Journals and blogs discussion

I haven’t been posting much on the Mansion lately; my libido plunged and play nearly ceased, with any sex dropping from once a day to once a week. Any feminine feelings I possessed have mostly vanished—perhaps it was just a phase? I’m not entirely sure. For those who missed my previous diaries over the last year or so, let me remind you that I used to see myself as a sissy and invested considerable time, effort, and money into trying to become one. All of that pretty much stopped about two weeks ago, coinciding with the disappearance of both my feminine feelings and my libido. Now that my libido has returned somewhat, I thought I would try updating my diary again. However, since my fem feelings haven’t come back, I decided to start this new entry under a more general title. At present, I am returning to being Master’s sub and am willing to go back to being his dog slave. Yesterday, I had a sudden burst of horniness. Before we went out for the evening, I pulled my leather dog hood from among the toys and gestured for Master to put it on me. He couldn’t resist, and in no time at all, he was fucking me like a dog, pulling hard on the lead and making me growl like an animal. It felt amazing; I had forgotten how good it is to become animalistic and forget about the real world for even a brief moment. I’m not sure why I suddenly decided to get the hood out, but perhaps I still have urges to return to my old ways. Before I ever considered becoming a sissy, I was a 24/7 slave to Master and was often treated like a dog—drinking from a bowl and even wearing a butt plug with a dog tail. It was a good time for us both. I’m not sure where my sissy persona has gone, nor am I claiming that I won’t have urges to dress up in women’s clothing again eventually. For the moment, though, I’m just taking things as they come and not forcing anything. You could say I am living for the present.

We all go through phases and change over time; that is what shapes us into who we are. None of us are just one-sided. Personally, I have more sides than a Rubik’s Cube. Don't spend too much time worrying about what you think you *should* be feeling; just explore what you *do* feel. And if I may offer some advice: don’t throw anything out.

Hmmm, I can relate to this... sometimes I'm up, down here and there, all over the place... but I think it's okay, sweetie. One fine day I'll know where I am at... but for the moment... spinning in my heels:bukkake:

Thanks for the advice gurls. I definitely won’t be throwing anything out. Master seems much happier now; I think he’s loving having his dog back. He is a lot more dominant and controlling as well, and likes to talk dirty too, which I like very much. It seems that when Master becomes more dominant, I enjoy it even more—he is confident and sure of himself, which helps my submission. I definitely still have a sissy side to me, but it’s less sexual now. For instance, I still like using my girl spray and shower gel; little things like that remind me of my desires. Not that I’m pushing them away, but I’m not thinking to myself, "I want to be sissy, I must train." I am more content just letting things happen. I can see us both having a lot more play now that I’ve returned to being a dog. It’s as if Master knows what to do with me and comes up with ideas for our activities more easily. He has already started saving up for a new tail for me, which involves him giving up or at least cutting down on smoking. An added bonus for him is that for every day he doesn’t smoke, I have to give him at least one blow job. I’ll leave it there for now. I hope to report lots more in the coming weeks.

We decided a while back that experimenting and having variety is more important than sticking with just one thing. For us, chastity is just another toy on the shelf. Mistress has been into CBT with clothespins lately, but that may pass soon for some other adventure.

Well, it’s been a while since I updated my diary. Last week there was a massive storm which fried my network card—strangely enough, even when the PC was turned off at the plug, the surge traveled up the network cable via the hub. Anyway, Master and I went camping over the weekend before I could fix it. The trip was a nice break; only the weekend, but it was good to get away for a few days. For the most part we drank, ate, and explored Wales, but Master and I managed some kink even though we were camping with friends. We sneaked off into a wood in the middle of the night and master fucked me up against a tree. It was our first time having sex outside; it was exciting, scary, and kinky all at once. Master loved it and let me cum as well, so I left my mark on a tree somewhere hehe. Our little outdoor trip made Master crave more kink, but unfortunately, I was exhausted after the drive back on Sunday and had hay fever yesterday. Master didn’t seem happy that we couldn’t play and got a bit snappy with me. I wasn’t entirely pleased either; unable to help feeling unwell, I wondered what would happen if I became properly ill. Master tried turning it around on me, saying I made him feel bad when he was ill, but I reminded him that he made himself feel bad for not being able to play and that I had been nothing but supportive. It feels like the shoe is on the other foot now; Master wants more kink, craving play, while I wasn’t up to it—at least for those few days. I do want to play and just hope Master still does as well. I look forward to seeing more of this new, dominant, and kinky Master that he seems to be becoming.

Dear slave Kris, I can sympathize; life has its UPs and DOWNS... and things NEVER seem to come out the way you planned. It makes you wonder... about those strange HAPPY people who wander the earth with STUPID, silly, DUMB grins on their faces... singing "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" straight from their assholes!... The only solution? They must be... how do ya say it?... "HEAVILY MEDICATED" When things get me all angry and frustrated... I try to turn my attention to a different outlet... like reading a new book or checking out the latest "Star Trek" movie or working on my "Tachikoma" model kit. You have no idea how many times I threw my &*%$@# AIRBRUSH against the wall because that DAMN thing wouldn't work right!!! The only solution, I find, is to hang on tight because these days will pass... The sun will come out, the planets will align... Order will return to the Universe... and everything you touch will turn *GOLDEN* I LIVE for days like that!!

Mmmm, Mistress and I love outdoor sex, especially when there are people around. I have fucked Mistress several times in hotel pools right in front of everyone. It's great in the water; just slide her bathing suit bottom over and stick my cock in.

Not a huge amount to report today. Work is taking over again as usual mid-week. Last night Master said he would leave any hint of play up to me, so before he got home, he told me I should leave some "Master pants" out if I was interested in playing. I had showered and shaved; I still shave my body and legs even though I’m not really a sissy anymore—I prefer it this way. After that, I slipped into a thong and left the pants out for Master. We had dinner and then watched TV as usual, but by bedtime we managed some play. We didn't use toys; instead, Master described what he was going to do to me over the next few weeks. He wants me to have a dog bowl (a pink one is allowed), and I am also getting a sparkly dog collar. His descriptions got me so horny and drove me wild; he was playing with my nipples as well, which added to the madness. After winding me up, he used me for his pleasure. It just goes to prove you don’t need toys to tease, although they are fun.

It only goes to show... the GREATEST sex organ in the human body is the one between the two ears...

So true maid muffy

> It only goes to show... the GREATEST sex organ in the human body is the one between the two ears... > Click to expand... So true!! Glad to hear things are looking up for you slave Kris. It sure sounds like you two have found your stride again; that is great!

It’s been a strange few days, but good ones at the same time. On Friday Master and I went shopping, and he bought me a Pink diamant dog collar which I love, along with a pink dog bowl. I like that Master is letting me have pink things so I can still express my sissy side; I think he knows that I would still like to be a sissy at times. I’m not missing being a sissy all that much because Master is so much more content now and confident, which means he can be more dominant. As long as Master is in control and happy to take charge, then I feel content too. To prove how much Master has changed, we had some play on Sunday, though it wasn’t exactly what I expected. I cheekily suggested being tied up earlier in the week and got what I asked for in a way. Master put the spreader bar between my legs and cuffed my hands to it, meaning I was face down into the carpet. Being tied up this way was comfortable enough; after a few minutes I was squirming but trying to moan or complain at the same time. Master took full advantage of my position, teasing his property and spanking me every time I came close to cumming. After a while it all became too much, and I ended up having a ruined orgasm. This provided a good excuse for Master to teach me another lesson: he put my cum into my dog bowl which was full of water. When he untied me, I had to drink the water. I guess that’s a lesson learned for me—first, not to cum; and second, not to demand or even hint at play.

There isn't much going on at the moment. Things seem to be taking a step backwards. I've said as much as I can say on my blog. I just hope things get better soon. I haven't done much with my web site either, but I haven't given up on it.

Not a massive amount to report; things have been up and down over the past few weeks. I’ve posted a few updates on my blog but nothing overly interesting. Things seem to be trending upward though, which is good. Tonight I’m dressed in a basque, stockings, and suspenders with my new wig on. I feel good; I'm glad I am making the effort to dress again—I've missed it. Master seems fully supportive now and is embracing my sissy desires. We’re still taking things slowly; this is the first time in ages that I’ve dressed up. Master said I look good, which is nice to hear. I’m not sure how much sissy training I’ll get or how involved Master will be in my development, but at the moment I am happy with how things are. We’re taking each day as it comes. As for my wig, I’ve never been a big fan of them; I wasn't sure how this one would look since I've always wanted to be convincing by growing out my hair naturally. Growing my natural hair didn’t work no matter how I tried to style it—it just didn’t look right. I must say that I’m quite pleased with my wig; it’s synthetic for now, but it's a start. I might invest in a better one soon. It sits just past the shoulders and is deep red. I might have some pics to upload if the mood takes me or Master.

If you read Master’s diary, you will see that things are back on track again and we seem to be doing well with our lifestyle roles. This comes after almost three weeks of no play or whatsoever in the lifestyle. Well as usual we had a little play over the week, but this time any play came with an ultimatum. Master is giving me one last chance to give the lifestyle a proper go and wants me to serve and be submissive 24/7. Things seem to be going well up until now, but it’s only Tuesday so I don’t want to jinx anything. So far I have been able to follow all my orders and am completely clean-shaven again at Master’s request. I think the fact that I haven’t had an orgasm in over a week is helping keep me submissive; I’m still not wearing a chastity device, so I rely on my own self-control. I mentioned getting my foreskin pierced earlier, but I think we discussed it before. I have quite a long foreskin which means I could have my penis infibulated. It is a tempting prospect, though practically speaking I don’t know how it would work out yet. I hope I can keep up this level of submission. I definitely want the lifestyle; I love to submit and enjoy the feeling of being submissive as well as enjoying the play that comes with the lifestyle. Only time will tell, but so far I am hopeful.

Ultimatum is probably not the right way to look at it. You have demonstrated to each other over time that sometimes you are into it and sometimes not. Maybe just be happy that things are going well for now but don't see a cooling off later on as a failure.

This is a great thread and very pertinent to where I am these days. I was very active on this site during the Spring but haven't posted all summer. I haven't been dressing up much at all nor experimenting with chastity. Experience has taught me that I'm just going through a phase and my kink interests will return. I agree with the advice of others not to throw anything out! I've done that in the past and lived to regret it. So much money down the drain! Best wishes on your journey and thanks for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and new adventures, slave kris. fondly, maid madeleine xo

Thanks for your comments guys. We’re taking things one step at a time but doing much better this time around. I just thought I’d do a quick post about some of the play we had. Master wrapped me up in cling film, but I’ll write about what happened after that tomorrow—it's what I wanted to write about. After being unwrapped, Master needed sorting out too, but I felt so horny I just wanted to cum. Master was going to let me have a ruined orgasm, but I didn’t want to lose any of my submissive feelings. I suggested that I need to reduce the sensitivity of my pathetic clit by cooling it down; we had no ice cubes so Master sent me to get some Deep Heat. It was liberally coated all over my clit and I even pulled my foreskin back so Master could coat the head as well. After a few seconds, it began to hurt really badly. I felt as if I could cry. Seeing that I was in pain, Master took me to the bathroom to wash off as much as he could. When I felt close to tears, it didn’t seem like it was just because of the pain; I felt true remorse for having selfish thoughts. Even though it hurt, I’m glad I did it. I felt even more submissive afterward and thanked Master for taking away my selfish thoughts. The strange thing is that Master came very close to saying the safe word when he saw how much pain I was in. After getting cleaned up, I rode Master's cock hard and made sure he had a good orgasm. It was an intense experience so I thought I would write about it now before bed.

I have decided that I am going to take becoming a sissy seriously and set myself some goals. You can see how I’m getting on by reading my blog. Hope you find it interesting if you decide to check it out. I wont be abandoning this diary as the community will always be my lifestyle home and favourite site. My sissy blog

Time for a quick update. A lot has happened since the start of the week; I’ve tried to keep a daily diary on my blog and have kept it up to date with my feelings and thoughts. I’m not sure why I am feeling more committed to becoming a sissy this time around, but something has changed in me. Although I didn’t wear my corset yesterday, I don’t feel that my sissy feelings have slipped. As stated in my blog, I almost gave myself an orgasm after looking at some of the images Dollyanne put up for part of her training, but I managed to stop before climaxing. I did dribble a bit though; it was a pathetic sight with only half-swollen clit. It would seem that I may have developed a hair trigger; I hardly touched my clit before feeling myself getting close to climax. If I had climaxed, it would have been an unsatisfying affair, but I didn’t want to risk ruining what I have achieved so far. Master seems fully supportive of me and is helping me along which is good. I hope I can achieve my goal of being able to actually call myself a sissy rather than just a masculine wannabe excuse for one. I’m going to slip into my corset for the night shortly and continue my corset training to improve my posture. Master did mention some play tonight, but I'm not sure what he'll think when I tell him about my accident.

Well needless to say Master wasn’t happy yesterday. When I got home from work, he told me that I had better read my post or posts as there were quite a few of them eek! It seems like I have become addicted to posting on both the Mansion and my blog twice now. Anyway when master finally finished reading all those words of mine, he didn’t say anything at first. It wasn't until later that evening though before telling me how pissed off he was which turned into quite an argument not what i expected him doing! I thought maybe there would be some punishment involved after finding out about everything but it seems like master felt hurt by both things done and written down following up with posts too because they really didn’t help matters much either way around here... Its true Some pictures from Dollyanne did give me semi swollen clit but these weren't looked at during accident time. I remember just turning off the computer when touching little bit of skin near bottom part then carried on lightly rubbing end portion feeling incredibly close quickly getting sense excitement intrigue regarding how long take cumming As found out seconds only wished hadn’t done even though didn’t climax completely yet understand why mad but ended up huffing because reaction way was wrong! Thought being punished without phased thought process turned out differently than expected. Master said also pissed off having posted let everybody know before knew reason wrote soon profound moment; sissy hair trigger exciting for me. Also wanted txt master simply tell phone waited home instead Think we’re sorted now but touch go whether Master wants carry on dominant role.

Hello there Kris! Just checking in to see what you have been up to and how things are going.:manga_bunny:

Hey Mistress Watchful thanks for poping in, it's great to see that you're back posting. I think it’s time for a quick updated. It’s been ages as usual. I haven’t even updated my blog this week. The main reason for the lack on updated is the lack of anything to write about, thins have gone quite again this week, mostly because I was allowed to orgasm. Having an orgasm seems to completely stop any sissies desires or submissive feelings. It’s not good at all. I much prefer the feeling of submission and was really starting to find my own sissy style that I was comfortable with. I have to say though that the orgasm was great. I thin Master got a bit carried away when he heard me moaning like I was. He was fingering my sissy clit like he usually does this always seems to drive me wild I can’t explain it. This time thou his finger pushed deep inside pushing my clit inside a reassess I never knew existed. It was a strange experience but it felt good at the same time. There must be few reasons why it feels so good, one being all of the pleasure from Master rubbing the head of my clit and another is just the feeling of being pleasured as if I was a gurl is extremely exciting. It even looks like I could be a gurl when his hands are down there. I usually feel really feminine and then begin to moan quite load like a whore. My submission and feminine feelings are starting to return slowly and I’m back to wearing panties and tucking my little clit. I do prefer it when my desires are at their peak though I know that for sure. I guess I must resist the prospect of release even when Master seems happy to allow me release. I just wish I could afford a neo steel I’m thinking this is the option for me. Infibulation isn’t an option as a couple of people have pointed out, it doesn't work so I will take their advice I think.

Well this week has been quite good so far, the weather has picked up and more importantly Master and I had some time for play. It was only a quick session but it was enough to remind how good it feels to be tied up and teased. Master restrained me to the bed with cuffs and a spreader bar and then set about teasing me to distraction, he brought me to the edge so many times I lost count. It was all good fun though. I managed not to spill a drop of my sissy cum and when Master was done torturing me he used me for his pleasure, he really fucked me quite hard, not that I was complaining. I think Master is getting to grips with seeing me a sexual object now, a slave to be used for his own pleasure. Last night for instance I was knackered and half asleep but Master decided he wanted pleasuring anyway and with me lying on my side he slipped his cock into my sissy pussy and fucked me until he came. I don’t mind Master taking advantage of me, I wouldn’t want him to go with out and if he can help himself to my sissy pussy once in a while why not. It’s good for when I’m tired and can’t commit 100 percent to pleasuring him. I know I know I should always want to 100c percent effort in but my job really does take it out of me, having a physical job and being self employed is hard work. Anyway thats about it for now, hopefully will have much more to write about soon.

So yet again I have left it a long time to update my diary. Mainly because there hasn’t been much to write and I haven’t really felt inspired to write about anything. I thought I’d update my dairy instead of my blog as I feel I haven’t been involved with the Mansion as much I would have liked in recent months. If you have read Master’s update you will have seen that we have had some play with the new horse I built. It’s no looker but it does the trick. It allows Master access to my sissy pussy and keeps me fully restrained neck, arms and legs so there’s no getting away, just the way I like it. We have decided to give the 24/7 thing a go again and things seem to be going well, it not an intense 24/7 but for the most part I know where I stand apart from being cheeky the odd time. I think Master lets me get away with being cheeky trough as it’s part of my character i guess and I don’t think master want loose whole boyfriend aspect out relationship. My feminization isn’t going anywhere at moment, apart wearing panties clothes new asexual wardrobe which include girls t-shirts girls jeans Need back though need good shave. Other than that let Master bleach hair so now blond highlights Like level control exciting like got pierced him We’ll see how things go this time round seems different somehow better don't spoil anything take slow. Pics me horse here.

Things seem to be going well at the moment. We even managed some more play. I’m trying to behave and follow orders and Master is certainly taking his role seriously and expects orders to be followed without question and he doesn’t usually let me off if I don’t respond with ‘yes sir’ We had a chance to meet up another lifestyle couple on Sunday it was good able conversation someone else not worry slipping bedroom activities. We only went around town coffee chat but it good sure what couple made us Master day particular couple we met nice. The play Sunday evening after out meeting was good Basically involved putting bluntly fucking master strap-on watching porn He very dominant kept reminding pathetic sissy clit how real man could satisfy him Did sort top bottom requested wear blindfold couldn't see TV doing doggie style able see television though obliged seemed pissed wanted prove didn’t want receive direct pleasure other than being humiliated serving Master's needs. Master certainly enjoyed whilst making love played cock after while came lot When done removed blindfold shoved cum soaked t shirt face made lick clean whole experience horny great Had little rest afterwards but wasn't long until Master again this time going fuck hard. Made dribble sissy cum everywhere was so horny It felt like orgasm didn’t get anywhere near much sub drop usual as good. Lets hope thing continue touch wood excuse pun lol.

Ohhh yummy! We do need sort big UK get together but I'm manic now till back US!

what a great idea......................somewhere near warwick might fun........lol:anim_37:

I’m back on the Mansion and back in chastity! I haven’t been feeling myself for a few weeks so all play most sex went window Luckily better now also locked bit turn around. Initially locked Saturday but Master let CB before going night To begin with seemed gone vanilla but Saturday think joked pissed bathroom strip didn't know playing went anyway Surprise ordered bath wasn't sure wanted not horny submissive asked submit big part wanted choice prove master want submit got lay down. Master stud over then ordered beg piss at first convincing could tell wanted after while felt really wanted prove submit began pissing humiliating showing power admit enjoyed humiliation under Master way. After cleaned up ordered get CB put did as told happily locked padlock on my CB. Felt good if never taken off months ago Did allow take before went out good turned toilets only urinals peeing tricky Locked yesterday ok far removed briefly last night make modifications though have ever used PA cable prior putting CB back made rubber cap liquid latex protect sensitive head sissy clit pro stop foreskin pinched Seems worked cap sits over two little holes PA go through PA ring goes normal. Now locked extra security need get used wearing CB all over again means waiting scrotum stretch means few days waking middle night hope works time around We shall see There's pic bellow my locked clitty. You'll excuse hairy mess haven't chance have body shave yet it also usualy fun Master orders remove body hair:innocent0009: [Image: picture.php]

Not a lot report nothing exciting Mistress Watchfull’s post admit feel bit envious don’t know why. Think cuckolding time think rubbish cuck probably have many hang ups handle seeing Master pleasure someone else although part thinks hot see worry though. Good news still wearing CB been on make adjustments permission master course One problem only long pins left used spacers behind pin make difference kept pressing against skin behind ring miraculously managed new shorter pin breaking spare welding back soldering iron Joint seems strong holding good paying 8.00 little plastic pin Unfortunately PA cable hasn’t worked irritating head sissy clit much even rubber cap made doing well intention trying escape think done devices so far device merely reinforced chastity pleases Master seeing locked again. Master said buy new CB3000 cage birthday/Christmas present look forward The 2000 cage bit bulky side keeps leaving bar impressions scrotum isn’t fun endure prove willing stay chastity him.

Hiya kris - don't be envious trust probably much better staying as are! It's toooooo complicated!!!!:happy0195: Thinking trying CB6000s next... new season already? Only ask seem buy bloody things!

kris, Congratulations getting back into a CB. My problem security cable been cb3k little long me As consequence totally flaccid retract bit away end tension piercing all time Though unpleasant short term after few days tender Short cb6k probably work better tired spending money cbxxxx series Maybe'll try shortening cb3k Dunno. Good luck enjoy! mikecb

Thanks Mistress Watchful perhaps right. Life's complicated enough Mike thanks encouragement problem PA cable foreskin completely covers head use PA cable foreshin tries return cover head pinches against cable cage PA ring hurts like hell constantly Contemplated circumcision ain't getting clitty doctor just can use PA cable Will wait until afford Metal belt.

kris, Is your security cable (and clitty) long enough press ring between bars front cage pass cable THROUGH ring OUTSIDE? That's way do CB3k. Cable makes contact front penis that way. mikecb

My foreskin so long tight PA ring disappears force head trying retract pulls cable against the foreskin.

Exactly same issues pet. Hopefully sooner later one stumble along perfect device uncircumsized males!:anim_63:

I already Have. It's called Neo Steel Only problem today exchange rate it 700. Good know person problem startting think freak:mad0214:

Oh love kris... but that's we much!:manga_beat:

Hmm... just another thought... what about bigger diameter ring - stick farther? Might open foreskin bit cause ring get past Dunno comfortable or not. mike

Tried Mike:mad0235:. Tried biggest diameter ring could find still pulled Thanks suggestion Will just have do PA cable.

Just rememberd idea few months ago using large PA ring conjunction KSD. Would similar PA cable wouldn't able pull out due ring bigger gap KSD.

Well last night turned out to be quite intense and we had no plans for play. The evening started with me getting a shower and making a start on shaving off all my horrible body hair, I then slipped into my dressing gown and put on my pink diamante caller, I don’t know why I just thought it would be nice to wear. I waited for Master to get home and just before he arrived I made a start on dinner. When he got home we sat down and ate and then had some lovely Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. After that Master ordered me to run him a bath and then pamper him, I did as I was told and went into the bathroom. After Master’s bath we watched some more telly and I went on the computer for a while then we went to the bedroom. Master informed me that he wanted an all over body massage and then he wanted ‘sorting out’ afterward. I gladly obliged and when I was done giving Master a massage I began to stroke his cock with a little encouragement from Master. I was quite horny at this point and then Master started playing with my nipples. I then began to play with Master ass, part of me was hoping that he would take the hint and sit on my face allowing me to lick his ass deep. Eventually he asked me if I would like to lick his ass to which I eagerly agreed, Master told me to get on the end of the bed, but I cheekily asked if I could ‘get in my place’ ie under Master with him sat over me. Master was happy to do this and I quickly lay down. I pushed my tongue deep into Master’s ass and he was loving it and so was I. I get such a feeling of vulnerability and the feeling that I have no choice in what I’m doing which makes me love it even more. After a while Master began to really bush down on my face at one point suffocating me, this just made me even more horny, I did have to tap out but after I had got my breath back Master sat back down. Master sat on my face suffocating me a few more times making me drive my tongue deeper into his ass. After a while though we stopped and then started kissing again. I was super horny and Master then started tugging on my collar whilst playing with my nipples, I can’t tell you how good it felt, Master was cautious though and didn’t use too much pressure or keep it back for too long. We kissed and played a little longer and then Master decided that he wanted to fuck me, he orderd me on all fours and informed me that he was going to pull on my collar, I wasn’t sure about that method so I suggested he could use something over my head. All I had to hand we’re some clear PVC piss pants (clean of course), bit spare of the moment but it did the trick, as Master was fucking me he would occasionally pull back on the pants suffocating me. I could sense he was getting close so I called for him to go hard and pull hard on the pants. It was amazing. It’s amazing what happens when you don’t plan things. We’ve never really done exfixiation play before, I think it’s near to top of out extreme list but I have to say it was good. Oooh just found a rubber hood that could be useful, looks much fun. Damn MW’s pet for describing how good it feels to have a rubber hood on, I was looking all night for a hood.

Oh I love it when things just happen and aren't planned... it's a testimony to how perfect you are together! Now kris... you can't keep blaming me and pet for all your new shopping requirements!!! Heck that site is good. This is what pet is probably after but I'm not sure on a zip mouth! Nearly Christmas!!!!:party-051:

So it’s been quite some time since I last updated. Things haven’t been great, I haven’t felt all that well and I feel as if I’m just working all the time. Master and I seemed to drift a part for a while and the sex dried up completely which seemed to make things worse. Master was convinced that I couldn’t have sex without toys being involved when in one of my honrier moments I mentioned clingfilm half jokingly. Things seem to be getting back on track in one way or another though. It’s Master turn not to be well this time though so he’s having to take it easy. I’m making us sound like a pair of old hypochondriacs but according to the doctor I think Master just might have to cut certain foods out. Things between us did get a little intense on the sex front the other day when we seemed to be well and truly back in our roles. I remember at one particularly intense moment asking Master to punish me for acting masculine, as I felt a rush of sissy desires coming back. Master explained earlier that he would like me to wear jock straps and be all manly and also to take the initiative some times, something I struggle with. I often find it hard to get in the mood unless Master takes the lead, I love it when he’s controlling in the bedroom, it gets me going. I don’t think Master gets that, he assumes that I should be turned on by visual stimulation, don’t get me wrong I love Master and he is sexy to me but I get turned on more by the touch feely stuff and the psychological stuff. I had the idea that I could be a sissy all the time when at home and as I said punished for acting masculine and then when Master so desires I could be all “manly” for him and wear what he want. I’m not sure if it will work but we’ll have to wait until we’re both 100% to see if it can be achieved. My sissy desires have been coming and going this last week, some times I feel like I just want to be a sissy nothing else and then I feel embarrassed by the though and feel like I’m being stupid. I have begun tucking again though, I do prefer it, I’ve also made a start on removing all my body hair once again, it’s all got a bit out of control. If I do get any doubts about wanting to at least try being a proper sissy I look at a picture I have up on my blog of a gothic looking T-gurl, There’s no way I could ever look like that but it makes me want to at least try to achieve some level of femininity. [Image: picture.php] Controversially I have been doing a variant of the flat to fem program, I know it’s unlikely to work but life’s too short not to try. I’m trying red clover a natural anti androgen with some “natural estrogen”. I’m taking it slow and only taking small amounts, I would like to see though if it does have any effect, it would be great if it slowed my facial hair growth down as I’ve gone from shaving once a fortnight to having to twice a week or risk having a straggly beard. Not much else to say at the moment, taking things one step at a time and trying not to get ahead of myself.

Things are progressing steadily. Master and I have experienced quite a few highs and lows over the last couple of weeks. Last week, my interest in sex and submission dropped again, making things feel strained between us. However, Thursday night brought improvement; Master was teasing my nipples to get me aroused, which worked well. While he played with my clit, he asked if I wanted to climax. My submissive nature reacted instantly, though I hesitated—part of me wanted it, part didn’t. Suddenly, without warning, I proposed that this be my very final orgasm. Master questioned why and I explained that while I want to submit, finding it difficult after an ejaculation is hard for me. He seemed fine with this reasoning and continued working on my clit, telling me I should beg him to allow the submission. So I did, pleading repeatedly until I truly felt both the desire and need for it. All the time, he kept playing with my sensitive spot, and eventually, I came. Master dipped his hand into the spill of cum, pressed it against my face, and made me lick clean. I’m not certain if this will indeed be my last one since Master enjoys stimulating my clit so much; we’ll see what happens. Interestingly enough, even after climaxing, I still felt submissive and slightly horny—a positive sign. He didn’t demand anything else from him right then, so we went to sleep. But in the morning, as I was waking up, he pounced on me and decided to use my sissy pussy immediately; his only words were that he would be using me. I appreciate it when Master just takes charge without asking. Saturday brought some intense play involving sensory deprivation and cling film—two of my absolute favorites. They wrapped me up tight and teased until all energy drained from me. When Master finally stopped, removing the hood, gag, earplugs, and blindfold, he assumed I had cum because I’d ceased squirming; in reality, I just lacked the strength to move further. As he was about to unwrap me, I asked if he wanted to use my pussy again. Rolling over and lifting my hips, he applied lube quickly and fucked me firmly—starting relatively gently until I instructed him to go harder, like a slave being used. I craved that rough treatment; I am so incredibly horny. Afterward, I explained how much I enjoy sexual servitude. He might have felt guilty, as he has in the past (which is understandable), but it can be tough for someone to abuse a loved one while still loving them. Fortunately, when Master gets into the moment, he doesn’t hold back. Despite him repeatedly saying he loves me afterwards—which initially worried me that he regretted his actions—it turned out he just felt closer due to our intense session. Things have settled down today since Master has a hangover; I unfortunately worked last night so couldn't join in drinking fully. Now, I’m craving more use and playtime. I am very horny. I try not to dwell on my desire for a 24/7 arrangement where I remain at his sexual beck and call. It’s feasible perhaps not right now—it is quite an ask for a relatively young couple—but the distinction between loving partners versus Master/slave dynamics feels too large currently, so we must cherish these moments when our roles align.

It took me quite a while to reach the conclusions you are now reaching. Did you check my blog today? Savor those happy moments and don’t force yourself to be like that constantly. The breathing room between them is equally vital.

Thanks for the advice Mistress Watchful. It makes perfect sense. I read your blog too; it’s something I always make time to do. So, things appear to be going well at present. Master is acting quite dominant and taking charge more often now. We aren’t strictly 24/7 yet, but we’re close enough. We still have our normal vanilla moments, though a single command from him reminds me of my place—though I don't always obey immediately the first time sometimes testing him. It’s not ideal topping-from-the-bottom behavior; it just works better for us because I respond well to direct orders and his dominant tone usually signals “I’m serious, do as you’re told.” We managed some play again last night inside the sleep sack—a piece of equipment we don’t utilize enough considering its cost. That said, our overall frequency has been lower over recent months. I climbed into the bag; I love that feeling because the interior is smooth and immediately cocoon-like once you’re in. Master zipped it shut then secured all straps tightly before starting his teasing game. He instructed me to kiss him but move away so I had to lift myself up, causing the neck strap to tighten with each movement, which heightened intensity. Several times, wanting desperately to prove my devotion nearly made me black out; Master noticed and pushed me back down. Master then adapted the rule: this time I needed to reach his cock. After much taunting and struggling initially, I reached a state where things felt different—I was striving hard to get his penis into my mouth as if desperate for it, becoming quite animalistic in process. It felt wonderful, intensely pleasurable. Once Master finished teasing me out, he announced he would release me. Before doing so, still feeling very horny and submissive, I asked if he’d cum on my face while inside. Explaining that I needed to please him first, he inserted his large cock into my mouth; I sucked until he neared completion. He withdrew it then finished manually, spraying all over my face twice before rubbing the fluid in and feeding some directly to me. This left me incredibly horny again, plunging deep back into my animalistic subspace.

I'm pleased you're maintaining this momentum throughout each day... that's the hard part! It also means a great deal to me that you read my blog. I value your opinion highly as one of my closest friends on here.

> Mistress Watchful said: > It also means a great deal to me that you read my blog. I value your opinion highly as one of my closest friends on here. > Click to expand... That’s reassuring news. Knowing you appreciate my thoughts is good; at least someone does! lol. I’m honored that you consider me among your nearest friends here, and I do hope we might meet up someday for an in-person chat—perhaps next time Master and I travel south.

**Hi!** > Slave_Kris said: > It's amazing what happens when you dont plan things. Weve never really done exfixiation play before, I think its near to top of out extreme list but I have to say it was good. > Click to expand... I adore that statement. So true and a testament to how close you and your Master are. By the way, apologies for being so rude earlier by not introducing myself sooner! I just finished reading your blog and loved every bit of it!! Slave Kris? I'm Goddess Jen. It's lovely meeting you.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog Goddess Jen * curtsey*. Nice to meet you as well.

After a quiet weekend, last night was surprisingly intense. We had a minor disagreement on Friday evening after we’d been out drinking. As a result, Master felt somewhat down throughout the weekend and lacked his usual dominance. He made an effort to start some foreplay on Saturday night, but I wasn’t really in the mood. While he teased me and played with my nipples, I wasn't sure what he expected from me normally; he usually tells me exactly what he wants, and I’m happy to oblige. I appreciate having direction from Master and feel adrift without it. He did mention that he didn’t feel dominant, yet turning off my submission isn’t so easy for me. Sunday passed quietly with most of the time spent on the computer or watching TV. Later, I took a long bath and shaved off nearly all my body hair; I’d been procrastinating for ages and decided it was time to get rid of everything. It feels lovely being smooth again, which has reawakened my feminine urges. I didn’t dress up much, though. I feel chubby right now and not as attractive as when I usually put on a bit more effort. To feel good about myself, I need at least some confidence in my appearance, but that’s hard to come by these days. On the plus side, I did manage to wear a bra today. Since I’ve been wearing fleece most of the time lately, it doesn’t look out of place, which is nice. The events of last night also made me want to wear one. So, last night began as usual with Master playing with my nipples, but I was uncertain about what was happening. At that point, he said again that he didn’t feel dominant because I don’t immediately start attending to his cock. We had a chat and I think we agreed on some heavy conditioning; I even offered ideas on how it could work. The plan is that whenever Master’s cock gets hard, I should have an immediate urge to take him into my mouth and suck. Master really took to the concept, and so did I. It’s going to require quite a bit of conditioning and training, but we’ve experimented with it in the past and found it effective. I was prompted about what I should do when Master is erect, and catching his hint, I dropped down immediately for oral. I asked that if he praises me, he specifically call me a “good gurl.” He calling me his good gurl means so much to me, so this will boost the positive reinforcement. I spent some time stroking his cock before being told to sit on it, which ramped up the intensity. Master was playing with both of my nipples; I cupped his hands and he started fondling my sissy tits. I adored every moment, and seeing him enjoy himself made me feel even better. I then asked how he’d like having a T gurl as a slave rather than just a sissy—I’d dress however he chose, but still remain his girl. It felt like such an intense time with my feminine urges running high. I’m not certain what Master was truly thinking then, but he did ask if I wanted him to cum on my breasts when he neared the edge. With how horny I was, I certainly wouldn’t have stopped him. Once we’d cleaned up after his climax, we chatted a bit. It seems Master is still processing the idea of owning a T gurl; he mentioned it’s quite a lot to absorb. Playfully, I suggested he toss out all my boy shorts while keeping me in pink jockstraps for him—giving us both what we want. I’ve always dreamed of him controlling my wardrobe and getting rid of those trousers. It might not happen yet, but I figured it was worth sharing. That sums up last night. Now let’s see where things go from here.......

tonight, aster needs to watch out for what he asked for. Whether it was a joke or not.:whipbang:

Well last night was a bit of a failure. Mostly on my part. Master had been given more responsibility at work so texted him jokingly saying he’ll want to be the sub now then, to which he replied maybe and then later on said he can’t wait to get home to be the sub. I though I would give it a go and see where things went. I got all dressed up, hair makeup stockings as you can see form some pics I uploaded (Sorry but the folder is set to friends only). Anyway, the dressing up was mostly for myself, I admit that much, I just feel so much more confident when I’m a ‘Mistress’. Master got home and I ordered him straight to the bedroom to get changed into a collar and jockstrap I had laid out for him. He got changed and we relaxed for a short while before I sent Master of to make some dinner. Later on, I decided it was time for some play and thought it might be fun to put Master in the sleep sack. I teased him a bit and things started getting intense, well at least for me it turns out. I though it would be a good idea if I could get Master to at least feel for a while what it’s like to be in subspace, so I teased him and asked him to kiss me even though he couldn’t reach up to me. I tried to break him down so that he would truly submit. I knew I was going to let him cum this time, he moans if he doesn’t get a proper orgasm but I was going to make him beg for something first. I wanted him to beg for me to cum on his face. That’s when everything fell apart, he snapped out of what little submissive mindset he had and refused to beg. He then got in a mood and then I got in a mood. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to cum I normally stop, the idea was to try and get him to ‘crack’ as it were and truly submit if for just a brief moment. I let him out and we tried to talk but Master almost ended our sub dom relationship. I didn’t want to but wasn’t really in any mood to fight for it, I thought to myself if Master really doesn’t want to do it then there’s no point trying. If he didn’t want to be a Master then he could never put his heart into doing it. I think we’ve sorted things out now. Master did sit on my cock before the night was out though and let me cum. It seems a bit of a shame that I’ve cum, I only lasted just over a week of denial. Not sure where things stand at the moment, Master is still in work. Although we are sorted and I still love Master, as Master and as a partner some of the things he said made me feel as if being a submissive made me weak minded and that submission was too good for him. There’s nothing I can do about my desire to submit though or the still strong desire to become more feminine.

Well not much to report at the moment. Things are okay with Master and I but I think our D/s roles have been put back a bit. I still want to submit no doubt about that but I'm just waiting until Master makes the first move. I'm not really feeling my usual submissive self anyway, probably because I had a full orgasm on Wednesday. Will have to change my ticker once again. I've been trying to find out if a piercer will do my infibulation piercing, I didn't call it that I just said I wanted my foreskin pierced right through. No replay yet but he did say it can take him a few weeks. I like the piercer so I'm willing to wait for a response, he did both of my nipples and the couple seemed pretty alternative, I suppose you have to be to own a piercing shop. I'm not sure what I feel about the piercing yet, Having seen pictures I like the look of it and think it will work but I am nervous about getting it done and how effective it will be. Not much else to say right now, makes a change from my usual ramblings.

Hello kris! You two have really been switching things up lately!:fighting0074: I wouldn't take your Master's response as anything negative. I'm sure he doesn't think of you any less because you are submissive, thats one of the reasons why he loves you! These things can mess with your head a bit. When pet and I switched over in Ess and Emm the first time I completely lost it! Take a day off and then bring things back slowly again. You don't know if these things will work unless you try them! I think you'll find Master will be thinking all sorts of things about the episode, and in the long run you will both benefit.

Well, after a rough few days, things seem to be back on track and Master seems to be getting more and more dominant. Today we discussed me shaving my body hair, during the brief conversation Master said that I should shave off my arm hair, It made my clitty swell a bit, it doesn't sound much but it is the most profound decision Master has made for me and my feminization. When we got home from shopping I was ordered to put the washing out while Master put the food away, we then just relaxed for a bit. Master then said it was about time I shaved, I went into the bathroom to begin. Luckily I have been attacking my body hair over the past few weeks so I just needed to trim but I did need Master's help to do my bum and backs of my legs. Before Master left the bathroom to let me finish up, I said that I hadn't done my arms and asked if he still wanted me to shave them, he replied yes so I did as I was told, so now my arms are smooth as well as the rest of my body. I'm still a bit blotchy, I don't think my skin like the razor I bought even though it was supposed to be a sensitive one designed for women. have moisturised all over though so my skin should be nice and soft. I'm quite excited by the thought of Master's continued effort to "force" feminize me or as I think of it more encouraged feminization. We shall see though, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I thought I would just quickly write down how I thought. Master has never ordered me to modify parts of my body people can see. I don't think people will notice as my arm hair was really fine but it more about the idea of the order that was give that is important.

Glad to hear things are going well Kris:happy0158: Hope it carrys on Amber

Not much to report at the minute. Thins have been a bit quiet, we've been having another dry spell again. Well when I see we, it's most down to me, I just haven't felt up to much, I have also had a bit of a sore bum so sex has been off the cards. The lack of penetrative sex has meant there has been the odd comment about cuckolding from myself and Master. I don't think any of the conversations have been too serious though. I know Master has no interest in it. Not sure what else to right, it's not much fun writing about everyday life.

Gawd, it has been a while, never been on page 3 before. Still not much to report though. I've just finished 9 straght days of 10/11 hour days so I'm still recovering, I could do with a week off, that would be nice. I'm still skint though as usual. Would love to say every thing is back to normal but I can't even say that we're vanilla at the moment, don't you have to at least be having sex to be vanilla? Not that Master hasn't tried to get me interested, I'm just too tired an low at the minute to want anything. Oh course Master thinks it's all his fault and then I'm not interested in him. Which just isn't true. I wish we could go back to the way we were but I don't feel up to it right now. I've lost all interest in sex. I feel quilty not putting out but it's no good doing it if my hearts not in it. If I don't update before hand, I hope every one has a great Christmas. Lets hope 2010 is a good year.

Don't worry kris, it's pretty much all work and no play here right now! Roll on spring, lighter days, warmth and hopefully a lift in the job market and wages!:jumping0044:

Time to give an update I suppose. Our D/s dynamic has been going pretty well lately. Master is showing more dominance than usual and seems to be really taking charge. He’s issuing more orders and allowing me less leeway. When he wants to, he can be very dominant and ruthless. I’ve completed my daily tasks: made the bed, cleaned the kitchen, and started removing body hair. I’ll need two days for shaving since I let myself get a bit messy over the last few weeks. I feel more submissive than ever before, and it seems like we’re much closer to a 24/7 lifestyle now compared with recent times. It happened gradually; there was no formal declaration of our new direction, just Master naturally stepping up after an intense sexual session. I don’t quite feel at one hundred percent yet, but I’m enjoying these newly discovered roles, which helps take my mind off other things. Now I want to go deeper down the rabbit hole and see how far my submission can extend. I’m feeling very horny now and eager to see what play ideas Master comes up with to torture and humiliate me. However, I’m not in a rush; I let Master decide when we play and am trying hard not to demand anything.

Last night was quite intense even though we didn’t engage in formal play. Most of the evening was spent watching television; Master came home late so we hadn’t much time together. We finally got into bed around midnight, and Master began teasing me by playing with my nipples and doing similar things. He eventually told me to pleasure his cock, which I did without any hesitation. While stroking him, I gathered the courage to share a fantasy that has been on my mind since reading Penny Panty’s posts. I expressed interest in trying adult nappies for just a day or two to experience what it feels like not being allowed to use the toilet. Master wasn’t bothered at all and went on to describe in great detail what he would do to me. It took me by surprise slightly, but mostly it really turned me on. His description of how he’d stop my access to the bathroom, making me have to wet myself after begging him for permission, and the humiliation involved was lovely. I adore when Master paints scenes like that; it tends to get me quite worked up. I don’t think everyone would be into it—wetting yourself on its own might not sound super fun—but knowing Master has total control over my toilet use makes it seem very exciting and attractive. I’ve been a little naughty and ordered a couple of adult nappies from eBay. They weren’t expensive, and I only got two to test the waters. If we find them great fun, we can always buy more later. We already have PVC pants designed to hold moisture in, so at least those are ready if needed. Probably won’t arrive before Christmas, but I can’t wait to see what it feels like.

Woo hoo. How nice that Master seemed agreeable regarding your latest interest. I hope everything works out OK.. arr, arr... little pun there!;-p mikecb

So there I was wandering around Sainsburys when pet says "have you read Kris' journal", and I reply "not since yesterday". Pet then briefly mentions nappies..... HOLY CRAP! I got completely lost in time for a moment, my head rushing with fantasies: Strict Governess/Nanny powdering baby's bottom, spanking naughty baby, breast feeding.... and I blurted out (probably rather too loudly) "OMG kris would make the PERFECT adult baby!" continuing in my fantasy of just how cute you would look in a romper suit with nappy and pvc cover... Unfortunately pet then told me it wasn't Adult Babying; it was just nappies. At that point I realized I missed an entire aisle in my daydream and had to go back for my tinned ham!!!:spider: LOL - what would I do without the wonderful people here who completely throw me into another world on a daily basis! I'm sure this is going to be awesome fun kris. Complete control. We will likely indulge in a different type of toilet training soon if pet doesn't keep up his bathroom cleaning duties!

> Mistress Watchful said: > "OMG kris would make the PERFECT adult baby!" continuing in my fantasy of just how cute you would look in a romper suit with nappy and pvc cover... > Click to expand... Not sure how I should take that lol. I have always been a bit close-minded about adult babies; I couldn't see myself enjoying it too much. However, I don't judge those who do enjoy it though. I understand how it feels to become something or someone else. I do enjoy being Master's dog slave; I love being a sissy and am partial to some objectification—it’s all the same thing essentially. Being removed from reality and forgetting about real life.

It's because you have such a cute face and gorgeous GORGEOUS curly hair!!!! Ok, I'm off for a cold shower...:sex021:

**New submission part I.** ‘New’ submission part I. A lot has happened since my last update and not just because of Christmas. Christmas felt like somewhat of a distraction from our journey. It all started last Wednesday, which was to be my first test of submission. Master and I were due to go to a party in the evening but Master had work the next day. He used this as an opportunity to see how much I wanted to submit, so rules were imposed. I was to drive Master to and from the party; I wasn’t allowed more than two drinks, and we were supposed to leave at 11pm. I am pleased to say I passed Master’s test and behaved better than he did, who had quite a bit to drink in the end. He made us leave twenty minutes late even though I was ready on time; it was nonetheless Master’s right to decide when we depart. By passing the test, I am now allowed to begin my journey toward complete submission. Master will start taking control away from me, and eventually, I will just be his submissive sissy slave, perhaps a diapered one as well. Christmas put things on hold for a while, but Master keeps reminding me of my position within the household. I still receive orders whether we are at home or out, with outdoor orders being more implied. I can’t wait to submit fully to Master and see how far he is willing to take my submission. Continued......

**New submission part II** New submission part II Christmas is almost over for another year. We have spent most of our time with family and friends so we haven’t had much time for play, and Master has relaxed his control temporarily—not that he lets me get away with being disobedient though. On Boxing Day we went shopping; I really didn't enjoy it due to too many horrible people trying to grab bargains. It wasn’t much fun. However, I did manage to treat myself to a new babydoll outfit picked out by Master. This was the first time Master had been adamant about which outfit I should buy. I look forward to having some pictures taken. I also got myself a ladies T-shirt with a nice floral pattern on it; I liked it as soon as I saw it, so I checked if Master approved of the look (he did) and then bought it. It won’t be long until I don't have any male tops left. Today has been rather quiet; we’ve just done some tidying up and picked a few items from the shop. Before going out, Master let me try on my new diapers to see how they look and if I would be okay wearing them outside. I do have to wear three layers to take them outdoors, but it’s no big deal. Currently, I have the diapers on, PVC pants, and control briefs holding everything in. I’m finding that wearing the diapers is making me horny even though I'm not allowed to use them yet. I can’t escape the fact that I am wearing them; I feel the padding when sitting or standing, and it feels very erotic. I’m glad I haven't started using them just yet because when I do, I want it to be right. Master will have complete control of my toilet use, and I will have no say in when they come on. For the fantasy to work properly, Master must hold total control over my subsequent humiliation. I hope the upcoming year will be the one where I become Master's 24/7 sissy slave.

Hot, hot, hot! Here's wishing all your New Year's wishes come true! mikecb