Introductions discussion

I’ve been watching from the sidelines for some time, but I suppose it’s time to make a proper entrance. I’m a married man of 40 living in DFW with my vanilla wife and our six-year-old.

Lately, I’ve contemplated bringing her into the world of chastity. It’s been on my mind for nearly twelve months, and I’ve even tested out a few different devices. Our marriage has lost its spark lately; she isn’t particularly interested in intimacy, and her libido is often low. She ties me up sometimes, but it doesn’t seem to be her thing. Intercourse is rare because I struggle to keep my hands off myself. While the chase for orgasm consumes my thoughts, knowing that someone else holds the key seems even more thrilling. From what I’ve gathered in other discussions, this sounds like a standard scenario.

Right now, she and I are driving from Ft. Worth down to San Diego… just the two of us. Our boy is staying with his grandparents for eight days. I’m hoping to gather enough courage to start that conversation today. We have another ten hours behind the wheel, which gives me plenty of time alone with her. I don’t plan on pitching a full-time lock-up proposal quite yet; I know it’s best to take small steps first. It feels somewhat unnatural for my personality to bring this up. What if she laughs and says no? Or reacts in some other unexpected way?

Fingers crossed.

Hey there! Keep my fingers crossed for you;) I can suggest checking out this new thread featuring a guy in a very similar spot: The community page referenced here. Also, consider these few "little helpers" that might encourage her to open up: 1. Let her know that your desire for *her* has dropped because you are wanking so much:) 2. Explain that you think too much about sex, which actually reduces your focus and productivity at work.. (You could earn more if you stayed sharper - he-he..) 3. Mention how much you dislike waking up alone in secrecy – and express a preference for her to take charge of that area. 4. Tell her you’d love the chance to serve her sexually, without her ever needing to feel guilty about not reciprocating. (I’m sure she feels some guilt deep down but has reached a point where it doesn't bother her.) 5. Suggest that this could make her life even easier since you care for her deeply – and encourage her to see how well you can nurture her daily, handling household chores and such too. Mention that the chasted denial might lead to exactly this behavior, something you’d truly enjoy doing... 6. Propose a time-limited trial period.... followed by an evaluation.... 7. Don't overwhelm her with endless internet documents about how vanilla wives suddenly become dominatrices overnight or men turn into walking dogs.. That’s the worst approach and will likely scare her off completely. Really, don’t ask her to read much – instead talk to her directly, show her what you mean... demonstrating patience and understanding of her concerns... 8. Perhaps suggest starting without a physical device—using an honor system where she decides when you get your release.. At least it’s crucial not to look too obsessed with the gadget itself. 9. Be patient... It took me a year... My personal motto here is: There's no harm in giving the chastity lifestyle a little extra support now and then, allowing it to reach its full potential... Sincerely BlueEyes

Thank you so much for the guidance! This is definitely going to be a long journey. There have been several years of apathy in our marriage, at least that’s what I’d call it. I need to convince her that she benefits more from this than the effort required.

You aren't alone in this. Chastity play has actually saved my marriage. My wife didn’t have much sexual energy, and I would just hide away to masturbate. When I explained that chastity was a way for me to stop wanking and focus on her instead, it worked really well.