's a lot of reality that forces itself on me. > I live happily in a fantasy world, but my recent adventures have left me feeling and wanting so much more. I really yearn to be slutty, chaste and in need of a good spanking. It sort of makes me sad:confused0082: because I just don't see it happening with teens in the house and a wife that probably isn't going to budge towards this direction I seek. > Still though, I love what I've had and will find ways to feed my desires whenever possible - without hurting others naturally. I just need to find a balance that can work... > Click to expand... And, you really ARE good at it too, lauren--a slutty, chaste, sissy in need of a spanking! You have left us wanting more! Sometimes dollyanne thinks it's better to be left wanting than to be granted all your wants. Dollyanne also has a pure vanilla spouse, and while teens aren't underfoot, they are lurking in the background nearby. Dolly started with just wearing panties. While this would be a small thing for you, it might be a big deal for your spouse and it could stay hidden from your teens. If your spouse accepts it, that would be a good sign, and maybe things can progress from there. Chastity perhaps, or other things around the house when the teens aren't there. If she doesn't accept it of course, then it will take longer and things have to be done more secretly. Dollyanne found it was very difficult to deny herself the feminization that seemed inevitable, even if it was only occasionally. After several "purges" dolly now realizes that her true nature is to be the "3rd" gender Miss D talks about. Sometimes it is a struggle, but the fun is in the journey. Whatever happens, you have dollyanne's support and best wishes for the new year! May you find chunks of time to live your dreams and find a happy compromise with your spouse! Now, let's put on our mini-skirts and celebrate the new year! Huggs,:happy-new-year-046: dollyanne

Dollyanne - thanks for that. You are a special gurlfriend! Hugs and kisses all the way into the new year.

**The first day I wore panties...** Well the book didn't arrive, but I summoned up my sissy courage and wore thigh highs and a nice pair of cotton panties all night. I decided that this was the day I would actually leave my panties on when I made advances this morning with my wife. I had never done this before so it was a big step for me. I was up most of the night just thinking about taking this step and had such a hard on the whole time that I was pretty sleepy by morning, but still very perky! I snuggled up to her and let her spoon me. (I sort of forced my back into her tummy and wrapped her arm casually around me and just waited). I waited and got no response so after a few minutes (which seemed like hours) I wiggled and started to rub my smooth legs into hers. I began stroking her breast and licking and sucking her nipples. She began to wake up a bit so I began to undress her... Still she's unaware of what I'm wearing... Grrr. I've got to let it happen, but I'm so nervous. I enter her and her arms are flung up over her head... Then at last she starts to touch me and notices something. Is she aware? She must be. She touches my firm round bottom and feels the edge of my panties. Ahhh I'm in bliss, but feel awkward. She touches me/then again. Definitely now. She knows. I'm at the point of no return and cease all motion to keep from coming first. I want to let her orgasm first and foremost. Mine will come later... Okay she has noticed that I am wearing panties - Hooray! I've made it this far. But she says nothing. Then I move off her and begin to use my hands on her clit from the side while I continue thrusting into her - a favorite position since it always brings her off. I'm beginning to relax and feel like I need her to orgasm and then we'll just see what happens. Will she say something? Will she take a commanding role? Will she touch me to confirm what she already knows? I'm such a wimp I can't say anything. I've got to let her take the next move. She comes. Then lets me come into her. It actually takes a bit longer than usual. I'm in a weird state where I'm all ready to come, but being in such a strange zone between submissive sissy and wanting to come like a man I'm feeling odd. Well, I continue thrusting away and orgasm in due course. It felt great (when doesn't it?). So we haven't spoken of this encounter since. She's taking our daughter to work and we'll see if anything comes up today. She should be back by now. Is she out buying me week's set of girl panties? Is she going to make me her sissy? I don't know what to do next. Is she angry? Is she confused? Is she going to kick me out? Who knows what will come of it. I want her to say something - anything. I'm in anxious land! So many questions! Wish me luck!!

**Bravo, lauren!** Lauren, that was a brave, but exciting thing to do! Hopefully, the passion you displayed did not go unnoticed and she will put 2 and 2 together and come up with panties = 5! Dollyanne is anxiously awaiting her response too! Huggs,:chores026: ***dollyanne***

Tonight I'm wearing my favorite black boi short undies. I love how it feels against my little clitty. It's so sheer and skin tight. It leaves just the bare end of my little ass cheeks exposed. Yumm. I'm not expecting any action tonight or tomorrow morning. I've got to work and she will be home - there's still the chance that the book may arrive tomorrow from Amazon. I'm a bit scared about that, but will deal whatever life hands out to me in this regard. Either way I'll be super horny from wearing my black panties tonight so I'm happy right now. I hope I can get some sleep though - big day tomorrow at work. I'll fill you all in on how the rest of the day went and the "conversations" we had around my daring attempt to bring a bit of my extra feminine self into my sex life... Until then think of me as a total:slut:!

> lauren1fem said: > Tonight I'm wearing my favorite black boi short undies. I love how it feels against my little clitty. It's so sheer and skin tight. It leaves just the bare end of my little ass cheeks exposed. Yumm. > I'm not expecting any action tonight or tomorrow morning. I've got to work and she will be home - there's still the chance that the book may arrive tomorrow from Amazon. I'm a bit scared about that, but will deal whatever life hands out to me in this regard. > Either way I'll be super horny from wearing my black panties tonight so I'm happy right now. I hope I can get some sleep though - big day tomorrow at work. > I'll fill you all in on how the rest of the day went and the "conversations" we had around my daring attempt to bring a bit of my extra feminine self into my sex life... Until then think of me as a total:slut:! > Click to expand... We can't wait to hear more, lauren! It sounds exciting! Have a great day in your boi shorts panties and stay horny! (And yes, we'll think of you as a total SLUT!!) Huggs,:chores007: ***dollyanne***

Lauren: What a great read.....and I'm so impressed with your sensitivity. I hope your wife embrasses your desire to be her sissy. I wish I had your courage to femme up and take a stroll into the post office. But of course, I'm fairly confidant I would not pass as easily as you do. Lauren is so absolutely hot...especially in thigh highs......lauren makes the little testosterone left in me bark ...lol good luck with your wife....as it makes such a difference in the relief you'll feel when your wife can be a good KH and Mistress. Sissy jeffina

**Clueless** In a follow up to my "first day I wore panties" post from a day ago... So the conversation went something like this: Her: "Hey I noticed you were wearing underwear when we were doing it this morning. That's odd for you, did you put them on last night or just then for sex?" *Oh boy! Here's the moment I hoped for. She is bringing it up and I am so completely aroused by this I can't hardly think or even form words; however, it is not apparent to me yet is that she thinks it was male underwear I was wearing.* Me: "Yes, I put them on last night before bed." Her: "Was that to be sort of kinky? You usually are naked. Why did you wear **your** underwear?" *Loud gong going off in my head! Cripes. Ah ha, she is not aware of my little plan. Damn. Now I HAVE to tell her!* Me: Whispering in her ear and blushing 3 shades redder. "Oh. Those were girl underwear that I had on." Her: Smiling/frowning - I'm not sure??? "Oh. Well I see. Daddy was naughty this morning!" ...then we're interrupted by our son so the conversation died... total thrill-kill. I've got to figure out a way to bring this up again and talk about it. At least bring some closure... (Deep down I realize that she probably does not want me, her husband, to be all sissy and girly around her... Maybe there's a chance for chastity play, but probably not to be sissified - that which I yearn for. Oh Well. That's part of the package of marriage so I'll deal with it. I mean I wasn't up front with this when we were dating (20 years ago) so that's the bed I've made for myself. Several hours later... Me: "When you touched my bottom through my underwear I thought you knew they were girl panties, not boy underwear." *Shit. I should have worn a fucking thong or something completely silky!* Her: "No. They felt just like your own." Me: "I just wanted to be a little kinky I guess." ... another family interruption ensues... That's the end of it. That whole time I thought she knew I was wearing panties, but she just thought they were my own boy underwear. The way I was moaning when I finally came must have been odd to her too. Grrr. It should be obvious to me how vanilla my/our sex life is. I do not blame my wife - she didn't expect anything was up. I just figured that she was in the same bed as me. These panties are skimpy and I love the way they feel on me. She felt them, she held me, she maybe even saw them briefly - albeit in a dark light room of early morning. Conclusions: I'm really thinking that forcing my femininity on our relationship isn't going to work. I don't want to damage her vision of who her husband is. I think that would be selfish and possibly hurtful towards her - certainly frustrating. I've been dealing with this for my whole secret life and I guess I've kind of grown to like the added frustration of wanting more... However, I'm still upbeat about trying to introduce some kink into our sex life via chastity. I'm bored with what we've been doing and need something more. I would never stray, but need to spice our relationship up a bit. I hope she comes around a little. After my ten day journey into feminization it's really hard to go back and be "normal" again. I want to be femmed!:work4sex: Grrrr. If I awaken the "Tigress Mistress" within her I may be wishing I'd never gone there, but right now I'm hoping for something more than what we have. I'm upbeat, but feel like it will take a lot more work than I had hoped for - I guess that was all a fantasy too.

Lauren, the good news is a) she noticed you were wearing underwear, and b) she knows it was girl's panties, c) she knows you were trying to be a little kinky, and d) you weren't seriously rebuffed. Since you were interrupted, she may be mulling this over in her mind as to why the girl's panties or what else you or she could do that would be "kinky". She might surprise you with something she thinks is kinky.:bad-girl-0009: Or, next time she might check to see if you are wearing panties and open up the conversation again, at which point you can talk about how it turns you on and adds spice and ask her how she feels about it. In any event, it seems to dollyanne you have made a step, albeit without the big response you might have been hoping for. These things can take some time. It took dollyanne ages to be able to shave her legs and wear a mini-skirt around the house. She had to be convinced that dollyanne was not gay and was not going to turn into a girl. ("I married a MAN, not a GIRL!) Dolly still can't wear hose openly, and it will probably take ages more for that to happen! Dollyanne thinks you shouldn't despair or give up! You weren't rebuffed--it sounds like she was just gathering information. Once it's in the open that you want to spice things up maybe you'll get the green light to try some things leading toward feminization and chastity.:yes1:("Honey, I want to see if these panties or this chastity makes me perform with more passion!) Dollyanne hopes so! Your spouse seems to like sex, and lauren is very clever! Hang in there, lauren! Huggs,:sex022: (Hmmm...are you shaving each other's legs in that bathtub?) ***dollyanne***

**The book arrived** Greetings, The book: Male Chastity: A Guide for Key Holders arrived today. I can't wait to read it and I'll do a review once I've got a handle on it here at the mansion. It looks short. I think I'll read it in a public place just to see if I get any reaction from the cover and title in LARGE print. :manga_cheer: Dollyanne - thanks for your continuing strong support and guidance. It sounds like you and your SO have made a lot of progress in support of your lifestyle. I commend you both.:manga_cheer: Later this week I'll get a chance to prance around a bit and get all sissified.:butterfly: Who knows just how daring I'll get with this rare opportunity? I can't wait... Where's my camera!

**Just some thoughts!!** The best thing I could give you is free advice, and it's only worth what you paid for it. Communicate, communicate, and very very slowly let her know about Lauren. She might even already have some idea that she exist. Very Slowly let her know about you fantasies of feminine. If she bocks, you may just have to hide in the closet longer. But I think you should bring her (Lauren) out and show you wife how much Lauren means to you. Who know's your wife might like having a new girl friend around once and a while. Here's something else to try. Take the wife out for a nice dinner, just the two of you, and have the house to yourselves for the night. Wear some sexy panties, pink ones. During desert or after dinner drink, bring up you wearing panties the other morning. Let her know how much wearing them for her made you aroused. See how she takes this little bit of information. If positive let her know what your wearing for her right now, and how hot its making you. Show her right there in the restaurant. Or out in the car. At the privacy of your quite alone home let her strip you down to your pretty pink panties. Then suggest giving her a hot oil massage, then the best oral you have given her in years. All this to show her how much wearing panties has turned you on, and you wanting to please her, just as much as the panites have turn you on. If this all works out, the next morning maybe start talking again about you wearing the panties and the great sex last night. Let her know that you were very turned on because of the panties. If still going good, you could tell her there's something on the computer you want her to see. Show her the the community web page, tell her you found this earlier and its is where you got the idea to wear the panties. If still going very good, you could show her your profile. What do you think?????:loveCM: Missy Tanya

I must say that I would stop bringing it up for a while. Let her continue to think it over. You may not see any evidence of this whatsoever, which will be frustrating (not in a good way!) I think you should continue to wear your girl/boy shorts every so often (10 days to 2 weeks apart) and don't look for any deep, meaningful conversations about it. If she mentions them just say "I was feeling extra sexy today" and then if all signs are good, make sure your Mistress has the best sex ever, as Missy Tanya suggested. Then leave it again. I'm sure after a while that your Mistress will associate your wearing panties to bed with a night of fabulous sex, and that will only move things forward. If you are turned down, or she appears stressed at the fact you have worn the panties to bed, it may just be that she is not in the mood that night. Ask her if she would like just a cuddle or a massage... sometimes that will go further, sometimes it won't... just let her drift off to sleep. I really think softly softly is the way to go. From a girl's pov!

> lauren1fem said: > Greetings, > The book: Male Chastity: A Guide for Key Holders arrived today. I can't wait to read it and I'll do a review once I've got a handle on it here at the mansion. It looks short. I think I'll read it in a public place just to see if I get any reaction from the cover and title in LARGE print. >:manga_cheer: Dollyanne - thanks for your continuing strong support and guidance. It sounds like you and your SO have made a lot of progress in support of your lifestyle. I commend you both.:manga_cheer: > Later this week I'll get a chance to prance around a bit and get all sissified.:butterfly: Who knows just how daring I'll get with this rare opportunity? I can't wait... Where's my camera! > Click to expand... Lauren, you have wonderfully decadent ideas! Reading "Male Chastity" in public! Dollyanne wants to do that too! We can compare notes! Ohhh, another opportunity to be lauren, the wanton sissy slut! Dolly can't wait to see what:slut: lauren does next! (And:yes1:, find that camera! Your pics are sissylicious!) Huggs,:manga_bunny: ***dollyanne***

**Moving Forward** Thank you! I appreciate all the comments Mistress Watchful, Dollyanne and Miss Tanya. I see myself moving forward SLOWLY yes.:happy0158: When we do have sex again I think I'll try to wear panties, but only occasionally. Maybe 1 out of 10 times or something like that - which will probably take some time at our current rate. If she feels around for them (whether I'm wearing or not) I may bring it up, but I'm really hoping it will be her that says something first. Maybe she will say "Please don't do that again." - that would send a clear message and I would honor that. Or maybe, just maybe, she will leave the door open a little and we can talk/go from there. I really want to bring up the (my perceived) growing difference in our relative interest in sex. I *could use* that opportunity to mention "the panty incident" as it may be referred to hence forth. From my perspective my sexual energy/interest seems to be only increasing and hers seems to be waning. (Maybe I'm compensating?) There could be lots of reasons for her (my perceived) waning interest (medical, age, health, me, her, kids, life, Oprah, Global Warming, politics...) Yeah I know. We should talk about it, but there never seems to be a good time and I think it's more my problem than hers. I try to put others before me and I tend to keep things bottled up... Oh and there's all the trust issues I have with everyone that messes my head up too. Grrrr... ** I think the best course is to be patient.** I hope she will bring it up. I'll try to be ready to respond, but then the humiliation kicks in and I get so tongue tied and I sort of shutdown... This is hard stuff to talk about with her, and yet so easy to write about to the anonymous virtual world of the Mansion.

*Wearing panties while engaging in sex is a fetishistic thing. While you may be feeling a little femmed by wearing panties - a panty is an object - therefore - a **fetish**. My point - because I have no objection to fetishes at all - is that you can bring up the subject in that context - as a **fetish** rather than full fledged femming. Maybe that would make it a little easier. And maybe the inclusion of a **fetish** could lead to something more in the future.* :act081:

> Miss D said: > *Wearing panties while engaging in sex is a fetishistic thing. While you may be feeling a little femmed by wearing panties - a panty is an object - therefore - a **fetish**. My point - because I have no objection to fetishes at all - is that you can bring up the subject in that context - as a **fetish** rather than full fledged femming. Maybe that would make it a little easier. And maybe the inclusion of a **fetish** could lead to something more in the future.* >:act081: > Click to expand... hmmmm... Interesting way to look at it. I may have to borrow this.:happy0030:

Actually, that's given me a bit of a further idea too! What about your **Mistress**'s opinion of her own underwear? If she likes pretty undies, then maybe you could somehow build on that? Although be careful. Once charlotte was into girl's panties, I used to get annoyed sometimes at just WHO the panties were being looked at/bought for! I was thinking maybe you could expand your **Mistress**' lingerie wardrobe. Tell her how much you love women's underwear and that you love seeing especially pretty ones on her too! Ok, I'm sounding stranger by the minute. Can someone sort those thoughts out and put them in plain English?!

*Oh - I think it's very clear - MW has a lingerie **fetish**!* :jumping0045::jumping0045::jumping0045: *It is a very valid point though... Lots of Women do appreciate fine lingerie and cuddling up in silk... So - make sure **Mistress**/wife is well appointed in finest lingerie and you never know - she might share with you... She might even be a closet **fetish**ist herself...*

**Fretting over fetishes are we?** Okay... This post rambles on a bit but I think there are some points to be made here and your input(s) have helped... Feel free to poke holes in my logic if you wish. I do like the approach of saying it's a **fetish** if this subject of "the panty incident" comes up. I doubt it will sadly, but 'ya never know. Although my real purpose with "the panty incident" was to be daring and challenge the norm - at least for us - and not to be a **fetish**ist. (I know you know that). Wearing panties is all about feeling feminine in my case and the humiliation that comes with it - of being discovered even. It was an attempt to take our relationship towards the **chastity**/femme lifestyle I yearn for - with **little baby steps**.:snail: I mean I'm not going to make these initial advances to her in her flannel jammies while I'm wearing my bright red waist cincher, heels, and mini skirt... That just wouldn't go over well. I'm the one with all the sexy stuff in my secret lair. She doesn't wear sexy clothing by any stretch of the imagination - it has been mentioned by her that it doesn't do anything for her. "Why would I want her to wear lingerie when the whole idea with sex requires that one is naked?" And from her/my engineer mind perspective that makes perfect sense. I can't really counter with anything that has swayed her in this regard... I've tried! Now then, she's not into frilly stuff although she likes real cuddly clothing like super soft flannel sleep wear and heavy socks - but that's not what anyone would call sexy - unless they have a weird:interrogation: **fetish** around thick heavy soft clothing. After all she's a mechanical engineer by profession and thinks like one. Her needs are met by how functional something is. *It's cold therefore I will wear flannel.* Pure logic trumps being fancy. That said, she also has a commanding presence when there is a need - like to show dominance over our dogs - she can do this like nobody's business. I think the Dog Whisperer would cower in her wake. Ha ha. However, I don't know if she would get off on being **the complete dominator** with me in our sex life - that's where I'm hoping the **chastity** might come in and allow her to develop this kink, but only if she digs it. I won't force it as that wouldn't accomplish anything and probably doom my attempts of being chaste. Years ago (like 18 years ago) I bought her a cream-colored garter belt and stockings. It was really thrilling for me just going to the local Victoria Secret and asking for help. It probably took me three tries of walking past the store and gawking before I veered in. *[You should hang out near the front of any lingerie store and watch the males' behavior as they approach. Do they sneak a look in? Do they stride right up, or meander by several times like I did before making their assault. I bet you could spot the closet cross-dressers every time!]* Getting help from the sales girl with the right size was so awkward for me - I was so shy about it. (Oddly enough my wife and I are about the same size - I bet that could have sounded to the clerk like it was really for me since I've used that line before, but really I swear this time it wasn't for me)... **The point of me bringing this up is that when I gave the garter belt and stockings to her (they were stocking stuffers at Christmas); it was apparent that she acted and felt demeaned with having to wear it.** Like she was a piece of meat for me to admire. It didn't go well, although **she was a trooper** and did wear it for me ONCE. That was the end of it... Years later it became a staple in my private collection. I still have it today.:party0042: Going forward: So I'm **still** left with feeling that as far as "the panty incident" goes, I will leave it to her to bring up and move **very slowly** in that regard. I doubt I will strategically wear panties with her unless she asks for it... although if she initiates sex and I happen to be *sneakily* wearing something to bed I won't take them off as I have always done in the past. I have another idea which I'll post about next and I may move on that idea quickly because I'm all excited about it... Stay tuned for that... I involves "the book".

Ohhhhh can't wait! I'm sorry on the lingerie issue, I just can't imagine being like that (yes... I AM a lingerie **fetish**ist - we are talking possibly over 100 outfits within arms reach right now... shame I don't fit in all of them!!!!) I DO understand the engineer issue though - ex2b is an engineer... functionality and practicality!:happy0007: I guess I was neither! Oh and for some reason pet finds me very sexy in one of my fluffiest, most undesireable, nightgowns ever... maybe I'll have to post a pic sometime and see if it does it for anyone else!!!

> Mistress Watchful said: > (yes... I AM a lingerie **fetish**ist - we are talking possibly over 100 outfits within arms reach right now... shame I don't fit in all of them!!!!) > Click to expand... Wow. and I thought I had a lot of outfits. I am sooo jealous of the tremendous range of clothing just for women... Guess that's one extra reason I like to dress up like 'um. I wager that you could auction off the outfits you don't want and you'd have bidders from near and far clamoring:party0023: to get their hands on an item of clothing. Just think of all the sissies and lingerie **fetish**ists wishing they could be honored with the chance of wearing clothing that had been graced by THE MISTRESS WATCHFUL.

> lauren1fem said: > ...when I gave the garter belt and stockings to her (they were stocking stuffers at Christmas); it was apparent that she acted and felt demeaned with having to wear it. Like she was a piece of meat for me to admire. It didn't go well, although **she was a trooper** and did wear it for me ONCE. That was the end of it... Years later it became a staple in my private collection. I still have it today.:party0042: > Click to expand... Dollyanne relates to this very well. Dolly gave her spouse a pair of crotchless panties once in an attempt to spice up our sex life and she reacted the same way--wore them once and that was it! Only, now they are gone--she threw them away, so dollyanne can't even wear them! > lauren1fem said: > I have another idea which I'll post about next and I may move on that idea quickly because I'm all excited about it... Stay tuned for that... I involves "the book". > Click to expand... Dolly is reading "the book" now and is all ears on this one, lauren! Hurry! Huggs,:love0064: ***dollyanne***

> Mistress Watchful said: > Ohhhhh can't wait! > I'm sorry on the lingerie issue, I just can't imagine being like that (yes... I AM a lingerie **fetish**ist - we are talking possibly over 100 outfits within arms reach right now... shame I don't fit in all of them!!!!) > I DO understand the engineer issue though - ex2b is an engineer... functionality and practicality!:happy0007: I guess I was neither! > Oh and for some reason pet finds me very sexy in one of my fluffiest, most undesireable, nightgowns ever... maybe I'll have to post a pic sometime and see if it does it for anyone else!!! > Click to expand... Wow...**Mistress** Watchful, maybe You should have a the community lingerie sale! Lots of sissies and ladies might want to bid! By all means, post the pic of the fluffy nightgown! Curtsey,:innocent0003: dollyanne

After reading the book (review to be posted soon) I think it is quite appropriate for me to give to her to read with an explanation that I am interested in giving this a go and would like her help in being a keyholder PLEASE. The book does seems ideal for someone just getting started with **chastity** and wanting to introduce it into their relationship. It seems to remove a lot of the taboo that one might have preconcieved about the topic and highlights the advantages and disadvantages to getting involved in **chastity** play or more long-term lock up. As far as WHEN to give the book: I just have to time it right. I have a choice right now. 1). I could give it to her to read tonight OR 2). give it to her to read while she is away for 36 hours starting tomorrow where we wouldn't be able to chat about it until she returned OR 3). I can wait until another time. With #1 I just get it out in the open and then hopefully start regretting "what I has wished for", but what if it's too soon since "the panty incident" to like totally freak her out that I'm this total pervert (which I am) and she's so turned off by the creep that she's been married to who's been living a lie this whole marriage... With #2 she reads it (hopefully), but can't really ask me questions about it or talk it over until she's returned which might be good or bad for us. Seems kind of selfish to me to do this to her, but maybe not - what do you think? With #3 I continue waiting and nothing changes until I decide to give her the book at another time. Either way you know what I'll be doing for the next 36 hours while she's away...:innocent0002:

Since dollyanne is a confrontational coward:scared0016: she prefers door #2. It might give her a chance to read the whole thing (assuming she has time) and get past an initial emotional reaction into the realm of logic and decision. Option #1 could result in an early emotional confrontation based on a quick skim, which might not be desirable.:rules: And, option #3, of course, doesn't change anything, which wouldn't be good unless you feel #1 and #2 jeopardize your marriage, which would NOT be a desirable outcome.:anim_39: With option #2 she's liable to come back with lots of questions, which would be good! Good luck, lauren! You are braver than dollyanne! Huggs,:butterfly: ***dollyanne***

I think it may be useful for her to be able to read it whilst she is away. It will give her time to digest the information in her own time. I hope all goes well. You seem to be doing the right things to introduce your desires to your wife or soon to be **Mistress**. As she knows about your panties already, if she was going to freak out she would of by now.

> Slave_Kris said: > As she knows about your panties already, if she was going to freak out she would of by now. > Click to expand... Good point! Thanks all.:fighting0038: It will be door #2 or #3 I think.

**Taking the final step...** ... or the first step into submission and **chastity**! Well there I was this morning a few feet away from grabbing the book and handing it to her as she sailed out the door to her 2 day meeting. My brain is thinking: Must make hand give book. Must control h-a-n-d. Must c-o-n-t-r-o-l... Gaahhh.:sad0147: I was so close, but just couldn't do it. Lot's of reasons why. Some reasonable, most are silly, but I just wasn't ready to give up my freedom and give her control. Actually I think I am ready to give her control, but **scared** to go out on a limb and see if she would even accept becoming my keyholder. Why is this so easy to talk to y'all about and nearly impossible for me to act upon it with my wife - to take that final (hopeful) step? Forget all the femme stuff I'm into, I just want to be locked up and teased mercilessly by her to fire up my loins like never before. To be suspended in utter rapture! Anyway. I've impounded my cock in my CB for now until she returns. I plan to tease the hell out of myself and maybe do some dress up time if I can. Between being belted again: all tucked and snug and forbidden from access and having a little perfume on today along with the hope of getting dressed for later has got me feeling all **scrumptious**! :manga_blowkiss: If I ever make this leap I'll probably look back at it (if it goes well) as such a trivial thing, but right now it's an impenetrable wall of looming doom and despair. Biggest fear being it would somehow really damage the great relationship and life I have now with my wife. But shouldn't I be always trying for more? Peace out!

It can be very hard to begin with. I can hardly remember the first time we played around with **bondage** but I do remember is wasn’t easy introducing things like that, heck Mater and I even thought doggy style was taboo. Over the years we slowly introduced new toys and ideas. For the most part it was me introducing new kinks which I found extremely hard to do even though we we’re in the process of taking up the **BDSM** lifestyle. You will know when the time is right, there will be a moment and you will just think to yourself ‘now is the time’ It’s easy enough to say that you shouldn’t push your wife but you should push yourself into things either. Slowly does it. The way I did things was by joking about them to test the water but this doesn’t always work out for the best it often lead to me holding thing back for while. The funny thing about **chastity** was once I had read about it I wanted it so much but master was put off, not by the idea but the device the only device I know about back then was the CB2000. As soon as I showed a picture of the “less scary looking” CB3000 he came round pretty quickly. I really wish I started a journal all those years ago. It would have been much more useful to people that are just getting into **BDSM** and Chastity. Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

**Bold and daring is the dress code for the day** My wish for today if I can mange to dress up and play Lauren full-throttle is... I'm thinking that I want to look so incredibly femme, so ardently hot. So unattainable and exuding of feminine mystique that no guy would even think he had a chance for me. We've all seen those women that are drop dead gorgeous and know we're not worthy so why even try! That is what I want to feel when I dress up. I think it's the highest form of praise I can give to the vision of what it means to be a girl. It's these qualities that I strive to experience in all things feminine. I use this mindset to help myself eat right, try to keep my weight down and look as fit and healthy as I can - just so that I can spend a few extremely rare hours dressed up as my ideal girl. It's a huge motivator for me and I can see how teen girls & women today would struggle with letting something like this get out of control and spiral into an eating disorder or other serious thing. I hope I can pull it off - even as I get older, more wrinkled and find it harder to keep the pounds off. It's all worth it in the end.

> We've all seen those women that are drop dead gorgeous and know we're not worthy so why even try! > Click to expand... Oh bloody hell, you even think like a girl!!!! Yes, we all feel that way, no matter how gorgeous we might be! Nothing changes, trust me! Be gorgeous from within, enjoy your freedom of dressing up and wearing perfume, look after yourself as you already are, and just revel in the girliness!

> Mistress Watchful said: > Oh bloody hell, you even think like a girl!!!! Yes, we all feel that way, no matter how gorgeous we might be! > Click to expand... Cheers to that **mistress** W. I've got sooo far to go before I'd pass that's for sure. Can't even walk straight in heels, but it sure is devilishly fun trying to improve all the many fine qualities we girls put ourselves through. How does any girl keep it together? TTFN -Lauren

Just had an encounter with the largest most pointy and evil POIs. I put it in just as a tease 6 hours ago and forgot about them until I was watching two lovelies doing naughtiness a few minutes ago.:anim_55: Then bam! It was the most intense pain in such a happy place. I wanted to shrink down to an itty bitty teenie tiny boy weenie as fast as I could. Better yet I wanted to become an even smaller little sissy **clitty**, but then that was a mistake in thinking because it got me all hot again and bam there I go again. If I was a balloon I would have popped! Time to take it out before slipping off to dreamland.

> lauren1fem said: > Just had an encounter with the largest most pointy and evil POIs. I put it in just as a tease 6 hours ago and forgot about them until I was watching two lovelies doing naughtiness a few minutes ago.:anim_55: > Then bam! It was the most intense pain in such a happy place. I wanted to shrink down to an itty bitty teenie tiny boy weenie as fast as I could. Better yet I wanted to become an even smaller little sissy **clitty**, but then that was a mistake in thinking because it got me all hot again and bam there I go again. If I was a balloon I would have popped! > Time to take it out before slipping off to dreamland. > Click to expand... Lauren, be careful, girlfriend! Those POIs can be real meanies!:mad0054: Dolly read in the other forum that they could pierce the skin and cause all sorts of nasty problems. Dolly is holding off on them for a while until she has things well adjusted. (Dolly's are pink though!) We don't want pretty "Hot Legs" lauren to get an injury to her girlie vitals! Huggs, ***dollyanne***

Well I finally got around to reading Dollyanne's fiction: The fishing trip! Damn, her writing style got me all twisted up and excited. It got me so horny I had a weak moment and went upstairs and took care of things being all unlocked and what not. It felt so good, but I really wanted to be locked up immediately and given a good spanking whilst wearing something really slutty. I felt just like the main character and that left me feeling really weird and dirty since I was so naughty myself. Thanks a lot Dollyanne for being such a twisted naughty writer and getting me so hot.

> lauren1fem said: > Well I finally got around to reading Dollyanne's fiction: The fishing trip! Damn, her writing style got me all twisted up and excited. It got me so horny I had a weak moment and went upstairs and took care of things being all unlocked and what not. > It felt so good, but I really wanted to be locked up immediately and given a good spanking whilst wearing something really slutty. I felt just like the main character and that left me feeling really weird and dirty since I was so naughty myself. > Thanks a lot Dollyanne for being such a twisted naughty writer and getting me so hot. > Click to expand... Thank You, lauren! Dollyanne is glad to be of service! It sounds like we are both twisted and naughty! Just a:slut: and a:slut: gone fishing! (If you read dolly's other one, make sure you're locked in your **chastity** first!) Huggs,:character0053: ***dollyanne***

My mother gave a subscription to Ladies Home Journal to my wife. My mom tends to be somewhat "traditional" so she always addresses anything intended for my wife as Mrs. myfirstname mylastname instead of using wife's name. So as it turns out, it appears that I am actually receiving the magazine... This is sort of a secret turn-on since I am now subscribed to a ladies magazine as any aspiring sissy-in-training should. As a result I'll probably start getting other 'lady junk mail" addressed to me too, but I should probably send an address correction to the department to send it to Lauren. Maybe there will be some cute clothing catalogs that come my way - how exciting. I may have to start buying from them. Thanks Mom!

**I like traffic lights** I like traffic lights... especially when they're not red... My wonderful wife and I had a bit of fun last night in bed... And "the panty incident" came up again. She said that she was okay with it, but didn't understand why it was kept from her. (like for ~15 years until she found my panty lair). I said it was a secret part of me and that it was just really hard for me to reveal any of this to ANYone... At any rate she said my wearing girl's clothing "wasn't a show-stopper". (Where show-stopper would equal divorce I suspect!) She just doesn't understand the thrill I get from wearing girl's clothing, but said it was okay with her... I explained briefly that it's just a huge turn-on for me. Not sure why, but that it is and I love the feeling of it. I also asked if there were any unfullied fantasies she would like to try, but she doesn't seem to have any or at least isn't ready to tell me, but knowing her I think she would tell me. She much more forward than me whereas I'm pretty closed off (as you can tell). She indicated that something like my doing drugs **would** be a show-stopper. I'm all good there since Lauren doesn't do that now (although she dabbled back in high school and college).. So I feel like we are starting to get on the same page and I'm slowly (but never fast enough) starting to get comfortable with the idea of being with her while en femme. In fact I started to imagine myself actually going through the act of wearing clothes and her seeing me in them - that's a scary moment for me and thrilling and awkward and humiliating and erotic and oh boy! Last night after our talk/sex, I imagined myself (for another future time) where I am getting dressed, trying to figure out the logistics and all the other stuff and I've never actually thought about before... Like do I get "dressed for sex" before going to bed, OR slip off to the bathroom/closet and donning my clothes then, OR excusing myself after we've started kissing to "slip into something a little sexier"? It's all starting to come together for me and that's quite thrilling and scary all at the same time. I know I have to move slowly with her (any myself), but I feel like I am getting a "green light to proceed" or at least maybe the light is amber; so my song for today is a Monty Python song: I like traffic lights! Love, Lauren

Great news. I’m sure your wife could well end up being your **mistress** in the not to distant future. It’s always such a relief when your partner finds out your deepest fantasies and then accepts them and you for who you are.

> lauren1fem said: > I like traffic lights... especially when they're not red... > My wonderful wife and I had a bit of fun last night in bed... And "the panty incident" came up again. She said that she was okay with it, but didn't understand why it was kept from her. (like for ~15 years until she found my panty lair). I said it was a secret part of me and that it was just really hard for me to reveal any of this to ANYone... > At any rate she said my wearing girl's clothing "wasn't a show-stopper". (Where show-stopper would equal divorce I suspect!) She just doesn't understand the thrill I get from wearing girl's clothing, but said it was okay with her... I explained briefly that it's just a huge turn-on for me. Not sure why, but that it is and I love the feeling of it. I also asked if there were any unfullied fantasies she would like to try, but she doesn't seem to have any or at least isn't ready to tell me, but knowing her I think she would tell me. She much more forward than me whereas I'm pretty closed off (as you can tell). > She indicated that something like my doing drugs **would** be a show-stopper. I'm all good there since Lauren doesn't do that now (although she dabbled back in high school and college).. So I feel like we are starting to get on the same page and I'm slowly (but never fast enough) starting to get comfortable with the idea of being with her while en femme. > In fact I started to imagine myself actually going through the act of wearing clothes and her seeing me in them - that's a scary moment for me and thrilling and awkward and humiliating and erotic and oh boy! Last night after our talk/sex, I imagined myself (for another future time) where I am getting dressed, trying to figure out the logistics and all the other stuff and I've never actually thought about before... Like do I get "dressed for sex" before going to bed, OR slip off to the bathroom/closet and donning my clothes then, OR excusing myself after we've started kissing to "slip into something a little sexier"? > It's all starting to come together for me and that's quite thrilling and scary all at the same time. I know I have to move slowly with her (any myself), but I feel like I am getting a "green light to proceed" or at least maybe the light is amber; so my song for today is a Monty Python song: I like traffic lights! > Love, Lauren > Click to expand... This sounds wonderful, lauren! Congratulations! It sounds like you will soon be crossdressing openly with a green light. It took dollyanne a long time to be able to even wear a mini-skirt around the house. You'll soon be in panties, hose, heels, corset, and bra!:slut:(Well, maybe not soon, but eventually!) Your wife seems quite intelligent to enable this. Next step: **chastity**! Though, dollyanne knows you'll be taking things one step at a time and might not want to rush into it. Still, it's hard to detect a **chastity** under a miniskirt! Dollyanne envies you, girlfriend! And, sooner or later, she may reveal some of her fantasies. Here's some dollyanne just read in maria's diary: Forcing my husband to watch me having sex with another man. Kissing, licking, and sucking big pricks. Being groped and molested. Whipping men. Having my boots licked in a public place. Becoming a prostitute. Being double- and triple-cocked (by real cocks). Being bound and disciplined by a **dominant**, charismatic man. Sperm ejaculating inside me, or over me (the more pricks the better). Making my husband swallow his own or another man's semen. It might be interesting to explore lists like this with her sometime! Huggs,:manga_cheer: ***dollyanne***

*Well - lauren, it seems a big step has been taken... But, a word of caution is in order. There is a difference between intellectually accepting a cross dressing hubby and actually seeing him all femmed for the first time. Of course, it helps when a gurl is as pretty as you are. As to how you should incorporate your femming into everyday life - you are already on the right track - wear your panties. It will be interesting to see where this leads... Will you be telling your wife that when you are all nicely femmed that you would be like putty for her to mold? As for dollyanne's list - My goodness dollyanne - it seems, you have a need for extreme cuckolding... Would that make you a better sissy dollyanne?* :smilies_xxx02:

**Responses to You and Passion** Since my talk with wife 2 days ago about it being "okay" (POST: I like traffic lights) I've slept so soundly at night. I haven't slept this well for years. I really feel a weight has been lifted off my chest - a weight I didn't even know was there... Oh my dear! Dollyanne that list is so naughty. Might these be your favorites from that list? Shy Lauren wouldn't even dare to think of these fantasies - she's such a pure chaste girl.:innocent0003: *teehee* Lauren would just about die if she could prance about the house in heels and thigh highs or just silky smooth legs with lacy ankle socks. If a girl is going to dress up in our house, it's going to have to be me since my wife just isn't in to that for herself. Maybe one day Lauren will get the chance, but that will be a loonnng time coming she thinks. Lauren would love it if one day she came home to find that her boy underwear had been removed and a new "policy" were in place - all enforced by her wifey.:penisdance: I long to hear these words: "Only panties from now on for you sissy! I'll lay these out each day and you will wear them and do as I say henceforth." Now on to Miss D's advice: "...accepting a cross dressing hubby and actually seeing him all femmed for the first time" That makes perfect sense. I was hoping "the panty incident" would help that along since we were in the dark and just groping... I'm finally ready and want to share this part of me with her. (huge step for me) *I think* she's okay with it, but her tone might change the first time she actually **sees** me. I really need her to understand how awesome this makes me feel before I shock her with a vision of me - I think. "that you would be like putty for her to mold." That is a fantastic idea! I'll need to store that sentence in my mind and say it *gulp*:confused0068: to her when the time is right. And thank you sooo much for saying that Lauren is pretty. It feels so good and warm inside... we girls can't hear that enough. I guess since we have no part of our manhood-pride left,:chores001: we need that reassurance that we can "bring it" in other ways. ====================================================== Now onto what happened this morning... I woke up hard and wet and horny and playful. I leaned over to my wife and tried my patented touch (my signal to her) and got her response back which said "you're not getting any, go away dude"... My usual response is to roll over to my side of the bed and push those thoughts out of my mind, but for some reason I asked her if she would "will you touch my peeeppers" to which she said "okay". Whheee I'm gonna get me some sex here and she's doing all the work and oh wow... I'm all of a sudden feeling very **submissive**! Yumm, she's rubbing me and touching my shaft and bringing me really close. I'm squirming and feeling all sexy, but I'm not thinking of sex in a manly fantasy way. I'm thinking of myself in girl-mode and I can't quite reach **orgasm**. [We don't have a lot of time and I'm afraid she'll stop before I'm finished off.] What to do... I need to give her a little help, a few words and direction like she'll give me from time to time if I'm not touching her just right... Oh wow. The table has turned. I seldom get this kind of attention and here she is bringing me off and I'm so close and as I get closer to climax I feel myself sinking into an even more **submissive** place. I begin to touch myself too, grope my breast, grab my balls, hold my shaft so she can touch just the tip! I'm moaning, squirming, hoping she can touch me just where I neeeeeeddd it. Ahhhh. There it is! :party-073: Epilogue: For the first time (perhaps ever) I was totally **submissive** with her and completely open in how I felt, moved, writhed, vocalized... This was me - completely open and enjoying it without worrying about what she might be thinking. What a cathartic moment it was for me. **I thanked her**!! Not long after, she (not me) slid off first to the shower while I just lay there glowing in the moment. I am in LOVE with this GIRL!:love0059:

> Miss D said: > * > As for dollyanne's list - My goodness dollyanne - it seems, you have a need for extreme cuckolding... Would that make you a better sissy dollyanne?* >:smilies_xxx02: > Click to expand... Dollyanne does not know how lauren feels about it, Miss D, but YES, being cuckolded by an extraordinarily endowed muscular Real Man while dollyanne is chastised and sissified would be VERY femming and sissifying to dollyanne!! Dollyanne would do her best to look pretty and slutty at the same time! Curtsey,:manga_bunny: ***dollyanne***

> lauren1fem said: > And thank you sooo much for saying that Lauren is pretty. It feels so good and warm inside... we girls can't hear that enough. I guess since we have no part of our manhood-pride left,:chores001: we need that reassurance that we can "bring it" in other ways. > Click to expand... Lauren, you are not just pretty, you are HOT! It is a wonder that your wife wouldn't see you as competition! > lauren1fem said: > Whheee I'm gonna get me some sex here and she's doing all the work and oh wow... I'm all of a sudden feeling very submissive! Yumm, she's rubbing me and touching my shaft and bringing me really close. I'm squirming and feeling all sexy, but I'm not thinking of sex in a manly fantasy way. I'm thinking of myself in girl-mode and I can't quite reach orgasm. [We don't have a lot of time and I'm afraid she'll stop before I'm finished off.] What to do... I need to give her a little help, a few words and direction like she'll give me from time to time if I'm not touching her just right... > Oh wow. The table has turned. I seldom get this kind of attention and here she is bringing me off and I'm so close and as I get closer to climax I feel myself sinking into an even more submissive place. I begin to touch myself too, grope my breast, grab my balls, hold my shaft so she can touch just the tip! I'm moaning, squirming, hoping she can touch me just where I neeeeeeddd it. Ahhhh. There it is! >:party-073: > Epilogue: For the first time (perhaps ever) I was totally submissive with her and completely open in how I felt, moved, writhed, vocalized... This was me - completely open and enjoying it without worrying about what she might be thinking. What a cathartic moment it was for me. **I thanked her**!! Not long after, she (not me) slid off first to the shower while I just lay there glowing in the moment. I am in LOVE with this GIRL!:love0059: > Click to expand... Lauren, great description--what a wonderful experience you had! This could be the start of something big! Your wife seemed to take to this so easily. There may be some interesting fantasies lurking around there! Congratulations! Dollyanne is definitely envious! Huggs,:manga_cheer: ***dollyanne***

*I had a thought while reading your latest entry, lauren. The common situation for entry into D/s play is that one partner introduces the other to it. For some, an intro is as far as it gets. For others, the play, over time, builds into a true lifestyle. Along that path, for those so inclined, femming may be brought into the picture. Now, in your case, you have made the intro into the femming side of play - by wearing panties for an intimate moment. But, you haven't revealed the D/s part - which is what would be necessary for "forced femming" to be a reality... You see where I'm going with this don't you? Before you can be told "You are not allowed to leave the house without your panties", your Mistress has to be cognizant of her role... Before she takes a hand in femming in you, she has to be in charge - really in charge... It won't work if it's one-sided. A subby needs a Superior. A Superior needs a subby. Most people don't really know if they fall into either category - it might only be discovered through introductory play. It is my opinion that if anything is to come of your desires, you will have to introduce your wife to the role you wish her to take. It might work... it might not... If you don't try - it clearly won't work. You are probably already well aware of this, but I couldn't help from adding my one cent (we're in a recession you know).* :chores001:

**Forced Domination?** So if I'm reading this right I (the submissive) kind of have to get the unknowing/unwilling Domme to become THE Dominant One. That in itself is somewhat backwards (talk about topping from the bottom!), but I understand that this is merely a bootstrapping process and that we would assume our proper roles once things were established. Makes sense or cents:) Dollyanne - thanks for that dear. You are so sweet.

That’s how it must work some times. The trick is not to top from the bottom but guide the would-be dom. It’s a long process but well worth while. Master and I have been working towards a 24/7 lifestyle for about 2 years and still have a long way to go but it’s worth working towards. One piece I would give you is don’t do too much research to early on. I made this mistake and filled my horny little mind full of kinky ideas very early on. Research is good but too much research can build your expectation up to high. It’s not all doom and gloom though. The play time and the subsequent subspace is a great feeling and much fun.

**Advice on That Little Black Dress** Last night a thought popped into Lauren's little sex-crazed head that my wardrobe needed something. I think a staple in a girl's closet (besides herself unless she's come out - hahaha) is to have "a little black dress". I mean it looks so hot on a girl and it's such an icon - think Audrey Hepburn, Jaqueline Kennedy, etc. Totally classic for sure! So I need some advice on this... In case you had not noticed Lauren tends toward sexy over frilly, slutty over conventional. So she's wondering if she can pull off wearing a hot little black dress? She might need some shoes to go with it too, but that's secondary. The thing most of us "gurls" struggle with is, well let's face it: we've got a man's body to deal with. *sigh* Our torso is generally bulkier and our shoulders are lanky and muscular. Now Lauren tends towards a more tender shapely frame, but she's still got a guy's musculature underneath with hairy arms and bones and shoulders - it's not nearly as curvy and soft as she would like. I'm rambling on here, but **what Lauren is wondering my dears is: what works and what doesn't?** - Like don't pick something strapless, instead go with??? Find a dress that hides your shoulders or??? Look for something that has a belt or low plunging front, but avoid??? :help-0031: Another problem for Lauren would be finding the right size. She knows that different dress makers vary in size, so even if she's a size 10 in one type of dress, it doesn't mean she will fit in ALL size 10 dresses. Lauren is waaayyy too scared to try something on in a store, or even hold it up to herself for that matter. That would be so embarassing if anyone saw, but then what a thrilling test of her true femininity to actually try this. Can you imagine if she trusted a sales girl to help her out? "Oh honey, this will look so nice on you. Let me hold it up for you in the mirror." Whew just thinking about that is getting her kind of hot and worked up... *panting now* If she got the courage to do this there would be a steamy story that follows. *Gulp* So anyone please, help a gurl out here if you have experience in this area. She's lusting:jumping0039: over the need to shop and find that nice hot little black dress, but not sure if it will really turn out the way she'd like. If she does end up getting a dress, you can bet Lauren will be showing off her feminine sluttyness soon at the Mansion.

> lauren1fem said: > If she does end up getting a dress, you can bet Lauren will be showing off her feminine sluttyness soon at the Mansion. > Click to expand... Good idea, lauren! Dollyanne is interested in this too and can't wait to see what sluttyness you come up with! Here's a couple of videos dolly found on youtube: How to choose the Perfect Little Black Dress Cristina in a little black dress Dollyanne thinks lauren would look HOT in the cristina LBD! Or, maybe this number with the little black jacket! (Lauren would look much hotter!) Little Black Dress Huggs,:character0182: ***dollyanne***

*This is simple lauren... so simple.... What you need is a dress in stretchy fabric - to hug your body. The size should be close - but it doesn't have to be exact. Spandex is a gurl's best friend. It may seem a little short - but as long as there is room under your arms so that the fabric of the dress doesn't pull - it will work perfectly. You did say - slutty - didn't you? I suggest spaghetti straps. It is true you have a male biology but real women come in all shapes as well. Too often a gurl is overcome with some ideal perception - get over it... You will look utterly feminine - no one would think of you as male dressed in such a fashion. The very idea of dressing yourself this way makes it clear - lauren is not male... I suggest black or silver heels to go with your LBD. A blonde in a LBD is sexy, sensual - hot! It's all about confidence sweety. One final thing... You do have to decide about the breast issue... Unless you have stick-on silicone breasts, you probably don't want the dress too low in front. Even the stick-ons leave a line so I'm not a big fan... I suggest instead, to use what you got - so you are small in the breast department - so what - you will be hot!* :party0011:

Lauren, just catching up and wanted to say something regarding you "topping from the bottom". My take on that is that you can only truly top from the bottom if you have a full, consenting, Top/Domme. In your situation you are helping to ease her towards a Dominant way of mind. You are not undermining her authority (she doesn't have it yet!) you are encouraging her. Hope that helps, and well done and congratulations on how everything is going.:party-075:

Lauren, This is more about your own perception as to being sexy as to what a Domme may find sexy on you... In the end you may end up in something a Domme likes on you, that doesn't have to be utterly feminine. But in your situation and knowing you are a lot like me in wanting to be as feminine as possible i can give some tips. Don't go for a halter top or something accentuating the shoulders too much, though some still can have them especially if there is a nice female neckline or perhaps a high neck closure. Little sleeves are good but not too puffy (unless you wanna look like a male maid). But hairy arms will not do anyway. The next thing you have to do is hide the male too big waist and make sure your little but looks as big as possible. So try to get something with A lines or wear a waist cincher or corset and a dress that has a belt in the middle and of course it should get wider from the waist down pleats or other exces of fabric horizontally will do. Be sure it doesn't get too long. You've got pretty legs so show much of them. What will always work is a dress which is a bit babydoll like. i think the almost last one shown on the first youtube dollyanne provided would be the best of that series. i would love to have that one....:jumping0046:

Thanks Miss D and Maid Rose for all for the responses and ideas. Maid Rose I love the detail you provide... It's got me excited about this project, but it may be awhile before Lauren dons a LBD, but we'll just have to see. Miss D et all, you surely know by now how much of a n00b I am at this whole lifestyle. I'm learning slowly from all of you and hopefully one day my fantasies can become more than that. I realize that after 20 years of vanilla sex, my wife and I aren't going to completely transition to D/s over night. I want to move fast with my expression of 'Lauren' D/s, chastity, etc., but feel that the only successful path should be SLOW. It sure it frustrating - in a bad way as you say - but in the end I really hope we get there one day. And yes Miss D, Lauren doesn't want to alter her breasts with mondo huge jugs. She loves that she has an "athletic" build up top and revels in the slender appearance of her natural silhouette.

*Let Me clear up one thing lauren.. For the slinky look in a LBD - I do prefer au natural. But at other times, seeing a gurl with huge breasts (water ballons work quite nicely) is also appropriate. Depends on the look you are going for... The nice thing about having a Mistress in charge of a gurl's femming is that the Mistress decides on the particular look for Her gurl. A wise Mistress will make sure Her gurl learns a variety of looks - each appropriate for a particular task or setting. She would be mindful of her gurl's preference, certainly... But there are many, many ways to display a gurl's sexuality. Who knows? you may learn that you really like other ways to look along the way*...

**Latest update** I know it's been a while since I last posted anything in my journal - that's due to inactivity that is worthy of this journal... Anyway, I got to take a bit of break from the usual grind and visit a friend who runs a bio-tech lab. She took me all around to see her research and it was a lot of fun. I learned a lot about this field and found out a few things about her too. Prior to leaving for this little field trip I packed up my car with all my girly gear in case the mood struck. I also was wearing my favorite black boi-short panties and camisole under my street clothes so I was definitely feeling spry and femme. After the tour I went back to my car, found a secluded place to slip into thigh high red stockings, heels, my plaid mini, and a pink bra which I stuffed for effect. (I love to see my breasts and cleavage pressed against the seat belt). I didn't bother with makeup or my blond china-doll wig - It just seemed like too much work and I was feeling a bit lazy - bad girl! I set off for a drive and enjoyed cruising and feeling all vulnerable to the other drivers that passed by - could they see me wearing my miniskirt, or my bright red stockings? *Eeek.* After a bit I parked and felt the need to walk about in a secluded, but public area and snap a few pics. I didn't like how the pictures were turning out, but it was getting me really horny. I jumped back into the car and drove a bit further and found yet another location for some photos. I got scared and scampered back to the car when a mysterious car drove past. *Eeek again.* I'm such a scaredy cat, but I was worried that I looked too slutty for prying eyes and wasn't in the mood for any kind of actual confrontation. What if I got cat-calls from a bunch of boys or men? What if they tried to overtake me and then found out I wasn't a girl? No. noo, nooo. That's not a scene that Lauren wants to have - although if **a bunch of girls **overtook her and then held her down and exposed her and laughed and made a fuss over her - that would be different. Lauren would struggle a little at first, but she would be completely at the mercy of these girls - a fantasy come true! Again I drove off and found an empty building that was for lease and parked, got out and was trying to shoot a video of Lauren strutting away from the camera towards her car with the sun at her back. It was going nicely when a car was headed right into the parking lot! *Super double eek now.* I jumped in the car and decided I had had enough of this. [Turns out the car was just turning around, but they (a woman) definitely saw me and I/Lauren was all flummoxed]. I quickly changed and drove home feeling rather frustrated and horny from the day's ordeal. I decided to stay in my bra, panties and cami until I got home and could then slip off my bra and get comfortable for the evening. During the evening I read some very interesting information about some 50's and 60's femme domme magazines. That must have been a daring and brave time for our sissy and dominatrix community. Something for another thread/post perhaps... As bedtime approached my wife slipped off a few minutes before me, so when I entered the bedroom I decided I'd undress in the dark but leave my camisole and panties on for sleepy time. Of course I'm still horny and it's cold so I slide over and grab her pajama-clad leg and press it into my legs and crotch for warmth. She responded and we start playing around a bit - kissing and holding. She slides her hand down to touch me and feels my boi shorts and doesn't hesitate. She slides her hand under my panties and touches my bottom, strokes me and caresses my back and bottom. It feels safe and that is very soothing - we're making slow progress with her awareness of my femming. I'm feeling so horny and she seems okay to touch me inside my panties... I'm thinking "oh, if only she would spank me for being a naughty boy" and all sorts of fantasy images flashing through my head. I am feeling alternating thoughts of aggressive (boy) and submissive (girl). We quickly tear our own clothes off - I hesitate - but decide to take off my panties too. I start touching her and bring her off quicker than normal. Then I just lay there snuggled into her breast listening to her heart beating - it's not slowing down... Okay my turn now... So that's my post of yesterday's fun-filled day... It was a good day.

> lauren1fem said: > I know it's been a while since I last posted anything in my journal - that's due to inactivity that is worthy of this journal... > Click to expand... Lauren, dollyanne misses your posts and anything you post, even humdrum vanilla or pure gurly thoughts are WORTHY! > lauren1fem said: > Anyway, I got to take a bit of break from the usual grind and visit a friend who runs a bio-tech lab. She took me all around to see her research and it was a lot of fun. I learned a lot about this field and found out a few things about her too. Prior to leaving for this little field trip I packed up my car with all my girly gear in case the mood struck. I also was wearing my favorite black boi-short panties and camisole under my street clothes so I was definitely feeling spry and femme. > Click to expand... "Have girly clothes, will travel!" Dollyanne loves how lauren just "happens" to have her girly things packed and ready to travel! And the little sleeper phrase, "found out a few things about her too," hmmm...makes dolly curious! Maybe she happened to notice your cami! > lauren1fem said: > After the tour I went back to my car, found a secluded place to slip into thigh high red stockings, heels, my plaid mini, and a pink bra which I stuffed for effect. (I love to see my breasts and cleavage pressed against the seat belt). I didn't bother with makeup or my blond china-doll wig - It just seemed like too much work and I was feeling a bit lazy - bad girl! > Click to expand... Not just any girly clothes! We're talking pure:slut: here! Streetwalking pick-me-up-big-boy red stockings, heels, mini, and pink stuffed bra! BTW, dollyanne loves your china-doll wig and wants one too! > lauren1fem said: > I set off for a drive and enjoyed cruising and feeling all vulnerable to the other drivers that passed by - could they see me wearing my miniskirt, or my bright red stockings? *Eeek.* > Click to expand... Dollyanne knows this feeling--especially if you're in a low sedan. There are sooo many SUVs and truck drivers on the road who can see right in! Thrilling, but scary too! And, those truck drivers will CB ahead to other truck drivers to be on the lookout for the hot number in the slut red stockings and sexy mini! > lauren1fem said: > After a bit I parked and felt the need to walk about in a secluded, but public area and snap a few pics. I didn't like how the pictures were turning out, but it was getting me really horny. I jumped back into the car and drove a bit further and found yet another location for some photos. I got scared and scampered back to the car when a mysterious car drove past. *Eeek again.* > Click to expand... Lauren--the expert at finding seedy secluded abandoned buildings and alleyways to strut her stuff! Dolly would love to see a picture--even a blurry out of focus one! > lauren1fem said: > I'm such a scaredy cat, but I was worried that I looked too slutty for prying eyes and wasn't in the mood for any kind of actual confrontation. What if I got cat-calls from a bunch of boys or men? What if they tried to overtake me and then found out I wasn't a girl? No. noo, nooo. That's not a scene that Lauren wants to have - although if **a bunch of girls **overtook her and then held her down and exposed her and laughed and made a fuss over her - that would be different. Lauren would struggle a little at first, but she would be completely at the mercy of these girls - a fantasy come true! > Click to expand... Part of the thrill and the fantasy! But still, better safe than sorry. It's amazing how vulnerable you can feel in this position--much what real girls must feel like walking through strange neighborhoods with boys hanging out on the street corners! Imagine lauren sashaying past a sorority house and getting captured by a group of sorority girls and made into their little play doll for their upcoming party with the fraternity boys! > lauren1fem said: > Again I drove off and found an empty building that was for lease and parked, got out and was trying to shoot a video of Lauren strutting away from the camera towards her car with the sun at her back. It was going nicely when a car was headed right into the parking lot! *Super double eek now.* I jumped in the car and decided I had had enough of this. [Turns out the car was just turning around, but they (a woman) definitely saw me and I/Lauren was all flummoxed]. I quickly changed and drove home feeling rather frustrated and horny from the day's ordeal. I decided to stay in my bra, panties and cami until I got home and could then slip off my bra and get comfortable for the evening. > Click to expand... Ooooh...that would be an interesting video! (Hint, hint...) > lauren1fem said: > During the evening I read some very interesting information about some 50's and 60's femme domme magazines. That must have been a daring and brave time for our sissy and dominatrix community. Something for another thread/post perhaps... > Click to expand... Dollyanne loves this era too and it would make an interesting thread! > lauren1fem said: > As bedtime approached my wife slipped off a few minutes before me, so when I entered the bedroom I decided I'd undress in the dark but leave my camisole and panties on for sleepy time. Of course I'm still horny and it's cold so I slide over and grab her pajama-clad leg and press it into my legs and crotch for warmth. She responded and we start playing around a bit - kissing and holding. She slides her hand down to touch me and feels my boi shorts and doesn't hesitate. She slides her hand under my panties and touches my bottom, strokes me and caresses my back and bottom. It feels safe and that is very soothing - we're making slow progress with her awareness of my femming. I'm feeling so horny and she seems okay to touch me inside my panties... I'm thinking "oh, if only she would spank me for being a naughty boy" and all sorts of fantasy images flashing through my head. I am feeling alternating thoughts of aggressive (boy) and submissive (girl). > We quickly tear our own clothes off - I hesitate - but decide to take off my panties too. I start touching her and bring her off quicker than normal. Then I just lay there snuggled into her breast listening to her heart beating - it's not slowing down... Okay my turn now... > Click to expand... Still in your cami and panties?! Wow...your wife must be getting turned on by this, lauren! Things definitely appear to be moving in a good direction for you--toward your inner desire to be feminine! It sounds like you are gradually upping the ante and getting braver and braver with her in bed! And, she is taking to it like a duck to water! > lauren1fem said: > So that's my post of yesterday's fun-filled day... It was a good day. > Click to expand... Nice post, lauren! Definitely a good day! Dollyanne would love to have a day like that--thrilling and exciting gurly adventures, and ending in passionate sex with you at least partially en femme. To top it off, you learned something about bio-tech, too! Definitely a good day! Thanks for sharing it with us, lauren! Now, about those pictures and video... Huggs,:manga_heatwave: ***dollyanne***

**The question has been submitted** Last night we were playing around in bed. It was a vanilla night (naturally), but of course my mind was always looking for an opening. As I stroked my wife's pussy and fondled her breasts we were talking about sex being like a hunger. She mentioned that it was more like that for me, but not her. "All guys are like that", she said, "Women aren't that way"... Well folks: I took a chance and said that "I wondered what it would be like to be all locked up with you as owner of my keys." She said "Okay" -as if that statement made her quite uncomfortable, but what the hell as long as your pleasuring me I'll go along with your pillow talk. I played a bit more and mentioned it again. "It would be fun to be all locked up and not be able to cum with you being the owner of my... penis." Again she replied with "Okay..." I'm sure she thought of this as just **"kinky pillow talk"**, but hey. I said it and for at least the next few days/weeks I'll be spellbound in my own private world hoping and yearning for a reality where I could be held in chastity and controlled absolutely by her.

Woo hoo! Let's hope the seeds are planted for you!:-)

Thanks Mikecb. So yeah, it's out there now. No turnin' back I guess... Happy Super Bowl Day!

**Blew off work and went shopping** I went window shopping today for an LBD. It was sort of an afterthought, but I decided to look at really nice stuff since I was in a daydreamy mood anyway. I wasn't really ready to buy a dress today anyway so I decided I would look at the really fine stuff that's out there and dream away... So I visited several department stores downtown just to see what they had. First was Nordstrom's - Their second floor was exclusively ladies clothing so it was fun just being up there and getting a few looks and glances my way. "What is **he **doing here?" I saw some fine dresses starting around $135 which seemed like a lot of money, but they were nice. Next I went to Saks 5th Avenue knowing I'd find very expensive clothing there. First floor - there were a few dresses starting at $385 that I liked. Gee that's a lot of money to spend, but I'd do it if I knew the size was right on. Then I went upstairs where there were more exclusive clothes. I found this darling one hanging on a rack for 'me'. It was a Ralph Lauren - $895. Okay, so this girl Lauren has quite expensive taste - I knew my guy tastes run high, but the gurl in me was ready **to die for that dress!** It was just so pretty and all I wanted to do was drape it over my bod and see myself in a mirror... (Dream away gurl)... And the first one I glanced at was a size 8 - hmmm, I might just be able to slip into it although I'm probably more of a size 10 if memory serves. What am I to do? Well a picture is worth a thousand words... This image below may not be the exact dress that I was looking at, but my Lauren might kill for this "Lauren" anyway. [[Image: pPOLO2-5411227_standard_v330.jpg]](the referenced community page) Okay, should have left wallet at home; will to conserve is weakening, must control self... Better leave store NOW. *Whew* I made it out of there without even passing by the Chanel and Givenchy departments! [When they have their own love seats and inner doors to the bouitique within the store - even I know I don't belong there.] Back on the street and feeling under control again. *breathe girl, breathe* It really wasn't the price of that dress so much. I loved that dress before I had even looked at the brand or price. It was like I was hypnotized for a moment. All my inner gurl wanted was to be in that dress - I was yearning and it felt wonderful! (I've never felt this way as a guy shopping for like a chainsaw or belt sander or anything else, but my inner gurl really loves this yearning/angst feelings when shopping! Okay I admit, when I go **car** shopping I do get pretty excited.) Now onto Macy's. They also had nice dresses - in the $300 range or below. But I was so flummoxed by my trip into Saks that I was kind of numb by this point. So I'll bet you're wondering at this point... Did I buy anything? ... No. I did not. On my way home I was kind of melancholy - sort of like down after my shopping high. I think I'm really getting the hang of this "girl-stuff". I love the way I feel when I can do this and escape my boy life and be all girl. It's so much fun!

These days I find myself really examining women I meet in day-to-day life and see so many things I admire. I watch commercials and make all sorts of comments about the female models that only women would make. I think my wife must think I'm going nuts sometimes since I pick up on things she doesn't. Am I more girl than boy? I guess the answer is that I really don't care anymore! - Lauren is coming out stronger than ever before. This really happened because of my 10 day extended "exposure" in December. Combine that with the realization I made when I googled "sissy" and found the the community - a collection of truly sensitive caring people who have helped my realize some things I've been repressing for a loooong time. I feel like the word "sissy" fits me pretty dang well. It seems to have freed me from a lot of apprehensions I've had with other definitions I have of myself over the years. This forum feels so right for me to share things that are turning out to be therapeutic for me. :CMrocks: Right now, I'm in a pretty good mood even if I can't "be all and do all" in my current reality. I guess it's good to always be wanting something more in life than what you have. - It drives me forward I suppose.

> lauren1fem said: > Last night we were playing around in bed. It was a vanilla night (naturally), but of course my mind was always looking for an opening. As I stroked my wife's pussy and fondled her breasts we were talking about sex being like a hunger. She mentioned that it was more like that for me, but not her. "All guys are like that", she said, "Women aren't that way"... > Well folks: I took a chance and said that "I wondered what it would be like to be all locked up with you as owner of my keys." > She said "Okay" -as if that statement made her quite uncomfortable, but what the hell as long as your pleasuring me I'll go along with your pillow talk. > I played a bit more and mentioned it again. "It would be fun to be all locked up and not be able to cum with you being the owner of my... penis." > Again she replied with "Okay..." > I'm sure she thought of this as just **"kinky pillow talk"**, but hey. I said it and for at least the next few days/weeks I'll be spellbound in my own private world hoping and yearning for a reality where I could be held in chastity and controlled absolutely by her. > Click to expand... Wow...lauren! Dollyanne is envious! Now, it looks like all you have to do is lock on the **chastity**, have a key presentation ceremony, dangle the keys in front of her and say, "Honey, you remember our conversation about the chastity **key**s and you said 'Okay'...well...here they are!" It sounds like you are on your way, lauren! Huggs,:happy0030: ***dollyanne***

> lauren1fem said: > Nordstrom's - starting around $135 > Saks 5th Avenue starting at $385 Ralph Lauren - $895. > Chanel and Givenchy departments! > Macy's. in the $300 range or below. > Click to expand... Wow, lauren, dollyanne needs to go shopping with you! If nothing else just to smell and feel the fabric! This makes dollyanne's $29.95 LBD finds sound positively trashy! > lauren1fem said: > It really wasn't the price of that dress so much. I loved that dress before I had even looked at the brand or price. It was like I was hypnotized for a moment. All my inner gurl wanted was to be in that dress - I was yearning and it felt wonderful! (I've never felt this way as a guy shopping for like a chainsaw or belt sander or anything else, but my inner gurl really loves this yearning/angst feelings when shopping! Okay I admit, when I go **car** shopping I do get pretty excited.) > Click to expand... Dollyanne knows this inner gurl feeling--you want that dress sooo much, it looks sooo cute and you would look sooo cute in it! Dolly gets excited by cars too, but it's different. (Dolly saw the cutest pink Beetle recently and desperately wanted it! Imagine driving a pink Beetle in your LBD and china-doll wig!) > lauren1fem said: > Did I buy anything? ... No. I did not. On my way home I was kind of melancholy - sort of like down after my shopping high. I think I'm really getting the hang of this "girl-stuff". I love the way I feel when I can do this and escape my boy life and be all girl. It's so much fun! > Click to expand... Dolly concurs--it's a great feeling to harmonize with your inner girl. And then a downer to come back to humdrum boy life. But, speaking of inner girl, we're all looking forward to seeing lauren in that cute LBD! Great post! Huggs,:manga_bath: ***dollyanne***

> lauren1fem said: > These days I find myself really examining women I meet in day-to-day life and see so many things I admire. I watch commercials and make all sorts of comments about the female models that only women would make. I think my wife must think I'm going nuts sometimes since I pick up on things she doesn't. > Am I more girl than boy? I guess the answer is that I really don't care anymore! - Lauren is coming out stronger than ever before. > This really happened because of my 10 day extended "exposure" in December. Combine that with the realization I made when I googled "sissy" and found the the community - a collection of truly sensitive caring people who have helped my realize some things I've been repressing for a loooong time. > I feel like the word "sissy" fits me pretty dang well. It seems to have freed me from a lot of apprehensions I've had with other definitions I have of myself over the years. This forum feels so right for me to share things that are turning out to be therapeutic for me. >:CMrocks: > Right now, I'm in a pretty good mood even if I can't "be all and do all" in my current reality. I guess it's good to always be wanting something more in life than what you have. - It drives me forward I suppose. > Click to expand... This sounds like a great place to be. Being more in touch with your inner girl helps you also get more in touch with your emotions and feelings, something that most men can't do or don't even understand. Dolly feels it is definitely therapeutic also. Dollyanne found some interesting writings on the Web by a UK author named Vernon Coleman who discusses the therapeutic nature of cross dressing for relieving stress. Here's one of his many articles: Crossdressing-Save the World! Huggs,:butterfly: ***dollyanne***

**Shopping for the fun of it - LBD blues** > dollyanne said: > Wow, lauren, dollyanne needs to go shopping with you! If nothing else just to smell and feel the fabric! This makes dollyanne's $29.95 LBD finds sound positively trashy! > Click to expand... Now I wasn't really going to buy something this ridiculously expensive. It's just that it was fun to daydream and fantasize that I "might". I enjoyed imagining my gurlself in such a raging-hot dress! It made me feel really sexy and a gurl needs that doesn't she? I was wandering though the stores in "shopper delirium" - a distant cousin to "slut delirium" I should think. (Maybe I can combine the two feelings next time out - although I probably won't be able to walk straight). In the end I'll probably go for something I pick up somewhere cheap, but then again on the other hand... Someday I'll get my own LBD, but I'm taking my time and savoring every minute of it. Oh and thanks for the link to the CD article... I'll give it read just as soon as I can sweetie.

*lauren has shopping frenzy... There's a place near where I live that offers designer clothes at rock bottom prices. Every time I go there, I see Women in shopping frenzy - taking several dresses, skirts and tops into the dressing rooms - going back for more. Of course, I'm more practical - I use one of those rolling racks so I can get everything in one trip... I always feel sorry for the solo Lady that doesn't have a friend there for a second opinion though. Try suggesting a shopping trip with your wife lauren - it's far more fun than shopping alone - even if you are there for a second opinion only. I'll bet you would make a perfect shopping companion. A nice LBD should be in the price range of $70 to $120 unless of course, you're a rich gurl. It's not everyday wear, so it's expected to cost a little more than casual clothes. One thing to consider is that the dress needs to be hung up neatly in a closet - not tossed into a drawer somewhere. A nice dress should be dry-cleaned exclusively. Washing machines are a definite no no - they really affect the fabric (I've learned the hard way). Noticing Women and how they dress, act or behave, in general, is something a girl does from an early age. Children try to emulate the adults in their life. It doesn't surprise Me at all that lauren finds herself watching and noticing - a very good sign.. And actually, quite significant, because it means that lauren is identifying more and more with the female gender. Little boys want to grow up to be fireman or football players. Little girls want to be a princess or a model. A very stereotypical thing to say but you get the point. I encourage you to watch Women and emulate those behaviors that you think best suit you. In a surprisingly short period of time - you'll find yourself copying their gestures and manners without even thinking about it. Of course, being dressed up yourself, adds an additional element - you'll feel feminine as well. So the question is - when does lauren have her talk with the wife about how she feels? Perhaps, even now, your wife is noticing little differences in you but hasn't decided how to approach you about it. What do you think lauren? Deep into a slut delirium, lauren finds herself in shopping frenzy... We are wondering what happens to lauren next....*

> Miss D said: > * > So the question is - when does lauren have her talk with the wife about how she feels? Perhaps, even now, your wife is noticing little differences in you but hasn't decided how to approach you about it. What do you think lauren? > Deep into a slut delirium, lauren finds herself in shopping frenzy... We are wondering what happens to lauren next....* > Click to expand... It's sad and pathetic I know... Lauren still feels weird about talking about this with her wife. She thinks that wife is in a different, more sane reality than her. This perceived opinion will probably go on forever unless wife brings it up. Lauren is hoping that with all the signals, little conversations, the "panty incidents", etcetera (just this morning Lauren left *her* dirty laundry near the washer mixed in with *his* alter ego's clothes) that a conversation will be initiated by wife. At which point then at least she will know that wife is willing to discuss it by bringing it up... I find it beyond difficult to be **assertive** on the one thing that means a lot to me - to be **submissive** and sissy-like and all that goes with it. It's my nature to be submissive and I don't want to ruin what I have with her with my selfish needs. I am **very scared **about this so please be nice.

> lauren1fem said: > It's sad and pathetic I know... Lauren still feels weird about talking about this with her wife. She thinks that wife is in a different, more sane reality than her. This perceived opinion will probably go on forever unless wife brings it up. Lauren is hoping that with all the signals, little conversations, the "panty incidents", etcetera (just this morning Lauren left *her* dirty laundry near the washer mixed in with *his* alter ego's clothes) that a conversation will be initiated by wife. At which point then at least she will know that wife is willing to discuss it by bringing it up... > I find it beyond difficult to be **assertive** on the one thing that means a lot to me - to be **submissive** and sissy-like and all that goes with it. It's my nature to be submissive and I don't want to ruin what I have with her with my selfish needs. I am **very scared **about this so please be nice. > Click to expand... Dollyanne understands this hesitancy too! It is very difficult to broach this subject with the spouse--especially when you're submissive. It certainly is not worth damaging the relationship. Nevertheless, dolly feels you are making such good progress, lauren. Must faster than dollyanne ever did! And, things do look quite promising from your description of things. Even if you have fits and starts, and slowdowns, it sounds like things are on a nice progressive path for you! One day, all the dominos might start tumbling down and things will move even faster than you wanted them too! Huggs,:manga_bunny: ***dollyanne***

OMG - Last night was so wonderful because of a few simple things my wife said to me... Let me take you there, but first a quick recap... The key to this event was that **she initiated** some of the "pillow talk" this time. I decided to lock up yesterday and wore my CB3k all day. I notice I feel quite uncomfortable over the course of the **first day** - my joints ache, my eyes feel like they are about to pop of their socket and I just generally don't feel well. (It's times like these that I wonder if it's worth wearing except for the budding emotional state we gurls get all frenzied up in. Wearing the damn thing usually gets better as the days progress, but whatever). As the evening wore on I decided I had had enough and took it off; not without first seriously contemplating leaving it on and placing the key on her bedside drawer - then if sex came up I would have no choice but to ask for her to unlock me - Yikes! ...Anyway, so I was unlocked and naked and in bed like usual and we start to make out - waiting for our teen daughter to take her boyfriend home so we can get something started. We are both getting excited and I'm on top and she pushes my chest together and says "you've got cleavage. We could tape your chest up with some duct tape. We could get you looking good in a bra or do you wear one? It would help you fill out and you'd be all nice along with the panties you wear. Of course you'd have to stuff your bra and ...". I answered that I do have and wear a bra. But that would be fun to try with her, but the tape would hurt when we'd take it off. She said that pain goes along with her desire to "pierce my ears with her teeth" - something she's kidded about for years - but obviously there's a little devilish D:bad-girl-0009: hidden deep inside my wife, don't you think? So I believe she's starting to enjoy the little bit of teasing and banter around my femming - this is just so nice to hear. I think she seems okay with it and it really thrills me too! **It's her that initiated this little conversation**, not me and that's what I've been dieing for. Later I said she had nice soft legs as I stroked her thighs. She answered back that I had nice soft legs too. Wow - it's like she's learning what pleases/teases me and has figured out how to handle me in my gurly state. I don't know where this is going, but it seems like it's all headed in the right direction. So I am wondering about wearing something special to bed for Valentine's:party-049: Day - like my waist-cincher, stockings and a nice pair of panties... Since she doesn't wear romantic naughty clothes, maybe I will. We'll just have to see how the week goes and if things feel right I may do just that! Yes, I know to most of you this tiny bit of play and pillow talk is all so tame:sign0104: and innocent, but it seems like major progress for me/us. It's just that I am finally starting to trust her with this secret:scared0016: desire I've had for so long. I wonder if it all started out as innocent and naive for some of the advanced people here?

Lauren, Oh my gawwd! That's so awesome! You're outted about wearing bras now?!? Girl, time to wear your frilly stuff to bed EVERY night! Also, if I may give some advice. Go out and get her something nice - flowers or something, and just give them to her with a "Thank you for being so open minded" message. :party-049: It sounds like she suspects you have other girl clothes. Is it time, yet, to open up and show her your collection? I'm so happy for you. That's amazing!:-) mikecb

MikeCB - that's a Capital Idea! Thanks for that. Slight correction: Oh you know Lauren doesn't wear frilly these days. She wears sexy, sheer and somewhat slutty when posssible.

> lauren1fem said: > Slight correction: Oh you know Lauren doesn't wear frilly these days. She wears sexy, sheer and somewhat slutty when posssible. > Click to expand... I stand corrected! I look forward to hearing how your Wife enjoys finding you in your sluttiest outfit in bed, one night!

**New Chapter - yeah!** Well it would seem that my awesome wife and I are getting quite comfortable with talking about my wearing girly stuff. Last night we were cuddling in bed - her in her usual heavy pj's and me in my sheer black boi shorts. She nudges my hips and says oh I see you are wearing your panties again aren't you? I thanked her again for being so open and okay with it. She still thinks it is weird that I was so secretive with her and wouldn't share this part of me with her. But even this aspect of my secret desires - I think she understands how it was my secret from the time I vowed to myself as a teen to keep it super-ultra-secret and that I wouldn't share this with anyone. But now it's okay to be open with her about it and that I can actually wear clothes in her presence. That is HUGE! Now, she hasn't seen me all dressed and femmed up. It's all just been panties in the dark and even that is fleeting until I strip, but it's still a BIG step for me and I love how relaxed I feel about it. She is even concerned that I should have put myself through so much stress all these years to hide this from her and that it probably wasn't healthy from a stress point of view and relationship perspective... I have to agree. (I'm only human). Other stuff we talked about: We chatted about how 20 years ago or so I dressed up in drag for Halloween and how "hot I looked" then. She wore a cave woman outfit, I wore a dead-vixen-turned-vampiress motif. She still thinks I've "got it". (Did I mention that men were actually hitting on me - though I think it was all just in jest? I was getting a lot of attention. Girls would lean over and whisper a correction on how I was sitting so I wasn't leaving my legs wide open and should sit more demurely. Guys were coming up to me and chatting me up. One drunk guy dressed up as a gangster even may not have been immediately aware that I was a male. I fondled his big fat cigar with my petite gloved fingers, and I swear it was getting him all wet. It was really a thrilling evening as I think back.) We also talked about how we are both sort of on the edge of our respective genders - she prefers to wear pants over dresses; I seem to prefer the opposite. I said "you don't even own a little black dress - LBD." She said she hates to wear dresses because then you have to wear pantyhose and it's all just not comfortable... (I'd love it if I could get all dressed up and sexy, showing off my legs - feeling just a little vulnerable as strangers 'drink up my visage' and I see their eyes dilate, their pulse quicken, their pants stiffen...:butterfly: No, it's not that I want to have a flaming gay affair, I just like flirting! I guess the fact that my wife prefers gender neutral/male-like clothing and I prefer girly stuff doesn't mean anything really, it's just a preference. I mentioned that if I was feeling romantic (since she doesn't wear sexy lingerie) - I hope she wouldn't mind if I do sometimes wear a little somethin' -- (yes, I'm slyly planning ahead for St. Valentines Day). [OMG - What if she bought me something sexy? That would be a complete reversal.] She mentioned that now that my secret is out it probably won't seem as thrilling for me to wear women's clothing. In answer to this I said it was still very thrilling that I can wear girl clothing, **and now** to be able to wear it in her presence with her knowledge - at least by touch -; but without the stress of "getting caught" is probably the best ever! She wondered if all these years before she had even discovered my fetish 12 years ago if I was secretly dressing in panties when I was sleeping right next to her. (I can't really remember if I was **that** daring, but I admitted that I probably had. It was something I would have dared myself to do when sufficiently horny.) She also seems to realize just how oblivious she has been to all of "my little daring wearings". Lastly, she said she isn't really bothered by my desire to wear girl clothing. It doesn't turn her on, but it doesn't repulse her either. **I guess that was my biggest worry all along and now it seems almost trivial!** **Miss D** has mentioned that it might be a bit more of a shock for my wife if she **actually sees** me wearing the clothes. Or perhaps she may get weird once she see the extent of my wardrobe - bras, garters, high heels, corset. That's really the next step for me/us. And I am really hoping that once she **sees me** and is okay with it (please oh please), maybe it will open the door for some new forms of sex - role play, new non-vanilla sex, light bondage, toys, who knows? (Up till now and for the forseeable future we've only had vanilla sex. Nothing even remotely kinky except for a bit of tie-me-up turn-taking back when we were courting). I've just started to hint at spicing things up and I see it as a natural progression and I hope we could start to enjoy that. I'm not sure she will want to partake, but if I can find a way to appeal to her and make it fun somehow - maybe she'll play along and enjoy that time together with me. Sorry to go on and on with this post, but I wanted to share all that has happened and it's all been rather good I think. But without you all encouraging me, lending advice, and "just being there" over these past few months I don' think I could have ever gotten to this point:anim_37: where I feel like a new chapter has been started in my life. Thanks all!

I'm so SO glad this is all going so fabulously for you! :party-049::party-075: You are a great success story and one of the main reasons we have this site. Just one thing I wanted to say... when she does see you, try not to react to her reaction. There is a possibility that she may find seeing you femmed-up a huge turn on, and she may not be ready to accept that. So even though she may feel positive towards you, it may come across as negative. Just a thought from a female point of view.:manga_love:

Woo hoo! Sounds great! I had a thought. I agree that "springing" yourself on her all femmed up may be a bit of a surprise. What if you asked her, as your Valentines gift, to help you dress up? That way, you start from male (or no) clothing, and she is there for the entire thing, having fun with you.... that way, rather than ambushing her with a different look, she sees it develop. Just a thought... too bad she's not all girly herself.. it would probably be easier to get her to help you with makeup and stuff, if she liked it better herself. Anyway, it sounds like an amazing week for you. Congratulations! One more thought... it sounds like she is coming to the realization that you have been keeping this from her for ages. Some time soon, she might ask "Have you been keeping anything else from me?" Personally, I think that would be a great time to out yourself about the CB. I think it would be a bad idea to lie to her at this point.. you're building trust.... another thought.. wherever you stash all your gurly clothes.. stash your CB there too. When she finally asks you to see all your gurly stuff, it could be there... a conversation starter. Anyway, just rambling here... you'll know what to do. You're doing great! hugs, mikecb

Wow Mistress Watchful and MikeCB... you are both wonderful! Mistress W - thanks for your feminine insight. I would not have thought of that and sometimes forget what it would be like from some other person's perspective to see me like this. I'm in my head 24/7, but this would be a first time glimpse for her, more or less. MikeCB - dude you have great ideas. Someone mentioned this earlier today - I too like the way your mind works. You know, I think I could actually ask her if she would help me dress up. It might be a lot of fun. I know my heart would be pounding with an....ticipation! Good point about the CB and my time spent on this site as well. I don't want to shock her, but if she asked I would tell. I am prepared to show her a few photos I have of myself if she wanted to see them. There's the one of me by my globe, and ...

It sounds like the dominos are definitely starting to fall, lauren. That LBD may be on its way! Good luck! Huggs,:character0093: ***dollyanne***

*As usual - mike is right on target. If lauren is going to be a good gurl for her Mistress - then she can't keep any more secrets... sissy gurls, in particular, should not have secrets. Clearly things are proceeding now - the conversation is started. I am happy for you lauren.* :happy0030:

**One step forward, two back...** Last night I was beckoned by my wife because "she couldn't fall asleep". I happened to be wearing panties so I decided I should continue to wear them for our lovemaking session. (I was a little hesitant about it, but didn't heed my own internal feelings). I misjudged and was feeling a bit selfish in wearing them I suppose. I think she wanted her man without any "gurly baggage". So I kind of screwed that up, but it's not the end of the world I suppose. We did make love; it was all good and I wore them for the session. She touched them, slid her hand under them and touched my butt - it felt nice. As I was approaching my peak I really needed her to wrap her hands around me, touch me - it's something she isn't particularly good at. I'm not complaining really, but she tends to let me do all the work and doesn't give a lot back... I asked her to hold me and it felt so good. I wish I didn't have to ask - that she could read my mind somehow. I'm not usually one to ask or make demands or anything, but it felt so good for me that she was holding me tightly - even if I did have to ask for it that it was worth it. I guess I'm slowly learning to assert my needs more. I'm not being pushy, but gosh I just want a little touching back. This isn't really anything to do with femming, chastity or anything at all - I guess it's more about communicating in this relationship... I'm ramlbing so I'll get to the lesson learned. I guess in the end I learned a few things: - don't wear panties if I feel at all hesitant - **Is this my inner gurl's sixth sense talking to me?** - it's okay to ask for things I want/need from her - habits are hard to break That's all for now. Sort of tame & boring I know, but that's how it went. I think I'll shelve the panty thing for awhile when I'm with her.

Shelve the panties? BIG sale at Victoria's Secret going - got the onsale (half price) breast forms today. Hearing you here lauren, the lessons we all learn - sooner or later. aline

> lauren1fem said: > I misjudged and was feeling a bit selfish in wearing them I suppose. I think she wanted her man without any "gurly baggage". So I kind of screwed that up, but it's not the end of the world I suppose. We did make love; it was all good and I wore them for the session. She touched them, slid her hand under them and touched my butt - it felt nice. > Click to expand... Dolly was confused by this, lauren.:confused0082: Of course, it's none of dolly's business, but dolly was wondering: How did you misjudge? Did she say something about them? For your description it seemed everything went well. > lauren1fem said: > As I was approaching my peak I really needed her to wrap her hands around me, touch me - it's something she isn't particularly good at. I'm not complaining really, but she tends to let me do all the work and doesn't give a lot back... I asked her to hold me and it felt so good. I wish I didn't have to ask - that she could read my mind somehow. I'm not usually one to ask or make demands or anything, but it felt so good for me that she was holding me tightly - even if I did have to ask for it that it was worth it. I guess I'm slowly learning to assert my needs more. I'm not being pushy, but gosh I just want a little touching back. This isn't really anything to do with femming, chastity or anything at all - I guess it's more about communicating in this relationship... > Click to expand... Dolly relates to this feeling, lauren. When dolly used to have sex as a boi (back in the distant past now--somewhere around the age of the dinosaurs), dolly always wanted joint cuddling and hugging. Sometimes, dolly just wanted to cuddle--much like girls say they want to do--without even having sex. Asking for what you want, whether its with words or actions doesn't seem so bad. Unfortunately, the response dolly got was, "If you want to cuddle, why don't you go buy a dog!" (Hopefully, your spouse didn't say that!) Unfortunately, dolly had to tone down her panties too as dolly's spouse thought they were sexier than hers! Maybe if you got some plain cotton ones or something... Huggs,:manga_washup: ***dollyanne***

Interesting thoughts Lauren. Here's another one to add... have you considered that your wife obviously has "sex needs" just like you do. It may sound obvious, but she is accepting of your sexy femme panties and that is her gift to you. Perhaps you need to make a "gift" to her or being all masculine and manly in bed every so often. It may not feel that great to you, but after all the accepting and giving that is coming in your direction... maybe you could give a little back. My thought is that one of two things will happen: 1) Your wife will feel hornier than usual and you will have some super-connecting sex. Maybe she will hold you tighter in man-mode now that she has seen Lauren... maybe she will want to "hold onto her man" for those moments of passion? 2) Your wife may question why you are wearing manly underwear/being manly in bed. This will open up a conversation where she will either say she misses the man or that she is happy with Lauren, or a mixture of the two! If she expresses that she misses her man, then I think you need to make her realise just how thankful you are about her accepting Lauren, and that you realise it is a give and take situation and that you will do your best to accommodate her needs for a man as well as she accommodates your needs for Lauren. Of course... I could be completely wrong!

> Mistress Watchful said: > Interesting thoughts Lauren. > Here's another one to add... have you considered that your wife obviously has "sex needs" just like you do. It may sound obvious, but she is accepting of your sexy femme panties and that is her gift to you. Perhaps you need to make a "gift" to her or being all masculine and manly in bed every so often. > It may not feel that great to you, but after all the accepting and giving that is coming in your direction... maybe you could give a little back. > My thought is that one of two things will happen: > 1) Your wife will feel hornier than usual and you will have some super-connecting sex. Maybe she will hold you tighter in man-mode now that she has seen Lauren... maybe she will want to "hold onto her man" for those moments of passion? > 2) Your wife may question why you are wearing manly underwear/being manly in bed. This will open up a conversation where she will either say she misses the man or that she is happy with Lauren, or a mixture of the two! If she expresses that she misses her man, then I think you need to make her realise just how thankful you are about her accepting Lauren, and that you realise it is a give and take situation and that you will do your best to accommodate her needs for a man as well as she accommodates your needs for Lauren. > Of course... I could be completely wrong! > Click to expand... I think you are correct in 'sussing up the situation and my description of it. That night boiled down to her needing/wanting sex and I FEEL that I wasn't really there for her, thus it felt very strange to me. I mean I satisfied her as usual, but my heart and head were in a different place - and that was caused by my selfishly wearing my panties. I'm not real sure she was even aware of my feelings, but this is how I felt at the time. That's really what I was trying to state Dollyanne - it was me that felt odd and I feel like the panties didn't titillate; instead it made me feel weird and kind of freaky and perverted - not a good feeling at all. Instead of feeling a little humiliated, I felt more embarrassed/guilty. *Ugh* The next night we "got it on" again and it was just fine. (Of course I was nude this time). I think both days were all about a basic physical need. She couldn't sleep and this was the fix. I'm glad to oblige or course - who wouldn't? Okay - I'm going to ramble on a bit now... Though I will say that it's rare that she initiates sex. And when she does it is because she can't sleep. I'd love it if she ravished me in the middle of the day or did something spontaneous. It seems like I (the guy) have to do more of the work in this relationship in the sex department. She brings so much to the relationship in other ways so I'm not completely unhappy, but I am complaining a bit here. This is my way of venting... There have been times that I've initiated midday romps and offered other sexual advances spontaneously. I think she has felt more like it's an interruption that ought to have been avoided. I guess that's the trade-off of having mated with an engineer-type minded soul. But you know I guess I'm the romantic and she's all business. Whatever - it's what we are so I can live with that.

Gotta love engineers!:ten-on-ten: You think at some point the logic of doing something romantic as a way to shut up their SO would hit them!!! (Sorry - married to an engineer for 15 years...!)

...maybe I don't complain enough? But I think marriage is whole lot of compromising and meeting half way... That may translate into that I don't get all my needs met all the time, and neither would she I suppose. Deep down we are getting older, less sexy, more crotchety, less this less that, etcetera. It isn't always pretty, but we have each other and while that may be dull at times I know I have someone to grow old with. Yuck, that sounds dismal and depressing. Sorry, it must be Monday morning blues creeping in. Okay so we have high points too! I've mentioned a number of them too. So yeah, whee, yippie, yea, hooray!

> It isn't always pretty, but we have each other and while that may be dull at times I know I have someone to grow old with. > Click to expand... And that's all that matters... it's a lot more than some people have.:love0014:

:manga_drunk: Awww shucks!:anim_32: :loveCM:

> Mistress Watchful said: > And that's all that matters... it's a lot more than some people have.:love0014: > Click to expand... Here, here!:-)

**Business Time...** This video sums up our hum-drum life pretty well I guess. Have a laugh on me (especially if you like Flight of the Conchords). :manga_drunk:

> lauren1fem said: > This video sums up our hum-drum life pretty well I guess. Have a laugh on me (especially if you like Flight of the Conchords). > >:manga_drunk: > Click to expand... OMG...that was great! Thanks, lauren! Dollyanne's going to have to show that one to her spouse! Huggs,:happy0030: ***dollyanne***

Very funny and unfortunately quite true!

Hey cuties one and all, Dolly asks about my own attempt to find a little black dress so I think an update is necessary... Perhaps things will change eventually, but right now I feel a little awkward wearing much of anything gurly or chastity-like so I've consigned myself to the just coveting my own secret desires AND of course reading everyone else's adventures here. I think there are a lot of cycles in my life. One is my waxing and waning desire to be all chaste and feminine. Right now I'm kind of in a low spot, but I'm not about to do a purge cycle or anything... I may make a separate post about all the "cycles" (sexual, happiness, alertness, inventiveness, etc.) that I've recognized in my life. It's kind of an interesting thought that has taken me many years to recognize. Right now Lauren is discreetly wearing perfume and has sprayed her boy-panty drawer with a little of her favorite. Now every time when she gets dressed she gets a lovely whisper of her lovely scent. When she pulls down her pants to go potty or jumps into bed nude there's still a faint suggestion of sweet smelling gurly perfume wafting into her nostrils. Oh femme heaven is so sweet and lovely, even when it seems so far away from me right now.:butterfly:

Thanks for the update, lauren. At least you are still doing little femme things. You're a lucky gurl to be able to wear perfume! Dollyanne's spouse is allergic so dolly can't wear it. Do you think your spouse may be wondering what happened to panty-wearing lauren? Huggs,:manga_bath: ***dollyanne***

> lauren1fem said: > Oh femme heaven is so sweet and lovely, even when it seems so far away from me right now.:butterfly: > Click to expand... Lauren, we have all gone these stages i think. At least i and i still do have problems coming out to my near ones over here. i think what happened last weeks is perfectly natural and shows your wonderful love for your wife and your ways of trying to make her happy. i'm sure her intuition is working well. i'm also sure you will not leave your cycle and attraction to femme heaven. So telling her remains the best way cause she will feel your femininity and keep feeling unsettled. But oh my i do understand how hard and difficult it is... rose

> maid rose said: > Lauren, > we have all gone these stages i think. At least i still do have problems coming out to my near ones over here. i think what happened last weeks is perfectly natural and shows your wonderful love for your wife and your ways of trying to make her happy. i'm sure her intuition is working well. > Click to expand... Thank you Maid Rose, Your advice and understanding means a lot right now. We'll get through this once my "decadent cycle" gets back up to a peak. I'm just in a low place right now. And Dolly dear, Yes - perfume wearing for me makes me so horny. I wish my wife wore it as it would force such crazy devotion onto me - if only she knew... Unfortunately, she's just not into much of that girly stuff. I wear the skirts in this familiy - and love it! Well, I've got muffins in the oven - gotta go sweeties!:butterfly:

Dollyanne's spouse is still giggling with delight days later over the video you posted, lauren. For some reason, she finds the part about the "2 minutes" incredibly hilarious. It definitely struck her funny bone! Dolly is glad you are wearing the perfume and skirts in the family--someone has to do it, and gurl lauren is perfect for it! Huggs,:manga_bath: ***dollyanne***

**Day 5** With Dollyanne on a chastity break, I'm stepping up to fill that space. Since it's day five of my other half's period, I've decided to lock up and stay chaste for the whole time. The first five days have been enjoyable. The initial two days are quite uncomfortable; I'd forgotten how achy my entire body feels when I first don my CB3k. It seems odd that securing my penis would cause this widespread effect, making my joints throb, my back hurt, and giving me the sensation that my eyes are bulging from their sockets. Ibuprofen can handle it, but the ache lingers in the background. As each day passes, I notice myself settling into the comfort of being locked up. While I dislike wearing trousers with chastity gear on, deep down I feel a warm sissy glow from being all secured and unable to touch my manhood. There is some new fiction at the Mansion causing me discomfort as well, but that adds to the fun, doesn't it gurls? I adore tease and denial. I'm quite skilled at teasing myself mentally and physically. Being locked up allows other parts of my body to enjoy attention, and I find great amusement in caressing and lightly touching myself in delicious sissy ways. So there's the mental fiction (thanks Phillipa) and the sensual physical touch for my body. A lovely way to pass the time! I haven't gone delirious yet, but since I can't play dress up right now, I'm distracted by being male on the outside, which is probably slowing my descent into where I know my mind will lead... Dolly: get better soon. I can't last in this state for much longer!

*It seems pretty little lauren is on a one-way street and chastity will make sure she doesn't make a U turn... LOL I think she has just the right amount of teasing - perfumed panties - a gentle reminder each times she sits to tinkle. The delirium is just around the corner...*

**Day 5 update** > Miss D said: > *It seems pretty little lauren is on a one-way street and chastity will make sure she doesn't make a U turn... LOL > I think she has just the right amount of teasing - perfumed panties - a gentle reminder each times she sits to tinkle. The delirium is just around the corner...* > Click to expand... If drip, drip, dripping in her panties all day is an indicator *blush* then this sissy is nearing the point of no return. With no relief in sight Lauren is wishing one of two things: - Her period will end and we can engage in normal sex. - Lauren can play dress up and enjoy her feminine side more completely. Right now, I'm not quite sure which one I want more - another sign of the delirium coming on I fear.

> lauren1fem said: > Well with Dollyanne taking a chastity hiatus I'm stepping in to fill the gap. With this being day 5 of my other half's period I decided to lock up and be chaste for the duration. It's been a fun 5 days so far. > Click to expand... Thank you for taking up the chastity gauntlet, lauren! Dollyanne is still out of her chastity, and expects to be for several days longer, maybe even weeks! Dolly will probably be afraid to get back into her chastity. You could be in chastity for a long time if you wait for dollyanne! > lauren1fem said: > The first two days are really uncomfortable and I forgot just how achy my whole body feels when I first wear my CB3k. It seems strange that locking up my penis would have this effect all over my body making my joints ache, my back hurt and my eyes feel like their bulging out of their sockets. It's nothing that ibuprofen won't cure, but the ache is still there in the background. > Click to expand... Dollyanne knows this feeling and suspects it has to do with something being out of balance. It could be just a slight shift in center of gravity, way of walking, sitting, standing, or whatever, but the effect you describe is there for dollyanne too. It looks like something that has to be adjusted to by long term wear! > lauren1fem said: > What I've noticed as each day wears on is how much I begin to settle into the feeling and comfort of being locked up. Yes, I hate wearing pants with chastity, but deep inside I get a warm sissy feeling from being all locked up and not able to touch my manhood. > Click to expand... Dollyanne loves this feeling too, especially in the morning when she is at her horniest! Dolly loves looking down at her sissified body in panties and nightie in the morning. It makes her strain in her chastity every time!:penisdance: > lauren1fem said: > Dolly: get better soon. I can't last like this for too much longer! > Click to expand... Thank you, lauren! Dollyanne is certainly working on it. Just hang in there a little longer! You can do it! Huggs and Kissses,:butterfly: dollyanne

**So many things to learn** Good heavens! ...as my mom used to put it... I decided to give tightening a try yesterday afternoon and went for the smaller A ring - not the tiniest one, but just one size up. I found that when flaccid, I could almost manage to get into it with some effort, and it felt quite snug and pleasant - even without being aroused. Lauren was pondering that if she wore her **chastity** this way, there would be no possibility of arousal, forcing her into a full sissy-state. No sexy thoughts allowed at all, or else pain would follow. It offered another method to keep her chaste without bringing in the points of intrigue. Since she hadn't previously tried wearing her device so tightly, she thought with girlish haste that it might be fun to give it a shot - perhaps there truly was no way to get hard or erect while the thing was on this tight... **A chastity device that completely prevented erection - even the slightest tingle of hardness would be blocked, right? Does such a thing exist? Do the belts work like that?** Well gurls - Lauren was mistaken about her CB3k. She woke up around midnight with a throbbing clittie, just as she usually does! This girl waited for things to subside, thinking all sorts of thoughts about nuns, cold showers, Secretaries of State, and her favorite Austin Powers mantras, whatever came to mind. Needless to say - nothing was going to change. It's possible the blood in her clittie was trapped and she didn't want to risk damage or anything unspeakable! She also didn't wish to get out of bed and disturb her partner by "walking it off" so after everything else failed, Lauren unlocked the raging beast. Two amazing things happened right then. The first was that Lauren's little clittie had now unfurled and just kept getting harder, staying hard for who knows how long. The feeling of warm blood coursing through her clittie was wonderful. And the thing just kept ha More demanding and firmer now—no touching allowed—but her poor little clitty was throbbing independently, as if being air-fucked! The second point is that despite this open access to her clitty, Lauren has "held firm" and hasn't yielded to her boyish needs. There's a hope she might one day achieve an "O" just by touching her sensitive nipples, much like Dollyanne. What a wonderful female-like orgasm that must be! Other parts of Lauren’s body are becoming increasingly sensitive and highly erogenous with each passing day. Her hips, ribs, pert gurlish breasts that ache slightly, and sleek smooth legs all grow more responsive daily. So here she is now, typing this up while locked back in her larger ring, feeling happy; a bit erect but enjoying another day of chastity! A new lesson learned... The question remains though—**is there something out there that prevents an erection?** My guess is no, since it begins deep within the brain. Wearing a device mainly stops you from touching yourself. I remember a recent post from a Mistress who wanted to make her sissy "erectionless." Aside from training the mind via conditioning, hypnosis, and other mental tweaks, I just don't see how any chastity cage can stop an erection before it even starts. Still, the idea of being completely "erectionless" is quite compelling in my current state... Unfortunately, thinking about that is making me pretty hard right now, and my clitty is straining against its cage—better go for a walk to shake it off.

"Naked Margaret Thatcher on a chilly day!" Haha! :anim_63:

i rely on my dead baby mantra... "loading dead babies into a pickup truck with a pitchfork" ...repeating it again and again... always does the trick for me, particularly when i'm trying to hold back.

Maid Madeleine has such a great sense of humor; that would definitely work.:haha4::anim_63: Rachel

> maid madeleine said: > "Naked Margaret Thatcher on a chilly day!" Haha! > > Click to expand... Oh behave! > chastityslavejohn said: > "loading dead babies into a pickup truck with a pitchfork": > Click to expand... Cooks me of that post from Doctor Dimento: "Dead puppies... aren't much fun".

Be careful Lauren, Dr Dimento might reveal our true ages. He used to be on the radio here either Saturday or Sunday night. Life from back then is a bit hazy, if you know what I mean. It was there that I discovered Monty Python and all their wonderful humor. Rachel

**Daze 6-7** I needed some dress-up:butterfly: play-time during this period of chastity, so yesterday I finished work and went for a drive. I pulled into a golf course parking lot, transformed myself into Lauren, and headed out to the hills wearing my plaid skirt, white thigh-high stockings, and black 4" cocktail heels. Naturally, my **chastity** device was locked under my black panties, so I enjoyed feeling it and viewing myself as I drove through the winding hills and roads. Here are a pic or three of me all buckled up during a quick driving break. [[Image: 0410091449.jpg]](the referenced community page)[[Image: 0410091453.jpg]](the referenced community page)[[Image: 0410091509.jpg]](the referenced community page) After my short drive I headed home, but when I got out of the car, a sharp crick seized my neck and I've been feeling off since. I decided to get as comfortable as possible, remove my **chastity** device, and see if I could work that pain out, but I haven't had much luck yet so I might just put it back on anyway. I have liked being all locked up this week, but I'll explain a few things about myself and **chastity** that I'm coming to discover in a future post. Well... That's all for now.

I've had this weird kink in my neck.:help-0031: I like kinky, but not this kind! LOL.:anim_63: Anyway, I've suspended my **chastity** activities and am taking things slow until everything normalizes. My neck feels better today, but yesterday was total pain and I couldn't move much—at least in my neck and shoulders. I'm not sure why this happened, but I needed to be unhindered by anything and just stay as comfortable as possible to let my body 'reboot'. Hope everyone else is well and enjoying their Easter Day!

> lauren1fem said: > I needed to get some dress-up:butterfly: play-time during this period of **chastity**, so yesterday after finishing work, I took myself for a drive. I ducked into a golf course parking lot and transformed into Lauren, heading off into the hills wearing my plaid skirt, white thigh-high stockings, and black 4" cocktail heels. Naturally, my chastity device was locked under my black panties, so I enjoyed feeling it and viewing myself as I drove through the curvy hills and roads. > Here are a pic or three of me all buckled up during a quick driving break. > View attachment 644View attachment 645View attachment 646 > After my brief drive, I headed home. However, when I got out of the car, I had a killer crook in my neck and have been feeling off since. I decided to get as comfortable as possible, remove my **chastity** device, and see if I could work that pain out, but I haven't had much luck yet so I might just put it back on anyway. I've liked being all locked up this week, but I'll explain a few things about myself and chastity that I'm coming to discover in a future post. Well... That's all for now. > Click to expand... Great pics, lauren! Dollyanne is envious of your day and **chastity** play (but, of course, not the kink in the neck!)! That is such a lovely combination of school girl skirt, hose, heels, and **chastity** on lovely legs. Dollyanne could imagine sexy lauren pumping gas in that outfit and attracting LOTS of attention! Huggs and Kissses,:manga_bath: ***dollyanne***

*Lauren looks adorable in her schoolgirl plaid. Even though you didn't mention it, wasn't driving around in heels enjoyable? Maybe that crook in your neck came from trying to glance everywhere at once to see if anyone was watching you. A way to handle this next time is to step out of the car and strut - let them look - then you won't have to worry about being observed anymore.... Hope you feel better soon, sweetie.* :character0074:

Miss D is spot on. I remember my first attempts to go out in public. The internal tension was huge and yes, I tried keeping my eyes everywhere, checking if someone stared, giggled or just accepted me as I am. I think it was that inner tension that caused your neck crook. It would be best to return to going out repeatedly, getting used to being seen as a girl. By the way, your skirt looks sexy ... Hugs maid katrin

**Hottie in the Hills** > Miss D said: > *Lauren looks adorable in her schoolgirl plaid. Even though you didn't mention it, wasn't driving around in heels enjoyable? > Maybe that crook in your neck came from trying to glance everywhere at once to see if anyone was watching you. A way to handle this next time is to step out of the car and strut - let them look - then you won't have to worry about being observed anymore.... > Hope you feel better soon, sweetie.* >:character0074: > Click to expand... Hell yes Miss D, or should I say heel yes! Driving in heels is so much fun. The heels give such a different sensation and I get an extra thrill every time I use my clutch and shift gears as my MINI handles the curvy road - my bare thigh getting tanned in the sun all this while. I have to admit it's quite a turn-on en femme. I can picture Lauren being chased (or is she chaste, meaning she's been caught!) through the hills, her heart beating faster as she rounds the next bend outrunning her pursuers or maybe letting them catch up... *purrr* And yes my neck pain still lingers. Probably because I was looking around to see if Lauren was noticed. She gets a thrill and a scare simultaneously - quite exhausting really. But part of Lauren's fun is that "thrill of the chase". Building up for the moment - even if it's partly fantasy, it's very enjoyable... It takes her breath away. And it makes her quite wet too! *double growl*

**Pain in the ...** > maid katrin said: > Miss D is spot on. I remember my first attempts to go out in public. The internal tension was huge and yes, I tried keeping my eyes everywhere, checking if someone stared, giggled or just accepted me as I am. I think it was that inner tension that caused your neck crook. > It would be best to return to going out repeatedly, getting used to being seen as a girl. > By the way, your skirt looks sexy ... > Hugs > maid katrin > Click to expand... Oh Maid Katrin, thank you. You're such a sweetie for complimenting me. I just adore that skirt - it puts me in such a state... Lauren really loves that inner tension you speak of. It's like being a sneaky cat burglar I suppose - getting away with something naughty. That might be the best part of it all - that thrilling sensation, but not if Lauren climbs out of her car cockpit with a stiff neck! I think guys have stared at me before when checking me out in the past. I had no idea men can be so obvious about where their eyes go... Now that's a turn-on too, but it also scares the shit out of me if they look in the wrong place or it's a guy who seems a bit intimidating - it makes me feel vulnerable and OVER-exposed. I feel for women when a man looks at her with those wolf-like eyes! *yikes*

> lauren1fem said: > Hell yes Miss D, or should I say heel yes! Driving in heels is so much fun. The heels give such a different sensation and I get an extra thrill every time I use my clutch and shift gears as my MINI handles the curvy road - my bare thigh getting tanned in the sun all this while. > Click to expand... Oooh...driving a MINI en femme! In heels too! That's so perfectly girly, lauren! Dollyanne envies you once again! It must feel a bit scary pulling up alongside an SUV or truck though, knowing they can look down and see your micro-mini school skirt and sexy hose! At least you have enough under the hood to speed away, unless your heels get caught!:character0028: Huggs and Kissses,:butterfly: ***dollyanne***

**Update, photos, F1, oh my...** Lauren hasn't posted to her own journal for a while, but does find time to comment on other journals here and enjoys that greatly... So just a quick post here. Hyperextended my foot so I don't want to risk wearing heels for a bit. My shoulder is messed up from volleyball; I'm a wreck and need some gentle comforting - maybe a massage? But I'm so afraid about massages that I'll get turned on and it's just too icky to talk about more. Last night: Lauren (in man form) was asked to fornicate his wife last night. Luckily Lauren had removed the CB just before sliding into bed, guessing this might be a fuckable (sorry for being blunt) night - Lauren's wife has a special work event today that makes her nervous and she always struggles sleeping the night before - so she usually looks to her man for servicing - which is fine with him, aka Lauren. Knowing this in advance (20 years of marriage and I've got clues sometimes), I didn't pretend to be anything but her stud and enjoyed it immensely! And yet, in the morning I wasn't completely satisfied and decided that since my wife would leave early for her business meeting, I'd use this opportunity to dress up en femme and take some photos - which I have shared here with you all! There's just something about taking photos of myself dressed as Lauren... Mmm mmm mmm, that's so fun. Anyway, that's about it for now. Dollyanne - we'll see about the tan lines this summer.

i know that feeling with Lauren, thanks for sharing:party0002: Rachel

> lauren1fem said: > Hyperenxtended my foot and so don't want to risk wearing heels for awhile. My shoulder is messed up from volleyball, I'm a wreck and need some gentle comforting - maybe a massage? But I'm so afraid about massages that I'll get turned on and it's just too icky to talk about more. > Click to expand... Lauren, you poor gurl! Dollyanne sympathizes with you and hopes you get better soon. Dolly is also suffering from injuries: compressed toe nails and "itchy clitty" that she got in the hot tub. Hmmm...sounds rather sissy compared to your more manly injuries! Maybe you can take a nice bubble bath with epsom salts or something and immerse your foot and shoulder.:manga_bath: > lauren1fem said: > Last night: Lauren (in man form) was asked to fornicate his wife last night. Luckily Lauren had removed the CB just prior to sliding into bed guessing that this might be a fuckable (sorry to be so blunt) night - Lauren's wife had a special work event today that makes her nervous and she always has trouble sleeping the night before - so she usually looks to her man for servicing - which is fine with him, aka Lauren. Knowing this in advance (20 years of marriage and I've got a clue sometimes) I didn't pretend to be anything but her stud and enjoyed that immensely! > Click to expand... Hmmm..."fuckable night"...dollyanne was wondering what this meant. Such a concept is like a foreign language to dollyanne. Vague memories came back of long ago times--maybe back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth--when dolly kinda sorta almost remembered, but then like shadowy ghosts the memories faded away again. Something maybe to do with sex as a guy, dollyanne thinks. Interesting, but foreign to dollyanne. Dollyanne envies your chameleon ability to switch back and forth between the guy and gurl worlds and get the benefits of both! Dollyanne is stuck in a nether land of undefined gender!:gen085: > lauren1fem said: > And yet, in the morning I wasn't completely satiated and decided that since wife would be leaving early for her business meeting I would use this oppurtunity to dress up en femme and take some photos - which I have shared here with you all! There's just something that turns me on by taking photos of myself all dressed up as Lauren... Mmm mmm mmm, that's so fun. > Click to expand... Well, you're not the only one who gets turned on, lauren! Dollyanne is glad you had an episode of sissy delirium and gave us these wonderful photos!:boobeyes: There's nothing like a chastised sissy gurl in suggestive slutty poses.:slut: It inspires dollyanne to do the same when she gets a chance! > lauren1fem said: > Anyway, that's about it for now. > Dollyanne - we'll just see about the tan lines this summer. > Click to expand... Summer is almost here! Tan lines here we come! Dollyanne can't wait! Huggs and Kissses,:manga_champers: ***dollyanne***

**In love with her inner self** Lauren just finished reading Id Tell You I Love You, But Then Id Have to Kill You, a coming of age tale about a girl, Cammie, who attends an all girls academy for spies. Lauren really enjoyed this book because she identified with the young characters in the story. If youve come to know Lauren through some of her posts at the mansion you know that: - a) Lauren loves spy stuff, secrecy and stealth (as they are all ingredients in her gurl identity), - b) She loves thinking of herself as a teenage innocent (with a slutty edge perhaps), - c) She loves to wear plaid skirts!!, - d) She loves to go on secret sissy missions as part of her femming. This book had all those ingredients and was told in such an innocent way that it sent her into gurl heaven. About all Lauren can do is sigh when she thinks about it, fantasizing that she herself has entered the academy, wearing a school girl uniform and living amongst the other girls fitting in as if shes just one of the sisters. (*Much like the comradery she feels with the sissies here at the the community)*. This is her favorite quote from the book: **All those years Id thought being a spy was challenging. Turns out, being a girl is the tricky part.** That line hit home in such a fun way. Its hard to express how much this turns her on, gets her juices flowing, and sends Lauren into such a sissy tizzy. Lauren is learning all about "the tricky part" of femming and loves the results so far. [[Image: lovekill.jpg]](the referenced community page) The thing is that this is all so innocent of a feeling. Lauren identifies with those girls as herself and its a pure innocent feeling. Its her true inner self shining through the outer male exterior and it feels wonderful. This is the feeling that Lauren strives for when shes feeling her most sissy self. This is the essence of sissydom that she desires when she dons her coquettish outfits. This is what shes feeling deep inside at her most vulnerable moments. Alas, Lauren knows that its all a big fantasy life she yearns for, but she does love thinking of herself in this way. For her, its the fulfillment of a lifetime of being in the wrong body and wanting what she cant have, but still strive for. For some of you, you are already living out your fantasy and I applaud you for it. Apparently theres an entire series of Gallagher Girl books by Ally Carter, so Lauren has more fuel to stoke her inner flames. Good thing shes locked up this week and even wearing POIs during the day!

> lauren1fem said: > Lauren just finished reading Id Tell You I Love You, But Then Id Have to Kill You, a coming of age tale about a girl, Cammie, who attends an all girls academy for spies. Lauren really enjoyed this book because she identified with the young characters in the story. If youve come to know Lauren through some of her posts at the mansion you know that: > - a) Lauren loves spy stuff, secrecy and stealth (as they are all ingredients in her gurl identity), > - b) She loves thinking of herself as a teenage innocent (with a slutty edge perhaps), > - c) She loves to wear plaid skirts!!, > - d) She loves to go on secret sissy missions as part of her femming. > This book had all those ingredients and was told in such an innocent way that it sent her into gurl heaven. About all Lauren can do is sigh when she thinks about it, fantasizing that she herself has entered the academy, wearing a school girl uniform and living amongst the other girls fitting in as if shes just one of the sisters. (*Much like the comradery she feels with the sissies here at the the community)*. > This is her favorite quote from the book: **All those years Id thought being a spy was challenging. Turns out, being a girl is the tricky part.** That line hit home in such a fun way. Its hard to express how much this turns her on, gets her juices flowing, and sends Lauren into such a sissy tizzy. Lauren is learning all about "the tricky part" of femming and loves the results so far. > View attachment 680 > The thing is that this is all so innocent of a feeling. Lauren identifies with those girls as herself and its a pure innocent feeling. Its her true inner self shining through the outer male exterior and it feels wonderful. This is the feeling that Lauren strives for when shes feeling her most sissy self. This is the essence of sissydom that she desires when she dons her coquettish outfits. This is what shes feeling deep inside at her most vulnerable moments. > Alas, Lauren knows that its all a big fantasy life she yearns for, but she does love thinking of herself in this way. For her, its the fulfillment of a lifetime of being in the wrong body and wanting what she cant have, but still strive for. For some of you, you are already living out your fantasy and I applaud you for it. > Apparently theres an entire series of Gallagher Girl books by Ally Carter, so Lauren has more fuel to stoke her inner flames. Good thing shes locked up this week and even wearing POIs during the day! > Click to expand... OMG, lauren! How did you know this is one of dollyanne's most favorite interests! Great writeup! Dollyanne has Spy Girl by Amy Gray and a few others she'll have to look up. These Ally Carter books sound delicious and dollyanne will look for them right away! If you're interested in straight CIA stealth techniques the book, "Class 11: Inside the CIA's First Post-9/11 Spy Class" is fascinating. Dollyanne learned all about SDRs and choke points and other stealth things. It's a fun fantasy to pretend to be a sissy gurl in a wig and school girl mini-skirt disguise on a secret mission! Do you think they need any sissy gurls like us? We could be very seductive and stealthy--especially lauren!:scared0016: We need this spy girl kit! [[Image: spy girl kit.jpg]](the referenced community page) POIs...oh my, lauren, don't those hurt? Dollyanne hasn't tried hers yet, but is planning to when she's back in chastity, which hopefully will be soon. With lauren locked up, sissy gurl delirium can't be far behind! And, dollyanne can't wait to see more pics of stealthy seductive mini-skirted school-girl lauren! Huggs and Kissses, ***dollyanne***

> dollyanne said: > OMG, lauren! How did you know this is one of dollyanne's most favorite interests! Great writeup! Dollyanne has Spy Girl by Amy Gray and a few others she'll have to look up. These Ally Carter books sound delicious and dollyanne will look for them right away! > If you're interested in straight CIA stealth techniques the book, "Class 11: Inside the CIA's First Post-9/11 Spy Class" is fascinating. Dollyanne learned all about SDRs and choke points and other stealth things. It's a fun fantasy to pretend to be a sissy gurl in a wig and school girl mini-skirt disguise on a secret mission! Do you think they need any sissy gurls like us? We could be very seductive and stealthy--especially lauren!:scared0016: > We need this spy girl kit! > View attachment 681 > POIs...oh my, lauren, don't those hurt? Dollyanne hasn't tried hers yet, but is planning to when she's back in chastity, which hopefully will be soon. With lauren locked up, sissy gurl delirium can't be far behind! And, dollyanne can't wait to see more pics of stealthy seductive mini-skirted school-girl lauren! > Huggs and Kissses, > ***dollyanne*** > Click to expand... Where to start... Dollyanne I had no idea you were into this genre. Lauren always had a fetish for books like this, but never let her inner gurl roam into this territory before, but it's soooo her and she's glad she did. Thank you for the link to the Spy Girl book. That looks fun too so she'll have to put it on her list for summer reading (maybe whilst working on her tan). And here's another potential author to check out. Lauren loves the author's name and may have to read her book just because of that. The summer reading list grows. Too bad Lauren's little clittie can't grow right now being all locked up with POIs poised to bring her back down. She has the smallest POIs in place and is wearing it with her CB3K. Not really sure why, but it seemed kind of thrilling to give it a try for day use. For the most part she has stayed "in check" with few problems during the day, although writing this post this morning was a bit of a struggle. Lauren will never wear POIs at night due to the intense night -time erections she experiences. Lauren loves the spy toy photo you attached. It looks like fun and of course it's pink!:butterfly: Lauren can't wait to post some more pictures while out doing special ops. Some secret sissy spy work can't be far around some dark corner. No telling when she'll be brought out from her deep cover and be photographed. She's ready when the moment strikes, but right now she's keeping her cover and laying low. Her cover story: a mild-mannered male living as a father of two and happily married to his special wife. ...No one would ever suspect... Intrigue, romance, secret rendezvous, high-security CB locks, special coded messages - it's all wonderful fun!:character0028:

**Go gurl!** Hi Lauren; I just wanted to pop in to say how much I appreciate your posts (and your plaid fetish;-):scared0016: Respectful:cat:

**Plaid's my thang** > Respectful said: > Hi Lauren; > I just wanted to pop in to say how much I appreciate your posts (and your plaid fetish;-):scared0016: > Respectful:cat: > Click to expand... What can I say dear? If the shoe fits, wear it! And this gurl loves to "work it" in her plaid skirt that's for sure. But you've got me thinking... ...Maybe a new color is in order - that would be a fun shopping trip to do. First one must:character0180: surf the web to find something to build a fantasy around. Then in her most spy-like sissy secret way, Lauren will have to turn on her feminine charms and purchase a much sought after plaid garment in person, hopefully from a cute young sales girl. *gush* Oh dear, gotta go...

**Clan wear for pretty gurls** Hi Lauren; You could research Clan tartans if you have Scottish ancestry or even honour a pretty Lassie by wearing her Clan colours (i.e. plaid:-) Respectful, but not a fashion genious.

Lauren has been busy, but not as Lauren so it's sort of dull from a sissy chastity way of thinking. So what have I been doing lately? I bought a really nice road bicycle - carbon composite, very light weight and a lot of fun. So instead of working myself up into a heated frenetic sissy gurl state, I've just been working myself up into a heated frenetic bike-riding state. As sissy slave kris has asked in the past: what do we all do outside of our sissy chastity existence? - this is what I've been up to with the rest of my life right now. It's been all just normal boy stuff instead of sissy gurl things like what you're used to reading from Lauren. Lauren was starting to dream about buying some girl-style attack shorts, a sports bra and her bike shirt and head off somewhere away from home and do a ride. Now you surely know that bike shorts leave nothing to the imagination and it would be very, very sexy to her to ride in this fashion - passing (she hopes) as a girl and feeling oh so vulnerable in her way-exposed sexy shorts showing off her shapely legs. She would have to shave all her hair from her legs and that would be super sexy to do too. No fat or flab on those legs I can tell you that much! But alas, there is that bulge in the front to consider... I just don't know if Lauren could pull it off, but it does stir very erotic feelings for her - even as she types this post. Oh, what's a gurl to do?:anim_03:

Lauren! Do you want to be a little bit bad, boy? A gurl needs to dream Lauren! You go gurl! Extra strong lady's bike shorts may offer just the right amount of compression to keep you tucked and wet. Never let anyone see that boyish damp spot and you may be just fine sweetie;-) LOL Sorry to tease you Lauren, I think you rock as a real guy or a pretend gurl! You are a nice person. Respectful

> Respectful said: > Lauren! > Do you want to be a little bit bad, boy? > Click to expand... Funny you would say that Respectful. The next book in the series that Lauren is reading DON'T JUDGE A GIRL BY HER COVER due out in 31 days has this teaser: "He can't be...bad?" Liz asked softly. > Respectful said: > Extra strong lady's bike shorts may offer just the right amount of compression to keep you tucked and wet. Never let anyone see that boyish damp spot and you may be just fine sweetie;-) LOL > Click to expand... Oh heavens, yes Lycra/spandex bike shorts do offer a certain ability for tucking! In fact even now when she's in the saddle, Lauren will look down and see only a tidy crotch that looks more girl than boy - where are the sausage and gibblets, we know not! That always gives her a secret thrill. [/QUOTE] > Respectful said: > Sorry to tease you Lauren, I think you rock as a real guy or a pretend gurl! > You are a nice person. > Respectful > Click to expand... Aww, gosh!:butterfly:

I love secret, girlish thrills too, because they are so yummy!:innocent0003:

This morning my wife teased me about spanking me.:danger: If only she knew how much that one simple little mention sent sparks through my entire body! There were other people in the room, (her parents) and there wasn't time to talk further about it, but geez... Such small simple little things send me to the moon with delight... But I know how these things go. It was just silly small-talk with no intention behind it. After 20 years of VANILLA marriage I can't expect to change her overnight. But it's so fun to dream and fantasize about it... *sigh* Well at least I have the courageous posts by all you other sissies & subs out there to fill my void. Someday perhaps I'll gather the courage or find the right moment to move US in this different direction. If only she was into it - that's what I feel deep down will never happen, but a gurl's gotta try right?:innocent0002:

God how i love when Mistress spanks me...sigh!!

**to be spanked** > chastityslavejohn said: > God how i love when Mistress spanks me...sigh!! > Click to expand... Lucky you!:sex007: ... so jealous

> lauren1fem said: > This morning my wife teased me about spanking me.:danger: If only she knew how much that one simple little mention sent sparks through my entire body! There were other people in the room, (her parents) and there wasn't time to talk further about it, but geez... Such small simple little things send me to the moon with delight... But I know how these things go. It was just silly small-talk with no intention behind it. > After 20 years of VANILLA marriage I can't expect to change her overnight. But it's so fun to dream and fantasize about it... *sigh* Well at least I have the courageous posts by all you other sissies & subs out there to fill my void. Someday perhaps I'll gather the courage or find the right moment to move US in this different direction. If only she was into it - that's what I feel deep down will never happen, but a gurl's gotta try right?:innocent0002: > Click to expand... Lauren, this sounds quite promising! Dollyanne's spouse has NEVER EVER teased dolly about spanking. Dolly suspects your wife may have thrown a trial balloon out there knowing full well how it would affect you!:manga_balloon:Maybe you should work up a come-back in case it happens again? Something like, "Promises, promises!" Dollyanne is a self-spanker and does not consider herself to be a pain slut. Nevertheless, the prospect of being spanked by someone else like dollyanne's spouse is quite exciting to fantasize about! In case you haven't already read it, dolly wrote a piece about whipping "therapy" in her blog: Sissy Spanking. It turns dolly on every time she reads it! Huggs and Sissy Paddle Kissses,:butterfly: ***dollyanne***

**Reply to Dollyanne's message above...** > dollyanne said: > Lauren, this sounds quite promising! Dollyanne's spouse has NEVER EVER teased dolly about spanking. Dolly suspects your wife may have thrown a trial balloon out there knowing full well how it would affect you!:manga_balloon:Maybe you should work up a come-back in case it happens again? Something like, "Promises, promises!" > Dollyanne is a self-spanker and does not consider herself to be a pain slut. Nevertheless, the prospect of being spanked by someone else like dollyanne's spouse is quite exciting to fantasize about! In case you haven't already read it, dolly wrote a piece about whipping "therapy" in her blog: Sissy Spanking. It turns dolly on every time she reads it! > Huggs and Sissy Paddle Kissses,:butterfly: > ***dollyanne*** > Click to expand... Dolly, that's wonderful. You always have the best ideas for handling these situations. I need you right in my ear whispering the correct responses when the moment arrives.:butterfly: I really like the idea from your whipping therapy post - you've got such a vivid imagination... and those pink and white stockings are lovely! Why haven't we seen them before (or did I just miss them)? Spanking is so enjoyable. It gives me great pleasure when I do it myself sometimes. But often I'm not sure why I absolutely NEED the spankings - could it be linked to my depression? Still, it's a delightful thrill, and that stinging sensation on my bottom reminds me that Lauren is a sissy who needs correction and learning her place... Sometimes Lauren can get rather haughty, needing a good spanking to bring her back down to earth. She wouldn't know what to do with herself if she were spanked by a woman. It would be such an empowering rush for femminization that it might make her sooo submissive - I think she'd probably cry right in front of the person doing the spanking!

**Back to School Days...** Lauren had quite a day yesterday.:manga_beat: First, there was some solo time at home for taking fun schoolgirl photos. She loves dressing up in her pink tights, garter belt, and bra beneath her crisp white shirt, plaid mini skirt, and heels. (And let's not forget the tie). With just a touch of perfume on her neck and stomach, she goes wild in front of the lens. However, she was securely locked away and couldn't take things further. So Lauren hopped into her MINI (still wearing her schoolgirl outfit) for a drive through the beautiful lush mountains nearby. After a long mountain bike ride (in boy mode), Lauren was practically in heat! She rushed home to her bedroom, found her red plug, and "went to town" pushing it deep into her trembling backside. She quickly took off her CB3k and barely touched her clit. Letting the plug handle the rest as her intensity built up, she experienced one orgasm, then two, and finally a third full-blown **orgasm**. Phew! Later that evening, Lauren finished being herself and switched (as is her chameleon habit) to boy mode, pouncing on his wife in bed. Since we were both quite tired (I'm not sure why the wife was so exhausted), neither of us wanted anything too long-winded. I started handling things, and she gave in quickly, though it seemed like a big explosive **orgasm**. Then she began touching me gently, and soon had me moaning through a nice climax as well. As I said, it was a busy day! Lauren has put together a new album with some fresh photos of her from the neck down, wearing her favorite schoolgirl outfit.:butterfly:

Definitely a BIG day for Lauren, with an even BIGGER finish! Wow! Dollyanne loves the pictures too--very sexy. And look how slutty you were with that **butt plug**! Naughty girl! Stealthy and horny chameleon Gallagher gal in action! You're making dollyanne want to get herself a schoolgirl outfit! Huggs & Kisses,:manga_heatwave: ***dollyanne***

> dollyanne said: > Definitely a BIG day for Lauren, with an even BIGGER finish! Wow! Dollyanne loves the pictures too--very sexy. And look how slutty you were with that **butt plug**! Naughty girl! Stealthy and horny chameleon Gallagher gal in action! You're making dollyanne want to get herself a schoolgirl outfit! > Huggs & Kisses,:manga_heatwave: > ***dollyanne*** > Click to expand... What's holding you back, gurl? Go buy that dress and wear it!

Nice pictures Lauren (as usual)!

**Praises to you!** > PT109 said: > Nice pictures Lauren (as usual)! > Click to expand... Thank you PT109. You have no idea (well maybe you do) how exciting it is for one to pose for these photos and share them with all of you. It feels so wonderful seeing your kind compliments.:happy0030: I'm just too scared to let my wife see me like this. But the more I think about it, the bolder I become... Someday perhaps I'll pose for her (of course by then I'll probably be all shriveled and old). That would be such a thrill, but OMG how much I love dressing up like this. I just wish I knew in advance that she'd dig it too before I expose myself to this side of my personality. It's sad that I keep this secret from her, but I'm really quite the "scaredy" cat. In a way, I feel guilty as if I'm cheating on her... I wish there were an easier path, but it's all my own internal fears keeping me from taking that next (fateful) step. Grrr. Does anyone have advice? Sooooo scared!

It’s the hardest thing to do: telling your partner about your desires. I slowly introduced my kinks to **master** over the years and each time it was difficult even though we were still experimenting; unfortunately for me, I have many kinks. I hope you can tell your wife one day and that she embraces your wants. It’s all about picking the right moment. When you feel the timing is right, you’ll know.

> Its the hardest thing to do: telling your partner about your desires. > Click to expand... This is very strange; why it's so difficult. I don't understand the psychology behind it. I know my wife loves: Knowing that my cock belongs to Her, having me locked up and controlling my **orgasms**. Dressing me as a gurl. Putting on a wig and lipstick for her. She loves being the boss at home. I have no problem telling Her what I want; She plays along with my kinks, sometimes because she is nice to me, sometimes because it really turns her on. However, when I seriously ask what **she** wants, she cannot utter a simple word! I love Her very much and all I want is to make Her happy. When I kindly ask Her, She falls into total silence!? Over the years I have found two "weapons". The first is humor. If I joke and play up a little theater, I can easily see if she likes it or not. The second is trial and error. This also involves a bit of "theater" and joking. Then it works fine. This happens during lovemaking. I just check if her pussy gets wetter; then I know I'm on the right track. And once we have played, she can implement that for the future.... I have also learned, after many years, there are some big No-Nos: Acting like a "normal man" in bed, being a little **dominant** and staying on top. NO. But can She tell me what She wants? Not easily! It's not just me topping from the bottom; it feels as if I have to find the Gordian knots and solve them myself. Freud, Jung, someone?? I don't know if this helps you Lauren, but good luck! sophia

The reason sophia mentioned that is because you can get rejected by the one you love, as I did. Randy

For most people, sex is like physics. They know gravity pulls things toward earth (what goes up comes down), and they know light travels very fast. But that's about it. Start talking about gravity wells, black holes, or string theory, and their eyes glaze over. We are sexual explorers, yet sex is an area culture and religion have long relegated to the "danger zone". Only priests or other high mukymuks (like university psychologists) can dictate what is sexually acceptable. Culture and religion do its job so thoroughly and early in life that most sexual behavior becomes set in stone and hard to change. What I'm getting at is simply this: if your partner is willing to go along with your kinks and finds some pleasure for herself (or himself) in the process, then maybe that's all we can hope for. After all, we are unique individuals (not normal). It's not that we aren't "programmed" ourselves; perhaps we are beta versions (experimental and not thoroughly approved). Think about how comfortable you feel when everyone agrees with your point of view on something. Why would you change it? Especially if you have no innate kinkiness pulling you in another direction.

> The reason sophia mentioned that is because you can get rejected by the one you love, as I did. > Click to expand... No, we don't want to see the ugly head of rejection popping up! Now hijacking Lauren's thread: Is there nothing you can do, Randy? > Think about how comfortable you feel when everyone agrees with your point of view on something. Why would you change it? Especially if you have no innate kinkiness pulling you in another direction. > Click to expand... To get better sex?:sign0007: No, are you saying that we are subjects under evolution testing for possible future success? Is the chastised sissy at the very edge of this test? Knowing this makes my day feel a whole lot better. Thank you PT109. sophia

> subhubinpa said: > The reason sophia mentioned that is because you can get rejected by the one you love, as I did. > Randy > Click to expand... Awww. That's so sad, subhubinpa - you are right; I don't want to blow what I have. I love my wife, family, and all that I possess in life - but I want either to be forced into feminization or feel free license to pursue it on my own. (I have trust issues - even though she's never given me reason to doubt her. It's more about trusting myself to some degree, believing our relationship won't break if she is horrified by my desires. Uggh.)

**Exactly!** > Slave_Kris said: > It’s the hardest thing to do: telling your partner about your desires. I slowly introduced my kinks to **master** over the years and each time it was difficult even though we were still experimenting; unfortunately for me, I have many kinks. > I hope you can tell your wife one day and that she embraces your wants. It’s all about picking the right moment. When you feel the timing is right, you’ll know. > Click to expand... Yes Kris, it really comes down to my sharing of desires with her. Why is this so hard for me? I admire others here who have succeeded where I am still searching. Is it so wrong to tell someone you need something? Why do I get hung up on this and feel stuck when trying to share this most personal DESIRE that resides within me? I have a great body. I love dressing as a gurl and damn, I look hot as a gurl. I love seeing her (myself) staring back at me from the mirror! I enjoy expressing myself in **submissive** ways secretly, and I'm not getting any younger. Arghhh!

**Endless Journey** > sophia said: > This is very strange; why it's so difficult. I don't understand the psychology behind it. > I know my wife loves: > Knowing that my cock belongs to Her, having me locked up and controlling my **orgasms**. > Dressing me as a gurl. > Putting on a wig and lipstick for her. > She loves being the boss at home. > I have no problem telling Her what I want; She plays along with my kinks, sometimes because she is nice to me, sometimes because it really turns her on. > However, when I seriously ask what **she** wants, she cannot utter a simple word! I love Her very much and all I want is to make Her happy. When I kindly ask Her, She falls into total silence!? > Over the years I have found two "weapons". > The first is humor. If I joke and play up a little theater, I can easily see if she likes it or not. > The second is trial and error. This also involves a bit of "theater" and joking. Then it works fine. This happens during lovemaking. I just check if her pussy gets wetter; then I know I'm on the right track. > And once we have played, she can implement that for the future.... > I have also learned, after many years, there are some big No-Nos: > Acting like a "normal man" in bed, being a little **dominant** and staying on top. NO. > But can She tell me what She wants? Not easily! It's not just me topping from the bottom; it feels as if I have to find the Gordian knots and solve them myself. Freud, Jung, someone?? > I don't know if this helps you Lauren, but good luck! > sophia > Click to expand... In many respects your situation sounds similar, yet in others very different - I like that idea of trying to solve the Gordian knots, but in my case, I fear the knots are located within me rather than with my wife. Although I'm not entirely sure if it turns on my wife to know I'm wearing panties to bed and hoping for an encounter with her on any random night. If I knew for certain that she was turned on by my gurlish desires, I would have less holding me back. Thank you sophia!

> PT109 said: > For most people, sex is like physics. They know gravity pulls things toward earth (what goes up comes down), and they know light travels very fast. But that's about it. Start talking about gravity wells, black holes, or string theory, and their eyes glaze over. We are sexual explorers, yet sex is an area culture and religion have long relegated to the "danger zone". Only priests or other high mukymuks (like university psychologists) can dictate what is sexually acceptable. Culture and religion do its job so thoroughly and early in life that most sexual behavior becomes set in stone and hard to change. What I'm getting at is simply this: if your partner is willing to go along with your kinks and finds some pleasure for herself (or himself) in the process, then maybe that's all we can hope for. After all, we are unique individuals (not normal). It's not that we aren't "programmed" ourselves; perhaps we are beta versions (experimental and not thoroughly approved). > Think about how comfortable you feel when everyone agrees with your point of view on something. Why would you change it? Especially if you have no innate kinkiness pulling you in another direction. > Click to expand... Cool, I agree. I'm certainly a product of my culture and religions! It's what has tweaked me into this state where I'm stuck trying to express my desires to her. PT109, subhubinpa, sophia, Kris, and everyone else: *Talking* through this with all of you is helping, and I'm enjoying the conversation. Thank you for your insights. You are all quite smart!:confused0068:

**New Conversation** As Respectful asked: Where has Lauren been lately? So I'll attempt to answer as follows: It's like Respectful is tapped into my subconscious: Well, Lauren has been pretty busy with life. I've kind of strayed a bit from the **chastity** scene, but had the most interesting conversation with my wife about wanting to be locked up again last night, with her as keyholder; maybe that's why I logged in today to the Mansion. We were getting into some foreplay as boy/girl, doing the usual vanilla thing, and it just came up. I said how I had fantasized about being owned and having her own my penis - after all, it is hers, just as her vagina is mine in the sense of becoming ONE through marriage... (you know how that goes right?) Anyway, I mentioned there are all kinds of **chastity** devices like the birdcage and others that I would love to "try" being locked up in. She thinks I'm bonkers and would tire of it within an hour as reality sets in. Knowing her well, I think she might also not enjoy the extra burden of being pestered (even if it meant my pouring attention on her) while acting as keyholder. She would tire of me quickly in this capacity. Humm. What to do. Well, I've thrown it out there and will just wait to see if anything comes of it. If there ever was a question about what I want with **chastity**, it should now be clear - GULP!

**Whatever she says...** I am cheering you on from here Lauren:-) May you always keep your Lady happy, even when her wishes conflict with your own! As they say, be a good boy (you GO gurl;-)

Lauren just be prepared for one hell of a roller coaster ride if She takes to it on your behalf. Here is a brief synopsis of what I go through with Sherry being pretty vanilla and doing it because I requested it. Imagine being on a rollercoaster. She locks you up and holds the **key**. The rollercoaster leaves the safety of the shed. She keeps you locked for a while, and you become more **submissive**, craving even more. The roller coaster is slowly climbing the first big hill. She starts teasing you and having you do more things,:chores005::chores004::chores003::chores037::chores020::chores010:for Her. You are now going down that hill, thinking everything is great. Hell, it's the best part of the ride. You get to the bottom and the tracks end; there is a big crash as she seems not to want anything more to do with it. You think why did I even bother? Here you are trying to give Her something, control, which any Woman would appreciate. I didn't mean to dampen your fire; I just wanted to let you know what you might be in for when you try talking a vanilla person out of being so vanilla. We have been dabbling with this for going on 4 years now, and I can't tell you how depressed I become when the car jumps the tracks and crashes. However, we are leaving the safety of the shed again and starting another big climb. How long before I crash again? I can't say, but it will happen as always. Here's hoping your ride is better than mine:anim_32:. Rachel

**Sports bra** I went mountain biking on my own yesterday—a pastime I adore—but this time, I layered a sports bra under my shirt. It was such fun and truly enjoyable. I stopped for lunch atop a peak where no one else was around, so I pulled off my top to soak up the sun, hoping to see a subtle tanline emerge. *blush* After finishing my sandwich, I left my shirt off and shut my eyes. The sense of freedom was overwhelming. Sure, a hint of paranoia about being seen lingered, but I let go and sank into the moment. The warmth of the sun on my bare skin felt exquisite, as did the sports bra pressing against my stomach and shoulders. It was a new peak experience for me! I’ll likely repeat this—perhaps next time adding water balloons to round out the look. That might push things further if I cross paths with someone on the trail, but honestly, the trade-off in feeling so sexy and girly is totally worth it. On my drive home, I cruised around wearing just a sports bra and boy shorts. It felt lovely. While navigating the winding canyon roads, two girls rode past me on road bikes. They were stunning—tan, healthy, with glowing sweat... I pictured myself as one of them, which made me feel incredibly hot! What can you do? It was such a delightful experience; seeing women and imagining myself in their shoes gets me so excited.:sex009:

> lauren1fem said: > I went mountain biking on my own yesterday—a pastime I adore—but this time, I layered a sports bra under my shirt. It was such fun and truly enjoyable. > > I stopped for lunch atop a peak where no one else was around, so I pulled off my top to soak up the sun, hoping to see a subtle tanline emerge. *blush* After finishing my sandwich, I left my shirt off and shut my eyes. The sense of freedom was overwhelming. Sure, a hint of paranoia about being seen lingered, but I let go and sank into the moment. The warmth of the sun on my bare skin felt exquisite, as did the sports bra pressing against my stomach and shoulders. It was a new peak experience for me! > > I’ll likely repeat this—perhaps next time adding water balloons to round out the look. That might push things further if I cross paths with someone on the trail, but honestly, the trade-off in feeling so sexy and girly is totally worth it. > > On my drive home, I cruised around wearing just a sports bra and boy shorts. It felt lovely. While navigating the winding canyon roads, two girls rode past me on road bikes. They were stunning—tan, healthy, with glowing sweat... I pictured myself as one of them, which made me feel incredibly hot! What can you do? It was such a delightful experience; seeing women and imagining myself in their shoes gets me so excited.:sex009: > Click to expand... Oooh, that sounds wonderful, lauren! It’s lovely hearing about gurl Lauren blossoming like this. Dollyanne got herself a sports bra too but hasn’t had the chance to wear it "out" yet. That must have felt amazing—being out there soaking up rays in your sports bra! If you had a girl's two-piece swimsuit, you could even ditch the shorts and really kickstart those fabulous tan lines! People might mistake the bra for a heart-rate monitor unless you fill it with balloons.:sex009: It’s funny that you’re into mountain biking. Dolly is considering buying one as part of her plan to slim down. Maybe you can help her decide. There aren’t too many great spots nearby for cycling, and summer gets pretty hot here, but there are a few trails—just not many leading deep into remote areas. You must be in a prime spot. Perhaps Dolly will discover more once she buys hers. Driving around in the sports bra sounds like quite an adventure! Dollyanne definitely needs to try it. Seeing girls out in the "wild" enjoying themselves—sunning, biking, playing tennis or swimming—is just such a nice feeling. They are so beautiful and carefree, and Dolly completely understands that desire to be more like them. Someday! Hugs,:butterfly: ***dollyanne***

**Breathless** Lauren, I can’t reply just yet; I need to catch my breath;-) You are perfect as an older sister role model. Just like DollyAnne is the ideal Sissy! I love you both! Cindy

**Cute** > Respectful said: > Lauren, > I can’t reply just yet; I need to catch my breath;-) > > You are perfect as an older sister role model. > Just like DollyAnne is the ideal Sissy! > > I love you both! > Cindy > Click to expand... Oh lil' sis, You’re so cute. You must be a bit energized from Dollyanne’s and my recent posts about being out in public, imagining ourselves as real girls. It is such fun—people watching.

**Just one of the girls** > dollyanne said: > Oooh, that sounds wonderful, lauren! It’s lovely hearing about gurl Lauren blossoming like this. Dollyanne got herself a sports bra too but hasn’t had the chance to wear it "out" yet. That must have felt amazing—being out there soaking up rays in your sports bra! > > If you had a girl's two-piece swimsuit, you could even ditch the shorts and really kickstart those fabulous tan lines! People might mistake the bra for a heart-rate monitor unless you fill it with balloons.:sex009: > > It’s funny that you’re into mountain biking. Dolly is considering buying one as part of her plan to slim down. Maybe you can help her decide. There aren’t too many great spots nearby for cycling, and summer gets pretty hot here, but there are a few trails—just not many leading deep into remote areas. You must be in a prime spot. Perhaps Dolly will discover more once she buys hers. > > Driving around in the sports bra sounds like quite an adventure! Dollyanne definitely needs to try it. Seeing girls out in the "wild" enjoying themselves—sunning, biking, playing tennis or swimming—is just such a nice feeling. They are so beautiful and carefree, and Dolly completely understands that desire to be more like them. Someday! > > Hugs,:butterfly: > ***dollyanne*** > Click to expand... Yes Dolly, I can’t emphasize enough how much fun it is being one of the girls. It’s really enjoyable. I felt free and easy, hair blowing, pert breasts on display, tanned body playing in the sun. I wish I had a riding partner who truly understood. *kisses*

**Can you dance like a girl?** I was heading home from a mountain drive with my favorite tunes blasting, wearing new purple over-the-knee stockings, high heels, a mini skirt, black panties, and a sports bra. I started dancing and wiggling, squirming in the car seat, when this thrilling idea hit me. I was moving to the beat like any dancer, but as a gurl. It got me wondering how I’d look if I danced specifically *as* a girl. The thought that there is another layer of being and emulating the fairer sex really turned me on. **Would love to know if anyone here has tried dancing while dressed up in their girl persona?** Can you dance in heels? Do you look hot? Could someone truly tell you weren’t an actual girl moving to the rhythm? I’m sure I’d be a bit clumsy at first, but just thinking about practicing until I look real sexy makes me all hot and turned on.:butterfly: I think this could be a true test for us trying to "pass." For the rest of you maybe it’s a nice escape—a way to express our inner girl. For me, that girl is always seeking new ways to break free, and finding those expressions is such a turn-on... Well, off I go to practice my moves in the mirror! *giggles*

Leave it to purple knee-sock Dancing Queen, lauren, to come up with such a perfect girly idea! Dollyanne tried dancing—even attempted to make a video of it—and it was a disaster. Sort of like a lobster realizing it’s been dropped into boiling water! Still, Dolly does try to dance in front of the TV sometimes when no one is watching. You’re right; going to a club dressed as a gurl and dancing without being "read" would be a real test. Dolly can’t wait for you to give it a shot!:anim_65: For inspiration, this is HOT! (Bom Chicka Wah Wah by Jessica Sutta) Hugs,:manga_heatwave: ***dollyanne***

Hot barely begins to describe that video! Thanks for sharing.

Hi Lauren! I am so sorry I didn’t respond sooner. The image of you dressed so sexy and far from home made me drip with sympathy! When I’m dripping like that, my thoughts get a bit scattered, making it tricky to write! Just know I see you as a kind older sister role model. I loved this post Lauren!:cat: > lauren1fem said: > I was heading home from a mountain drive with my favorite tunes blasting, wearing new purple over-the-knee stockings, high heels, a mini skirt, black panties, and a sports bra. I started dancing and wiggling, squirming in the car seat, when this thrilling idea hit me. > > I was moving to the beat like any dancer, but as a gurl. It got me wondering how I’d look if I danced specifically *as* a girl. The thought that there is another layer of being and emulating the fairer sex really turned me on. > > **Would love to know if anyone here has tried dancing while dressed up in their girl persona?** Can you dance in heels? Do you look hot? Could someone truly tell you weren’t an actual girl moving to the rhythm? I’m sure I’d be a bit clumsy at first, but just thinking about practicing until I look real sexy makes me all hot and turned on.:butterfly: > > I think this could be a true test for us trying to "pass." For the rest of you maybe it’s a nice escape—a way to express our inner girl. For me, that girl is always seeking new ways to break free, and finding those expressions is such a turn-on... > > Well, off I go to practice my moves in the mirror! *giggles* > Click to expand...

**Pretty Panty Spanking** Several weeks ago, I tried drawing my wife into my needs and desires regarding spanking. During foreplay, I begged her to spank me while keeping it light and playful so she wouldn’t feel too awkward. I kept bringing it up, hoping she’d bend me over her knee for a proper smack because "I was naughty and had been wearing girl panties"... Well, nothing happened except the idea of creating a new porn website where we made videos of women or girls spanking *panties*. Not someone actually *wearing* them—just empty pretty panties spread out on a bed or leather sofa with a dominant gorgeous woman smacking them. It sounds silly, but it created a moment of shared joy between us and perhaps paved the way for me to someday be inside those very panties with my bottom all red from a good spanking. I’m so desperate for her touch that I’ll even fantasize about perfectly empty spanked panties—hoping one day I can occupy them myself. I need someone who understands me, and right now I feel so empty, unfulfilled, and horny! *Grrrr* Here’s to the uncertain unknown future "someday"; I always have that to look forward to.

Sweet Sister, I love what you wrote Lauren. I ache too. We all ache sometimes! Warm hugs, Cindy

*sigh* I’m getting that feeling again: maybe I just need to spank myself. A good strong leather belt might do the trick. Sometimes this is all I can do to "feel better" about myself. Most people would think it’s self-abuse or even self-mutilation—like teen girls cutting themselves. Maybe there’s a similarity in that behavior. I don’t know; I’m just trying to feel *something*, anything, pain or pleasure—I sometimes lose track. Is that wrong? The only thing I am sure of is that it is something I need: spanking. But afterwards, I often feel a bit guilty for harming my sweet gurl body (which holds sacred status)... Good news is the welts fade after a while, but the warmth they create inside is such a turn-on. It’s such a weird sensation. *sorry* I’m feeling all self-pitying and melancholic right now. Maybe it’s the cold weather that moved in today. In the end, this is just another complex facet of the beautiful yet perplexing gurl inside who calls herself "Lauren".

**Headline: 50 Spanks Cures Gurl of Ache!** Lauren, I think your plan is Yummy! Oh, you asked if spanking yourself is wrong. Hurting yourself for real is bad, but self-spanking for pleasure is right! I believe it’s beautiful if you can learn to spank without truly damaging the temple of your body. I find that my crop sounds and feels harsher than it actually is; I feel extraordinary pain with no lasting effect. I love a moderate spanking purely for the joy of the sting. These temporary painful slaps do absolutely no real damage. But finishing a set of fifty can be quite hard:-) Cindy:love0038: Nurse Cindy says: Safe, sane, and self-consensual sexual sensations can be very yummy!

Dollyanne knows at least a little bit how you feel, lauren! This might not be exactly what you have in mind, but perhaps this video from sissy maid Karen of the lovely Mrs. Birch using the Dragon Cane will give you something to consider. Dolly received it on Twitter and hopes sissykaren doesn’t mind sharing it here. It’s best watched with your chastity cage on—as dollyanne did—to protect you from any inappropriate activity. Here it is: Mrs. Birch in Action! Hugs,:manga_bath: ***dollyanne*** P.S. Dollyanne sees nothing wrong with spanking yourself, lauren! Dolly has done it several times using different implements—a hairbrush, a ruler ("Great Women Rulers of the World"), even a spatula—with some satisfying results! Just be careful and don’t harm Lauren’s nice schoolgirl figure!

Dolly, This image makes me wet! Lauren would look so lovely with a rosy bottom peeking out from under her plaid skirt! Oh, paired with thigh highs... yummy! Cindy

**Call and Response** > dollyanne said: > Dollyanne knows at least a little bit how you feel, lauren! This might not be exactly what you have in mind, but perhaps this video from sissy maid Karen of the lovely Mrs. Birch using the Dragon Cane will give you something to consider. It was sent to dollyanne on Twitter and dolly hopes sissykaren doesn’t mind sharing it here. It’s best watched with your chastity cage on—as dollyanne did—to protect you from any inappropriate activity. Here it is: Mrs. Birch in Action! > > Hugs,:manga_bath: > ***dollyanne*** > P.S. Dollyanne sees nothing wrong with spanking yourself, lauren! Dolly has done it several times using different implements—a hairbrush, a ruler ("Great Women Rulers of the World"), even a spatula—with some satisfying results! Just be careful and don’t harm Lauren’s nice schoolgirl figure! > Click to expand... Dearest Dollyanne, Lauren watched your suggested spanking video, keeping chastity in mind as you advised, but she didn’t get distracted seeing "some guy in a maid's uniform" getting spanked. I’m sure Sissy Karen enjoyed it (if that was indeed her), and Lauren isn’t trying to be rude or unkind—just read on and you’ll understand my hope here. Certainly Mrs. Birch was into it!!! But, Lauren found a video of a disobedient girl being spanked to be hugely erotic, slipping herself into a delirious puddle of wanton vulnerability wishing *she* were the one. The truly duplicitous part about these spanking videos and Lauren’s response is how two-faced she can be: while we know she is a boy dressed as a girl, she identifies so strongly with being female that she feels more empathy for the helpless girl (I mean *really* helpless!!!) getting spanked, rather than some dude in a dress wanting to be caned. (Again, no offense meant toward Maid Karen). Sounds confusing? Yes! Lauren is indeed a slutty girl with a boy exterior and that’s just how this bitch rolls. ========================================== Now more than ever, Lauren is hurting for a good spanking but hasn’t found the "alone time" needed to enact this scene. A picture might be coming soon, provided she still looks hot and gurly—have you noticed Lauren really tries to look like a girl in her photos? She often hides her male parts hoping to capture her feminine side as much as possible for her situation. Lauren has spanked herself before of course but doesn’t love the actual appearance if there are welts or marks. She prefers a very red bottom without visible marks. The warm stinging pain is scrumptious, but she hasn’t found the ideal tool that will "leave no trace" while still delivering pleasure and giving her that well-deserved rosy glow. **Can anyone suggest a tool that makes Lauren’s bottom red without leaving marks or welts?** A bare hand seems to work best, but it is so hard for Lauren to reach around and deliver the harsh blows from just her bare hand. She needs more leverage maybe? Perhaps a big paddle would strike her entire bare tushy nicely? *yummy* Gosh, what is a gurl to do? Please help if you have an idea on how Lauren ought to be properly spanked—keeping in mind she has to deliver the spanks herself.

**Shaved again - others will know!** The temperature has dropped, and Lauren was as curious as any gurl to see how her legs appear when smooth, shaved, and toned from a summer of intense cycling. It seems she’s been shaving her thighs for ages—usually stopping well above the knees—but this time she wanted to extend it all the way down. Since it's cooler outside, Lauren has skipped shorts in favor of long pants (it actually started snowing today! - yeaaaa). She reasoned that as long as only she, her wife, and her massage therapist knew about it, no one else would spot her bare legs. First, Lauren raised the topic with her wife, hoping for approval. After all, this was to showcase her studly manly legs—strong from cycling. Of course, you readers know what I know: how sexy and feminine Lauren’s legs look under sheer cream hose and a pink garter belt... *sigh*. Her wife said it was fine but added she didn’t want Lauren on her side of the bed when "they get all prickly like sandpaper". Well, off to do it went! A few days later, Lauren put on her bike shorts for a solo ride and loved the silky feel of air against her smooth legs during the trip. Her calves looked so nice and sexy. Seeing the results of her hard work is such a turn-on! *boasting **gush** *. She doesn’t mind if strangers see her cycling in her shorts, but running into someone she knows might make Lauren shy even though she’s dressed like a man—just with very attractive feminine legs! OMG my sissy gurl friends. I think the feminine side of Lauren (the host is male) is taking over completely since it’s been days since shaving and her hair hasn’t started growing back, at least on the lower half of her legs. It’s such an exciting development. Tomorrow, Lauren gets a full-body massage from her female therapist. She (Kellie) will definitely know—should Lauren warn her first during their chat about plans for the massage, or just let it happen naturally? Lauren showed off her legs to her wife and asked her to touch them... *sad*. It creeped out her wife a bit; she didn’t find it particularly sexy. *double sad*. Her wife responded that this feels more like Lauren wearing girl’s panties for the reason of feeling feminine, rather than just because of the bike excuse Lauren gave. (Well duh. That’s no surprise, so I’m not worried about that, but I wish she was into it as much as I am). *sigh* *grrr* *gnash* **Lauren is quite excited about her massage tomorrow and needs your advice! This is a small step towards "coming out," I suppose. Lauren feels apprehensive, but there's no turning back! She doesn't get aroused during the massage, so that isn’t an issue. Her main concern is making the therapist uncomfortable. (Though it’s exciting; knowing she will reveal part of herself to someone she knows makes her warm inside).** Today has been a sexy, fun day wearing my pink garter and stockings while posing for myself. Lauren relished in her outfits and tried on several as she brought herself through naughty orgasms - one after another. **Such pent up desire. She loves sneaking peaks of her legs. Even without stockings - all bare, tanned and toned - it is such a turn on and today was a day where anything goes and there were no feelings of guilt or hesitance. A day of guilt-free pleasures! It was a special day for Lauren - the femme girl.** Peace out!:butterfly:

Lauren, I loved your post, but where are the photos?! Please leetle gurl! It is torture only imagining your hairless state! Please create a new Album of Lauren The sexy hard body yummy hair-free leg schoolgirl. Please Sweetie? We LOVE you!!! Miss D's leetle gurl respects you Lauren, Cindy;-)

Lauren I was worried about this too as I used to go for massages all the time. My appointment after I shaved my legs for a CDR's party. When she asked me about it I just ask her if she really wanted to know or if I should just lie to her. So I said if I tell you the truth it cannot leave this room. She said ok so I just told her that I crossdress and was at a party last week and that I spent the whole weekend in heels and skirts. To which she replied well now I know why your calves are so knotted up. She has been cool ever since and always would ask me if I had been anywhere lately, how I got into it, how long I had been doing it and if I knew anyone locally that dressed, stuff like that. She is probably in her mid 20's and it gave the old man (I'm 54) something to talk about. So from my experience I would say tell her, if she asks, as it has been nothing but positive for me. Rachel

I shaved it all off this summer. As you say it feels wonderful. I felt a little nervous at first but then I realized no one seemed to notice?! Is it such a big deal? Warning her in advance feels like making too much of a hen of a feather? I think Rachel has the right approach. Say you just did it for fun? sophia:manga_bunny:

Gurls - your ideas are right on point. Thanks. Update: I had the massage, but it didn't even come up. She's pretty cool and she knows I'm a bike rider so if she even thought about it she probably concluded on her own that I did it because a lot of cyclists do shave. (One nice perk about that sport!) Kellie did work my legs A LOT because my quads were all knotted up. (She gave me stretching homework!) If I may share with you all, I guess I really have two reasons for shaving: :chores008: One: because I'm a total narcissist that loves looking at herself. I like the payoff from all the hard work from cycling - it is a turn on to see my bare legs looking so lovely now. :danger: Two: because I'm a gurl that needs to feel as much like a girl as she can! Thanks again for the advice.:manga_beat: As I get to know my sports massage therapist better and gain trust I might share my gurlish reasons as Rachel has - it would be fun to let my hair down with another girl and share a secret like this. The notion is quite interesting to me.

Sister Lauren, I am so happy for you. I know how important it is for you to be accepted for who you are by women as well as your sissy friends. You go gurl! I would *really* love to see a little Lauren leg though! Your friend, Cindy

There's a delicious sounding affair coming soon to our city - the 10th annual Victorian **Fetish** Ball! Lauren wants to go in the worst way. But what to wear? She looked at a gallery of pics and saw that pretty much anything goes. If Lauren was to go by herself she would probably wear something more formal and macabre than her sissy plaid skirt. Then again maybe she could go formal for awhile, then change into her favorite skirt and get all cheeky and coquette in her school girl uniform for the later evening hours... Either way she would vow to be chaste!! Lauren asked her wife if she wanted to go and got a "like no, that doesn't sound interesting in the least" *harumph* What to do? Lauren will keep investigating this with her wife. :ciao: for now!

It's been ages since Lauren posted anything, but now she's feeling the need to express something. Lauren loves dressing up and looking cute as the gurl inside we all know from her alluring photo shoots. But lately Lauren has been wistful. It seems that her inner boy has reasserted his self. You see Lauren has started training with her best friend (a boy) in order to be in some triathlons this summer. She's going to the gym A LOT swimming some days (like today), runs other days and spins on a cycle on still other days. One thing that worries Lauren is being seen by all those boys in the locker room so she's let her body hair grow out and that just makes her feel more butch. Sometimes she even wears boy underwear instead of her girl panties if she has a choice. Lauren so loves her body though. She's lost a few pounds, has very little fat and just feels so sexy now in her fit lean state. All this makes Lauren rather horny and she just has no self-control - not being chaste right now. Lauren loves to feel her body, it sends her into slut derilirium and she thinks such naughty thoughts. So to sum things up, Lauren has been such a dirty girl lately. But she's also feeling wistful at times because all this hard work training her body and being in locker rooms with all those hairy boys seems to have an effect of making her boy side emerge. She's having boy thoughts more than sissy gurl thoughts. During daily life Lauren wants to hang out with the guys in her life and do guy stuff BUT when she's alone she touches herself and imagines being taken by a rough boy. It's not what her chaste sissy self might do, but it does indeed feel really good.

Where oh where is Miss D!? Lauren may need help understanding her new dreams about boys! She can see it from both sides now, having played both a boy and a girl so well. What an accomplished gurl Lauren is! And such a hard body too! Yummy us! Lauren knows that the truth is not black and white.. or even gray, nor is it pink and red as well as black and gray..... Lauren can see the world from many angles now that she has learned how to hang out in the locker room with hairy naked men as well as dress like a slut when an inner or outer **Mistress** says to... cindy:innocent0003:

**Confused?** > Respectful said: > Where oh where is Miss D!? > Lauren may need help understanding her new dreams about boys! She can see it from both sides now, having played both a boy and a girl so well. What an accomplished gurl Lauren is! And such a hard body too! Yummy us! > Lauren knows that the truth is not black and white.. or even gray, nor is it pink and red as well as black and gray..... Lauren can see the world from many angles now that she has learned how to hang out in the locker room with hairy naked men as well as dress like a slut when an inner or outer **Mistress** says to... > cindy:innocent0003: > Click to expand... Yes Lauren may be a little confused. Her head is so filled with ideas of being both boy and gurl. Sometimes she yearns to be a gurl and other times she's completely comfortable with her boy coming out and being himself. One thing for sure though is that even when dressed as a boy; her truer form as a gurl shows through in her demeanor, the way she moves, and the way she thinks. If only, if only... time for sweet dreams!

:cat:Really, you need to talk to Miss D if you are having dreams of penetration from a hairy boy, Lauren gurl. Your Little Sis, Cindy

Well that's been going on for quite sometime - the thoughts I mean. But Lauren has a rich fantasy mind with all kinds of situations as many of us naughty gurls do - **right sissy gurls?** Sometimes Lauren is really a girl and having sex with another real girl, other times her boyself is doing the nasty with a random hot girl, and still other sometimes Lauren is being all sexed up by her own boy self - like there's two of me: 1 boy and 1 girl. Miss D nearly always says just the right stuff in just the right way - but Lauren is happy in her confused delirium. Miss D might say that the true cure for this gurl is to live out her days as a complete sissy gurl serving some one like Miss D if Lauren was worthy or that a week of **chastity** would straighten this sissy gurl out for sure, but that's just not gonna happen with how reality is in Lauren's real life that she lives day to day. *sigh*

Someone send this gurl a CB without **key** quick!

I sometimes get confused also Lauren. My 'Mummy' usually puts a stop to it though xxx

> chastysissy said: > I sometimes get confused also Lauren. My 'Mummy' usually puts a stop to it though xxx > Click to expand... Well chastesissy you're fortunate to have a mummy that knows when to be firm and provide the direction that a confused sissy needs. I guess it's exactly what we sissy gurls need is the guidance and help from a confident strong domme who can guide us through the twists and turns of sissyhood. Who better than a woman to lead us?:character0028:

> lauren1fem said: > Who better than a woman to lead us?:character0028: > Click to expand... Cant agree more:ten-on-ten: Amber

> lauren1fem said: > ...Lauren has started training with her best friend (a boy) in order to be in some triathlons this summer. > Click to expand... Lauren, don't a lot of tri-athletes shave their bodies? Maybe this could be a good reason to go smooth all over! If might be fun if BOTH you and your friend did it! Dolly admires your dedication to training, lauren. The only triathlon dolly would qualify for involves chocolate, cupcakes, and gum balls--the decadent sugary kind. > lauren1fem said: > One thing that worries Lauren is being seen by all those boys in the locker room so she's let her body hair grow out and that just makes her feel more butch. Sometimes she even wears boy underwear instead of her girl panties if she has a choice. > Click to expand... Dolly loves the feeling of being all smooth in the boy's locker room! It enhances her feminine feelings and makes her feel a little special. It seems to be OK in the pool too. Not many seem to notice. In fact, there are quite a few others who are pretty smooth too. Seems body hair is out these days, except maybe little patches here and there! One thing that IS noticed though is dolly's painted toenails. Even a subtle pink (Sally Hansen Petite Pink) is stared at. Some do a double take as if not quite believing what they are seeing. Maybe it's because it's too subtle. Dolly should probably try a more overt color like her favorite Wet & Wild Precious Metals! You could try a clear coat like the one dolly started out with. YOU will know it's there, but not many other people will. Panties are also another matter! Dolly has no problem wearing subtle panties such as the solid Body by Victoria ones. She even wears these to doctor visits! However, the frillier ones with pink bows, butterfly patterns, or lace trim make dolly more self conscious. You might try getting used to the solid color panties first. That's what dolly is doing. Dolly sometimes wears the frilly panties to the gym, but removes them and puts them on along with her pants as if they are one piece--a real art! > lauren1fem said: > ...when she's alone she touches herself and imagines being taken by a rough boy. > Click to expand... Since dolly is not in the shape you are in, her turn-on seems to come from her smooth body and how she dresses. Hose, miniskirt, and bra are a BIG turn-on for dolly. Dolly also has similar fantasies when alone and dressed like a gurl. Sometimes it is being taken by a whole GANG of rough boys! When in **chastity** dolly can't touch herself like a boy, so the best she can do is rub her nipples, legs, and body like a gurl. It's quite erotic for dolly. If you don't do it already, one thing you might try when alone is to lock on your **lock** chastity so you CAN'T touch yourself like a boy, but only like a gurl! Dolly started by touching herself in her panties like a gurl (rubbing only), then progressing to only rubbing her nipples and body. Cumming that way is amazing and gives dolly goose-bumps all over! It also keeps her horny since it's only a "half" cum! Just some thoughts. Dolly wishes she could work out like you. Hmmm...maybe a personal trainer who is willing to accept "another" kind of payment! xoxoxo,:butterfly: ***dollyanne***