Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

Encouraged by some of you all, I am finally starting to post… A while back, if someone had asked me whether I was a blogger, I would have said “not really”…and certainly not as one on a fetish website! *Which brings up a question that seems pretty basic: what exactly is this site? * Is it a fetish website? Is it a kink website? Is it a lifestyle website? *What’s the difference, if any, between a ‘fetish’, a ‘kink’, and a ‘lifestyle’? * For those who don’t know me well: I’m extremely analytical about almost everything. Maybe that’s why I went to law school…or maybe law school made me like this? Anyway, I’ve seen many posts asking “why would a woman decide to hold the keys, or control the orgasms of, a male online when there isn’t really an opportunity for her to get anything out of it?”, along with statements suggesting that “chastity simply panders to men’s desires to have their fantasies or kinks realized”. Maybe this holds true in several cases, but not mine… This brings me to the ‘iron’y’ of chastity (no pun intended;) ) It puzzles me that a man would enjoy being locked in chastity or denied orgasm… And if that’s truly the case, then couldn’t they just take a vow of celibacy and become monks? Okay, obviously not because the whole point is having a woman involved in the process… But seriously! I am submissive, yet cannot say for certain that I actually enjoy orgasm control or chastity. Yet, somehow I’m drawn to it! Because for me, orgasm control is only one small reflection, and perhaps a deeper expression, of a more complex and broader ‘lifestyle complex’ that I believe exists within me: the general notion of needing to defer to women. The solid backbone of my interest in chastity lies in over 20 years of experience living life normally as a gentleman, deferring to the wants of whoever I happened to be dating at the time. In cases of doubt regarding anything sexual (the kicker: I’m still a virgin), I always chose to err on the side of ‘what she feels comfortable with’ rather than ‘what I want’. In addition to these tendencies towards women, there are aspects in my upbringing, education, and family life that have greatly influenced me into leading a more submissive LIFESTYLE (more about that coming soon). Which leads me to conclude that chastity and orgasm control should be considered lifestyle choices in some cases rather than just kinks or fetishes…and I’ll explain using a personal example… I have a HUGE foot fetish. Being at a woman’s feet is something I absolutely enjoy, though I haven’t had many opportunities to experience it. But, I would not consider my foot fetish associated with any level of submissiveness by degree because, in the end - even though worshipping a woman’s feet seems naturally submissive on its own - it remains an activity that I still enjoy. Well, if her feet are super smelly, or if I was told to lick dirt off a woman’s shoes, then that would be (at least for me) a much more submissive act, since I don’t think I’d enjoy that as much… Which ultimately leads me to the conclusion that chastity and orgasm control may be kinks and fetishes for some men, while being parts of broader lifestyle choices for myself and others. To put it bluntly: I would view orgasm denial and lock-up time as punishment rather than pleasure. And from what I’ve read in the forums so far, it seems like the line between ‘kink/pleasure’ and ‘lifestyle choice’ is somewhat missing. Thanks for reading:)

Hi again, @SmartandObedient! It was fun chatting with you the other day, and great to see you posting. I think that you will find members here who fall into all three of your segments (kink, fetish and lifestyle). As far as orgasm denial and lock-up being a punishment, well, it can be, but if you ARE allowed release it's SOOOO much nicer than if you had the chance of masturbating daily, or just getting off however you can.