Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

I was put into irons roughly three months ago, largely due to my sexual history and how that diverges from our group’s moral standards on these topics. I have changed quite a bit over the last two years by adapting to her standards, yet she still cannot fully trust me, which is understandable given some of my past behavior.

We live in a long-distance relationship, seeing each other every 10 days.

Being chastity alone often gives me the desire to write about it and express my feelings. However, I rarely get answers via email, giving me the impression she just keeps me caged as normal for her, while I have to handle it myself.

Last week, she messaged me on chat saying, “you can always leave me, then you are free of the cage.” I realized that I will remain caged as long as we stay together.

My question to the community: How much expectation is reasonable regarding communication about chastity toward my kh? Must I simply shut up and manage on my own, or can I have some input into how I like this play? Is it arrogant of me to hold expectations? There is a big difference between living a long-distance relationship versus a close everyday marriage.