Journals and blogs discussion

That was fast! I really didn’t expect to be kicking off a new journal so soon, but events in the last few days have led me to begin this new chronicle with Mistress Wolf and my journey. Wait, it seems we are in for an exciting ride!! ----- Throws hands up and shouts “WOOHOO!!!!” ----

That is a wonderful way to begin, full of smiles and enthusiasm. I look forward to following your world x

How to start.... let's link to the end of the original journal: the archived discussion Crash course recap: over the last 4 1/2 years i have submitted to Mistress Wolf, fought my inner demons trying to castrate (for lack of a better descriptive) my inner Alpha wolf, riding the crazy town roller coaster to new highs and lows, and even jumped the tracks a few times. When the dust settled and i finally understood things better i accepted that i will always be an alpha type, and trying to force myself to be a Beta or lower was really messing me up, i found that what i had been trying to do was creating a person Mistress Wolf did not want, need, or care to spend much time with. i have accepted that i AM an alpha type, but that i shall be forever possessed and led by the rightful Leader of our pack Mistress Wolf, as her Mate and Partner on this journey. i am submissive to ONLY Her. This is what She has wanted from the start. With all that said, and the way the original journal ended, why am i back so soon? Because last night Mistress Wolf told me to start a new journal and to forever admit to something i have done to disappoint Her. SHE directed it! So, in the past couple of weeks as i struggled to re-balance my position with my my inner wolf i have been wearing my wolf tail around the house. It helps me remember who i am, and it makes Mistress Wolf laugh to see it. i've always enjoyed wearing my wolf costume (hat, gloves, and tail), but last week, on my birthday, while driving the truck i got to thinking about making an actual full body wolf suit (furry suit). When i got home and got on FB i found a birthday greeting from a very good friend with a drawing she had done just for me for my birthday that looked almost exactly like the wolf suit i'd been thinking of all day! When i private messaged her to say thank you we got to talking about wolves, and i told her i had pictured a suit like the drawing and she sent me a link to a commission artist who makes very realistic furry suits. After looking at the link i have been obsessing over getting one, but the reality is that it is not in the budget at this time. However, my friend who is an amazing artist, had already started planing to build me a wolf mask and headdress, to be used with a full suit in the future. This, all together, got under my fur, and i began searching the internet for sites and link to Furry suits and suit makers, etc. Mistress Wolf has commented a couple of time about my obsessing, but i continued, eventually signing up on what i thought was a Furry chat site, but when i tried to use the site it required a paid account to access the material, so i "joined" without telling Mistress Wolf. When i actually got into the site i found out it was a Furry hook-up site, with no discussion or chat! i quickly logged out as Mistress Wolf's alarm went off about this time. i did not say anything to Her right then as She like to wake up slowly and let Her head come together. At this point i was pretty sure i was going to be in trouble... A couple of hours later, while stopped for a break at work, i called to come clean to Mistress Wolf, but She was busy, so i asked if She would call me back when She was ready to talk, which She did. As hard as it was to do i came clean and told Her what i had done, let just say She was not amused... She asked why i was even looking for Furry groups, i explained that i just want to understand this new desire to "be" a wolf on the outside as i am inside. i feel it is something i need to do to find my true balance. Mistress accepted this answer. After the phone call and a little time to think Mistress began texting me, 3 things She told me in quick succession: i had broken the trust again, i had jeopardized our Credit card info, and i was going full OCD about the Furry suit thing. i was chastised. my responses apparently were correct (for once!), and, after telling her i would clean up the mess and pay the membership fee back from my 'toy fund", She did not beat me up too bad when i got home. When i got home and cleaned up i took Mistress and Little One out to dinner, then just kept a low profile around the house all evening, avoiding the computer entirely. As we went to bed Mistress Wolf again expressed Her disappointment and finally, but calmly, disclosed my sentence: 1. i am to keep a log of ALL internet sites i access using incognito mode (i use incognito for any non-family friendly sites, like CM and the Furry sites i had been accessing so Little One doesn't stumble across them accidentally). i will also ask permission before joining any groups or sites. 2. i am to request Her permission BEFORE ordering ANYTHING or giving Credit Card info online. 3. i am to come back down to earth and quit obsessing about being Furry, but am allowed to continue seeking to understand, and possibly, with Mistress's approval, join non-sex based forums to discuss and learn. 4. i am to "clean-up" the mess (ie: request reimbursement of the "membership fee", delete the account, and repay the house fund for the money i spent without Her permission. 4. i am to create a new journal here on CM, and to fully document what i did, and the results of my indiscretion. And, just like that, Mistress Wolf eloquently demonstrated just how far She has come as a Mistress. She has firmly put Her foot down and given me my marching orders, Judge, Jury, and executioner... Have i mentioned recently how much i love and admire Mistress Wolf???

> Mistress Jules said: > Now that is a great way to start, all smiles and excitement. I look forward to catching up with your world x > Click to expand... Thank you @Mistress Jules!

So far so good, site account is closed, but no refund for the $$ per terms of agreement. I owe the house the full amount.

Spent the weekend at dad's fixing stuff, rough weekend... Normally spent this week with mom. Mistress Wolf is being understanding that I'm having a rough week, and is giving me lots of hugs and such... liking the affection,and it does help.

Yesterday (Tuesday) while texting Mistress Wolf, i dropped a hint of an amorous nature that took seed... Last night i was allowed to please Her in a way that i have not been able to in a long time. Still the same methods, but was given more free reign in the methods, it was spectacular to see Her enjoy it as She did. After Her shower She even commented that "That was the best we've had in a long time, not that recent fun has been lacking, but it was awesome!"... i, unfortunately, was unable to maintain control right at the end, and finished also, which sent Her over the edge once again. i had desperately wanted to make it totally about Her, and had hoped to be denied. i will just have to be extra aware of my thoughts and actions until things level out again.

I took Mistress Wolf and Little one out to dinner tonight, as i got home from job too late to start the BBQ for the meal She had planned. While out i quietly and respectfully asked if i may attempt a replay of last night. Her reply "Maybe..;)" and One last thought/comment... apparently i am still getting bigger, as the rings I wear for Her have started causing some bruising and capillary leakage, even when moved to the base of the penis. Looking like they will have to be removed for play to prevent damage. Yes, i take supplements that are intended to stimulate growth, and they do work!

Don't forget that sometimes our wives enjoy us having an orgasm, especially when it has been a dual one. Hearing them say that a sexual experience they have had is awesome is such a confidence booster. Elle has said something similar to me three times in recent times and when she does it reaffirms what we are doing. To put it into context I don't think she ever said our sex was anything other than good before. The first time she looked at me, face flushed, and said wow, that was incredible, is burnt into my memory. That was from a joint orgasm. The other two were from the first time I gave her a Yoni massage (highly recommended) and the last orgasm she had, when I combined the Yoni techniques with her wand massager. That was a wonderful post to read Wolf, especially given everything you have experienced recently.

@Caged Wolf we all obsess about something and fortunately our partners tend to stop it. It's when they don't stop it and agree you know you are in for one he'll of a ride. Big hugs Lucy x

Very true @Lucy ... And that is another reason why they are in charge... Last night after little one went to bed Mistress Wolf walked up to me and asked "How do you feel tonight?" my reply "pretty good, should be able to sleep just fine." She just looked at me with that look that says "Really?".... i knew what She meant, but i answered the question She asked, soon pleasure ensued. Mistress took charge and ended up riding me, numerous O's, towards the end She looked down at me and said "I', getting close again, and so are you. You're not going to last..." i tried so hard, but when She finished, once again it drove me over the edge also, which sent Her even higher. When we both came back down from the peak She grinned said "I told you you wouldn't be able to hold back... and thank you, I needed that." Mistress Wolf is able to enjoy me again, i am able to be who i am supposed to be, Life is good.

> Caged Wolf said: > I took Mistress Wolf and Little one out to dinner tonight, as i got home from job too late to start the BBQ for the meal She had planned. While out i quietly and respectfully asked if i may attempt a replay of last night. Her reply "Maybe..;)" > and One last thought/comment... apparently i am still getting bigger, as the rings I wear for Her have started causing some bruising and capillary leakage, even when moved to the base of the penis. Looking like they will have to be removed for play to prevent damage. Yes, i take supplements that are intended to stimulate growth, and they do work! > Click to expand... What are you taking?

> laferrij said: > What are you taking? > Click to expand... Pro Plus Ultimate... been taking it almost everyday for a couple of years. Not huge gains, but noticable over time.

Going into the weekend, had a half day off, spent it with Mistress. Went out to lunch, hung out at the house, etc. No playtime this week, but lots of hugs, and touching...

Forgot to post last weekend, Mistress Wolf and i attended a Poly game night with about 10 other Poly people. Mistress is still interested in adding at least one other person to the relationship, but being an introvert makes it hard for Her (and i to a lesser degree) to get out and meet people. This was a huge step for Her.

Today has been interesting, not really anything big, but was allowed to work in the garage for several hours, got the start of a big project done, and got quite dirty. When i came in for lunch i first showered, and on the spur of the moment decided to grab my epilator and took it in with me. After cleaning up i spent about 15-20 minutes removing all the hair from my waist to my upper thighs, except for on the sack itself. Took a bit to get going as it's been a long while since i used it adn i forgot just how much it hurt at first. After i got going i was able to accept the pain for the totally hairless, stubbleless level of clean. . Mistress Wolf came in to check on me at one point, of course, right while i was epilating. She doesn't see how i can do it to myself, but as i told Her, i do it because She prefers the smoothness, and i like the fact i won't have to shave for several weeks.

Jeez, the things I managed to do to myself... Today has been "interesting"... I have a normal line of vitamins and supplements I take each morning, including the previously mentioned Pro Plus for growth. This am I managed to knock the Pro Plus bottle over in the cabinet, along with a bottle of Super V (a natural Viagra like supplement). Being tired I grabbed both bottles, then opened one and took the daily 2 tablet dose, would have been okay if it had been the Pro Plus, but a double dose of Super V has made it a little hard to concentrate, given me the shakes, a major case of skin flush, and a few other normal X2 side effects. Didn't even realize I had done it until just before I left for work and was beginning to feeling the intense effects. Went back to the cabinet and looked and sure enough the bottles were reversed from their normal positions. Told Mistress Wolf what I had done, and She just said "Oh, my..." and laughed a little as I went out the door. Doesn't help that there has been no playtime in the last almost 2 weeks, hoping She has a little compassion this evening! Very hard to focus on the task at hand when every other thought is about ways to get relief...

Last night, after Little One went to bed, Mistress asked if i was interested in getting naked... well, duh.... Took a little bit to really get going, has been a long draining week with the heat and long hours at work, but was able to satisfy Mistress in multiple ways, an share in HEr release as She finished the last time. Very good evening... We both slept in way late this am!

hitting the bottom of the post-release slump now, along with getting Mistress's sinus cold too. not much happening with both of us not feeling good, and with me working weird hours at the new job... long, early days, and I'm not sleeping well. Trying to keep my balance, and keep my attitude i check, but with the tired and sick I'm not doing great.

and tonight Mistress Wolf asked if I felt up to some fun.... it's so hard to tell Her honestly that I'm not .. I ant so much to please Her, but I'm hackking adn plugged up and feel terrible. Yea, I love how things are working out lately... not.

Damn Wolf, that absolutely sucks. My heart goes out to you.

Mistress Wolf was disappointed, but understands... as I said She is on the down side of the same crud, so She understands how i feel. I may have been able to perform, but not with the level of attention She deserves.

Got home from work early Wednesday, and Mistress Wolf asked if I felt up to some playtime, unfortunately I had twisted my lower back and was hurting.. SO tired of having to tell Her "I can't". Little One called and told us that She had to stay after school to help set up for a couple of hours, so I laid down on the floor, stretched and twisted, got my back to release and shift. Gave it a few minutes to see how it felt and was surprised it seemed to hold! Respectfully approached Mistress Wolf and asked "Are you still interested?", I've almost never seen Her put Her book down so fast! Things didn't take long to get heated up, almost as soon as Mistress touched me I was on the verge of climax, seemed like it's been so long and I wanted to see Her i pleasure so bad. Got Her in one of Her favorite positions, standing doggie, and away we went, She was almost instantly on the brink, had several good O's, then I felt the big one coming ad as She went over the edge I was unable to control myself and went over with Her. We collapsed in a heap on the bed, and laid there for a while cuddling. Not sure who enjoyed it more (hopefully Mistress Wolf did), but it was something we both needed!

Yesterday was also a short day at work and I got home early, actually before noon/lunchtime! Hinted to Mistress Wolf that we had time to play, and I would love to ravage Her. Her reply? "You have to feed me first!", so I got changed and we went to our favorite Mexican place. By the time we ate, and got a couple of other things done it was time to go pick up Little One from school so Mistress Wolf told me "Sorry we didn't have time, but later tonight...". Later tonight came, Little One off to bed, Mistress and I made our way to the bedroom, laid on the bed, and Mistress commented, after a big yawn "I'm tired and cold...". I flipped the comforter over Her and laid with Her, my head resting on Her stomach. So relaxing, just being with Her. Told Her that since She was tired we should just go to bed. After laying there dozing for a few more minutes She agreed and we got ready for and went to bed. I thanked Her for the time together, and told Her that contact with Her like that helps quite my mind and lets me relax in ways I normally can't. Slept well, though almost too long, almost 10 hours! Things to do, including 2 Poly group functions this weekend! Progress is sometimes measured in babysteps, other times in leaps and bounds! I and my Wolf are content, hoping things continue to progress in the ways Mistress Wolf desires, and that our relationship continues to become stronger and more solid through the experiences.

Good weekend, and ended Sunday night with another chance to pleasure Mistress Wolf. MANY small o's, 4 really good ones, and a grand finale that pushed me over too. I was so close to satisfying Her without finishing myself, but when I do finish it pushes Mistress even further. Life is good, just have to watch myself for the next week and make sure I stay inline.

weekly update: minor changes, mostly due to my time away with the current job. Mistress Wolf has had Little One doing some of my housework, and has been helping out some Herself. Has come down on me a couple of time for attitude issues, but also understands the last week has been a rough one for me spiritually and emotionally. Things are back on the upswing now, just tired from the stress, adn dealing with the physical aftermath of it all. Got home last night after a 12 hour day on the road and had 4 baskets of laundry to fold and put away, kitchen to clean, another load of laundry to run (work clothes), and try to eat even though I was not feeling great and was not hungry. Had planned to vacumn, and take care of a couple of things outside, but ran out of time. with a 4 am wake up for me Mistress Wolf decided bedtime was a little earlier than normal last night.

So, now that the cat is out of the bag here, i am the one who bought the Keyholder locket from Mistress Jules, for my beautiful Mistress Wolf. As soon as I saw it I know it was perfect for Her, given Her position and status. Couldn't wait until Christmas, as I had originally planned, and gave it to Mistress Wolf as soon as I got back from the Post Office with it. Seeing the look on Her face when She opened it and held it for the first time was more than worth the purchase price! Many Thank yous to Mistress Jules for helping me keep it a secret!

AND, since I didn't have to go to work today (once the boss released me from standby) Mistress Wolf and i went out to lunch. As we were getting ready to go Mistress had me put on Her new locket for Her. It looks so awesome, and is the perfect accent and reminder that SHE is in control. .

fun time last night, too.... was allowed to pleasure Mistress Wolf. had stopped to regain my composure at one point, and she commented "why fight it, you're going to finish when I do...", and She was, of course, right. I try so hard not to, but when She is in the throws of a big release it just sends me over the edge too.

I just read this on Tumblr and immediately thought of you. You might not be a natural submissive, you have had to work at that, but other than that I think it describes you pretty much perfectly. I think I fall into a similar description of being an alpha submissive, although I am not an alpha male by any description. That being said I am not naturally submissive to just anyone. What do you think? I love the fact that Tumblr is a place where this sort of thing gets discussed alongside all the hysterical fantasy.

So disappointing last night. Long day in the truck at work, pushed to get home at a decent time and did. steak on the BBQ for dinner, folded a couple of loads of clothes, and was waiting to see what Mistress Wolf wanted to do. At 9 She turned off the TV and said "bed time". I was disappointed, and went to take my shower and get ready for bed. Took my shower and was about ready for bed when Mistress got undressed and got in bed... Apparently I missed the next comment "we don't have to go to sleep". Unfortunately I could not get in the right frame of mind to attend to Her. We laid there and talked about a lot of things, and, as we got warm and cozy, Mistress Wolf commented "better get up and put my pj's on..." I'm disappointed in myself for multiple reasons. That I couldn't get my focus properly on Mistress's wants and needs, That I wasn't listening close enough to hear the second part of her comment (have hearing issues after being in the truck all day), that things have gotten to this point in our relationship, that it's once every couple of weeks with pretty much nothing in between, then I can't even get my shit together when the opportunity is there. I know I am still pretty stressed over work, money, and a myriad of other issues, mostly of my own creation, but there has to be a way to get it all back together.

on a good note, got home fairly early today, before Little One got home from school, and was given the opportunity to make amends for last night. Things went MUCH better...

> Jasmic68 said: > I just read this on Tumblr and immediately thought of you. > > You might not be a natural submissive, you have had to work at that, but other than that I think it describes you pretty much perfectly. I think I fall into a similar description of being an alpha submissive, although I am not an alpha male by any description. That being said I am not naturally submissive to just anyone. > What do you think? I love the fact that Tumblr is a place where this sort of thing gets discussed alongside all the hysterical fantasy. > Click to expand... That does sound a lot like me..... to the world I am an Alpha......

> Caged Wolf said: > on a good note, got home fairly early today, before Little One got home from school, and was given the opportunity to make amends for last night. Things went MUCH better... > Click to expand... This reminds me so much of my situation over the past year. One moment everything feels like a disaster and I question my resolve, and then, the next moment... Well. Why was I so worried?

agreed @Jasmic68 . I just get so tired, and tired of feeling like I am failing Mistress Wolf. I stress myself until I can barely function, much less be of use to Her, before I crash and reset. We are going to the store soon to get more Stud 100 spray (desensitizer), and I will be going without finishing again.

Very much enjoy reading your trials and tribulations.

thank you @low, I know I am not posting as much lately, things have hit a plateau, and with everything going on it is not as "fun" right now. Things are still good to very good, I'm just pretty beat down by life at the moment.

It is the struggles i enjoy reading about. It is more real to me than the kinky play, cuckolding and other such things. It's that sort of stuff that i will point my Wife to if/when She decides to join the community rather than the hardcore bdsm bits. It's easy to show the fun parts, but the real struggles and the emphasis on love and communication, taking a break if need be, and the practicalities of chastity outside of the fun bits... Those are what i pay attention to (and learn from, if resolutions emerge in the writing).

well, thank you for that. I am glad to hear someone else is benefiting from my thoughts and experiences. As I've said, I post it mostly for myself to go back and reread to see how far things have gone, where things went wrong or right, and to help me figure out things.

OMG, that was fun! Short day at work, home at noon (left at 5 am), Had lunch with Mistress Wolf (miss doing that almost everyday). After we ate, I put the dishes away and Mistress said She was cold, so I hinted that I would like to "warm Her up".... nakedness ensued, followed by much touching, licking, and intimate touching by both of us, but no oral, until Mistress told me to spray and wrap. We had purchased a new bottle of delay spray Saturday evening, and I was allowed to break the seal on it today! Pumped a couple of sprays onto myself, then several more into the condom (will probably never be allowed to pleasure Mistress without a condom anymore, it's just one of the ways She controls things), and put it on, massaging the delay spray in well. Washed my hands to make sure there was not residue to "numb" Her parts, then rejoined Her in bed. This is a different brand, Dynamo Delay instead of the Stud 100. Still the same main ingredient, but this spray actually begins to feel hot as it starts to work, where the Stud feels cool before going numb. Very interesting sensation, especially as I entered Mistress Wolf with some tactile sensation and the very mild sting of the spray. Was able to feel a little bit for the first couple of minutes before losing all sensation. Was FINALLY able to truly bring Mistress Wolf to complete satisfaction after many, many very good climaxes. The last couple actually had Her crossing Her eyes as She writhed in pleasure. I was able to feel a little of the pressure as She clamped down on me as She peaked, and on Her final, massive orgasm I actually had the beginning sensations that I might be able to finish also, and was actually thrusting and shifting to keep the sensation going until She looked up at me and said "oh my, wow, I'm all done..."... I tried to keep going, to get Her one more, but She told me again, "no more" and pushed me away. Laid together, letting the feelings subside, talking and laughing. Mistress Wolf finally told me "That is what I've really been needing. You've been getting me there before you come, but I've wanted just a little more. THIS is what I've needed!". It sounds like I will be back to spray and wrap, with no finish, for the foreseeable future, and I am SO happy to hear Her say this! Now if I could just get permission to buy another cage and go back into lockup when not needed, I would be absolutely content...:rolleyes::);)

BTW, kept the condom on while I showered to prevent the spray washing off. I know the Stud spray would last 4+ hours, wanted to see how long this spray lasts...

finally starting to get feeling back again, so a little more than 6 hours!!! the Stud 100 was good for 4 - 4 1/2 hours. This owned wolf is liking it! Have hinted at trying again tonight, and got a "maybe"