Introductions discussion

I realize I haven’t really made myself known here. I’m Dave, and my girlfriend prefers to remain anonymous.

Kink has always been a significant part of me; it’s woven into my life so deeply that I can hardly picture sex without some kinky play involved. However, I’ve reached a stage where I feel ready to settle down. At 26, owning my own home and running my business makes me feel quite comfortable and accomplished compared to the average guy in my age group.

I met my partner about a year ago. She is wonderful and incredibly important to me; we get along so well that we’ve never had an argument. But here’s the twist: she is very vanilla… completely unexperienced with anything beyond the basics.

After several months, I gradually introduced her into my world. It started when I bought a small bondage set because she said she was willing to give it a try. Around that same time, I purchased a chastity device. Up until then, I had never tried male chastity and viewed classic male sexuality as the norm; I figured even if her desire for sex wasn’t quite as high as mine, this setup would be a smart move!

We experimented with different things on several occasions before it reached its peak. She was in tears, insisting that kink just isn’t really “her thing.”

Being the typical guy, I comforted her while secretly hoping to slowly push forward again—and I did.

For a while, we were enjoying tying each other up and playing around; she licked me for varying lengths of time on many occasions, making me feel like I was winning. Life felt perfect. I knew she would never really get into using a strapon aggressively against me, but her more dominant side had definitely emerged, which was great.

Last Monday, she went away on holiday and told me to stay locked up after we were intimate. To be honest, we’d been having great sex and just hadn’t bothered with the device much anyway.

She left the following day. That night, as we texted, it came up that I wasn’t wearing my lock yet. Since I work in construction, this week’s job site didn’t have a private place for me to remove or adjust it easily, so that created a bit of an issue. She was understanding about it, and we let the matter rest.

So, on Saturday morning while I was out running errands up the road, she called to ask where I was because her mother had come over to stay at home. I assumed she must be coming for dinner too.

When I walked into the living room, my girlfriend was sitting on the sofa… I thought, oh no, here it comes! Is she pregnant? Which actually wouldn’t have bothered me one bit.

But no… she feels we aren’t sexually compatible and is moving out. She did everything to please me during our time together, but now she can never look at me in quite the same way. Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to describe it! We talked about it, and I asked her to take the weekend to think things over because her holiday hadn’t been entirely smooth; she was feeling under the weather and had plenty of alone time with this concern on her mind.

I absorbed everything calmly, trying to persuade her to stay, but knowing that space and time were what she truly needed right now.

She returns on Monday for dinner and a proper talk. I’ve sent her some messages saying that I would easily give up the whole kinky aspect of sex because she means so much to me. But after these few days apart, I feel super lonely, as if I have everything but also nothing at all. Should I really trade my sexual fulfillment just to maintain this relationship? Yes, I love her deeply, yet her reason for leaving is that it isn’t fair on me simply because she doesn’t enjoy the kink.

Confusion rules my head right now, and I feel this forum is a good place to seek advice. Should I start fresh and find someone who shares my sexual wavelength, even if it means potentially ending up with a less perfect relationship overall? Or should I stop my kinky habits and clear out the toybox, opting for a great partnership but perhaps an unfulfilling sex life?

Wow! That is definitely a rock and a hard place. I would look at it in these terms: Can you live without her? Answer that question honestly, and I think it will help guide your decision. Can you find the perfect woman who shares your kinks? It's certainly a gamble; nothing is ever certain.

I fear there isn't one right answer here, but I would lean towards parting ways and finding someone you're more compatible with. My wife and I were in a similar spot early on in our relationship, probably about a year in, just like you. The difference was that she was willing to learn and grow alongside me; we simply had to set kinky things aside for a while until we learned how to love each other. If your girlfriend is certain that she will never want kink in her life, I fear it would turn out poorly if you stayed together. If kink is part of who you are at your core, then without it, you'll never feel entirely fulfilled, and that dissatisfaction will bleed over into other areas of your relationship.