Female led relationships discussion

I’ve noted in several places that I have been unlocked for a good number of weeks now, waiting on some medical exams to finish up. This break has also meant no corporal punishment, so there’s no need to explain as doctors and nurses poke, prod, examine, and generally do their job around me. (Yes, I feel safe at home!) The positive news is that all but one exam have returned clear results—thanks to those who asked. However, the final exam revealed a minor abnormality requiring further testing to rule out or manage any issues. It’s nothing life-threatening; just a big hassle if you catch my meaning.

The result of this, and why I’m posting, is that I’ve been slowly slipping back into my old self-centered and often grumpy habits. The other day, P and I were at the local home improvement store, and she asked me to come see some floor tiles. We are building a new house for retirement, so we have been looking at finish materials repeatedly over time. Not wanting to disappoint P or dismiss her enthusiasm, I went over to inspect the tile she had found. I could feel my mood souring as I walked to that aisle, and by the time I arrived, I wasn’t very enthusiastic. Just grumpy. And I asked P, “How many times do we have to walk down this same damned aisle, looking at the same damned tile, before you finally choose something? Please just pick anything—I will install it. I really don’t care anymore.” I regretted my attitude and words almost as soon as they left my mouth. The look in P’s eyes as tears started forming cut right through me. I apologized profusely and hugged her, but I knew it wasn’t enough. I had hurt her deeply.

Fast forward to that evening, and P came over and sat beside me on the couch. She turned to face me, trembling and crying. She said, “Jamie, I don’t want to go back to how we were before. I love you and will take you however you are given to me, but I love my new Jamie so much I don’t want to let him go.” She leaned forward into my chest and sobbed. I cried too—feeling terrible for the pain I had caused P. After a while, we caught our breath; I got off the couch onto my knees, looked into P’s eyes, and promised her that “We will NEVER go back.” She asked: “Really?” I answered: “Never.” We embraced, and after some time she talked about how hesitant she had been about the ‘chastity thing’ but is now happy with it—especially for the change in my behavior. She said she has come to cherish the key she keeps close because of the security and well-being it provides her. And she told me that the discipline she exerts not only makes her happy due to the control it gives, but also excites her just like our BDSM fun did years ago. In her words, “I like driving this marriage with you in the passenger seat with your seatbelt pulled tight. Now go empty the dishwasher and make dinner.” With that, the conversation ended, and we were on our way to enjoying the closeness that had developed before all the medical stuff.

Sometimes I think us guys get terribly discouraged about wanting something ‘different.’ We can easily talk ourselves into believing there are no partners out there who will enjoy these different things with us; and if we do find someone who can be ‘talked into it,’ they are really only participating to make us happy, getting nothing for themselves. Truth in advertising: I have found myself in this mindset too often. For me at least, this incident is a mix of revelation and affirmation. There ARE partners out there who enjoy these things as much as we guys do. I am fortunate to have been married to one such person for 41 years. I only regret that this resolution comes from my own boorish behavior. I will gracefully accept any discipline coming my way because of this, AND I will take advantage of every chance to make amends.

Sorry for the length and profound nature of this message. You have all become friends to me, and I truly appreciate sharing with you. Jamie

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry such a wonderful insight came on the back of something so dark. But glad that it came. It is good to know that such partners exist. Would that all of us could have found them or even known that's what we were looking for!

> sixofthebest said: > I've noted in several places that I have been unlocked for a good number of weeks now, waiting on some medical exams to finish up. This break has also meant no corporal punishment, so there's no need to explain as doctors and nurses poke, prod, examine, and generally do their job around me. (Yes, I feel safe at home!) The positive news is that all but one exam have returned clear results—thanks to those who asked. However, the final exam revealed a minor abnormality requiring further testing to rule out or manage any issues. It's nothing life-threatening; just a big hassle if you catch my meaning. > > The result of this, and why I'm posting, is that I've been slowly slipping back into my old self-centered and often grumpy habits. The other day, P and I were at the local home improvement store, and she asked me to come see some floor tiles. We are building a new house for retirement, so we have been looking at finish materials repeatedly over time. Not wanting to disappoint P or dismiss her enthusiasm, I went over to inspect the tile she had found. I could feel my mood souring as I walked to that aisle, and by the time I arrived, I wasn't very enthusiastic. Just grumpy. And I asked P, "How many times do we have to walk down this same damned aisle, looking at the same damned tile, before you finally choose something? Please just pick anything—I will install it. I really don't care anymore." I regretted my attitude and words almost as soon as they left my mouth. The look in P's eyes as tears started forming cut right through me. I apologized profusely and hugged her, but I knew it wasn't enough. I had hurt her deeply. > > Fast forward to that evening, and P came over and sat beside me on the couch. She turned to face me, trembling and crying. She said, "Jamie, I don't want to go back to how we were before. I love you and will take you however you are given to me, but I love my new Jamie so much I don't want to let him go." She leaned forward into my chest and sobbed. I cried too—feeling terrible for the pain I had caused P. After a while, we caught our breath; I got off the couch onto my knees, looked into P's eyes, and promised her that "We will NEVER go back." She asked: "Really?" I answered: "Never." We embraced, and after some time she talked about how hesitant she had been about the 'chastity thing' but is now happy with it—especially for the change in my behavior. She said she has come to cherish the key she keeps close because of the security and well-being it provides *her*. And she told me that the discipline she exerts not only makes her happy due to the control it gives, but also excites her just like our BDSM fun did years ago. In her words, "I like driving this marriage with you in the passenger seat with your seatbelt pulled tight. Now go empty the dishwasher and make dinner." With that, the conversation ended, and we were on our way to enjoying the closeness that had developed before all the medical stuff. > > Sometimes I think us guys get terribly discouraged about wanting something 'different.' We can easily talk ourselves into believing there are no partners out there who will enjoy these different things with us; and if we do find someone who can be 'talked into it,' they are really only participating to make us happy, getting nothing for themselves. Truth in advertising: I have found myself in this mindset too often. For me at least, this incident is a mix of revelation and affirmation. There ARE partners out there who enjoy these things as much as we guys do. I am fortunate to have been married to one such person for 41 years. I only regret that this resolution comes from my own boorish behavior. I will gracefully accept any discipline coming my way because of this, AND I will take advantage of every chance to make amends. > > Sorry for the length and profound nature of this message. You have all become friends to me, and I truly appreciate sharing with you. > Jamie > Click to expand... If there was a "love" button, I would select it. "Like" seems woefully inadequate. Know this: I am sorry about your pain, your medical issues you've faced and are still facing, and the pain you caused your wife and keyholder - but, your post gives me hope! Thank you for sharing something so personal and poignant.