Introductions discussion

I’ve been mulling over how to present myself since there’s a lot of background to my joining. It’s tricky deciding what parts are worth sharing. My wife and I connected over more than two decades ago thanks to our common love for BDSM. What started as light chat turned into romance, and we found that living the lifestyle 24/7 worked well for both of us. She became the center of my world. Even though I had a solid career, my real focus was the continuous journey toward becoming the ideal submissive. Please understand, I didn’t think I’d ever fully get there, but it was the marker guiding me forward. I earned respect in my local circle, and folks often sought my counsel. We stayed like that for about twelve years. Most of our friends were part of this world too. My lifestyle wasn’t hidden; it was a wonderful period. I assumed we’d stay together until death do us apart. Then things got tough. Several factors played a role, but key to this story is my wife falling ill. When she bounced back, her libido had vanished along with most of her interest in my submission. I waited calmly and kept serving as best I could without specific guidance. Sometimes I brought it up to see if any spark remained. It grew very one-sided and unfulfilling for me. After a few years, I asked to stop the formal submission (though not our marriage). During that time afterward, I continued many of the same acts I used to do under my submissive hat, but now just as a man who loves his wife and cares for her. That was quite an interesting realization. As more time passed, I stopped asking her about it. I felt pretty certain BDSM would never return to my life. It wasn’t going to come from her, and looking elsewhere wouldn’t hurt her feelings. Ending our marriage was never really on the table; she remains the center of my universe. It was a hard pill because wanting submission feels like a fundamental part of who I am, and I gave up much to be open enough to find this connection again. Living as a submissive brought deep satisfaction, and BDSM has been woven into my sexuality for longer than I can remember—before it even had a name or that others shared the interest. It’s all still inside me. For years, it showed only in how I chose my porn during solo sessions. You know how pale those shadows are compared to reality. Still, the urges find their way out, and for me, this has been enough. Recently, I decided to try some self-bondage again—a practice long dormant since decades past—with mixed emotions. It brought back memories of what I had and lost. But the urges… I didn’t want my wife to keep it secret from her. I wasn’t sure how she fit into this yet, but having seen huge improvements in chastity devices since the days of “the Curve,” I ordered a couple Chinese models to experiment with. I didn’t want them hidden away creating distance between us, so one day, quite embarrassed, I told her I planned to play with myself like that. She raised an eyebrow and said, “I’ll join in.” I was stunned! That happened weeks ago now, and I can’t stop thinking about it. My mind is a bit chaotic stepping back into everything I’ve kept bottled up for years. I have many questions, but she’s more of an actor than a talker. Questions often feel redundant to her. I don’t know where this leads or if it goes anywhere at all, let alone what direction I want. But right now as I write this, I am locked in my cage with the key held by her—not on my request. Whatever happens next begins today. I’m trying not to expect too much. My head is full of possibilities and long-suppressed desires. I feel like a total beginner, which many ways I truly am. There’s no one left here to discuss these matters with me. I hope she’ll be interested in so many things we used to do together, yet I’m simultaneously scared that she might even the old habits resurface. Much of this feels shy and awkward again, just like when we first started. So, taking it day by day, patiently, expecting little, accepting whatever arrives. That’s my approach. Wish me luck!