Journals and blogs discussion

Hi, Perhaps it’s a bit unconventional to launch a journal without posting an introduction first. Call me old-fashioned, but I’ll wait for Duchess to do the intros. I can’t sleep at the moment; a painful bout of the Zoom Zooms has kept me awake, triggered by some intense dreams. I saw this coming and have been preparing mentally. (Zoom Zooms - remember those rocket-shaped ice lollies? That’s exactly what my chap looks like when he’s pushing in on the tube, if you check my album). So that is why I am starting this journal as a distraction. In short (yes, very short indeed). My relationship with a wonderful woman, Duchess, has been strong for over two years. We share a healthy appetite for most sexual things, and chastity is regularly on the menu in generous portions of BDSM switching. As often happens, I was acting as the kinky sub while topping from the bottom; I didn’t realize how much until I saw myself on video - it felt dreadful! Here was my lover trying so hard to please me despite all the criticism. So we had a heart-to-heart, and Duchess is now taking charge. My role is to guide without leading. Her confidence will grow with experience. I’m wearing a PA 5000, which is obviously plastic and features one of those unpickable trust locks made by Submission. Submission isn’t just about being pegged or whipped in bondage. A week ago I truly swallowed the bitter pill when she asked me to perform one simple task: dance for her. Now, she is achieving Dominance rapidly, and I am learning more about submitting to her. Earlier this evening, she shocked me by declaring that the lock would stay on until a certain date. It isn’t a long period compared to some others, but it is much longer than I expected. I think the only English words to describe my feeling are “I’m a little afeared” - apprehensive yet anticipating. Butterflies in a tumble-dryer describes my physical sensation perfectly, along with good old-fashioned horniness! See you on the beach:character0180:

**Good luck!** > valsboy said: > Submission is not all about being pegged or whipped in bondage. A week ago I truly swallowed the bitter pill by performing one simple task for her, she bade me dance for her. > > Click to expand... I love this!!! I wish your Duchess had videoed that!!! Really, you have a great sense of humor. Something I find impossible to live without. Can't wait to hear more.

Hooray for a new journal!:CMrocks: From reading your posts, I can only guess that you introduced chastity to her? How did that come about? People do like to know how these things start. pet and I were fairly kinky (I'm older; I'd been kinky for years lol!) but then one day he told me about MCDs and I'd never heard of them. I was mightily impressed! Of course, it hasn't been plain sailing for us... but that's another very long story! Do you aim to be 24/7? Do you have kids around?! Inquiring minds need to know.

Well, thank you for the encouragements, and yes a sense of humour is essential. Thankfully the dancing session isn't on video. It was make or break: Duchess's first bidding after our heart-to-heart, purely for her pleasure. I was very self-conscious to say the least; whereas if she had wanted bondage or queening it would have been my pleasure. I didn't object, I did exactly as I was told. Kings of Leon were playing if I'm not mistaken. I wasn't new to chastity when we met. A previous failed relationship included a CB3000. After meeting Duchess, the sexual nature of our relationship (rabbits on Viagra) meant we were happy to discuss nearly any non-vanilla subject. I can't remember exactly when, but I think within four months of getting together, I showed Duchess a CB3000 on eBay. Her straightforward response was to buy one in Neon Red; simples. Modifications and a PA cable followed, and she loved it! She actually told her hairdresser about it too. A hairdresser, I ask you - can there be any higher paradigm of confidentiality? NOT! The CB3000 had issues: it didn't prevent successful masturbation, didn't suit the English roll neck, and was very 'showy'. After a spell in hospital (unrelated issue), the CB3000 stayed in the drawer. But it got a lot of use for nearly a year. You can see it in my gallery. I wasn't really denied for any length of time during that period; topping from the bottom! We were doing quite a bit of role play but mostly vanilla. So, after hospital my sex drive took a tumble; scary! But it has recently revived, phew! An internet shopping spree resulted in a plethora of toys, some as yet untried, and the PA 5000 which has been modified (Please see gallery). The PA 5000 is locked on now. Duchess says it gives her control. It is a different kettle of fish to the CB3000. I am comfortable when flaccid but pained when aroused; it is far more erotic to wear, and as we have discovered, it offers a hell of a lot of scope for teasing. I wouldn't say we are 24/7, more reality-based. I'm going where she leads now, and already it has become interesting shall we say. There are kids in our lives, including stepkids and grandkids! But not mine; I do not consider myself old (yeah I know) and Duchess is younger than me. We have separate bedrooms about 3 miles apart; go figure. So I'm locked again hopefully whilst Duchess makes her point, and thereafter maybe when we are apart, during periods and punishments. Who knows? Only Duchess. But I know this: she has locked my chap and in so doing unlocked my emotions. Having dipped into one of the two impressive journals in the Vault, I am under no illusion that I bring any revelations to the table. But I hope my offerings will be useful/interesting to someone. There's always someone X

Love your journal! I remember Zooms! ....This wasn't quite how I thought I'd be reminded of them...but it conjured up vivid imagery!:haha4:

> valsboy said: > A hairdresser, I ask you - can there be any higher paradigm of confidentiality? NOT! You too have a great sense of humor. It felt quite awkward to laugh alone in front of the computer:-))) You're not the only one topping from the bottom. I did the same and my mistress has struggled to gain control. When fighting for control, there isn't much room for actual play.. Not unlike you, we found that a chastity belt helped. It's actually very effective; part of me wants it removed, but another part wants to cherish and protect my present mindset by keeping it on. Very strange feeling.. Congrats on her locking you up. I will follow your journal.

I love the way you write, utterly enthralling! I think you are going to be a popular Vault-member and get LOTS of followers and views! Never underestimate what you bring to the table. People here love finding out about chastity in the real (realistic!) world. I hope you stick around.:party0042:

> valsboy said: > Actually told her hairdresser about it. A hairdresser, I ask you - can there be any higher paradigm of confidentiality? NOT! Um...I was a hairdresser for many years.:haha4:

excellent journal, valsboy. i wish Mistress would share O/our secrets with Her girlfriends.

Thank you Mistress Watchful, I'm flattered. The self-realisation has just registered; another kink to add to my list - exhibitionism (in the safety of cyberspace, ha ha). Goddess Jen, I begin to appreciate your impish sense of humour. You did have me for a while there; smilies often don't register with me however obvious they may be. Seriously though, the hairdresser tale was Duchess's first lesson in confidentiality. My embarrassment, chagrin and serious concern showed her the importance of keeping personal details behind closed doors. We all have different security needs and reasons for maintaining anonymity or not. Be careful what you wish for slave john; your Mistress's hairdresser may also cut your Boss's hair! Anyway, 5 whole glorious hours sleep last night. That counts as a good night's sleep in my book. I'm actually disappointed about the lack of dreams and zoom zooms. Surely mundanity hasn't become the abnormal? Right, must shower. Duchess is calling by shortly; I'm on a promise/threat of a good 'massage'.

goddess jen was my hairdresser!:evilgrin0010:

valsboy...i work for myself. at this point in my life i don't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks.

**The Story of Ooh!** There are some experiences that are difficult to communicate; they are taboo. But an anonymous journal on a niche site makes it easier to share such experiences or learn from others'. I'd tarried a little too long on the computer so my shower would have to be fairly quick. Once under the water, I recalled last night's conversation with Duchess. We always speak on the phone at least 3 times a day. She said she had been researching milking techniques. I was impressed; this was her own initiative and not just internet shopping. Trying hard to be the good sub, I suppressed my doubts about her choice of site for research. My prostate has been thoroughly tickled during penetration, but I've never received a deliberate milking before. Duchess wants to learn and practice; who am I to argue? So I promised to be ready for her this morning. Yes, that does mean what you think it does. If you want to play in the A, you have to be clean on the day. Things can get a bit scatty otherwise. Not a problem if you've had nappy experience maybe. I usually douche with the shower hose after unscrewing the head (this is not recommended). My wet hands were slippery and I made several attempts to turn the chrome collar before drying my hands and eventually succeeding. Turning the temperature control to cooler resulted in a flow that would have chilled me to the core. Turning it back to warmer gave me the chance to parboil myself from the inside. Anyway, after selecting the right temperature, job done! As I continued with my shower, I realized I'd actually been starting to panic, and the butterflies were doing their thing again. Where was Mr Unflappable? I'm turning into Mr Bean! She arrived a little earlier than expected. I heard her opening my front door. I turned into the shower, back to the ajar door. Hoping she would glance in and stand watching me, believing I was oblivious. So, I finished showering and turned, disappointed not to see her there. Ok, she'd be prepping in the living room. Pulling back the shower curtain, I was immediately confronted by her sitting on the toilet lid. Wham! I nearly jumped out of the bath. My pulse rate rose faster than Zimbabwean inflation, probably higher. Our laughter was unconstrained and childish and joyful. What a clever, beautiful bitch! I apologized for breaking my promise, dried off, and shaved while she sat in the living room. We kissed; me naked, her in office clothes. Then, without fuss and quite efficiently, she set about her task. Anal Lube and a dildo were used as I was supported doggy style over two sofa cushions. 10 maybe 15 minutes of probing followed. Sometimes uncomfortable, mostly pleasure to one degree or another; I did harden initially. Duchess guided the dildo according to my responses. I felt 'labour contractions' but oddly no urge to pee as I often do when pegged. When she stopped we were both surprised that there was indeed some clear fluid in the bowl she'd placed beneath me and a string hanging from the locking bar of my tube. Another drop or two escaped my obstructed urethra when I squeezed the base of my cock. I waddled back into the bathroom with the dildo remaining inside. Things went a little scatty in the bathroom when I removed it. I locked the door, cleaned the dildo and showered myself down. Once dressed I returned to Duchess and we talked; agreeing that the exercise had been successful as fluid had been expressed. For her it was not a sexual act but functional and necessary for prostate health; she'd learned from it but more practice would follow. Furthermore it was an act of establishing her Dominance; I submitted to her in a non-sexual manner and allowed her to use me. For me, it wasn't completely non-sexual but definitely not erotic or sexual. Our *discussion* made me tingle and woke the flutterbies. But, I didn't feel relief as advertised all over the web. If anything I felt slightly irritable and a little cowed. It was exactly as it should have been for me - a frustrating anti-climax quite literally. This wasn't an intimate submission to gentle loving pegging nor a hot hard horny strapon fuck from which one or both partners may be satisfied. This was physical submission to Duchess' control with no small degree of humiliation. I wanted to please her, but maybe she was exerting her control. Or maybe it's because she's waiting for the decorators, or maybe she wasn't in the mood. No pussy pie today. She practiced some strokes with a short cane; we both want stripes on my bum. The stinging pleasure/pain was cathartic and distanced me from the milking. Duchess is going to be real mistress of CP; I just know it! I drove her to work in her car. I spent my afternoon pondering the meaning of our little universe, my mood affected by hers. Of course the curse is temporary and her storm will break this weekend. I know all this but still want her always to be that laughing child in my bathroom.

valsboy please accept my apologies from my thread as I just now realized you do have a journal and a great one at that! Welcome! I love the intro and can't wait to hear more.

No offence taken, no apologies required. No worries.:-)

**Complexity of Being, Simplicity of Judgement & the Ease of Comment** Our weekend started off on a bad note. After putting the little one to bed, we just relaxed and chatted. Once sure he was asleep, Duchess asked me to please her. Over the past couple of years, I’ve probably spent days between her legs licking, kissing, sucking, and probing. It’s always delightful. Her white, comfortable thighs are my sanctuary where I lose myself, Frenching her like a second mouth. Once she is satisfied, she usually pushes me away from now-sensitive areas. Since I am locked and denied with no sex in sight, I prefer to stay between her thighs, perhaps kissing her rosebud. Recovering from her climax, she had me lie on my back and began teasing my shaft, running a wet hand up and down with a light grip. This becomes one of those inexplicable pleasures as her fingers slide over the exposed head, my cock swells to its 'waistcoat', and the rest swells painfully within its tight constraint. My poor chap turns deep crimson from the effort. I’m sure she could easily push me over the edge, but perhaps she felt I’d had enough or was hard enough. She then straddled me and carefully inserted the cage inside her. This wasn’t the most successful position, so at my request we stopped and she eased away. I had to beg her to separate very slowly. Her grip was firm around me as it pulled the lock shut. She giggled into a hearty fit of laughter, eventually explaining that her vision of us on a casualty trolley locked together was the source of her amusement. Separated, we moved upstairs. She applied mascara to my eyelashes (claiming pure curiosity) and was quite pleased with the result. It’s purely an act of submission for me, though the effect is pleasing. Now I wear panties she chooses, and she enjoys seeing me in stockings before pegging me. I might even like it. But that’s as far as any sissy play goes. I’d make a clumsy woman; it’s my rugged charm you see. We fell asleep cuddling. Then, sometime early the next morning, things got complex as you may have read in Duchess' thread: the referenced community page I did indeed wake to find myself overpowering her from a dream where she wanted rough sex (which happens often; I’ve woken up at night and had sex with Duchess before, and she’s enjoyed it). Realizing my cock was enclosed in its tube, I knew the futility of my position and rolled back to sleep. Morning arrived and Duchess reminded me of the night's events. She did indeed show her anger painfully when the chance arose that afternoon. I'd been locked (and denied) for 9 days when this happened amidst much teasing. Previous lock-ins in the CB 3000 weren't so serious; reaching an orgasm was fairly easy and the enclosure prevented teasing. Strap-on play was also rarer then. Here’s my take on what occurred. My id surfaced that night to satisfy masculine urges for relief. When the superego kicked in, the tube provided enough check to control me, hence back to sleep. Duchess is currently taking charge, training if you will; it's early days yet—that id is an animal, I know. The issue is settled between us; Duchess' punishment has left a mark on my ego that should modify my id behavior. If there’s a recurrence, we’ll need a different approach. Viewed this way, the night terror is simply a natural symptom of training—the dominant alpha in me resisting control. I have faith in Duchess; this training period isn't over by any means, and each step of her methods surprises me with its effectiveness. As for some impractical suggestions in Duchess' thread: come on—get real. And regarding issues and therapy—you guys! You crack me up! PULEEASE! We are English, don’t you know? Also, look around before calling black kettles. It’s easy to post a one-liner and make simplistic judgments even when unasked. The real diamonds in this mine of informative comments are the original and intelligent ones that may change our world!

I just read her post about that...and I almost face palmed at the amount of suggestions for therapy! If you were doing it every time you slept next to her and not a one off I'd perhaps look into seeing what causes it...As I said on her post...I've had similar things happen with pet...but he got over it! And it was only once in a blue moon he'd try things on in his sleep.:spankwhip:

The love you feel for your Duchess is evident. You 2 are a wonderful loving couple. Don't worry about the therapy comments. What I'm more interested in is the punishment she decided on. Details??:spankwhip:?

Thank you MistressJ and Goddess Jen, Did you know 'once in a blue moon' refers to the times when there are two full moons occurring in one calendar month. This is few and far between. 'Fraid to say I get woken by urges more often than that. However, its not exclusively about rough sex, once Duchess and I both woke whilst I was giving her 'Oh'. o.O The punishment was, as you've both guessed judging by your icons, CP with a short, thin, lethal bamboo and a longer, leather covered, whippy cane. Not the worst, as Duchess is still exploring, but it did bloody hurt! Kind of liked it too!

**An old Chestnut.** Submission is often discussed; yesterday I read a post in which a sub stated that his submission equated his status to that of a dog, literally. Another sub stated that he didn't give a 'flying fig' (English translation) about anybody else's opinion. My submissiveness, like many others', lies somewhere between these two positions. My *submission* however is unique. Yes, that is a bold claim. Unique in that I submit to the one and only one. My Domme is my lover; she is an alpha female. Why would she accept as a partner any other than an alpha male? I do not consider myself just another member of the pack, far from it. But I will be respectful to all I meet without necessarily submitting to them. Subtle differences in meaning exist between submission, submissiveness, being a submissive, and being submissive. My standpoint is not stated lightly; I have often thought long and hard about this. It satisfies all the dilemmas and paradoxes of my situation. Of course it might *have* to change, we shall see.

I like your thread:-) Here is what I use for milking, and it is very effecitive:

Thank you for that Fantasee; I shall look into the Nexus range of products and maybe ask RubberDuck about them too. I have tried the Aneros prostate massager to no avail, although coupled with a vibe on the perineum it worked well. You know sometimes I think Prostate Massage is revenge for all the times I've not satisfied a partner. It feels good but not quite enough. I've been following your's and RubberDuck's stories with interest. He is obviously an intelligent and sensitive man as you said. You sound very good together. To the Beach!:character0180:

Valsboy, > sometimes I think Prostate Massage is revenge for all the times I've not satisfied a partner. It feels good but not quite enough. > Click to expand... Excellent point for us chaste boys to ponder! cindy:cat:

valsboy... thank you:-))) and likewise.. When I use it, it deffently gives a lot of orgasms if I want to... A fist is also very good but for that you need to do some training first especially using the right kind of lube. The best one I know of is J-Lube. It is a powder that you mix with water.

Fantasee, Just thinking about being fisted makes my hole wince! Training!? A general anaesthetic maybe... and enough poppers to give Barry Manilow, Barbara Streisand and a small herd of elephants a rush!;-) Respectful, Yes often my points can be ponderous. I read a little rumour that you might be a lumberjack; is this true? How cool. I used to be one but recently haven't been able to handle my wood. Well nearly two weeks locked in the PA5000 or the *Waistcoat*. Whats to report? Hmm... no porn, no masturbation, no orgasms, no problems. I'm getting up earlier and am working more efficiently. My feelings for Duchess seem amplified; butterflies of a lovesick teenager. Submitting to her is becoming more natural as I believe she is beginning to see the benefits of her position (particularly Queening) and discover her dominance. But the dreams! Sexomnia aside (Thank you Hollytv for putting a name to it), these occur when I sleep alone. Graphic explicit all nighters that are both erotic and scary. They contain complex symbolism that has taken no small amount of analysis to untangle. Duchess has been a key figure in these dreams, a comforting Domme presence in visions of our potential future. Now I'm no Nostradamus but who knows? Well just had text message; seems I'm cooking tonight. Best get cracking then. See you off the shore!:character0117:

Can't handle your wood eh? I should think not:haha4: > valsboy said: > My feelings for Duchess seem amplified; butterflies of the lovesick teenager. > Click to expand... Awww you've reached the cute stage:love0001: Pet got like this as well...and it seems to amplify a lot more over time also...Another reason for me to hope I can get a PA5000 sooner than later:)

Cute! Cute! Used to hate that word as a description of myself. With Duchess now I'm hornee hornee hornee hornee!

valsboy... LOL...

guess that one can be horny but still be cute. Maybe even with a discreet fist in the right place? Im sure it suits you:-)

Valsboy, I feel I must say that a previous comment of mine has lead to speculation from otherrs as well as you that I may in fact be a 'real' lumberjack. Alas this was a misleading remark on my part. In spite of my love fo the Monty Python song and the fact that I live in a Canadian rainforest knowing many 'real' loggers whom I have the greatest respect for... I would be too scared that the tree fell the wong way to be a logger. Still "I'm a lumberjack and I don't care..." I was called 'cute' lots growing up. I hated it even in my late teens when pretty girls said I was cute. I tried to look tough to avoid it... silly me!!! Now I love being called 'cute' by a pretty lady. cindy

> Well nearly two weeks locked in the PA5000 or the Waistcoat. Whats to report? Hmm... no porn, no masturbation, no orgasms, no problems. I'm getting up earlier and am working more efficiently. My feelings for Duchess seem amplified; butterflies of the lovesick teenager. Submitting to her is becoming more natural as I believe she is beginning to see the benefits of her position (particularly Queening) and discover her dominance. > Click to expand... Ah yes this is the good part. It just gets better, more frustrating but so much better from here on out.

> RubberDuckDK said: > guess that one can be horny but still be cute. Maybe even with a discreet fist in the right place? Im sure it suits you:-) > Click to expand... You Danes are great! Good to see your sense of humour emerging (like a well lubed fist). Trouble is every time you make a joke I see an image of Sandi Toksvig! Respectful, I doubt I shall ever be called cute to my face. Its been a hard life... xcitex2, > this is the good part. It just gets better > Click to expand... ...we shall see.

See what you started Mistress J! Duchess had to buy these after your comment and wanted this shot posted for you. But hey RubberDuck her fist is discreetly hidden! [[Image: cute.jpg]](the referenced community page)

> valsboy said: > See what you started Mistress J! Duchess had to buy these after your comment and wanted this shot posted for you. But hey RubberDuck her fist is discreetly hidden! > View attachment 1102 > Click to expand... Yay! That put a smile on my face:happy0030:

Valsboy.. I cant see the fist! I think you are not telling the truth. In the far north it can only be distreet or hidden. Not discreetly hidden. We are not that subtle over here so please include the discreetly hidden fist in your next picture *LOL*

Save me from the Vikings turned pedant farmers. Here in England home of the English language it is perfectly reasonable to describe something as being discreetly hidden. However for all you unsubtle types - I promise to include a discreetly hidden fist in every picture I post from this point on:anim_63:

First off I don't care what you say all subs are "cute" when they're at your feet groveling. I'll take me a cutie any day. > valsboy said: > You know sometimes I think Prostate Massage is revenge for all the times I've not satisfied a partner. > Click to expand... I love this. Makes you kinda go hmmmmmm.... Doesn't it? I really love reading your journal Valsboy. It's wonderful:manga_lolly:

Okay okay! I accept it cute is the new me. Even though I do scare small children and some grown men. Thanks for your encouragement Goddess Jen. Working today and have a headache; I want to do a journal entry but can't face more typing. Plus tomorrow I work for a regular client so more time in front of a computer! So resting my eyes now but will post soon. NURSE!! :character0074:

Valsboy: Your complaints in the last post makes you what we in danish call a tudefisse.. Well.. Honestly I can understand why you are not really into writing in your journal and hope your headache will be over soon. Be good:-)

I will translate...: tudefisse = crying pussy:-)

Fantasee: Please let me wipe your tears away if your pussy ever starts crying. In any way you deem nescessary ofcourse.. :heart:

So... a cute crying pussy? Mm... whatever!:-) Just popped in to say I've just been popped out briefly. Duchess popped by and popped my cork! Maybe her need was greater than mine?

Mmm. . Crying pussy; mine isn't crying anymore! And obviously my needs are greater I even fell out with the vibrator because it isn't as good as the real thing..x:whipbang: