Female led relationships discussion

I’ve been reading some posts lately from people I respect and am happy to see on CM, and while they bother me, my opinion of them hasn’t shifted. This isn’t about attacking individuals; it’s about an attitude that I believe is harming our community.

Lately, I haven’t been keen on the kink-shaming trend, where folks act as if they know exactly what ‘vanilla women’ find tolerable or off-putting, and what will make them flee this site.

There’s a lot of worry about how to attract and retain female members. Recently, however, I’ve noticed people claiming that if we just cut down on the things they dislike, everyone else would feel more at ease.

I believe it is unacceptable for any man—regardless of gender or preference—to behave rudely or like a beast toward anyone. It’s equally intolerable when someone declares themselves the voice of all vanilla women and judges others based on their own personal distastes.

The idea of “Finding the bridge to vanilla” has come up before, but lately it seems people think the only solution is to prune certain topics and adjust how specific groups behave.

A better approach would be tackling the stigma attached to chastity and BDSM broadly.

We shouldn’t pull chastity out of its natural BDSM home; rather, we should stop making that whole domain feel shameful.

Admittedly, I find some sissies irritating, and the idea of drinking pee makes me queasy. But I have enough maturity and insight to accept these people without judging them purely on their quirks. We shouldn’t drive these folks away or push them out entirely; we should learn to accept them rather than condemning them based on a single trait or kink. If something grosses you out, keep the open mind necessary to realize that doesn’t make those who do it gross themselves. If you can’t manage that distinction, then the issue lies with you, not them.

I also want to mention that discussing what appears ‘on the home page’ is valuable work. I believe we can definitely boost our first impression by showcasing our community differently. We can hold this conversation—and we ought to—without succumbing to all this recent kink-shaming.

People often talk about the site being "all inclusive" and welcoming every fetish, but by its very nature, this inclusivity can deter a significant number of others, meaning it isn't truly all-inclusive. Since some people are less open-minded than others, do those with narrower perspectives leave when they feel out of place? We need to meet halfway. Existing members could be more mindful that they are on a site populated by women and other men who aren't as broad-minded as themselves, while vanilla individuals should make an effort to be more accepting.

Brilliantly put! Thank you for highlighting the irony of "Kinkster" (with a capital K) behavior. I also get tired of that "my chastity is purer than yours" vibe. How many times have we heard this response to a genuine question: "Whatever my keyholder wants, because I am the most awesome sub around."? What turns women off? It’s the belief that there is one orthodox way to practice chastity. For what it's worth, I’m sure a poll would show that most of our members consider themselves "open-minded liberals". (Imagine the outrage if someone asked their opinion on President Trump.) Yet this group often displays the very sanctimony they claim to despise. Nor can we blame the ladies entirely. While there are several keyholders here I’d love for my wife to connect with, just as many have convinced me to steer both my wife and other keyholders away from here. Well done again, Living Curious. It will be interesting to see if your post sparks self-reflection and accountability, or if you simply annoy the self-righteous? Jason

Nicely put @Living Curious:) It makes me think of this site as an Online Munch, where people with various kinks can gather and get to know each other not just as kinksters, but as real individuals. I have good friends here who don’t share my specific interests, yet we’ve become close because we don’t compartmentalize people or assume that lacking common interests creates a barrier. We share a bond: Chastity connected to our particular lines of kink. May it continue:)

> Living Curious said: > I’ve been reading some posts lately from people I respect and am happy to see on CM, and while they bother me, my opinion of them hasn’t shifted. This isn’t about attacking individuals; it’s about an attitude that I believe is harming our community. > > Lately, I haven't been keen on the kink-shaming trend, where folks act as if they know exactly what 'vanilla women' find tolerable or off-putting, and what will make them flee this site. > > There's a lot of worry about how to attract and retain female members. Recently, however, I've noticed people claiming that if we just cut down on the things *they* dislike, everyone else would feel more at ease. > > I believe it is unacceptable for any man—regardless of gender or preference—to behave rudely or like a beast toward anyone. It’s equally intolerable when someone declares themselves the voice of all vanilla women and judges others based on their own personal distastes. > > The idea of “Finding the bridge to vanilla” has come up before, but lately it seems people think the only solution is to prune certain topics and adjust how specific groups behave. > > A better approach would be tackling the stigma attached to chastity and BDSM broadly. > > We shouldn’t pull chastity out of its natural BDSM home; rather, we should stop making that whole domain feel shameful. > > Admittedly, I find some sissies irritating, and the idea of drinking pee makes me queasy. But I have enough maturity and insight to accept these people without judging them purely on their quirks. We shouldn’t drive these folks away or push them out entirely; we should learn to accept them rather than condemning them based on a single trait or kink. If something grosses you out, keep the open mind necessary to realize that doesn't make those who do it gross themselves. If you can't manage that distinction, then the issue lies with you, not them. > > I also want to mention that discussing what appears ‘on the home page’ is valuable work. I believe we can definitely boost our first impression by showcasing our community differently. We can hold this conversation—and we ought to—without succumbing to all this recent kink-shaming. > > Click to expand... Actually Mr Curious, you’ve misunderstood my point. I was suggesting it would be a nice touch if visiting members could click on a tab that reveals the other kinks, especially those seemingly tied closely to male chastity. Not that these should be shamed or removed entirely. So no, I don’t think your rant is nicely put. I see it as a Knee-jerk reaction.