Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

My girlfriend and I have been together for about a month, and from the start our intimacy has had that D/s feel to it. I’m relatively new to this lifestyle but have always harbored fantasies about it. Last weekend at a sex shop we spotted a chastity device and picked one up—the inexpensive kind meant for overnight wear. The following morning I did some digging and bought the WM by Mature Metals, and now I’m anticipating something more like 24/7 care… My girlfriend hadn’t really considered this before last weekend; she’s eager and curious but tends to be a bit submissive outside of bed and completely new to taking charge. On the bright side, our relationship is fresh, and we seem to have reached a stage that takes other couples years to get to… How can I help her embrace it both inside and outside the bedroom so we move up a level? Right now, this setup suits me well, but I worry that later on, if she has the option, frustration might lead her to set me free. I want to be directed rather than given a choice in the matter. I know over time she will grow into it and hopefully come to see herself as my owner. I truly believe she has what it takes inside her, but I don’t think she fully grasps the physiology, reasoning, and power behind everything here. Any advice would be great.

It all begins with communication. Let’s face it: no one can force chastity on you unless you let them. There is always an exit route, even if it isn’t simple. Let her know how you feel about being locked up. Show her that you are committed to her and that this arrangement is a way to demonstrate your devotion. Dominance lives more in the mind than in the body. It’s really a state of existence, and sometimes she might want you to take charge for her a little bit too. Still count as her telling you what to do when you think about it! Honesty is truly the best approach here.

Thank you for your input; I really appreciate it. We only started talking about this idea on Friday—she considers it completely new and unheard of. There’s only so much I can explain to her myself. Ideally, I’d like to find a good resource she can read that helps her develop into the role beyond what I can tell her. If you or anyone else here in the community knows of some excellent sources that would benefit someone stepping up as a domme, please let me know.

I don’t think just reading a resource will help much on its own. Sometimes it’s better to agree to try out different approaches. You’ll like some things and not others. Let the relationship evolve gradually. If you set out with the specific goal of making her a domme, you probably won’t succeed as well. She needs to embrace it herself too, and right now she isn’t quite sure exactly what she’s embracing. Go slowly. Listen to her. Plan some activities that will be fun experiments. Talk afterwards about how they went. It really is just like any other part of your relationship. There isn’t one perfect method for everyone. You’ll do fine.

That’s an excellent point; I never looked at it that way before. It reminds me how fortunate I am because our relationship is so new and she is so accepting and willing to accommodate this for me. We’re practically building the whole dynamic on the idea that I belong to her and she essentially owns me. Instead of waiting years down the road for the fantasy to emerge, we are starting there right now, which I think will make it feel natural—like this has always been the way our relationship works.

Deja vu! ..I was here earlier this year..but now my wife and i are moving forward in chastity and i am locked in steel! (and the odd femme attire!) A few things: most of it is mental, and it plays amazing tricks on you! I haven't regretted a thing...yet. You'll find plenty of support here - I did..as long as you engage with the forums etc., which you obviously are doing! Chat to many people and talk to your g/f...my wife thought i was mad when i first gave her my key!..but then found that extra attention and my submissive side quite exciting! Google Lucy Fairbourne "Chastity: a guide for keyholders". You can download or buy the book(let) - it's an evening read that you can leave under her pillow... It's pretty basic but gives a good overview and helps break the ice. Some of the Mistresses have been really helpful in this area, offering great advice and encouragement to me without interfering too much with our relationship.. just don't badger them; if you're sensible and patient they will be there to support you. (and your g/f probably is doing the same once she makes the jump to explore the site). Don't rush..I was told that, and we have moved forward slowly but surely ..so I am already in the area known as "careful what you wish for!"... so it must be ok!! She will notice your extra attention and desire to please is obvious..which seems like an early change. The novelty will soon become more than that, and you'll be encased in firm and unyielding steel... Good luck... keep us informed! cj:)