Journals and blogs discussion

How do I begin? For people who already know me here, jumping into the deep end makes sense, but newcomers might find it a bit puzzling. So let me set the stage for them.

My partner (who acts as my Mistress and Keyholder) has been in this dynamic with me—chastity combined with female-led relationship—for roughly a year now. I signed up here about eleven months ago and was quite active until January 1st of this year. On that specific day, a neighbor gave us a fierce warning directed at our family. My wife felt frightened; she told me directly that she needed my protection for the household. The cage had just come off so she could shave and go swimming, but it never went back on.

For over a month now, I’ve been running the show and looking after everyone. All of my energy has gone into ensuring they feel secure, first within our house and then in the wider neighborhood. With an attorney’s help, I secured a Temporary Restraining Order that was later upgraded to a three-year harassment injunction. This guy glares at us menacingly; if he steps out of line again, I can have him arrested. I coordinated with local police to forward his case to prosecutors and am now pushing for formal charges. To strengthen what I call our defensive perimeter, I installed several motion-sensor floodlights plus a full security camera network. I’ve also been projecting confidence and humor to signal that we aren’t afraid.

The strategy is working. Our neighbor, who used to be such an irritant, is now cowed and hasn’t bothered us since the TRO took effect. My wife and children are settling in more comfortably every day. This reached a peak this past weekend during a party where our family and many guests strolled back and forth from the beach right in front of their house without any harassment or even him showing up to complain.

Given this confidence and progress, my wife shocked me by declaring it was time for me to lock up again. I could claim I was being ‘submissive’ to her or merely ‘serving’ since I followed her lead. But honestly? I took charge of everything. I reclaimed decisions that I had handed over to her months prior. In fact, I made love to my wife with frequency and vigor. When our libidos didn’t align, I handled it myself by masturbating whenever I pleased. Occasionally she would try to wrestle control back by ordering me around, but I’d just give her a skeptical look.

I wasn’t being difficult. Even as the main breadwinner, I’ve always pitched in with chores and childcare. Those habits continued: if I cooked dinner, it was only fair for her to clear the kitchen; if I shopped, she could put the groceries away. She slipped back into these roles easily enough too. Instead of dictating our plans, she started asking my opinion. Rather than waiting for her proposal, I’d make a decision and she would agree.

Now she wants to reverse time and return us to how things were before all this happened—and that brings me to the title of this thread.

I look at the man I was like a blurry reflection in glass. I can read my old posts here on CM, recall living those experiences and writing about them, but they feel as though they belonged to someone else. I’m unsure if I want to return or even if it’s possible for me to do so.

My wife has tested the waters with a few approaches. She hid all of my panties; I told her that was fine because I hadn’t worn anything other than boxers since the incident anyway. She tried grabbing and squeezing my balls, but this time I wouldn’t let it happen. Just forty-five days ago, I never would have dared resist her right to touch me there, nor would I have complained about the panties.

After an honest talk with her yesterday, I agreed to put the cage on again. However, a little over twenty-four hours later, I demanded to be unlocked because she didn’t seem dominant at all, and neither did I feel submissive. The door remains open for another attempt, but I’m wondering if this experience has caused some deep shift in me.

So here I stand at the start of what should have been our second year together in chastity, though I wonder if it’s already Dead On Arrival (DOA). I decided to begin this journaling process just in case we make it work, although it might end up being one of the shortest records ever kept.

Finally, a thank you to everyone who read my earlier thread (even if none of that drama matters much now) and replied with such encouraging words. This community really does have an amazing spirit.

I’m sorry to hear about all the trouble you’ve had with that neighbor. I’m sure you’ll slip back into your submissive role naturally and look forward to reading how it goes. If not now, perhaps later on. Sending hugs.