Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

My wife and I have spent four years agreeing on what happens in the coming year, focusing mainly on keeping the lowest count of sex nights and orgasms steady while fine-tuning other details. We made sure both partners enjoy the arrangement without anyone feeling forced, creating a happy balance through give-and-take. In our fifth year we stopped following that routine to wing it, but it didn’t work out well because the weekly sex became boring with its same-old pattern. We were often guessing wrong about each other’s desires until returning to annual agreements.

This setup outlines my limits of submission much like our previous BDSM games. I am allowed only 3-4 orgasms this year since my wife dislikes penises and the mess they create, preferring me when I remain orgasm-free. After discussing it, we decided this is the lowest number I can handle for now, with a reduction of one each subsequent year. My wife has repeatedly stated that left to her choice she would deny me entirely, but we know zero orgasms won’t work long-term because without hope, the thrill fades and there’s little reason for my behavior change since nothing remains at risk. We might settle on two yearly or add more if necessary; the goal is not suffering but getting used to less until finding our magic compromise number.

One other notable rule applies: if I claim I no longer want chastity as a way to secure an orgasm (which happened in those early days), she will withhold sex from me until I lock up again. She then restarts the clock and adds an extra month of punishment. She has already threatened this when I waver, but we wanted it formalized. That covers everything briefly; we found long contracts too confusing later on as parts began contradicting each other. A short annual agreement works best because it doesn’t box us in rigidly. For instance, she can give me four orgasms within one week and then none for the rest of the year, giving her plenty of flexibility.

I believe our approach to sexual fetishes differs from many others since we see them as games rather than defining identities. Having explored various fetish play over 44 years with enjoyment, we kept it separate from our marriage outside the bedroom, though chastity is distinct because I cannot leave my chastity cage in the room. Still, we make it work without disrupting non-sexual life significantly.