Female led relationships discussion

When I first started dating my girlfriend, she had a complete slave mindset. It didn’t matter what actions I took; she claimed to love them all, even if it was just politeness on her part. During sex, she seemed like a doll, which wasn’t very enjoyable for me personally. While I enjoy taking charge, I don’t want to be commanding an automaton. Later, I realized this behavior stemmed from some abandonment fears of hers. Being someone who enjoys both giving and receiving control, I began helping her emerge from that shell by demonstrating it is perfectly fine if she dislikes certain things I do or prefers different outcomes.

We have now been together for nearly three years, during which time she has grown more dominant in our dynamic.

The shift started when we were experimenting with toys. She playfully attached a clover clamp to my nipple, and the sensation made me hard as a board. Afterward, I encouraged her to try flogging me, and she enjoyed it. Her interest peaked further when I introduced a chastity cage and allowed her to tease me in a dimly lit cinema while wearing it. That experience marked our entry into chastity play.

Now, rather than demanding dominance from her, I cultivate it. For instance, if we are relaxing on the sofa, I massage her feet and legs, sometimes kissing her foot not out of any specific foot fetish but because it is a gentle, affectionate gesture. If she pulls back during a kiss, instead of grabbing her hair to insist like I used to, I gaze longingly at her lips and use my body language to ask for the kiss.

This approach contrasts with how I typically exert control; usually, when I dominate, I encourage submission in return. Currently, however, I am concentrating on fostering dominance within her.

What steps can men take to help women feel more dominant?

Note: This discussion is not about ‘topping from the bottom.’ I am not handing her a checklist of tasks—slap me here, call me names three times, bind me like this—and so forth. That feels like checking off items on a grocery list for BDSM activities. Instead, my goal is to sensually signal that she holds the reins through foot massages and loving looks. I do not dictate orders; rather, I inspire her sense of control, giving her enough confidence to take charge.